1.91667 years
23 months
99.9406 weeks
699.584 days
16790 hours
1,007,400 minutes
60,444,000 seconds

That's how long it's been since our first 'I love you'

I miss him.
I miss the way he kissed me.
I miss the way he would hold me.
I miss the way he smiled at me.
The way he looked into my eyes.
How he made me feel content.
I miss how he'd joke about my tiny hands.
I miss the scent of him on my pillow.
I miss the love he gave me,
and how he showed it.
He's all I want and need,
so I miss him.
And I don't regret it.

The world is full of things I hate,
things I could much rather live without.
When people are rude to their parents,
when people complain about their hardships but do nothing to overcome them,
when people **** shame girls for the same things guys are praised for,
when I get told something about me is wrong when I can't help it,
when people project their problems onto those who do nothing to deserve the suffering,
when I'm harassed for even existing,
when people lie when they know the other person knows the truth,
when I come home to drug and alcohol use by someone I have no authority over,
when I have nightmares so vivid, I can't tell what's reality anymore,
when people try to control other people's lives,
when I can't even get out of bed without wishing I was dead,
when I accidentally rhyme,
when I can't even be happy on my Prom night because my depression prevents any kind of happiness from truly being my emotion,
when I can't stop shaking at Post Prom because my anxiety is killing me and I hate feeling alone when I'm surrounded by people who love me.
I hate this.
I hate you.
I hate them.
I hate myself.

I miss you.
I've missed you every day.
I wish you weren't so stupid.
I wish I wasn't so dumb.
I wish we could be happy.
I wish you were still my fork.

My brain has chemical imbalance
held inside a ceramic palace
The fabrication of lies
and blankness behind the eyes,
with bloodstains on my body,
assault is my hobby.
Not on others you see,
just on 'lil ol' me.
And hunger isn’t a concern,
I want my body to burn.
My own pulse drives me insane,
I’d rather devoured by pain.
You’d think I’d wish the reverse,
but I love it, and that’s my curse.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face,
I didn't know what it meant so I just hid it away.
That's my problem,
you see,
whenever the sun shines,
I hide in fear,
that's my sin.
I
don't really know what I'm fight'n for,
but I do know it's important so I implore
myself to get up,
wipe away the tears,
forget the grinding gears
in my soul.
I know it's hard to comprehend
the things I've been through
but ya gotta understand,
I'm just 17 and I've seen the worst of life,
been kicked down every time I tried to fight.
I can't win,
I can't lose,
'cause I got nothin' left,
just me,
myself,
and I will never forget,
how I fought those battles,
broke down those walls,
stood up and braced the impact
of every fall.
I'm strong but I'm weak in way you can't understand,
I work hard so I don't have to see it again,
that world I was brought in,
the pain I saw,
the and I will never forget.
This is my fight song.