The dark comes in close
Wrapping me tight tonight,
And I search for someone
To save me.

Helpless, alone,
Just embers left
To guide me
From the candle fuse,
And the darkness closes in around me.

Begging, pleading,
I strain to be let away,
But its grip is tight
As an anaconda,
Tracing its fangs to my neck
From my shoulder blades.

Within an inch of foresight,
I can feel my heartbeat waning,
And hear teardrops
Pierce the night silence
While the city sleeps;
I ask once more for someone
To give my feet placement,

But one cannot hold another’s heart
Whilst forsaking their own,
And thus, one cannot give another their heart
If giving is expectant
That to whom it’s given,
Will put back together,

For my mistake,
Was hoping for someone else,
When I, so many times,
Could have freed myself,
If only I put myself back together,

But I’ve swept the shattered pile
And sewn the tattered pieces,
Slowly feeling more encouraged
With every change in season

With now, a reason,
And even a desire,
To press on.

As the days brush the pages of a calendar
And the sunsets feel more monochrome
While the breeze feels less relaxing
When the stars seem to shine dimmer
Beyond the moon, misunderstood
With the tides turning, burdensome
The road will lead to March,
And then forever on.

Can I keep doing this?
Pushing on uninspired every day..
Creating things I hate
Not because of what they are
But because I had to make them
It's a shame, because you could've been loved
if I'd have loved you when I made you
But even the gentle stream
Destroys the bolder with time.

Eyes on me
Heavy breathing on their side of the phone
I live to please
But are we only pretending we’re not alone
Can I get too much
I wanna find out the hard way this time

Wringing out a cloth
Of blood tinged indescribable,
Will you accept the loss you’ve gained
Are you scraped within the shadow?

Life is springing from that material
As though the one who lost,
Has made a new
Through the stains
That will never be completely flushed.

Color will be reimposed,
Washed will be the hands riddled with red,
Deep breaths will be regained
After the brutal adrenaline subsides,
But the memory of the sanity lost
From such an impulsive enclosure
Proliferates rancid transcendence
Within your lungs.

Will you be able to live with what you’ve done?
Are you lost to the silence
Ringing in the blood flow
That cannot be unimprinted?
Your hands too cold to feel
Your blood too clotted to boil into an outpour
To let a scream reach inside
To unrestrain your throat.
No way you’ll endure
You’re just a second
From realising taking a life
Isn’t something revenge restores
And the punishment is written in your eyes
I wonder if you’ll keep them closed.

Tonight,
I don't want to hear another sound,
Another word,
Another thought echo through
The caverns that run deep;
Just let my hair
Drape my face
From existence
Before I let out
Another deafening
Sound when my eyes shut
The world away.

Tonight,
I'm worn,
And I'm hurting;
Just let the ambient sounds
Fade out,
And seconds progress;
I can't even look at myself,
Or undress the dirt;
I’ll just lay here
At the ceiling
Hearing the sirens break
This desired silence,
Wondering if, one day,
I’ll be the reason
For their whining
Or if would even I call out.

A season groups together months
Like days into weeks,
And forgotten in the sands of time
Rests the first month,
Nameless,
Because of my oblivion
In regard to the reel of time
Of fishing line
Steadily pulling out,
As the great trespasser
Ripples my water.

Fitting that the first month
Joins the dead of winter,
Since it will be the last time
I lay my eyes
On the untouched
Ice crystalline ground;
It’s sad coming to acknowledge
That in preaching of not taking for granted
Even a second,
I myself am ripe with hypocrisy
As I took for granted such a sight.

I’m a steady ripple
Heading straight for the shores
To be stranded,
For time’s turning
Of the wheel
Is unchanged
As my destination
Approaches
More rapidly than I’m prepared
To undertake,
And nobody can save me now.

Calm is the storm when you’re away
Dreaming I’m sure of what I’m thinking,
And what desires I crave.
There’s a creature lurking behind the treeline
Of the distant forest, and a part of me
Yearns to adventure there
To see what ways it’ll have me.

A cage unlocked by undone straps,
Button, zipper, and tied laces,
And torn clothes from impulsive thirst
For more skin to be shown,
I know you crave it.

