A whisp that shifts our realm again
These mornings soft with spring
The air holds you warm and cool
A gentle fever
Binding us with potential
Fresh comfort, new beginnings feel potent I turn to pity my winter shell
Blinding me with anticipation
In each step in each breath
You can smell the change
Feel the shift
Just a taste, hexing the senses
I wouldn't exchange this day for anything
Not when I feel alive again

Strange to enjoy the ache of feet underneath me
On top of the world
I wish I had the words
All I have is gratitude
For a forgotten feeling
🌱

A whisp
An influx of magic
Delicate Eclipse
Delicious suspicious
The sky delivers
Satsuma shades
Epiphanies I'm in a haze
Symphonies that quickly fade
I want to dissolve in it
Till my body mimics
 The horizons gimics
Atomic with mandatory beauty
A sovereign sonnet
You
Who follow the feral ones
Come be tiny
In my woodlouse house
Hollow wigwam
Love and swamp spit
Sawdust sweat
a spooky
Daydream pit
I live in as a
Spluttering sprite
Harboured by delight
I've got ideas in my head of who I want to be
I never take the time to frequently be me
move through time like I cant ke3p up
Constantly nostalgic
For three months ago
SAD cripples me but the sun peeps its head and I long to hibernate still

Empty wine bottles
Boardgames
Makeup stained sheets
Give it a few weeks
Our periods sync
our hair clogs together
in the shower drain
We lose track of who's is whos
And share laughter clothes and virtue
DIY haircuts
Phobias
Leftovers
Milk carton sniffing
Living with women

We scrape around
Recycling Tuesdays
Two pound for the bus to town
But I like to walk around
rents gone up
So has life
Overpriced
Cod and chips
Read my lips
Pre-drinks so we can afford
to go out on the ****
Self diagnosis
No sleep
Sore feet
Feed the cat
Call me back
Borrowed socks
All I've got
Something always missing
Living with women

Gratitude
expired ****
Deliveroo
No looroll mid poo
Overjoyed
Underpaid
Petty fights
Pilau rice
Love of my life
what's should we watch tonight?
Deadlines
Parking fines
2 sugars please
Mind at ease
But eek those shoes don't go with these
Panic attack
Midnight snack
Summers gone just like that

Long weekends
Best friends
Manic episode
Girl code
Sound proof
Shortbread
Bed head
Bad breath
Razor blades
Lucazade
Feng shui
Hungover for days
Like we're running out of ways
keeping entertained for free
Bordem beginning
Monotonous misery
Fomo
Comrodory
Unnecessary jealously
But you bring out the best in me
Sloppy secrets
Morning mindgames patrol
Toilet bowl throw up goal
Empowered
After hours
Talking till it's all said twice
247 advice
Ready salted luck you've been given
The days you thank ****
To know these women

She; an antidote
an anecdote you'll never quite forget
insanity on either side of her
the men that congel conspiracies and gush
at She; the mother of clarity
A free remedy to remember
She gives a rush, a calm breeze
and they suckle on her voice like sweet syrup
An easy surrender
you'd be the first to taste her fury
and surely cursed because of it
A hot December
let her mend your insecurity
Venom silk and opaque
Little gifts of naivety
a promise so soft
you never felt the fangs
administrate your fate

Lit by angels and adrenaline
silent auctions, abductions
still as death decends here
Archadia dimmed
a dimension of distractions
sinking in a pretty little nest
feathered with fear
she sinned so softly
knowing nothing else to sleep beneath
twigs and bones returned from the battle
gnawed clean from anxious teeth
so brittle; you become a love song to the cold
a rattle of defiance
a longing for a place you cant face alone

this is not Archadia
these sweetly poisoned streets
full of tempting berries
choking on my mind
every sniff every sip every inhale is all we have
to stop what we are in-between
awaiting, impatient
feral from empathy
dreaming of each others bliss
an escape to humidity
an instant view of the sea
it might fix this

but it doesn't

I wish , I wish
my memory could imprint on me
that cascading fading message
I always leave in rem sleep
that lack of loathing now I'm older
old enough to know life's secrets
still too young to live by them
this is not Arcadia
this is a January town
where every new idea never starts
an eternal dance
a feast for show
so starving eyes swell

the grass is always gone where I go

I wish , I wish
the night could take me to Archadia
my silence as loud as
the auction lost
here were are; in the rotting sequence
pining for a reward
I'll build my own Archadia
out of precious words, molecules of hope
how to enlighten
omens of wonder, summer rain excitement

