Did you really think you weren't
the brightest light in me?
Spent so long trying to close my eyes
I forgot how much
I loved to see you smile
So much excitement in a feeling;
loved to hold you on the street
and see you through the eyes of strangers
The curious stains of red
and lunch dates with our secret
Through online definitions
we found new ways to test a friend.
Woman slipping through my fingertips,
You were the most beautiful thing
I’d ever seen.
No, I didn't love you
the way I used to
but that never meant
I wouldn't miss you

                                                         *terribly.

I wish you’d let your courage show
pain bleeding through my lips
did you enjoy the way he kissed?
Jealousy;
a wicked step mother
that forces you to look through all the dirt
and a nagging feeling
that you’re not even hurt
Sent a thousand letters,
excuses and rhymes
What if this is what you wanted
all this time?
Does he try to define you?
Put a label on your ***
or is it through lust that you do it best
Sitting between Tuesday talk sessions
with a panic coach waiting for me to break
Should I tell her
the past feels like a lie to me
how I fear you did not want me
and that’s the reason why
you set me
f r e e
so easily

Hidden under covers
I can't breathe the air out there
I thought this was how it was to feel
Too much inside I had to throw it back up
Until I was empty, shaking
They ask questions
Try put more voices in my head
But the voices all have cousins
And they multiply in doubt
Why can't it just be easy
I found the one who loves to see my scars
But I'm too afraid to leave the battle field
To hang up my coat and give my all
Didn't you know I kept death in all my pockets?
Seamed up with arrogance and false confidence
I tried so hard to be a warrior but they told me I fall flimsy like a little girl
Crying in the dead of night
My father tells me to get out of my head
And follow my heart
But my head is the driver and I fret my heart stopped peddling so long ago
I'll just stay under the covers
Little girls can't breathe out there

Amicable,
Your heart was broken so very young
Oh but you lost your favourite toy long before me

Did he try to wake you
as you pretended to doze?
Hold you in his arms as he whispered
lines stolen from old books
he said were his own.
Did you let him in
just to shut his big fat mouth
spilling lines
like cokeheads
snorting powder
choking on
*****.
His ****** hands
running
over your body.
I thought I told you no.
You say
You comprehend
as you
still
hold my body against your own.
I knew I did not want it
as I
put the razor down
let the hair on my skin
grow furry against sheets
like weeds cumbering dirt
hindered growing
to a mere stand
still.
Get off of me
I thought I told you
No.

I suppose you could call me the epitome of destructive.

Number insides;

I am lighter fluid and absinthe.

All those whom I look forward to,

Perish at an age no older than 30.
Sunken deep by the crippling bones of creativity.
Why must creative convert to gloom?

Would you call yourself the poster child for anti-depressants?
When was the last time you held the shards in hand

and looked upon your perfect skin with tremors?

Just dying to let the living out.


Sit perched to the moon awaiting a calling

that came in a figure of an *******.

Sometimes I speak to you of my troubles

Just to know you’ll get off my back.


Do you know if it wasn’t for your slippery hands
trying to mumble their way through steel caps

I might of died that night?
Inches away from the edge
you crudely pointed at your own meter
that ticked against the pavement
awaiting pennies to be dropped.

You’d offer your calling card of cannabis and magic fingers,
line the body with your palm
and hold it against the skin.

Tell me I was beautiful just until the hand hit 10

and you’d say
I was the epitome of destructive.