i miss you in the morning
i miss you in the evening
i miss you when the leaves fall,
and when they grow again

i miss you while i'm working
i miss you while i'm idle
i miss you almost all the time
as though it never ends

i miss the way you'd call me
the day before my birthday
the first to say
enjoy your day
and that of me you're thinking

i wish you got to meet my son
his name is after you
"Sonny or sunny", people say
but either one is true

i miss the summers at your house
the season reminds me too
that i wish
the chance to say
one last "i love you"

memories,

they draw me in.

false promises and tales of what was

and what could’ve been.

my cup runs dry

but i drink anyway;

i drink it away.

i search for myself in a crowded room

i catch a glimpse of her,

but she leaves too soon.

who i was

and who i am,

staring at the back

of who i could’ve been

ever since our weary start,
you were nothing to me but a replacement.
your words once kind and fluent,
soon turned as sour and cold as the heart that fills
the cavity in your chest.
you drank liquor like you've been in the desert for nine years
and it's the only thing that will resolve your thirst.
so methodical and precise with your consumption
you didn't even bat an eye when i cleaned the mess
because you couldn't begin to function.
love and attachment
so similar but
so was the way i felt about you
compared to the way i felt about dying.
you were my easy out-
but you were without a doubt the reason
for the cloud of gray that blocked the ray of sunshine
that shown from within my heart.
i would never blame you for it
while reveling in your embrace
but one day i finally opened my eyes
to really see the person who was staring me in the face.
you used me like a rag in the kitchen,
tossing me away when you got what you wanted
i know you loved me somewhere inside
but your insides were cursed where the alcohol haunted.
an insatiable need to get away from yourself
only drove our love away in the end
so go ahead and fill up your cup
i hope it was worth it
for what you gave up.

i remember, as a child
when my eyes would well up with tears,
i "felt small", as i would call it.
it was merely just the liquid
distorting my vision,
and making the ground seem closer
and my body, smaller.
i had forgotten about that memory
until your favorite song came on
while i was in the backseat
of my friend's car.
that same feeling washed over me
as the tears sprung to my eyes
and i looked down,
and i grew smaller
and smaller
and

smaller



until i disappeared.