ever since our weary start,
you were nothing to me but a replacement.
your words once kind and fluent,
soon turned as sour and cold as the heart that fills
the cavity in your chest.
you drank liquor like you've been in the desert for nine years
and it's the only thing that will resolve your thirst.
so methodical and precise with your consumption
you didn't even bat an eye when i cleaned the mess
because you couldn't begin to function.
love and attachment
so similar but
so was the way i felt about you
compared to the way i felt about dying.
you were my easy out-
but you were without a doubt the reason
for the cloud of gray that blocked the ray of sunshine
that shown from within my heart.
i would never blame you for it
while reveling in your embrace
but one day i finally opened my eyes
to really see the person who was staring me in the face.
you used me like a rag in the kitchen,
tossing me away when you got what you wanted
i know you loved me somewhere inside
but your insides were cursed where the alcohol haunted.
an insatiable need to get away from yourself
only drove our love away in the end
so go ahead and fill up your cup
i hope it was worth it
for what you gave up.

it's funny,
when we met
i told you that i don't judge
that i don't label
because it never is my place to
because people
need to make
those judgments themselves

it's funny,
the night i found myself
screaming at you
that you are an alcoholic
and all of my pretty words became ugly
but that was the only solace i could find
for the ways you beat me down
with your poison liquid
and i knew, i knew
how true it was
how it always was

i have this bad case of emotional abuse
honestly, all it does for me is serve to amuse
because have you ever let something so stupid happen?
all you can do is laugh at yourself for allowing it
i am the one hurting myself -
you you you
you've given me a bad case of emotional abuse
(and i let you)

i exist
or did you forget?

'i do not desire you, anymore'
like a closed door
you berated and left me alone
to wither within a passion
i felt was the sun
apparently -
you were too cold

your head is a very deep well
let me swim
let me drown

my mind is rapid,
too rapid
because you keep running around me in circles
over and over and over