The bark will make its mark
As torn skin likewise will against it,
Follow me to the treeline,
Where none but the feral dare go,
To have their way
As the domesticated
Run for suburbia.

There’s nothing to fear
If your beast fights as mine,
For where’s the fun in vanilla,
When red is such a pretty color,
You don’t need to be careful with me,
Show me what you’re made of.

Tonight, let’s be the new urban legend,
And dismiss the thoughts of making it out alive
Or letting the sunrise save us from our fate.

The knife I take down my throat
To vindicate my thoughts
Of ruinous infection,
Deceives all sensation,
All thoughts, and ceases
To exist myself,
Until the blade conceals,
And the only tell
Of even its unsheathing
Is that of the daylight
Pouring in through
Windows of which
I had forgotten,
To strike the flower
I left out alone in the open.

The scent of the previous day
Made aware though permeation
From the bottles
Left open
To fill the air
With their intention,
But lit candles
Will once again
Flush the awful realization,
As the day sheds colors
To the night,
And when the music hits,
And the temperament
Fills veins with built and bottled-up
Stresses, the candles will smell great
As the chaser takes away the sting
From the blade,
And the flower, unconcealed,
Let without any pressures
Or internal guilt,
Finally able to be myself,
If only for one more night.

Purity

Clear water without a hint of discoloring
Free from anything however small floating inside
What is the purity of your kindness
Can goodness be tainted?
Although the outcome is wholesome
Do motivations lessen the good of goodness?

Selfish "Good"

How good is goodness
If goodness is conditional?
If all the good I ever do
Is to get something back
If I neglect those with nothing to offer
And bargain with those who'll do anything for help?
A desperate cry to my ears sounds the same
As coins clinking while they form a pile
As the shuffling of bills
With every "good" deed
My heart races as the weight of debts owed to me grows

Obligatory Goodness

When the pure water of a good act
Is used to put out eternal fire
Done not because I love you
But to appease my angry master
Under threat of hell, how can my motivation remain pure?
If good people is what the master wants
Why even muddy the waters with goodness under threat?
Unless it's not about good people
But about having people that can be controlled
Monopolizing on man's fear of the unknown
To create slaves that will shackle themselves
For the illusion of safety
And to be free of the burden of thinking

The Good Face

How good are good acts
Done merely to preserve an image?
To stay in people's good favors?
To be praised for your selflessness?
Like the good that asks for something in return
And the one that comes from fear
If being good was not rewarded
Would you still seek it out?
You can't help if people praise you
For doing what anyone should
But you can help if that's what drives you
If you save all your goodness for the spotlight

For Goodness Sake

I saw you hurting
Your face was not that of a stranger's
Because although I've never met you
I know you.
You're me, if all our circumstances switched
I'm just as human as you
There are no main characters here
It only feels that way because ours are the only thoughts we hear
But you're no different than me.
We're all only people
But I have the ability to help
And so I will.
I don't need to be seen
I don't need you to repay me
I'm not afraid of any religion's hells
I just have compassion for you, fellow human.
Unconditional love is the heart of pure goodness
The heart of goodness for goodness sake.

Was it the crook in my neck,
Or the tension in my back
That set me off course
To start the day?

Was it my sore feet,
Or the dust in my lungs
That sparked a thread
Of anger inside me?

Was it, perhaps,
A dream I had forgotten
Before my eyes blinked awake?
I could feel my heart racing…

The stars seem more dull,
The sky, a tinge more grey,
My step with less motivation,
And mind, less patient.

I’m missing something
That I don’t remember now,
But I feel it when the wind
Runs around my neck.

You can see the goosebumps emerge,
And a sigh of relief push out
With a moment of tilting back my head
And eyes closed.

Today, I’m missing something
That I’ve forgotten,
But I miss it now more than ever;
Can I make it stop?

A long time is becoming
Sooner than the grasp of its coming
Once, i could take the drive
Without specifying what time
Until a message would be sent
At only a moment’s notice
In warning of my arrival
Not asking permission
Simply stating i’d be there soon.

Once, the coffe shops defined our friendship
As we sat and spent those thoughts
That would otherwise swirl in rumination
Locked inside the mind only for another
Sleepless, endless night,
But we spent those thoughts on eachother
Digging a deeper hole of understanding;
There’s something about them
That I can’t help but miss.

