I disgust myself
I am filthy in the head
I wish that I was dead
I'm hurting
I am disgusting and revolting
I hate my skin
My guts
My mind
I hate my thoughts
How they rewind
I wish I could turn red then purple then blue
Or red then white and charcoal
Maybe even stain one half of a tub red
I wish I could forgive
Don't forgive me
I am disgusting
I am revolting
I am everything wrong with our head

You're only real when you are loved
The magic never goes away
So share your love
In a special way
Make someone real
Today

Go
Go on
Going
Gone
Give
Giving
Give up
Gone
Grow
Growing
Grow up
Gone

I've heard that drugs send you to early tombs
So I sit and get high on sharpie fumes
I burnt myself on purpose but hey
No ones going to see it anyway
The light has three modes and the sounds only one
I lay in my bed instead of having fun
Is this what you wanted?
(Now you got it)
For me to hide and forget
Be forgotten, body rotten, reliving regret.

I sometimes think back in time
To the story of the Odyssey
The age of Greek Gods and Goddesses
When a woman named Penelope loved Odysseus.

Her husband had been gone
Twenty years long
Everyone thought him dead
Sent suitors to the head
The queen of Ithaca
Had another idea instead

When all seemed hopeless
Twelve axes and an unstrung bow
The queen made a challenge
Let the suitors know
If they were to fail then they would go

Sat behind the axes
Let the arrows fly
Cheat on her lover?
She would rather die.

I don't feel like writing poems
I don't feel like making a song
I don't want to write a story
It takes too ******* long

I don't want to feel this empty
But I'm tired of being sad
I don't know if its just envy
But I hate that you're not mad

I dont like the way you laughed it off
The way you said I was fine
I hate that you disgust yourself
I hate that your not mine

I hope that you're not happy now
I hope that you are messed up
I hope she leaves you hon
I'll pour you another cup

You won't notice when you hug your mom goodnight for the last time
When you start going to bed soundlessly
You won't notice the last time your dad picks you up and carries you in his arms
You won't notice when you stop liking coloring and cartoons and focus on make up and drama
You won't notice the last time you and your best friend stop talking about an inside joke
You won't notice the last time you see your dogs big puppy eyes
You'll be too busy focusing on school and friends and love
Though you won't know true love
You'll be too focused on a job you hate instead of one you really want to do
You'll be too focused on money or how you look or what others think of you
Until you have nothing to do
Then you'll wish you had noticed all those last times
Made more of the firsts.

I think it was always going to be sunny
I think we knew it from the start
One of the first
A character
Created to take care
To make sure
And it started
With a song.

"You are my Sunshine"
She would sing
From the very beginning
Before the accident
Before the hurt
Before Him.

"My only Sunshine"
She rubs our back
Lulling me to sleep on that old old leather couch.
The quilt and lace blanket covering my tiny body.

"You make me happy"
I loved her, I thought
I had no clue what love was
Love was required she taught me
I loved everyone then
There was no bad in my life.

"When skies are grey"
The wind howled outside her old house, the windows creaking
I was with Nana
I didn't care.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you"
There it is again, love
So why didn't I feel it?

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

I think that was how sunshine was created
Made
Came into existence
She was made after Nana
Made into a caretaker

Thank you sunny

I am the rays of sun through the window on a sleeping cats warm body
I am the pouring rain of a summer flood that waits for nobody
I am the wind turning leaves and carrying sparks
I am the blaze that tore apart the soaked forrest parks
I am the char that will replant the acres
I am the leaves that are created by makers
I am the devine
-LJ

Listen... I know you're upset-

Upset? Darling I'm far more than "Upset" with you.

If you would just listen-

What reason does she have to lemon? You've started blocking them all again. We can't go back to what we were.

Alex I'm trying to get better.

Getting better means getting rid of us then?

That's not what I said.

Liam, you do realize over half the system is gone? Merged, dormant, fading away. We can barely keep up now.

I've tried to take on responsibilities. As has Sunny and Eclipse. But we can't keep doing this. We still need help. YOU need help.

I'm sorry.

Your apologies are worthless.

Nicole, don't send him spiraling again. Ares just got us let out.

Hey, you wanted help.

Look, I have to watch littles now, Liam just... Stay close to front.

