today is your wedding day
and I’m at a loss for what to say
I reminisce on every night
spent in the den by movie light

when we were six years old
we didn’t do what we were told
when we turned eight
you became my best mate

all the summers outside
in between hay bales we’d hide
running across a green pasture
thinking nothing else could matter

at ten you hurt me so very bad
the loss of a friend I thought I had
through our years we’ve worked it out
spent time together without a shout

at twelve you painted my nails
the middle of the night never fails
to bring us closer as friends
not wanting to think of how it ends

in secret we continued to share
only between us did we show our care
when our moms were around
we were rivals on broken ground

at seventeen years old
you got a little too bold
called me by my old nickname
from then on it was never the same

our families matched us from the start
but our friendship began drifting apart
so here I sit in the third wooden pew
wondering what it would’ve been like with you

I watch her walk down the isle
and my eyes tear up at your cheeky smile
I can tell you love her, it’s true
it’s not a surprise I feel a little blue

today is your wedding day
and LG, I’ve just got to say
it was never meant to be, even though they tried
and I really am happy for your future bride

Love is a reward.
One that's wonderful but more than anything simply referred to as beautiful.

Adam was gifted Eve to be his and more.
So have many great men been gifted to have a blessed fulfilled woman?

Love doesn't require a trophy to be seen.
Just being involved with it show you aware of what it means?

Nominations aren't accepted for love isn't solely about competition.
It is more than an honorary mention.
Cause it quickly gets your interest and attention.

Ask those?
Who been before a minister?

something happened this evening
I haven’t thought this way for a while
I almost reached out to grab you
just after seeing your bright smile

my stupid heart wanted you near
to pull you closer to me
in the darkened parked car
a moment to be carefree

I couldn’t take my eyes
off of your crooked mouth
thinking about another kiss
not being able to go another second without

I could almost feel your
lips engulfing mine
all the while your hands
trailing up and down my spine

it would’ve ******* up everything
had I reached across the car
ruining a working friendship
busting a large reservoir

but to grip the front
of your black t-shirt
and have your lips
as a sweet dessert

for a brief moment
I thought I might do it
but the time escaped me
and the feeling quickly quit

something happened this evening
glad I didn’t do anything rash
your smile just snuck up on me
and made my heart startle then crash

You saw me naked.
Not without clothes, but without my wall.
The 10 foot, steel reinforced, wall around my heart.
You broke in, brick by brick.
And I let you, I let you see me vulnerable.
Forgetting what others had done to me when they saw me the same.
I wish I could say you were different.
But, you saw me naked.
And you laughed, pointed out my insecurities, and broke me so much that I rebuilt my wall.
I rebuilt it higher and stronger than before.
Protecting my heart from so called love.
You also saw me without clothes.
Burned your touch into my skin.
Whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and that's just what they meant.
Nothing.
I can't look at my body without thinking about you.
Because, you saw me naked.
Defenseless and with open arms.
I shouldn't have trusted you.
But I did anyway.
I thought that since you had a wall to we would be amazing together.
But.
I never saw you naked.

Every weekend, I take boys to the beach.
At midnight he grabs his keys and drives me to the most serene, yet rocky beach.
The water feels warm, but it makes my touch cold.
I get wet from playful splashing, we were laughing, but I was holding back my feelings.
Not really ready to dive in. Not touching, not even loving,
Just enjoying his time and the gas he spent.
Just for me.

Another week passes, another piece of magic.
Before college and the knowledge I had,
Before I knew what was about to happen:
I'm nearly **** in a two-piece. Pulling and tugging at my assets, Glancing and once more, laughing at our conversations filled with flirting.
Not knowing what I'm wanting.
Second guessing my flaunting.
I'm a siren singing a song of tragedy.
Luring these boys who want to fix me.
He held me close, and didn't want to let go.
His lips touched my neck, my back, my shoulder, but I didn't roll over.
He still held me near for warmth on this cold, cold, sandy beach.

On my last breath, on my last note, I closed my eyes for a time and I just wanted to go.
I was done with love and searching for closure in the ocean’s moisture.
I was done with making promises, hearing them say they love all of this; I was especially done with the lies that they practiced, behind their eyes there was no reflection.
Now all these boys want the ocean.

And that much I notice.

I am a siren and I sing my song until I can no longer breathe oxygen.
That is when the ocean swallows my sorrow for a while when I follow them.
The boys line up, and I catch feelings for one.
He understands my song.
He sang it once.
Drove two hours just to find where it was coming from.

And on that same beach, different waves pushed and pulled that night.
Smiles lit up the dark sky, and we laughed and kissed under the moon’s tide.
Yes, I am a siren.
I am a hypocrite.
I sing to my heart's content, till it's tired, worn out, and I become irritated.
But my love comes from within.
No matter how dark it is, the lighthouse is in him.

I want to yell and scream and claw myself out of this cage
And tell you what this new girl has done to me
She drowns me in alcohol
And uses my body as her canvas
She likes the way all my muscles contract at once
to expel your memory out of my stomach at 3 am
After trying to forget you at 1 am
It makes me feel alive
And she likes the way her drawings on my skin make me feel less emotion
And more grounded

But every time I go to open my mouth
To plead
To tell you  
She won’t let me
Writing is the only thing she can’t control
So I write and write and write
Words that are mushed together and silly
That pour out of me too fast to catch
I’m trying to tell you, it’s not me, mom.
I wouldn’t do this to me
I’m not me