Once, Drinking felt more healthy than it should have
When it wore down the wall so that all was left
Was the genuine heart breathing in our chest
So many moments
Oh, so many memories that defined us, inseparable
My brother of which i share no blood relation
But the bond formed won’t be shattered
By the miles away you ventured;
We’ve still miles to go.

Existential horror
Trapped in a loop
You’d become centered again
Only to ask me the same question again
“What happened to me?”
And I must give you the same answer
“You were in an accident”
This is the world I live in
Of horrible pathologies
But for those who love you
It was an overwhelming terror
And an ever deepening sadness
Every time you asked who they were
The son you raised
And the wife who raised him with you
Every bit of you taken
You can’t even remember who you are
By the time you think to ask
You’re back at square one
Until you never return to us
Your brain keeps your heart beating
And your lungs expanding
Just a little longer
And though you’re gone now
I take comfort in the fact
That there is no mind to suffer anymore

Sometimes the heart of a poet cracks
And before they can worry
About stopping the bleeding
They spill a little out on the page

The things my heart bleeds for
I would share them with you
And I have
The parts of life that make it worth living
I’d share them with you
And I have

But at the end of my rope
When the well has run dry
When staring at this doc a second longer
Could push me over the edge
I give in and write something uninspired
Or even a joke
And that’s what goes viral.
******* for that.

Futility
Trying to take back a single grain of sand
From the bottom of the hourglass
Is an exercise in futility.

But now that the falling sands
Have been in my face,
I cannot forget the sound of it collecting
And the other sounds that accompany
My slow progression towards erasure.

What am I to do then?
If fighting is a losing battle
And giving up is a waste of precious time?
How can I live? What does living mean?

I know that living is not:
wake up, work, sleep, repeat;
That’s the purpose of robots,
Of cold metal, without life,
Never working for themselves.

So I’ll live for myself,
Decide my own purpose,
And inspire others with the lust for life
That I strive to cultivate.

I will do more than exist
Because living is not simply
Not dying.

Be good to each other
And live each day of your life
So that when your last grain of sand falls,
You’ll have lived a life worth missing.

Why am I trying to catch this light,
When it runs away
Just as the last.

Why can't I understand,
That to touch it
Is impossible once passed?

But it's beauty I am left
Entranced, wishing for it
To hold in my hands,

But trying is a frailty better left
In the bottomless pit
I found it in.

For the fly cannot be caught,
Only forgotten to be left alone,
Or swatted after the annoyance.

The light cast before me,
Was not a light,
Just another caught up in their own image,

Gathering a flock of bleating men
Who would swear, each of them,
That the light chose them.

A light only passing by to turn heads,
Is a light better left forsaken,
Never to be admired again.

This game I will not play,
But no worries, little cruelty,
Beyond me await many more to ensnare.

Click a button
Watch the numbers climb
Even if it means nothing
The feeling is sublime

Numbness
Numbness
Numbness
Adrenaline floods my veins
My hands go numb
So I won't feel any pain
So I can keep swinging
Until I break your empty brain
Your existence by itself
On humanity has been a stain.

Once given and now taken,
Stress builds instead of extinguishing
The flames I bury,
The sparks, I pinch out.
But the rain and thunder
I cannot ignore;
I keep thinking
Maybe the cold droplets,
Tickling down my face,
Will wake me up from this

But they don’t.
Only the well is filled a little higher,
And the dread
Made intrinsic to each passing day;
Tell me I’m only dreaming.

Why do I let you steal my sleep,
With tattooed memories of
Your eyes before you kissed me,
Or the way your breathing felt,
When my lips could feel
Your intendedly loud exhales
Against your throat?

You’ve stolen my will to dream.
I just pull at my hair,
And burn my arms
With streaks of red  
From fingernails scratching
Away my skin,
To appease the temptation,
To ignite my masochistic tendencies.

I am scattered as a vase,
Let from fingertips,
Whose will was promised strong,
And fidelity was faked.

I’m nothing but a train
Wailing the horns
With no brakes,
My memories of you are replaced with scorn,
Opposing my heart--
Too stubborn to be convinced
Of your lies.