I'll have willow watch you.

...

Your eyes are a pretty green
I know you don't like looking into mine
I don't like looking into others
Your eyes make it easy
They don't cut into me
They aren't mad
They look sad mostly
Even when you smile
But they are the prettiest green I've ever seen
When I came over you and I didn't need to talk
We did, because that's how people should communicate
Not with faces
Or with hand holding
With eyes
Your eyes said everything
Have I mentioned? I love your eyes.
I'm glad you caught on to my hand so fast
No one else did it right
Only you.
I wish I could do the things you want together
Listen to you talk about your loves
I love hearing your interests.
I love you
And your pretty green eyes
That only I am able to notice
☀💜🌙

Hello hello all you under the moon
Its a time to celebrate, its finally June!
I've been released from the hospital, and my friend is home soon
Welcome ladies, enbys, and gentleman to the wonderful month of June!
From Pride month to birthdays we get to fill balloons, we get to start summer off and the sun wakes us at noon, the weathers warm enough to show off scars I haven't in a while, but I can't bring myself to do anything but smile.
I cannot go to pride parades, I'm grounded for summer time
But moonbeam still messages me and I smile, they know I'm doing fine.
Happy June to all!

35$
They made me pay
To watch you die
And leave today
Mom made me an out patient,
24 hours
My happiness, joy, quickly sours
To put you to sleep
Told me not to weep
Euthanasia (<25 lbs)
Your limp paw
The last thing I saw
As you were swept away
Your weak kitty smile
My throat filled with bile
As you were taken today
Euthanasia (<25 lbs)

You and I
The pouring sky
The street light glow
Our voices grow
The pavement hurts
But we couldn't care less
Ask for a sign from god
We are blessed
We sang songs I didn't know
Your words how they would flow
We danced and played
Our faces sprayed
Singing
Dancing
Playing in the rain

It is dark
I cannot see
I didn't grab
The complimentary

Hey everyone (aka the like 5 ppl who matter to me on this app)

I'm taking a hiatus from life for a bit.

I'm being admitted (partially by choice) to a psychiatric ward.

Do not worry about me, I will be ok.

I just need a little extra help after everything that has happened.

I'll post something when I can come back

Be safe.

Stay gold, 🌙

Yours truely,

Liam, (Host of the Blue Bottle System)

In case we don't meet
For a very long while
I'm glad the last thing I did
Was surprise you and smile

In case I am gone
And I can't come back
You'll make a new friend
Make up for what I lack

In case I go away
And I cannot go home
Ill know now that you have someone
You aren't alone

In case I don't see you
Pretend that you do
I ruined my life
And I hurt you too.

In case I never see you again,
Good afternoon, Good evening, and Good night.

The burgundy lighting
Is oh so exciting
I'm lush and inviting
For all to see
My body is moving
The dance Im resuming
Cigarette smoke is pluming
Look at me

I dance for hours
Until early hours
For higher powers
Whom pay for me

To leech off my fleet and to preach on deciet to forgive or forget I don't know

The threat is consuming
You hate me? Well sue me
I don't give a **** about what you please
If you were halfway decent
I'd let you get even
In light of the recent events

But I'm just a body
Meat to be discarded
I am not your Bunny
And I am not Holly

I went into your party
Didn't think anything of your snacks
I ate anything you gave me
But then it came to the cakes

Your chocolate cupcakes were delicious
"To die for"
Devine

I guess my body took it literally.

I choked
You started laughing
"Was it funny?"

I am crying
Throwing up
Scratching til my skin bleeds

You think I'm being dramatic

Can't you see??
Your cupcakes are killing me.

When I am finally able to find my mom I have no time

And my vision is blank

I don't remember the last time I ate a cupcake.
I always throw them up now.

People only look for what has been lost, when they remember it is missing

Every time I see your eyes
I die a little bit inside
When it was time to say goodbye
I played in bed and began to cry.

We are starlight, bright yellow and holly berries.
Winter, skating, and snow angels.
We are sunflowers, dark chocolate and raspberries.
Police TV shows and Ao3 novels
We are Forrests and babbling brooks
Long winding walks and hair never put up
We are the scent of chrysanthemums and fresh linen, old books and sun
We are daisies and figure skating
Homemade cookies and warm baths
We are water colour and raccoons, collages, song writing and pretty rocks.
We are wooden beads, belt chains and flowery skirts.
Eyeliner and curls, cuts and burns
We are all that we can be.

