Loneliness is a cancer
And I fear I'll die alone
In the ditch in my bed
With this space in my head
Where someone should be
But the only person is me

Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me
Maybe you had a bad day
Maybe there's a war raging inside of you that I'm not a part of
Maybe I spoke too much
Maybe I said something that hurt you
Maybe I should apologize for striking a nerve
Maybe I'm being unfair
Maybe I'm giving you too little credit
Maybe I shouldn't just assume next time
Maybe its just one of those days
Maybe I should justblet this one slide
Maybe everything will be better tomorrow?

Shout it from the mountains tops my friend
The fact that you have a voice
Let them know that you stand at the head not the foot
There where so little people find their feet
There where the air allows your words to echo
And let's them travel on their backs until as far as eye can see
And words can exist

I have to leak out
and spill over the edges
I have to be a nuisance to the passive state of things
If only just to be defiant
And scratch at the eyes of the flat environment in which people toil along their timelines without so much as a ripple to show for it
I have to let in the wind, and let it howl around my corners
and sock hop with me
I too often get bored of the sunshine that heats up stable things that barely move
I need storms and hurricanes
If only just to have something to say one day when youthful isn't how I'm described anymore
And the creases in my skin circle and intersect like a mosaic tapestry
And they ask for a story around the dinner table
Then I'll leak out all over again
In a violent rage
That will be a nuisance to the passive state of things

The more I step into the light
The less the darkness offers me comfort
Soon everything will have a face
And all that I feared will be nothing but things I've come to understand

let's dream together
let's be fools for just a moment
step out of our bodies and let the action be its own atonement
let's slip in the space in between
being an adult and being a human being
and watch the two from both ends just to feel that sort of feeling
let's be on half of a whole
let's be the inside of a fold
bent at an angle that for once we've created all on our own

I built a house of feathers today
But somehow everyone was shocked when it blew away...

Drip drip drip
She enters leaking from every hole
Creating paddles on all my surfaces
Slip slip slip
I fall as I follow her
Sailing all my boats in her direction
Ship ship ship
On the oceans she makes
Sending me meandering merrily down the stream

The world must look different to you
You wear a hat and shined shoes
It must have a smiling face
A face I knew
For I am just a lone chimney sweep
Pushing around the dust
No weather brings surprise
No world changes for us
Same stories keep the fire company
Same sandwich for lunch
We only give what is asked for
We never ask for much
Another day up the chimney
Not a complaint nor a fuss
Our world doesn't have any ears
The world looks different for us

fingertips on my chest
Palms to my rib cage
He feels me before he touches me

he's untouchable

Its unfair that I spend my whole life being poor
And that the idea of money follows me around even into deep sleep
Every day has a monetary value because time is money my friend
Zar hovers over me and hides in the corners of my eyes
he tied himself to my ankles when I was born and as a consequence I'm forced to drag him along with me as I climb the account balance ladder
never able to reach the top because of the weight bonded to my feet
I drag you around, you are now my shadow
Oh lord zar who resides in the house of wallet
The more of you I have the more I want
So I'll spend my whole life being poor

Its to hard to love
to love and to fight for that love has hardened my heels
and scratched my knees that refuse to bend
To love is hard
to love and to live for love has bruised the skin that covers my heart
and cut my years in half
love is hard
love that has given me more sleeplessness than raging and thundering nights
and filled me to the brim with worry
love
love that forms deep in the inner parts of my being and causes me to move and arch and stand tall
This love that is perfect and potent
This love
That love
My love
Our love
Love here and there and far and fair
From which all is made and all is destroyed
And all is born and all is restored
This love that is me
and you
and us
Naturally and organically and instinctively and automatically
Was made by love, to love, by love
And yet
This love is hard

So dangerous and sweet a thing
I have yet to come to learn  
Is a man who would hold me
Without being held in return

I read out loud to all my belongings
to give them the opportunity to live a life
to feel as if they are not just belonged but that they are beloved
so that they can move further than the confines of my walls
And walks the same streets that I behold
Because they've given me so many joys
from the clothes I've worn to my broken toys
they were the things that adorned my life
and stuck by my side when I experienced strife
so I read out loud to all my belongings

I buried my hands in his pockets
And found a quiet place for us to live at the bottom
Tucked in between fibers of the fabric and his hands
I can hide away until everyone forgets who I am...