I’m sputtering, with a loving
Heart that never predicted
This path to take.
I have nothing to say.
You had a lot of firsts in my book,
But never would I have thought
You’d be the first I erased.

Honesty was a trait I once admired
Within you, but now,
I wish your hypocrisy
Was hidden from the light;
The smoking gun you handed me, yourself,
I wish you kept it out of sight.
Why must I be forever scarred
Knowing the one I loved,
Shot me in the heart?

Why does despair hold me tighter,
Than your words or the touch of skin?
Fall witness to your impiety, pray,
And victimize the weight of your sin
And be forgiven.

For the grudge I hold might beg of me,
In my own impiety,
Onto my knees, praying, myself, that you won’t be,
But cursed are we who think,
Any control is given within clasping hands,
And narrow teeth;
Cursed are we,
Who speak
From the backseat,
On revenge’s itinerary.

So long, old friend.
The way has lit a path
To new places,
But the bruises we have shared
And patched together
Through the years
Will not be forgotten.

I miss you
And I’ll be missing you
Old friend.
For the clock ticks
Us forever apart
No matter how close
And yet, still,
I know you’re there for me.

Brothers we are
You and I,
Old friend,
And I wish you
The very best in life
As you’ve made mine
Worthy of smiling back on.

And looking forever before my sight
Will I be in waiting
Of our next meeting.
For the way has lit a path
To new places;

So long, old friend.

The passenger seat feels empty
When I turn and don't see you
When I lay my hand on the armrest
Instead of resting it on your thigh
Doing nothing never felt this empty
When I was doing nothing with you

The sunset hasn't changed
The colors are just as bright
But that burning sky was always prettier
Reflected in your eyes
It's a small thing
But all the small things meant everything to me

When the sun is gone
The other stars get their chance to shine
But when I lay down to take it all in
I can't help but feel what's missing
On the ground next to me
Where you used to be

Your ghost has followed me
In places where we loved
The afterglow of the brightest part of my life
Was once all I could see

But now the overwhelming glow
Is just a few embers in the wind
I already lost you once
But now I'm losing you again

In places where we loved
Now even your ghost is fading

I thought memories would last forever..
With them I could live without you


But I'd rather die than forget.. then forget forgetting

Let me
die with my
memor-

It never ceases to amaze me,
How lucky I am to be living today,
All the things I take for granted,
That others in history never dreamed of.

Pale light floods through my window
The moon reflects your light
So I know that you're still shining
Even when out of sight

It's a small but beautiful thing
That something so far away
Unaware of my existence
Can make me feel that I'm okay

Now a light appears behind me
As I gaze at the moon out of my window
Someone just beginning their day
Is texting to say "hello"

I'm eager to respond
As I tap this small glass screen
As we talk a world away
I still feel heard and seen

It brings me some small joy
To imagine how they react
How their face too lights up
When the screen is no longer black

I rarely get to hear your voice
But I don't feel the need for mine to be heard
I still feel love in your messages
I see you between your words

It's hurts the brain to think about
It's heavy on the mind
From across our small blue planet
You can still say "you're mine"

I'm glad that we're alive today
With the chance that we've been given
To meet a beautiful soul from across the world
That reignites my love for living

I'll be waiting by the phone now
Until your name appears at the top
To see "I love you"
And "I'll never stop"

i didn’t look back
didn’t hold on tight enough to every moment
because for every great memory
i was so sure another was coming
maybe i trusted a little too much
or maybe i was taking you for granted
i’m not sure what more i could’ve done
but i should’ve

“Ok” says the shy kid
To a block of text of advice
That won’t ever break the barrier in his head.
He's got those sky blue eyes
And a deep rooted soul
With a wide fake smile
And compassion,
But he doesn't say much,
If he says anything at all,
And he looks like he’s forgotten,
So I asked him,
“Are you okay?”

He just smiled,

And so I asked him,

I asked him,
“Are you okay?”

And he responded with an endless stream
Of messages that were carved in deep
About how he knows he's not good enough
And about the lies he receives
That he believes
Because he's shy,
And I wonder ******* why,
And he explained the abuse he gets at home
From a caring father
Who screams and breaks
Any fortitude within
The shy kids brain,

So I got to school early the next day,
The next day,
The next week,

And he told me
He told me suicide
Was a way to escape
The awful lies, words, name and hate,
And I cried for him to stay;
I cried his name,

But he secluded himself to the point of scarcity
And concerned me until
I had to tell somebody
Because I couldn’t lose the shy kid
Even if I broke his trust.