I came to your house that day
My first sleepover since that may
My mom was upset
But let me stay
I slept over at your house that day.

We played games on pixilated screens,
You weren't upset when I accidently screamed.
Your dad called me by my name, and I almost cried
Your mom hugged me and my tears dried.

Your brother was sweet, one of a kind
You sat there stuck
Trapped in your mind
I pulled you into me
We cried

You told me you were selfish
I didn't think so
I don't

We told each other nearly everything
Our sadness and woe
I wish I had told you everything
Before she made me go

You showed me your songs
Your sweet poems
Your stories
I loved to listen to you

Then you stopped talking.
Asleep
While I lie silent
Holding your shaking body

I don't know if you remember that night
You had a panic attack
I held you while you cried
You told me I was like her
And I think inside I had died

We aren't allowed to have sleepovers
I keep getting myself in trouble
I miss your house and your welcoming family
I miss your smell and your snuggles.

I hope that you aren't mad at me
I wish I could re do it all
I hope that your happy
I wait for this fall

It was the night of the concert
My very first one
My lips were cracking
From being bitten and chewed on

I was excited, you were too
You loved the band
And I loved you

You lent me the ChapStick
It smelt like ****
It tasted like you
It filled me with need

Need to be closer
To hold you
To taste you
Gods you tasted good.

I kept it
I'm not sure why
Maybe I forgot
Or my lips were still dry

Maybe it was conscious
I stole the **** thing
It tasted like you
I ignored the sting

We realized our feelings
You're my best and closest friend
I dont have that ChapStick
I lost it in the end

It smelled like ****
Tasted like you
I hope you still know hon
I love you too.

I know a boy who sits under the bridge at night
Looking dead inside such a gangly sight
He told me he wishes he could sleep but it never comes,
And the bridge at night is where he runs
"Its nothing new..."

I wait for you.

I know a kid that smokes and cries in their sleep
They get high and then cry themselves to sleep
Told them "you should quit or you'll never heal"
He said "I hope that one day I can feel real"
"Its what I do..."

I wait for you.

Hello poets,

My name is sunny, and I'd very much like to propose to all of you:

A Challenge.

It is quite a simple one really, I want to see just how many are willing to help me.

Recently I've found out of a group of poets that are using AI to create their "art" for them.
I won't give names unless it continues to worsen. They know whom they are.

We cannot stand for this.

AI is not art, its thievery, its not creative, its lazy, it is awful.

Poets, true poets, their words come from heart and soul, their voices are powerful. It disgusts me that AI is taking away the magic that drew me to poetry in the first place.

That's why I ask of you, true poets, to create. I challenge you to make a poem that damns AI even farther, using the #AISucks .

I encourage any and all of you whom see a poem in the challenge to repost, heart, and spread the word.

And if you see any other "poets" using AI, please report them. That isn't creating, its borderline stealing.

Thank you all, and I wish you the best of luck.

Garbs woven of silken stars and leather sewn in with gold
Stories of the past and future stories new and old
Stories tell of green laiden pastures those stories never told

I'd been said to rest but why shouldn't I go out and put it to the test
A dress, stitched with star dust, comet on my neck
I will go out there.

I cannot stay up here.

Gardens evergreen and fields lain with soil I thought that I would be keen
But now the fields are empty, barren, and the ravens scream.

I run home to the moon and sky begging to come home
But when I attempted to return
My comet was gone

Et tu, Domine, iam non es sacer.

my words are not coming from my head or my mouth, my brain or my ears, they don't spawn from my wondrous imagination or from my inspiration. they do not form from beautiful imagery, nor are they created in image of any person. my poems are not forged with tender love and care that others are, they are not tended to, edited, revised.

my words are not from the heart, they are not pumped through my body to my mind, my words are not from the heart or its binds. my poems are not formed of love and emotion they are not made with the same ideas others are.

my words come from the ink that pours down my wrists and thighs that were made in mutilation. a work of "art" through self deprication. my poems come from the hurt, the pain that i so obviously crave and create. my words and poems are my blood. my bond. my ties to worldly connections.

