(Maybe don't read this one if you are feeling low)

There’s an infinite difference between living and surviving,
We live by striving, pushing, thriving.
We survive by breathing, eating, sleeping,
But just surviving leaves us void of dreaming.

You give so much and you get none back,
It’s funny how the world works like that.
We collect in a crowd, a silent swarm,
The more people are around us, the less are warm.

We are lost in a sea of miserable minds,
Making money to pass the time.
And all that time you do what you hate,
Are years of your life you don’t hesitate to waste.

Born to grow up and do some job,
That’s just the way it always was.
This is the way they have made our lives,
You have no control, we’re all deprived.

Your country wants war, but you do not?
Sorry pal, that’s real tough luck.
Because of people you don’t even know,
Your family will be slaughtered, and so will you.

It’s funny how the world is this way,
Going through the motions every day.
It makes me wonder, are we really living?
Or do we just survive only to end up dying?

I feel SICK.
Empty.
Half a being.

This silence
Is driving me crazy.

No one is bleeding.
No screams to be heard.
The battle-cries are silenced.

All I see is a whole lot of nothing.
The adrenaline is gone.
Without the rush, the burn,
I am dead.

All the fighting, I would sob,
The threat of death,
Loved ones being hurt,
I prayed for peace.

But this peace, it’s WRONG.
It’s too silent.
Eerie.

And I sicken myself in hoping,
Someone will swing a sword.
Aching to remember the feeling
Of pure, raw violence.

I need my rush, my high.
The wind on my face,
Wings in the sky.

I need the searing pain,
The crimson of blood.

I need the crushing misery,
I need the burning grief.

Only then do I feel remotely human.
Only then do I feel alive.

Every night he’d count his lucky stars,
But he could never get past zero.

He curled against the city streets,
Nothing to drink, nothing to eat.

He had no one.
No one to make him feel like the sky was only being held up
because they existed.
Every single day he searched
For a reason to be alive.

Painting a smile on his face
As he stared at the flowers.
“Aren’t they beautiful?”
Telling himself he loved the sky and its stars,
Pleading with himself to find enjoyment in something. Anything.
Because he was scared if he didn’t find something,
He wouldn’t be living anymore.

He was the withering flower on the sidewalk,
He sat in people’s shadows
And never felt the sunlight on his skin.

Goosebumps spiked on his bare arms,
The light in the windows looked so warm.
Soft gold…
The radiant glow of guaranteed survival.

Every night he’d count his lucky stars,
But he could never get past zero.

Dear Sister,
I love you,
But you cannot come near.

You don’t understand it at all.

You chastise me
For not trusting you.
You cry when I drift away.

But Sister, it is better
For both of us this way.

Let me go,
You’re already afloat,
And I’m sinking fast.

Please, stop clinging,
And let me rise to the surface.

You drive me into the ground,
Then demand I stand up.

But how can I hold on,
When you take everything away?

You are born draining the life
Out of everyone you meet.

And you hold me
And whisper,
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

But that’s exactly what you do.
And you always will.

So Sister,
I love you,
But please leave.

You have my heart,
And I am sorry,
But for my sanity’s sake,
You can never have me.
**

You are lying in bed,
Listening to the gentle whistle of passing cars,
And the roar of a passing train.

You bite your lip,
Nervous.
Why?
Because that is all you can hear.

A month ago, the sounds of the city outside
Would be accompanied by the screams and shouts
Of the two people downstairs
That brought you up.

Sure,
Sometimes they forgot dinner time.
Or that you hadn’t been bathed in three days.
And all they’d do at night
Was fight.

Insult after insult,
Tears and a piercing smash.
And you’d lay awake and wonder
What you’d find in pieces the next morning.

As much as you’d squeeze your eyes shut,
And bury your face in the pillow,
You couldn’t help but be lulled to sleep
By the turbulence below.

It was your familiarity.
And sometimes,
Familiarity comes in the cruellest forms.

And now
There is silence.

You can’t hear
Your Father chugging alcohol.
Silently sobbing
Under the stark, white kitchen light.

It takes two to fight.
And now there is only one.
And now you can’t sleep.
Because there is nothing familiar about this at all.

Hiding, running,
What’s the difference?
I’m still avoiding the danger.

Missing the “thrill”
Of death’s hand
On my shoulder.

Missing the weight
Of impulsive decisions
On my head.

Facing the music is overrated
When there is a mute button
At hand.

Leave me alone.
Stop injecting me with your fire,
Turning my heart into a thunderstorm.

I don’t like rain,
I don’t run into the snow.
Let me sit in the sun.

Blood or none,
Stay far away.
You are nothing
But trouble to me.

You’re shadowed by toil,
Stop telling me I’ll love the pain.
I’m not going to take your hand,
And walk into the chaos.

I think with my head,
Not my sword.
So I’ll count the days until someone tells me,
You got yourself killed.

We see you commander,
Floating away.
Don’t lower your flag,
We need you to stay.

Don’t lift off this Earth.
That won’t do you good.
You’ll only be lonely,
We did what we could.

Will the little men save you?
I think not.
Don’t float away,
Or you will be gone.

Commander, you command this rocket,
Starboard, port, into the abyss.
We serve under you without failure,
But we cannot function like this.

I know you think that no one will care,
But we do, we love you, and life is not fair.

You have a purpose; Commander come back,
Don’t give up on us,
or we will all crack.