He told me of a caring father who cared about grades
Instead of headspace, nor thoughts,
Or mental health at all,
Just a punching bag for words
To exhale the stress of his work,
Supplanting all trust and love, in his child,
With desperation cries in hate;
I cried his name.

I cried his name.

“Ok” says the shy kid,
Who doesn’t know what he wants to be
Or what he wants to do with his life,
And so I’d spend every waking moment of the day
Trying to convince him that he was good enough for me
Enough to stay, in this place,
Even though it is really all hell and pain,
And he went quiet,
And then I realized I untracked his train
That headed past the barricade
The one time of day
Where he could get away.

And I asked him, “what’s wrong?”
Already unhinging the train, I thought
I should be there to dull the havoc I caused,
And so I asked him, “what's wrong?”

And he typed,

He typed,

“I’m such a disappointment
A disgrace, an imperfection
Not even wanted,
Just replaced so easily my name
With words outpouring
Digging in through my skin
Parasitic in my veins,”
He said “can you help me?”

“Can you help me?”

I said, “idk”

“Can you help me?”

I said, “idk”

He said “it's fine, I'm fine”

He said he's fine,
But now I’m sure he was thinking
That it was fine
That his friend didn't have time
To hear about how the wind
Was nearly blowing him from the edge
And it wasn’t but a breeze
Blowing light

He said he’s fine,
And now I'm sure he was thinking
That it’s fine living in hell on earth
When wherever you walk is burning
So you can't tell the difference between
Compliments and insults
Because they all feel the same
When all you hear at home
Is taxidermied words
That fake life or meaning
And are just a coping method
For a caring father
To give the shy kid
Instant appraisal out of anger and screaming,
while at school you hear popular girls
Laughing at your reactions to their words,
How can you tell?
How can you tell when the the basis of the day
Is verbal abuse, school, and bad grades?

I wonder if you’re doing okay

Just thinking of the day
I laid in the snow
Wishing myself away

I wonder if you’re doing okay

Just thinking of the day
I laid in the snow
Wishing myself away

And cried his name.

It's a struggle
I understand---
The point is lost
When comfort
Of the bed takes over,
But failing
The challenge twice
In a week
Is noteworthy.

The point cannot get across
If it's all but a car
With flat tires,
For this road has no time
For brakes to depress,
And we knew that stepping in,

But surely we can do better
To not deplete the message
Of wasting any moments
Than the example we've set.
Laziness is no longer an excuse,
It's a mindset;
Don't let it breach the line
Of permanence.

Why would I trust
Why do I risk this again and again
When all I ever get for it in the end
Is a head full of questions
And both hands empty
Except for the warmth of her hands
That seemed to be there only moments ago
But no more holding your hands
Because you left
And I’m left holding
Holding questions
Again

Fighting's too much work
The punches keep coming
No matter how many I dodge
So I'm learning to take the hits on my chin
Let it happen
And keep moving

I now see
I've traded in the body
Of a brilliant and limitless child
For one of another corporate servant
Who needs your own will
When you can make yourself
So marketable

Should I fear the sunset
At daybreak?
Should I be numb?
Or should I gild a mask
And live out the rest
As though
Acknowledgement
Of the bell toll slipped
And pretend.

One day
Has through been marked
And life goes on.
No beginning
Can avoid the end
And certainly
Not one such as I,
I’m a piece of the puzzle
A star to blaze
In the night.

The only question on my mind--
Will that blaze carry on
Through the night sky
Careen through
And outshine
Andromeda,
For galaxies
From millions away
To be awe-inspired
And unite if only for a moment,
Or will it be snuffed out
Only to be left
In the memory of few.