i cant breathe, i cant think
i cant skate, because the rink
its too warm
melting ice
my one solace
my one vice
i cant freeze
freeze my brain
lose myself in the music
get lost in the pain
the sting of the cold
my movements bold
i cant sing
i cant swing
move my body
i cant move
i cant think

red is for love, its filled with hate
orange is anxiety, an unoptimistic trait
yellow is decaying, rotting quickly
green is selfish and sickly
blue is not only sad, but melancholy
purple is the deep bruising, form your unfortunate folly
white is the cabinet, stained red with hate
brown is the decay that yellow can make
black and blue is her face from his selfishness
purple she turned, when she lost to the sickness.

For every one of your tragedies
I will write happy endings

For every one of your bad days
I will help make good ones

For every one of your break downs
I will be there to pick you up

For every skipped meal
I will treat you to comfort

For every forgotten memory
I will make new ones with you

For every forgotten line
A daisy for the courage to try

For every tear shed
A smile shared

For every scar
A star

You are gold
And I, yellow.

i think about you all the time
you always manage to cross my mind
in the dark
at school
with my mom
with bee
i see you everywhere
i am always reminded
you did not love me
you didnt really get to know me
and i know you will never see this
i know you wouldnt care
you thinking of me every now and then
is not reward
but entirely painful.

I don't think a single thing could bring me down from my high.
The rush of learning, I'm going to be seen!
Published
Known
Sure only a select few may even care,
But I do.
That's what matters to me.

fourteen*

Woe is the child
That turns 14
When life was already lived
Before he was keen.

Woe is the soul whom
When asked why he cries
He shuts down
Shuts up
And rolls his eyes.

Woe is the boy
Turning 14
Scared to lose himself
Nowhere to be seen.

I see you.
I hear you.
I love you too.
But I'm afraid to lose you
Far too soon.

Yours, Vivere.

Why do you cry?
Isn't this what you wanted?
To be all by yourself again?
No?
Then why did you push everyone away?

Why didn't you ask them to stay?

Stupid rabbit.

He doesn't want you to cling anymore.

Let him love other people.

Let him go.

I don't think you know
Just how much
I wish you would look at me
How you look at them
How you looked at him.
I wait for your poems daily
Your notes of absolute gold
And I wish
On every 11:11
For you

Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water

Yet both are the same if you earn her trust.

I am still her daughter
I still love my father
The truth couldn't be farther

And I'll still be here when the fences rust.

My love is thicker than water
My love is stronger than blood
My love could never be stronger

I am the last handprint you'll see in the dust.

You have no worries yet, they've only just begun.
I know you're scared, worried, anxious.
But I promise you'll be fine.
Yes its bad as they say
High schoolers do ****.
But they have to grow up one day.
Keep your chin up.
Don't be shy.
Stand tall, take pride.
Do an after school activity
Join a club, go to games
Make friends you'll spend life with.
Trust me, it pays.
Don't pretend to be something you aren't
Never stop learning
Do your work, but don't let it consume you.
Ask. For. Help.
They want you to pass.
I'm proud of you.
Don't do drugs, or alcohol.
Seniors don't want to be friends with you, and avoid dating people older than you in highschool.
Don't have ***. Trust me.
Study hard but don't over work.
You may have been cool, but no one likes someone that's rude and cool people are only cool in highschool. Better to be nice.
Money isn't a problem for now, get that job junior year.
Take advantage of extra credit.
Have fun with your first year.
Drama isn't cool or cute, stay out of it.
Don't bother with lockers, just keep a book bag.
Take notes.
Stay away from fights.
You won't be stuck forever.
People will make fun of you because your younger, but ignore them. They were young once too.
Write future you letters, they'll be cringe and funny to laugh at later :)
Most importantly, your grades do matter, but so does your mental health.
Its OK to take breaks and ask for help.
Stay safe freshies.