I cry for the wind sometimes
How she gives up far too easily after she rages so heavily
And screams in all her might stirring and swirling everything about
Like a child tossing all her toys out of her cot
Like a drunk swearing at the moon
I cry because we are far too alike
We burst and quake, let the earth feel our discontentment
Then when all our quaking is done
And the air is out our lungs, we lay weak in the shadows of ourselves
With only our bare skin to swaddle us

All my coworkers are out in the kitchen
Moving around past and into each other
The weekend was great
I did so much
Monday is even better
I get so much done with a full cup of coffee
I love the order of my desk
It reminds me of the order of nature
Everything has its place
post-its with post-its and other paper-like things
Staplers with staplers and piles of staples
My boss could be my best friend if he wasn't my boss
My boyfriend could be my boss if I didn't like him so much
The morning paper said a lot
The world is still spinning thankfully
Doing what it does
Feet are still somehow on the ground
Heads are still falling gracefully from the clouds
I'm getting better at dodge ball according to my partner
And even better at dodging those not too close to me
Keeping them where they should be some might say
But at least the morning dew cleansed my car
And the smell of cigarette smoke is slowly disappearing
And while all my coworkers are out in the kitchen
I'm celebrating the little victories
That somehow makes being with them a little bit more worth it

watch out lover because I am in motion
running so fast to you that I'm floating
till my body hits you so hard we'll be broken
but **** its so fun when its me that you're holding
I'll crash and burn in your heart that I've stolen
fall asleep on your chest and hear it exploding
you're good like a drink that I wanna get soaked in
a rollercoaster ride I'm strapped to while sloping
we'll walk down the beach on the sand sink our toes in
till we sit by a fire while the mellows are roasting...

I had a nightmare that shook my chest
And when I woke up it was still right there in my vest

No matter how much I change
I always end up wishing I was someone better
When the true is
I always end up back in this place
Where I'm the same person I started out with
I'm a liar
I the idea that I can change myself is the biggest lie I've told yet

I was never a child
I was always an ageing adult
Half chocolate
Half a middle aged twice-divorced man
Searching his memories
For the moment he departed from the school yard and built a life on the sand
Where his chocolate half melted in the heat of mid-day
And left him half a person
Half a puddle of sticky mess
Warning people
With signs and sirens
Not to slip on the part on him that got away

He's strong but he cries
Like grey angry skies
When he's worn, yet he tries
With Everest to climb
He woke up late
I don't mind
When clouds part
We'll see him smile
He's okay
He is rhyme
He's strong
He is mine

She had a crowded face with sterling grace to it
The clouds in the sky couldn't match its coldness
But she drew me in with a loveless flick of a shoulder
And I was a rabbit in a hole
A panting deer to the slaughter
She had me with the hooks attached to her sides
And like a jockie on a stallion
I attempted to ride
But I was swallowed by the current brought in with the tide
Folded in between waves that would never subside
Yet she was my guide
And pulled me out and care for me until I dried
Turning rich and golden but the bay side

We were lovers of the worst kind
The type you don't tell you friends about
That you don't really wanna talk about
But you have every thought about

I liked us better
When we didn't speak
When our hate was silent
And I could hate in peace
Now words sprout from your lips
Like mold and dicease
Call it my fault for asking
How have you been?

Don't think that I'm broken
Just because I crack
I'm shedding my skin
And I am healed because of that

The pain is only here for the moment
The moment is all that exists as we live and breathe
And move from one to the next
In the long train track of life
So one painful moment means one painful life
But life just for a moment
The same life that can be beautiful for another
And peaceful again for the other
But for this one, its painful
Be it just for the moment

I killed a finche, I don't know why
But perhaps a finche was meant to die
Although his wings were grown to fly
Maybe wings don't always touch the sky

My lips pushed against his chest when he pulled me in
I breathed in his scent, this is better than fresh air could ever be
Pressed against his chest,  counting  the rhythm of his hearts song
Clamped in tight, I watched the sunrise from in between his arms

Words are silly little things
That hang in my teeth
I rinse them out evertime I speak

My bed is my bed
There's no place I'd rather be instead
It's where I lay my head
Down to rest
My bed is the best

I am dying
And I don't remember in between suffering
But sometimes, after I've opened my eyes to the light of day
And lay in that curve in my bed that I've lied in many mornings before
And I can feel it
Its hands and knees crawling inside of me
And I remember
The way I did many times before
That its been a part of me since the day I was conceived
And that we should sympathize together
Because we've had the same destiny since the beginning of time

Your texture
Your waves
Your smell
Your growth
Your glow
Are things that form my love
And I only want someone who loves you as much as I do

I'll smoke these memories until I can't see the present anymore
I'll just build a house in the past where I can still hold on to the idea that the future is as bright as a candle that burns in the belly of the night
If anyone looks for me, that's where you'll find me

Don't let your eyes fall on my legs as if hey are a canvas on which you can paint your imaginations
You are not an artist that can dictate my position in the painting you thought up when disregarding my humanity
I breath and move and affect the ground  underneath me
And even more amazingly, I think thoughts that shake the pages they touch
Don't hollow me out because I resemble the manicanes that stare through thick glass windows and mirror something that towers far above what they are there to resemble
I can't be dressed up and down as my eyes glaze over
I have the absolute and final opinion in the moving and shaking of my independently owned body
Only lifeless diamonds screams look at me
But a moving breathing woman doesn't need to be stared and holla'd at to understand what she is
Why should I be told what is expected of me or be given a manual to how tightly my possessions should be squeezed together?
I am the deciding force behind the direction my hips sway
And you should beg to even be considered by the mind that thought up these thoughts

I poured down my hands
And let them run down my sides
In a puddle of my own arms
I became a sail boat

There is a vacancy in my spirit
So she lays down beside me
And offers me the comfort I can't give her in return

My stars are dimming
But the night sky will go on living
Sharing light
Raging agaisnt the dark
And it will do so unfailingly until the end of time
And it will do so unfailingly without me

I wish I could still be blown away
And taken by the innocence of the day
Could simple breeze flaw me please,
And teach me again what it means to be?