I roll down the grassy hill
turn another page
to somewhere I can smell resilience
a rest bite, evacuate the cold and reunite with your innocence

Welcome to Archadia
where hands are full of strength
a land full of scents that warm frantic souls
giving out their tidings
tiny rebels repel your decisions
deviate what you hope to replace

for here is your Archadia
empathy is everything
a peaceful wave of lighting
a quiet sob of clarity
an instant view of the sea
Welcome to Archadia
you're here to be free

She watches the rain whilst I listen to it
The wink of a huntress
Swift, poised
The grim reaper of small beasts with wings
Their fate in her claws
But then shes snoozing
Cute and carnivorous
She heals my loneliness
I imitate her noises

She sleeps on my pillow
I stroke her with awe
She brings me dead things
I smile as she yawns
I am jealous of how much she is unconscious

I'll never know her thoughts
She is known to hear my own
I feed her daily
But she is free of time
Harmonising
We don't speak the same language
She trills at my window
I am happy to serve
I am hers
as much as she is mine

murmurs of the past that fill your spaces
till it spills smaller, we watch it disappear
another year lost to fear of paths and places
I dont know where to start
these witches have a bad name
and I aspire to see them, be them
Adapt
learn that kind of bold and brave
and not be swallowed up myself
the staircase to the sea
just swim
just move my body as we are baptised by music

scars vivid I spear your secrets
speak in lyrics of sin
spare the livid a smudge of living
spiritually employed
I laugh when I'm annoyed
at you every time I hear your voice
It reminds me heavens far away
and I never should of stayed
ladders can be lucky
and serpents can be pray
free to long
free not to belong
alone but not afraid
his anger as red as autumn
and I don't deserve any of it

Lying
wide asleep, fast awake
vivid explosure slows
and shows
full disclosure, there’s not many who know her
for who she really is
A face before its baptised by morning
bleeding gums rotting lungs bed crumbs search history
regrets hidden away in unread books kinks and mysteries
internal monologue pillow talk a disarray of leaked promises

a catastrophe awaits
can’t manage time or money
always in a hurry
not really busy but never free
she is consciousness
she summertime
she is vanity
And even when her mind is anarchy
she is an open wound with all her insanity
a sweet hyperbole
so don’t take her too literally
as bold as a secret told in a whisper
and exiled for her  audacity
as ferocious as they’ll let her be

Or maybe
She just needs a diagnosis for her ADHD
to feel accepted by this society
and in an instant it falls short
she rarely utilities silence
but asks   ‘do you talk to your thoughts?’
whether empty or optimistic
they’re ready, to present predicaments

lost to the night-time
she dreamt she was at crescent, longing to be full
its no coincidence she fains to the moons pull
A gatherer; fables of youth unstable to their intentions
solutions consumed by a draft that keeps
inherent phobias locked away
there’s a stray child with your voice in her head

you hush to comprehend her
a creator you made her
meander to your agenda
she’ll never be you
she’s wrapped up in
a plague of shame
a carousel of what makes her afraid
around and around again
deranged, insane and maniacally to blame
till theres a bittersweet beauty to every colour she can name

but colour exists within her
a short rush of boxed up souls stretching to the sky
a race of who can outlast the pace of august
and curtsy at the contrast
the mind infiltrates the gifts it gives
and she knows happiness is not a tap
her anxiety not a conviction to her minds confliction
Her insecurities who mimic and tease

Not more than a that
A mimic  a mindset
she can't unweave
A tangle of time she is blind to
Muddling the Ticking
the clichés they all say
Embracing the chaos
The frenzy she is lost to
Clumsy moths
droopy Helliboures
Scared of stability but that
Fear of falling through
And she's spilling her guts
No self worth no self trust
Impulses
calm for your crisis
So many messages
So many 'what ifs'
At her core she knows she is more
Than all these new beginnings
Thoughts of failure, of what could of been
She turns her head in awe to the next thing

Her Face chaces the looks you give when you're warmed by her
With all the Colour of summer
Come September will she Wilt and
Who will be around to see to see her wings faded
When she tilts her head down
retracting re-tracing retreating
Mind jaded and unwilling
But this time she hits the light just right
And becomes the sun
Spreading fractols of inspiration