I saw a dog
He reminded me of you
He walked the same, would've talked the same
An he had red ish hair too.
He reminded me to Text you
I hope I made you laugh
You have all of your limbs
Of one he had only half.
He looked over
He smiled
I swear, I promise its true
I saw a dog the other day
He reminded me of you

that feeling.
you know the one.
all emotion is drained of your body and all worth is ****** away.
When you're so numb you can't be real, yet you feel every little thing that grazes your skin.
you feel tired, yet so overwhelmed and awake
and it hurts.
you cant escape
and it hurts.
that feeling of overwhelming upsetting forgetting and regretting.
your mind isnt your own, yet your body is undeniably so.
you cant even decode your own thoughts, for the mess they spew out is only to be just that, a mess.
your words come out as delirium, your heart racing and genuinely not functioning
everything
everywhere all at once.
like you have no mouth, yet must scream
have no control
incessantly and unequivocally continuous
that visceral, inexplicable feeling remaining, restraining
not just disorder, complete discord, chaos, absolute anarchy
inside the mind
and again this body remained still.

you couldn't possibly imagine could you?
of course not.

If you were to ask her friends what she'd say
They'd reply "I'm going to conquer the world today."
not conquer as to take over, more as to overcome
she wanted to save the worlds, rid them of all ****.

When she is manic, she tends not to panic, realities altered and all thoughts vanish.
She would look at you and happily say,
"I want to conquer the world someday."

She walks with a bounce, her steps all over the place
a plastered smile never leaving her face.
Her music is loud, revolting, and proud.
Her smile is contagious, her mood seemingly outrageous.

Risking everything, she lets them in, protection made out a sin.
A single mistake, is all it could take, and it would be over.
She should panic.
But she doesn't, for she is manic.

She smiles at you, lazy eyes.
The world leaving her mind with no goodbyes.
She smiles at you and you know what she'll say;

"I conquered the world today."

I don't often tell the truth
About what's inside me head
Though I lacked the skill in youth
I wished I'd end up dead.

All the voices deep inside
Echo throughout my brain
If the truth were not to hide
You may call me insane.

I used to be a smiley girl, happy all the time
Then you came into my world, and sold it for a dime.

Now I lie about my feelings, my thoughts, and all my pain
Because I was taught that I should never
Say what's going on inside my brain.

My mind rushes to the beat of the fastest drum
Unfortunately I'm afraid of what I have become.

I sometimes catch myself wondering
My thoughts an endless cycle
Self deprication
Sleep deprivation
Without mediation
I look at her and I feel nothing
My my body is at an odds
Begging to feel something
I swear to any and all gods
There is something wrong with me.
She looks at me and laughs
Saying how I look like I want to die
I laugh too
It isn't funny because its hilarious
Its funny because its true.
I don't smell of dead flowers
I smell of the rot I was raised in
All I am now
Is ruin.
I cannot muster the strength to look you in the eyes
To be tell you my lies
Bringing about my demise
My body is falling apart
Deteriorated
And you are angry.
You are upset at the world
Your future taken just as mine was
I have absolutely no idea
I am afraid.

No. Worse than that.
She loved you in every single one, just not ours.
She cared for me once in all my life when it benefitted her.
And cast you out when it was convenient to save you.
She loved us in all but one.
And we got the shortest straw...

his words tangled into his heart, pulling and strangling his blood.
the ink would spew through his eyes, and when he got his hands on paper,
haunting tales of sweet creatures and punishment from devinity.
his stories meant more then anything they taught us to learn.
his words were the things that he left behind.

cards slip up the sleeves
the red reflecting only for a moment
the soft glowing of pale white
and the deep crimson marring it.
pull a trick
and only the people who know themselves
how the trick is pulled
will ever know you did it again.

i envy the stars,
the way you would stare at them and smile
how you looked so longingly toward them
you wanted to join them
and then you tried.
in your trying, you did not reach them.
you stayed here, on this rotting rock, stuck with me.
your smile has gone away forever. you dont laugh anymore.

i wish i had never let you envy me.
like i envy you
and envy the great shining lights that surround us.

Shadows waltzing across my ceiling never seem to fear the future.
They come when called, enthusiastically enthralled.
They kiss and trail
Every night without fail

My frail body lays awake
I lie and ache
Fear a constant, leering foe.
I yearn to be the soft, sweet 6 year old.
She was scared and alone
But she had been safe.

The shadows have no worldly fears
Their care is only the forever dance of night
When they intertwine
Together
Instil fear into the hearts of young
And bring hope to the future generation