The look in your eyes
I wonder if I have it too
When we’re so caught up in each other
Fast-beating hearts and heavy breaths
Try not to make a sound
When all I want to do is scream your name
My mind’s been on fire
With all the happy chemicals
Since your hand touched mine
Sweaty bodies coming closer
To that beautiful shared euphoria
The heat fogs the windows
I hope nobody sees us

What should be so perfect and happy
Is tainted by stray thoughts
It’s not that I don’t love you..
I’m just scared..
This love could get us killed

It’s not what you deserve
Hardly even anything at all
But I can’t bear to look at another missed day

I am winter,
Breeze, chill
Cold.
Brushing through
Trees fingertips
Killing
With every kiss I blow.

I am the water,
Pouring into hot oil,
Burning and tainting
Skin that immediately regrets
Holding.

I am the void
In your heart
You cannot ignore,
Giving false hopes
To drive you further
Beyond even trying.

Breathe into me,
And give me life.
I am the shadow
You call your friend
When you lie down your head
Unto empty sheets
And your single pillow.

Maybe you will hate me,
Maybe you will hold on,
But I will always be a part of you,
For I am your creation after all.

Shades of green, brown, yellow, orange
The death fall brings is beautiful withering
But winter's soft white blankets
Replace that beauty with monotone
And make the air too cold for moving
It freezes the soul
To be trapped inside walls
And only see only white under an infinite grey sky
I struggle to feel or want anything
But to exist for the purpose of staying warm
Until spring's promise is followed through
And the earth's plants thirsting for water and starving for sun
Emerge from melted snow to usher in warmth and color again.

Skin and bones
You reach for my hand
But you can't stop shaking
Your ribs are showing now
And I'll kiss them gently
To flood your brain with those feelings
The chemicals that make you forget
About the hair you watched circle the drain
And the tears in your eyes when you looked in the mirror
To fill your heart with a lust for living again
Stay alive until our next kiss, darling
And the next.. and the next..

What a waste of my eyes,
To see the mundane
Without realizing
That life is slipping away
Into routine.

What a waste of my hearing,
To know that I have talents
That are feeding nothing
Except the same playlists
And artists.

What a waste of my touch,
To type
Instead of feel what it means
To take a risk
In real life.

What a waste of my scent
To smell trash on counters I left,
Never getting lost in
The perfume of nature;
Never truly breathing life in.

What a waste of my pallet,
To sit here dreaming
Instead of kissing lips
That I know I want nothing more
Than to taste.

I wonder if you’ll let me see
What it means to fall with only a whisper
And feel the scent of blueberry wine
On my tongue and lips,

I wonder...

The room is cold
Lit only by the moon
I am curled up on my knees
Agonizing over old wounds
I want to scream
I want to let out a cry
But my voice is so tired
And my tear ducts have run dry

How did my life end up this way
Why did fate pull out the rug
Just to watch me slip and fall?
Was there any thought before it tugged?
Sadness turned to bitter hatred
For whatever calls the shots
It seems fate is against me
Whatever I do, it schemes and plots

That's how I felt ‘til today
When everything suddenly clicked
That there's no force to aim hatred at
There's no one to convict
There's nothing going against me
No puppet master pulling the strings
Just the unstoppable movement forward
And the inevitable losses it brings.

I was misguided..
I'm sorry for all the bitterness I've held for you..
For something that never felt any way about me..
Just a thoughtless process bound by natural law.

Torches march alone
Deep inside the stone wall
That imprisons me.

A drastic change
Comes from the heart
Tearing strings
Like guitar picks

I’m dying,
Aren’t I?
Starvation fills my body
When I wake
Even though I had a full plate

Surely it’s not the
Sporadic over drinking
To chase a numb
Or catch a high
From ghost peppers

Why does this pain
Seem chronic
And more often
Than less recent?

What am I to do
But question the sky
And falter?
I know not of the answer.

Empty bags and candy wrappers
Left strewn about
From my last attempt
To fill this feeling
To suppress this anxiety
Only for it to fail
And give birth to a different sickness

The rage I feel when I look in the mirror
The body I was given
And all that I have done to it
I want it to be beautiful
But just can’t keep up with the work
So the burning grows inside
I’ve gotta let it out
And I want it to hurt

There’s no one else to blame
No other half
I’ve just one brain
There is no wicked tempter
Only chemically driven impulse
I only lose my temper on myself
I want to squeeze til there’s no pulse
I want to shatter my mirror
And use the broken pieces
To carve the body I wished to see
When the mirror was whole

What an ugly state of things.
How did something so gruesome
Come from something so serene?