But as always

a catastrophe awaits
wide asleep, fast awake
she will give all that she takes

I wake up to blue light
I see it when I close my eyes

frustrated and weighted by comparison
I filter my intensity
condense my personality
I show tongue and teeth but no failures or flaws

I see you in your squares, in all your glow
I want to see the dirt under your fingernails
want you to see me cry, my pores up close, counting your eyelashes
I don't want to see twenty pictures res of the same sunset
cascading down a feed that never fulfills
shades changed and tweaked at exposure
I am exposed ever day
but am I known
I want to see the world by your side
not through your phone
hear the sunsets reflect in your tone

I don't want to lose a bet with myself that I don't stare I don't scroll
lose my evening to a screen
my life to anxiety of how people see me
but I want to be seen

I want to know you beyond squares
and validation screams content for moments till I review my content
view myself in the eyes of another
a narcissistic shudder
I doubt and judge myself
wishing not to compare not to care
yet impulse is too lovable
addiction and algorithmic luring
habits savaged a daily instinct
to share
to show my life through squares

Stubborn in necessity
she purists the enigma of the sky
so swiftly she can walk on water
advancing with the tides

The ivy knows no boundary
Its trespass beckons open invitations
to nature's play ground
where hibernation feels like home

We who encourage this intrusion
onwards and upwards it curls around and we drown our fresh anguish
counting seconds between thunder
surrender sweet lyrics of the night

I am in awe at her
the illusion of evergreen
In strength and beauty
her laugh chimes dawn
she is between worlds
and we burrow in the avalanche of morning

If the land was free
then we wouldn't spend eternity
trying to own some

If life was assigned meaning
Would you find means to ignore it

If our time was endless
I wouldn't spend mine staring
Or maybe I would

There would definitely be more urgency to preserve
I urge you to see this regardless

the city is pink
the clouds are close
the sun will sink
pubs will flood
pavement splattered
with tipsy chatter
from ****** clubs
glass shattered
and mornings knackered

the strangers that find me strange
The heave of an alleyway in a drunken sway
movement
students
cocktails
drunken wails
pool cues
ques for loos
beer gardens
feeling disheartened

potions creating feeling
to disobey trust
emotions blinded
by unnecessary lust

addictive needs
swift gulps of a remedy
morning bleeds
and my head is the enemy

delaying the night to be over
as i wander slow pace
the thought of being sober
the people and the look of my face

the clouds cry as I stare at the sky
I turn down to the puddles to untangle my troubles
the endless struggle to this puzzle

the sky is grey
I run to the train
panting in dismay
at a city full of pain
in a happiness debt
that the journey might reset

I blink

I missed my train
but the city is in pink
I live to love it
I make myself think
so I head to the bar
and I buy a drink

spring struggles from the ground
wet with winter
saplings searching for a sky
lusting for softer scents
a sound of radiance

every year,
the seasons feel more uneven
thirsty flowers screaming 'drink the downpour'
mycelium magic dreaming 'keep breathing'
in fear that the green wont reappear
burrow in decay till may
till smiles feel sincere
lying still
I'll listen to the roots gossip
until the tree grants me safety to resurface
to feel purpose I reserve

a dethawed metaphor
flesh of the dirt
just flirt with the earth
make it the world you deserve
cherish her
so bulbs burst fresh as you tease them
and the cold dissolves
indifferent to longing or worship
as she intended
like rutted enchantment

my feet are bare again
and summer grants me all I forget I live for

she used to crave symmetry
but recently she's been gorging on chaos
it fills her up but unfulfilling is the gap
opened by her loss

the more she pours into it
the more the cliff crumbles
into waves of need unfruitful

chaos leaves only debris
watch it swallowed
like your sorrow
by the relentless sea

I see signals in other women's heartache
She doesn't want to be this miserable
portrayed by a thump thump and a catcall
Your reputation proceeds you
The one they branded on you
reduced to a statue of lust
cracks in all the things I want to trust
so seduced by my stress
perplexed by the mess
of what's been said
he's a **** but,
in his head
he's infected by sincere ideas  
to strategize the fear he feels and creates
standing up to monsters you fed
then fled to be branded again
curses and hexes
hummed under his breath
still i'm vexed by whispers that keep me awake
reminding me, how easy I break
I won't feel the shift
I won't see him repent
Until everyone knows the meaning of
CONSENT

This is her obligatory story
There are shards in every women I see
Because none of us are liberated
Until all of us are free