He screams after seasons of silence
Why is it so hard for you to stay the same?
i whisper after seasons of silence
even the leaves wilt in Autumn

The sound of her heart beating next to him kept him awake. In the dead of night he was alive with passion. As the minutes went on it grew thick within him, breathing and stretching and maturing in his chest. He was roused next to her as she drifted away far from the world they had shared just a few short moments ago.

He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to be awake and alive and wild with him, like the flowers that grew on the south side of a valley. But she wandered off into the distance and wouldn't return for the next few hours.

It was his fault, he knew that. She had told him once that his presence brought a sense of calm to her that she hadn't known since she was young girl sitting on her grandfather knee being rocked to the creek of his old rocking chair and that the pressure of his arms around her passively gave her a peace that could ooze a teething baby to sleep.

So, taking his punishment for wanting to hold her tightly, he watched her sleep. And allowed his passion to simmer and follow her into the nights wormhole. Caressed to sleep by the sound of her heart beating next to him.

I've got eyes
That makes me human
But I can't see very well through them
So I'm blind
The blurry kind
These eyes of mine
Are awfully ruined
Like an owl
My sight is fowl
In the morning when the sun rays burn right through them
The darkest shades
Would no less save
These white jelly ***** attached to my eye stems
But worst of all
Without discrediting any other travesty
Is that  these big eyes
Be they regular sized
Can't seem to see that you are bad for me
Though family-like folks
With impeccable eye yolks
Could see for days
Your shiny scales
Me as thick
And blind as a brick
Couldn't see a flick of your evil ways
To me you're kind
From the outer to inner sides
And with these eyes
I can no less find
A wrinkle in your peachy colored float and flutter cocoa butter mind
Although your cheats
And cheating like things
Are clear and clean
And as close as my cheeks
I conclude
Be it bitter and shrewd
That none is as blind as she who will not see...

Don't define me by the words on my page
Rather drift through the great paper wall called poetry
And inspect the person I think I am
To share such things with carefully discerning strangers
Who haven't lived on the outskirts of my reality
I dare you not to read between these lines
But to rather to crawl underneath them
And to view the person that stands beating her chest behind them
My rage, thoughts, insights are not paper thin
They have no margins
No page breaks
Or font size
Nor does yours
They are but tattoos that will fade underneath the tattoos
That will be inked after them
Nonetheless,
Here I am
Writing again

Whenever you're hurt
I become the aggressor
When you feel angered
I become the reason the world is bad
And when you're happy
I become the sun that escapes through the clouds

I was never a person to you
I was always just a means to get you through...

I hated you with all of me
Until you filled the core of me
And slowly without me knowing it
I liked the parts that was shown to me
Now whenever I see your face it seems
I end up feeling like I'm in love with it

Somewhere a tap drips
and my pillow is wet
drenched, i lay in this body of water
sinking deeper into my sheets
my head is an anchor settling on the ocean floor
**** on a memory that floats on the ocean surface
getting sun burnt and faded
drifting further and further away from my unmovable ship
forgetting me in between the coral heaps  
the lonely soul that couldn't stay afloat
after her captain jumped ship to sail another boat

The best part of you
Dare I say its true
With honesty and novelty that bleeds all the way through
And beats the inner parts of my chest black and blue
Just to lay in the cut like a bandage of that sooths
Like a flu in my throat that I just cannot subdue
And clings to my skin like only silk can do
Never mind the standards through which perfection is proved
Or the measures that heavan says are the rules
Against every law and more and more
Forms the raw core that is undoubtedly you

My dreams chase me
They chase me as if I've stolen something from them they they need back desperately
And I run because I'm following a fear
The fear that if they catch me they'll consume me whole
And then there'll be nothing left of me to chase
And my fear will get so far away from me that I no longer see it anymore
So I'm forever moving in a limbo between running away and chasing after at the same pace
And slowly getting absolutely nowhere

Wednesdays are cool with a subdued energy
Just me sitting in silent disparity
In between white walls with a claustrophobic  persistence
No one and nothing understands this existence...

oh to sleep and retire from myself
to have my legs and and arms drift through the folds of my sheets
yet even if they wonder
I will follow in between
and form pictures that try to explain what my eyes have seen
and carried in my skull and buried underneath
escape is to wake and control what can creep
and leak into my sight and seep  from the deep
in the daytime my secretes are trinkets for me to keep
that at night I surrender to  the helplessness of sleep