Blades were exchanged the day
We said "I love you" and then turned out backs,
But deep inside I feared it'd always end this way.

You stabbed me,
I stabbed you back.
Who's Caesar and Brutus
Just depends on who bleeds more from the attack.

We're just no good for eachother,
But we can't share the blame.
It's hard to believe I ever loved you,
But I guess neither of us are the same.

Now we look each other in the eyes,
The eyes I used to see my future in,
While we tear open all new scars
Before any healing can begin.

Somebody's gotta be the villain,
Nobody wants to be the one who got off easy.
So now we fight to be the bigger loser,
So people will know by what they see.

It doesn't matter who drew blood first,
It only matters whose the last to stop bleeding
In a bitter war of attrition,
With someone I said I'd love til my heart stopped beating.


Pain is no competition,

Because there are no winners.

There's no greater pain,

Or pain that's less important,

The pain you feel is as severe as you feel it is.

Don't get caught up in a losing war to try and leave as a victim.

Don't fight to be the biggest loser, so you can throw the biggest pity party.

Don't minimize other's pain, because you haven't lived a second in their mind to know how they feel.

When someone shows you they're hurt
Think of them first

Pain is no competition.

I’m counting the hints I’ve missed
Over again on my fingers
And in my head,
Making excuse after excuse
To give doubt the benefit,
But this smile
Has taken its toll
On my lips
And my eyes
After three nights
Grow a shade beneath them
To define restless.

I can't pretend much longer,
And I keep thinking
Of all the things I should have said,
And what I should have refrained from,
But I can tell by the silence
That soon the hint will be so obvious,
That I couldn't possibly mistake it.

I get star-struck too fast,
Lost in awe
Before the supernova takes life
From my world once again;
I'm jealous of those you'll see instead—
I'm jealous of the silence they spend
Lost in your eyes
While I'm stuck with the quiet,
Holding the pillow next to me
As though it could feel
This soft, slow caress;

Am I already dead?

A steady downpour will hide the tears that never shed
The winding road has many that cross it

My eyes part the streams like stones
Waiting to be eroded away

There’s more of a forest fire in a teardrop
Than the depths of my eyes have ever sparked.

Only gray skies and used lips left
For those few who ever venture here.

Overcast pale skin and used up lips
Tarnish further when hope lights its fire

Someone dig it from my chest to bring color to my skin
Until the forest fires fail to pass on as I do.

Precious seconds fill the void of time
For every second that goes by
One month has passed
And only eleven more
Before the end.
Do you just sit there
Waiting to be consumed,
Or do you feel life
In every second that passes?
Either way your time is limited.

Are you here?
Are you present in this moment,
Or is the passing of time something that happens to you?
What did you eat for breakfast last monday?
Do you even remember this morning?
Don’t let these precious seconds slip by,
Just because they’re not tied to precious memories.
Because the seconds with the people you love,
And the ones passed in the monotony of the day to day,
Are all the same length,
And each is an equal step forward
To the last second you get to spend.

Wilting is in our nature;
It's a part of existence
But the wilting bud left unbloomed
Leaves no greater waste
Of beautiful minds.
Sprout and let your roots
Plant deep
But let your heart show
That what you keep to yourself,
Doesn’t need to be uprooted
To be shown.
Just because the sky breathes
Winter through the clouds,
Doesn’t mean the sun
Isn’t shining behind them’
Don’t let yourself wilt
Just because the sky gives an excuse.

Existential horror.
The dread of being on a conveyor belt,
Taken somewhere you don’t know,
Your destination far away or around the corner,
With no power to slow down or stop.
Now or later,
We all reach the destination we’re bound for,
So why waste another moment,
Staring blankly down,
In attempts to deny you’re going anywhere?
Look up,
And join us as we face the end with hope.
334 more days.
334 more opportunities to live instead of simply not dying.

Fireworks explode in the distance
Cheers and toasts
Shared with friends, families, and strangers.
We laugh and sing
To celebrate the coming of a new year.
But how many of us are celebrating
For our last time?
How many will fall
Before the ball drops
In Times Square again?
What would change
If you knew you wouldn’t see it?