We've been silenced
Sentenced
And not taken seriously

Starting up you're all I want to touch
just us, half naked
weekends wasted
stripping, sniffing, sipping
its star splitting

you stain my brain
and thoughts on my sheets
its been weeks and I'll always choose you over sleep

you're smug
cos you think I'm in love
but you know I'm caving
the hum of your presence I'm craving
the lull of my lust misbehaving
all senses wavering
I stare my issues in the face

spiteful inflictions influx your world
this happiness is on borrowed time
as a sun bleeds beauty
my heels ***** with demise
staged under skies of potent paradise
and I've lost all sense of myself
smothered by mental health

there's toxicity to our proximity
that renders all possibilities for me
I sigh to leave behind heavy lies
but at least I'm half free from anxiety
and I can smoke again

yet there's more bad decisions in the shape of you
and we know its not true
but I decanter out the decadence
so I wont feel possession
obsession can maintain you
don't use it to sustain you

the complications spring my elations
hallucinations that restores clarity
tiny triggered spores open doors to expose your vanity
egos obscured what our reality ignores
as we explore each other's minds and sanity
potions of emotions keep the notion
that were not too eager for unhealthy devotion
we climb on frantic antics and struggle with the semantics
of what we want to say...

if we enjoyed being bored
not living for drama
reserving our pain
and deserving our karma

my cat scraps the shadows as
my mind maps the gallows
feasting on conspiracies of negativity
but hardly mindful to see
they'll always be a distraction
an infectious interaction
that puts things off track

mellowed attributes and more attention
make room for romance soon to be rotten
a spark of love so soon forgotten

apparatus attitudes
practice in ventriloquism of truth
an alchemist interlude
as I manoeuvre to conclude
these epiphanies are constant
then snoozed away
I don't owe you
in blue to choose these lazy ways
days of ***** are hazy with
drunken clues, to forget the thoughts
bought from the hangover before
this is gifted guilt but I know me by now
and its obscurely ordinary
to be deliciously disgusted by you

A fable you follow to re-define
you're just a drifting journey
Shifting as time reminds
The speed you want to observe
It's easy to swerve, rewind
and reminisce in the bliss
Stung with the force of a fist
Too naïve to privileges
Vows we've stained with sacrilege
Promises pained with a phantom kiss
Whispers of locked lands, levitation and foraging
Moonlight sour with forgiveness
investigations to find our minds myths

Trapped in an internal orchestra meditation
That binds us to the trees
Like you're tied to the sound of the sea
A separate generation
Entwined on the same path to be free
Triumph in a ship that sets course to breathe
Leaving better ways to make history

Crucial cemeteries of virtual memories
An abominable sorrow
The cockles of cuckoos fools food tomorrow
Hestia's restless with reckoning
Following fables less
Suppressed by the mess of her head
Following nonsense yet to be said
Follow the scent of juniper to bed
Burnt out fireplaces
Save your graces
for fables that subdue you to death

Home is an old red rucksack that my mother took round Chile
filled with my baggiest trackies for months
where home is trains and tubes and my headphones on coaches
Home is the rain when it batters the outside of a humble caravan
Home is a little wood burner, and a long green coat that was gifted unintentionally
and worn by many

Home is waiting for the triangle bus
Home is a cup of coffee in the right shaped mug
Home is a cigarette, shared with my sister in a pub
Home is our brother owning the pool table, modest and silent
Home is now the sea, but not in summer
mid-November waves, rough and lonely

Home is the river, the flow and the feeling
the fish and the constellations of a shared celling
Home is mums’ casserole and fresh bread still warm but under proved
Home is a shed, strangled with ivy
Home is tea and malt milk biscuits
Home is magic stars pasta beans and cheese and Netflix
Home is my duvet
Home is crumbs creeping into a lumpy mattress

Home is the day, lazy and underwhelming
Home is grandmas own tomatoes
Home is a laugh from an inside joke
Home is her long red hair, her stumbles and soup
Home is hazel eyes singing, by light from candles in old gin bottles

Home is a spoons breakfast with zero sleep
Home is a sink full of washing up
Home is cobwebs and a faded hoodie stained with paint and the smell of hash
Home is sharpened knife that can nicely slice when I am cooking to the bass my mini rig creates

Home is in the woods a maze of plot twists
mapped in childhoods haze of coordinates
Home holds smiles from guests and strangers who become family
Home is vats of marmalade, in sticky jars that collect dust they sit for so long
Home is the chorus of a Finley Quay song
Home is the journey I am on

Home is the field
the mud when its ripe beneath my toes
the grass worn with love
Home is a guitar (sandy with stickers)
I am home in her lyrics that swirl through the air
captivate by this Home we created
and our feet know the pattens of the beat
Home is the taste of freshly smashed melon
Home is a cluster of tents around a fire
and a tarp of scribbles

Home is the purr of Roo
Her velvet fur and trills of love
Home is an overgrown garden I used to tend to
Home is holly leaves transformed into wishes
Home is memories of butterfly kisses
Home is a hug when words aren't needed
Home is where I'm not alone

Home is him, the smell of his car and comfort of his arms
Home is his orange overalls
Home is a rhetorical question when I’m looking at his face

What hides in your dreams?
Rancid creatures that creep unseen
Holding the dice to your emotions
The keys that keep you quarantined

The demons have the strings
They call you to the void
You dodge with sinful distractions
Causing catastrophic reactions

Is reality intact?

Plummet into mindless thoughts
That are seamlessly absorbed
A summit of corrupted feelings
That cannot be fought

Aggression tumbles rapidly
Hatred cramps the untrained brain
Spasms that remind you daily
The easy way to escape the pain

What a sweet delight
The idea of suicide
Swift souls taking flight
Finding solace in their own demise

Discord hangs like an ornament
Shadowing these small shrines we cling to
Showing us escape plans
The most delightful
A cove gifted with halcyon pebbles
Strands of a sequence and holy devils are at your core
Temptation is predictable
Yet I gulp down that guilt spiked euphoria
Your sadness immediate
The peace you lost to the sea
Empty white heirlooms
Sky black perfumes
Bite your eyes when the night reveals him
Salix discolored
And the vertigo hits

Coyote is my daughter
For every fifth blessing is a curse
A sweet evil in the mouth you need to make your worth
Coyote is my daughter
Lost and dangerous in the stars
An appreciation for golden hour
A tribute of the words I owe myself
She cries at my feet
Coyote is my daughter
her eyes multiply when she sees the moon
And she is studded with the sky now
As her fangs take over
Hell leaks dreams
And heaven bites me hard

Coyote was born dreaming
of my love and her love will be mine forever

I'm sorry I run from problems
I'm sorry I tried to solve yours
I'm sorry I overshare
I’m sorry I make you bored
I'm sorry I stare
I'm sorry I look away
Im sorry im so hypocritical
And don't listen when you're political
I’m sorry each day turns me more cynical

I'm sorry for the things i've said
I'm sorry if I leave you on read
I'm sorry I didn't keep the teabag in long enough
I'm sorry I interrupt
Im sorry my confidence was eaten by the wind
And drowned by clowns who exposed my sins
I'm sorry I retreat within
Im sorry I cant f☆king sing
I'm sorry you excite me but despite this
I'm sorry for this constant apology

Im sorry im not polite enough
Not tight enough
I’m sorry my tastes aren’t soft to touch
I’m sorry im not bright enough
And my focus fades at your clutch
Im sorry im too open, too rough, too loud
And then too shy in certain crowds

I’m sorry that i’ve put on weight
I’m sorry I’m always late
I’m sorry I just love to procrastinate
I'm sorry I want to make plans
And i'm sorry I flake
I'm sorry you swallow my screams when I shake
I'm sorry I crawl to you like your warmth is my glue when I break

I'm sorry I collect pointless things
And give them half meaning
I'm sorry I give into temptation
In every situation
Im sorry I’m so contradictory
I'm sorry I interrupt
Or just don't listen enough
Huh, i'm sorry I repeat myself
I'm sorry if I don’t help
I'm sorry I forget to say goodbye
I'm sorry I don't confide
I'm sorry I'm always tired!
I’m sorry, I tried

I'm sorry I ego feast, and dwell on the deceased
I'm sorry I hate the beach
I'm sorry I need noise to sleep
I’m sorry im sweaty and need space to dance
I'm sorry you never got a second chance
I'm sorry I over stress
When i over over cook scrambled eggs
I'm sorry I don't shave my pu
☆ssy or legs