We live our lives
With a pretense
That death is far
From sewing us into the fabric of time,
But what if that final moment
Comes sooner than expected?
And what changes to your life
Would you make
To not allow yourself to fall
Into the mundaneness
Of everyday life
That you take for granted?

I guess there’s never a right time;
Maybe it’s always too soon.
Can we ever love life enough?--
All I know is that we can try.
After catching a glimpse of the sand falling
Of our hourglass’s bottom half growing fuller
We can only run from death so long,
So I’d rather spend my time
Making the world know,
Letting you know,
I existed,
And I cherished the time I had.

So will you remember that we existed,
And walk this path alongside,
Or will we be lost to the shoreline
For the waves to gather
Grains of sand
From our broken hourglass
To be lost in the crowd
Of sands of ancestors,
Pulled into oblivion
Without a wave of goodbye?

Can’t wait for the sun
Can’t wait for good rain
We’re pulling fruit off the tree early
Just to get something on the table today
I wish I had the time to let these thoughts grow
But this year demands it’s daily tribute
And so we will bring an offering
Of what we can manage to grow in a day
And mourn the loss
Of things that could have been so beautiful

The plastic bag rolls against the wind
Once again, to let the sun glisten
Those brunette curls as the wind takes them
As they swim through the air,
Right into my arms,
With those watering eyes
And trembling lips
I simply cannot resist.
For once again,
Another has broken you,
And once again, I’ll prove
That men aren’t all bad.
Without you I drink the thought of you away,
And with you, I drink the red flags away
That cloud my vision
With warning signs.

It almost seems too easy
My sympathy already being taken advantage of
Yet knowing this, I wring out enough trust
From my cloth of chances
That you’ve let be used up.
You’re nothing but a snake
And my emotions are contained
Like a paperback novel
In the rain;
My heart is breaking
Feeling the pounding of yours
Knowing yours has been working fine,
While my shaking
Is not from the weather
Nor the tearing inside,
For I know that this plastic bag
Will drift away once again
When the wind breathes just right
And another bystander of yours walks by,

But you’ll leave a memory
On my table
For the last time,
And the plastic bag you left,
Will be the last sound
I hear,
After liquid courage rivets
My sensible nature into a cage,
And I hear it rustle
As the leaves did
When first you entranced me
With my inhales forced inaudible
Just as forced audible
They were laying in the grass
And I’ll play that image
In my head
Of the first moment I felt alive,
Until I fade out, lay still,
Never to breathe out again.

I could write whatever I want here
Does it even make a difference to you?
Another post in the timeline..
Is that all days mean?
Just doing things to get them done,
With no feeling,
And no one thinks a thing about it,
Because we’re all just as guilty.

I was just going to school
I was just picking up groceries
I was just seeing a movie
I was with my friends at a concert
I was with my family at the mosque
So many statistics were just people
Like yourself and me
Living their lives
Not looking for trouble
But there's a hate and fear
That gets poured into the pockets
Of arms dealers
So the hateful and fearful
Can pour lead into people
Like yourself and me
Who lose their name when they lose their last breaths
And become another number in this year's statistics

*** is not the enemy
but when it's kept a mystery
it's up to undeveloped minds
to learn it's lessons the hard way
but learning's no guarantee
so we sacrifice the youth
for a few less awkward conversations
easy to blame what's on TV
instead of stepping up
and teaching your **** kids
that there's a way to do it safely
that there's no need to feel ashamed
that it doesn't mean they love you
but if neither of you do that can be okay
there are more but one stands above the rest
burning a fire of anger inside of me
that it still goes unaddressed

you're not owed *** for anything
it doesn't matter if they took those pictures
if they weren't sent to you
and no one's ever ******* asking for it
unless they say that they are
no means no
and the absence of a no
does not mean yes
only yes means yes
except the yes of a minor
of the inebriated
of those who stand to gain from their answer
and those who stand to lose from their answer.

An image tells not of the experience.
A tree in the forest
With the proper exposure
Can draw people to stare,
But the point is missed.

The ones staring
Are in awe
Of someone else’s experience,
And are too comfortable,
In their current state-of-mind,
To face nature’s posture for
Themselves.

We’d rather just live secondhand,
Than live in the moment,
But an image tells not of the experience.