I'm sorry I can't articulate
And there for fail to conversate
I’m sorry i’m so needy
I’m sorry i’m so skint
I’m sorry if i'm not in the mood
Im sorry I can be so crude
Im sorry im so greedy
And sometimes so rude
Im sorry i’m just sick of take away food
Im sorry i’m erratic
And i’m sorry I cant f☆king hack it
I’m sorry some days I love you and others I don't
I'm sorry if i've made you lose hope
I'm sorry we disagree
I'm sorry I need more than you to feel safe
And less of you to feel free

Now take a step back and repeat this please;
I'll no longer be sorry for being me

I keep my past close with old photos
And yawn at the present
Waking up to the time i've wasted
The pirate that fidgets
Listening to the snapping of veins
Irate frozen views
I complain that I spend my days complaining
And that nothing is changing
But I don't make myself a catalyst
Struggle to find bliss within a cage I am comfy
Constantly confused on the want to be free

Ferocious and hardwired to be inspired
Flying on the gateways of promises that dance tempting
Fermenting memories in mistakes
So slinky sad and suddenly
I've given years to hibernate
All I do is flake and harden to my fate
No eagerness to liberate my procrastinative state

I keep my journeys stretched between boredom and boundaries
Im moody till boredom outgrew me
Deaf to the tones of disappointment
That hit like stones thrown ashore
To a child that only wanted to be more
Than a heartwarming second smile
An underachiever
Stagnated believer
Prospects zero
Sullen to be unstuck
From reveries of a hero

Red, and it's my best colour
My favourite mood
Smooth with lust and passion
But remember to take time
Recluse and resign
In crimson divine
Rest your body
And your mind
Teach your soul new things

Retreat to your sweet tooth
With sister shades of beetroot
Magic promotions of your moon-tide
Emotion hurling joyride
Relax as your muscles un-hide
Find your knots and dots
And plot as you breathe the outside

Paint yourself in feelings of taboo
Slip sleepy into daydreams
Ego embrace as you create
A silhouette that forgets she is you

A feral flutter
Light headed, heavy winged
A slightly singed stutter to follow
Bow your head into the faeries hollow

Tiny hands of guidance, till you’re dancing in the gold and blue
That fae has a face I know as you

You chirp from birch to birch
The echoes of your ivy crown
Your laugh is etched in every sound

In tree barks and wolf howls
Drunken singing night owls
In the shimmer of the mystical
Rainbows when the sun hits crystal
Late days and lightning
And we remember you shining

So many memories to make us swoon
Your face I see in every moon
A spirit embroidered with feathers
Snoozing sweetly in the heathers
Inked with sunshine and smothered in glitter
Beyond the stars your chariot flitters
Eyes of kindness and heart filled with love
I know your smile still sings above

These pixies they steal teeth and treasures
They’ll take you on celestial endeavours
Till somewhere soft and serene you’ll have landed
Somewhere you’ll dance with the winged bandits

A childhood of blackberry stained fingers and butterfly kisses
That turned into cigarette scented Sundays
Mondays alarm is hardly the birth of a phoenix
Everything is so loud
So you make playlists to block the days out
Talk to therapists so your voice drowns the sounds
Of hearts beating to the symmetry of structure
Evenings spent drifting through conspiracies
That put your mind in and out of ease

I have a shortcut, I can show you

Into a world of leaves
Your hair will tangle with the trees
The rain will batter you
Wet silk and scars
Mark promises on your legs
But smoky seasoned scrambled eggs
And a woodpecker at a pine
Is now your divine alarm clock
It will curve your mood
Become your instinct
You’ll be able to tell
When thorns become soft
You dress to un-impress
Ragged ankles of an empress
Enter your utopia

On carpets of brambles
To be danced above
A crumpled tent hosts
Seven sweet sisters
Fresh from the flames
Soul mates are on auction
Interviewed by ghosts
Who decide your wedding gown
You are never unqualified
Don’t let the cold get you down
Don’t let the past nourish you
The way you forget to let the sun do
Hidden in the woods
Branches block the dreams out
Climb to where the schemes rhyme
Disregard your sodden socks
The needles of a helpless hairbrush
Accept the untameable
As you stumble, wild
Your soles bare
You know your worth
Your place upon the earth
You curl up in the dirt
But there’s a nice view
And it’s a green that patterns the cosmos
Subsides the madman’s blood lust
It’s the eyes of your mother
And the scent of an absent lover
Let it cushion you

At least until Monday

I scowl at you
Nibbling tomorrow’s mistakes
You catch me watching, eyes accused
But I know you’re ready to paint the whole night blue
Slurring apologies and blurring memories
You stumble out promises and throw up on them
You cry into the night and in the morning it’s not yours
It’s my problem

I call in defence for myself
I can’t help
I wipe away your essence
Even the shards I hold pleasant
I tear and delete
Angry at how  
I need more than myself now
To feel complete

Falling into pages of how I felt
But I don’t know how I feel
I don’t know what was real
It’s scariest to focus on further
When all you did was forget

Pitied partings and ***, held in regret
My open heart left no respect

Words that somehow fall phonetic
In my head, from my mouth
Late night or early morning
A shameful state of paralytic

Words I carve from anger
Noise that makes me feel pathetic
A hollow for sensitivity to sleep
Words I held that made you weep

Words that trickle out
Sentences that dribble doubt
Riddles that package lies
Words you use as your disguise

Words I later regret
Words I wish I could just forget
The state of your mind a statistic
Words of a drug turned you egotistic

Sins engraved in every thought you think
Your actions are the words that made you sink

Stumbling through streets
A playground of drunks and delusions
That cages your freedom
And cuts your digression
Squeezed into the swarming system
Possession to repetition rhythm (screaming loud)
Too immersed to disperse the crowd
Boxed in I smoke
Where the great sounds are drowned
I spy him and choke
Retreating with a suitor
In a serpents nest
I lie on his chest
Depressed
Beneath mislaid sheets

The creature the day makes of me awakes
Cheerfully cherished by the hammock of a hangover
Scouting for my lonely mattress
And the jinxed luxury
From the sizzle of a frying pan
Avoiding my critics pulsing stress
My ego clawing at me for retail therapy
My cynic judging my supposed needs
My mirror painting me false
I cradle my anxiety till it relies on me
I lock up my secrets till the liquor hits my lips again

A silver lining inky with doubt
A missing wallet indulged by immoral hands
Kept immortal with desperation
The last few rascals rasping
from adventures that soaked up the night
In search of a lost soul
I lick the sadness from her eyes
Till i'm drunk on someone else’s pain
I'm bored of explaining mine
I'm bored of this place and time
Im tied here with debts to myself
Tired of everybody else
And I'm too weak to break down walls
Or seek true freedom
Fall fake to placebos of liberation
To have found the end of the week
But I'm on my feet
Repeating the words I shouldn’t speak
I grasp at my past out of reach
Destructive
I weep
And tumble back into the streets

a wood pigeon coos the start of morning
then an accompaniment of tweets begin
I stretch between bodies loneliness dawning
fast but I struggle a smile when the birds sing

feelings that lodge in your chest for decades
trying to cry the heaviness out but I gasp
whilst we warmly cascade into our graves
my vacant heart is stuck in the past

I contemplate what it is to feel afraid
I climb around the kindness of my home
admire all the things that make me brave
then chalice my fears to build a throne

a tired little soul with a greying dress
her hair, her house and her mind a mess

indecisive, precised
on nothing that matters
to block out the natter chatter
that keeps ideas shattered

one step forward
and five steps back
ignoring is rewarding with a slap

growing weary and dreary
feeling short of time
I struggle to remember
that my mind is mine

longing to be involved
not feel mistaken
alone in contemplation
vicious circle situations

unsettled on repeat
my eyes can't see
I have the ability
to run from this free

doubts and outs
what has come from my mouth?
again and again
competing with friends
fantasies of enemies
far-fetched theories
smoked and smeary

my spontaneity stretched
my confidence confiscated
always on edge  
opportunities wasted

fretful precision
anxious decisions
imitates and animates
knife sharp and fast
convincing and sneering
you are an outcast

The evening attacks as the figures howl
Unhinged with ferocious divination
On the prowl for faded possessions
That drip with empathy
Dismantled by their frantic obsessions
Jaded faces painted with longing
Of ownership and belonging
Just to be a child again
Pulling marigolds out of the ground
Drowned in sunshine and sleepy with hiccups
Handsome dreams lined with soft petals
Dewy with downtrodden tiredness
Tricked into maturity
But still tickled by memories that take up time
Fickle fragments of the day
That shatter into your realm
Conspiring against the truth
You sniff rails of excitement
Gazing, you suckle on the sky
She chuckles with her eyes
And hurls you back into the forest
A green and twisted hunter’s path
Shadows giggle and glue together
Flames of hope
Your homage to the dark