The sound of her heart beating next to him kept him awake. In the dead of night he was alive with passion. As the minutes went on it grew thick within him, breathing and stretching and maturing in his chest. He was roused next to her as she drifted away far from the world they had shared just a few short moments ago.

He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to be awake and alive and wild with him, like the flowers that grew on the south side of a valley. But she wandered off into the distance and wouldn't return for the next few hours.

It was his fault, he knew that. She had told him once that his presence brought a sense of calm to her that she hadn't known since she was young girl sitting on her grandfather knee being rocked to the creek of his old rocking chair and that the pressure of his arms around her passively gave her a peace that could ooze a teething baby to sleep.

So, taking his punishment for wanting to hold her tightly, he watched her sleep. And allowed his passion to simmer and follow her into the nights wormhole. Caressed to sleep by the sound of her heart beating next to him.

I've got eyes
That makes me human
But I can't see very well through them
So I'm blind
The blurry kind
These eyes of mine
Are awfully ruined
Like an owl
My sight is fowl
In the morning when the sun rays burn right through them
The darkest shades
Would no less save
These white jelly ***** attached to my eye stems
But worst of all
Without discrediting any other travesty
Is that  these big eyes
Be they regular sized
Can't seem to see that you are bad for me
Though family-like folks
With impeccable eye yolks
Could see for days
Your shiny scales
Me as thick
And blind as a brick
Couldn't see a flick of your evil ways
To me you're kind
From the outer to inner sides
And with these eyes
I can no less find
A wrinkle in your peachy colored float and flutter cocoa butter mind
Although your cheats
And cheating like things
Are clear and clean
And as close as my cheeks
I conclude
Be it bitter and shrewd
That none is as blind as she who will not see...

Don't define me by the words on my page
Rather drift through the great paper wall called poetry
And inspect the person I think I am
To share such things with carefully discerning strangers
Who haven't lived on the outskirts of my reality
I dare you not to read between these lines
But to rather to crawl underneath them
And to view the person that stands beating her chest behind them
My rage, thoughts, insights are not paper thin
They have no margins
No page breaks
Or font size
Nor does yours
They are but tattoos that will fade underneath the tattoos
That will be inked after them
Nonetheless,
Here I am
Writing again

Whenever you're hurt
I become the aggressor
When you feel angered
I become the reason the world is bad
And when you're happy
I become the sun that escapes through the clouds

I was never a person to you
I was always just a means to get you through...

I hated you with all of me
Until you filled the core of me
And slowly without me knowing it
I liked the parts that was shown to me
Now whenever I see your face it seems
I end up feeling like I'm in love with it

I drank up my sadness
And let the spirits wash me clean
Tomorrow I will again remember
The person that I've been

Somewhere a tap drips
and my pillow is wet
drenched, i lay in this body of water
sinking deeper into my sheets
my head is an anchor settling on the ocean floor
**** on a memory that floats on the ocean surface
getting sun burnt and faded
drifting further and further away from my unmovable ship
forgetting me in between the coral heaps  
the lonely soul that couldn't stay afloat
after her captain jumped ship to sail another boat

The best part of you
Dare I say its true
With honesty and novelty that bleeds all the way through
And beats the inner parts of my chest black and blue
Just to lay in the cut like a bandage of that sooths
Like a flu in my throat that I just cannot subdue
And clings to my skin like only silk can do
Never mind the standards through which perfection is proved
Or the measures that heavan says are the rules
Against every law and more and more
Forms the raw core that is undoubtedly you

My dreams chase me
They chase me as if I've stolen something from them they they need back desperately
And I run because I'm following a fear
The fear that if they catch me they'll consume me whole
And then there'll be nothing left of me to chase
And my fear will get so far away from me that I no longer see it anymore
So I'm forever moving in a limbo between running away and chasing after at the same pace
And slowly getting absolutely nowhere

Wednesdays are cool with a subdued energy
Just me sitting in silent disparity
In between white walls with a claustrophobic  persistence
No one and nothing understands this existence...

I wish I was a poet
But I'm just another person who learned that putting the letters of the alphabet together, forms words.

oh to sleep and retire from myself
to have my legs and and arms drift through the folds of my sheets
yet even if they wonder
I will follow in between
and form pictures that try to explain what my eyes have seen
and carried in my skull and buried underneath
escape is to wake and control what can creep
and leak into my sight and seep  from the deep
in the daytime my secretes are trinkets for me to keep
that at night I surrender to  the helplessness of sleep

I'm at my best
In front of the rest
But without all the zest
Inside my chest
They couldn't care less
I'm just a mess
If I must confess
That I am just flesh
Under my dress
And I'm not okay

Once the sun rays hit my heart
And the heat burnt the flesh of my valves
I could never stand the nighttime again
And I would lie awake and wait for the break of dawn

Maybe I should've asked more
Maybe I should think less
Maybe I should forget the smell of Vasace on your silk dress
Maybe I hid my heart but you saw the veins right through my vest
You're the type seek delight in man so weak he'd offered his chest
My weakest cursed, I saw you first, and at that sight my sanity left
I've seen your sin but to feel you skin, I ignored the rest

You said let's not make it personal
And immediately after your bank into me and became a part of my arsenal
To make sure that when you didn't call back it would make me miserable

I'm afraid to do anything with my dad
Even if I want to speak to him
Because I'm scared they just went I start enjoying spending time with him
He's gonna to start to talk over me and make me feel like him inviting me to do something with him was just a cover up for him wanting to impose his thoughts on another person and hear his own voice. I feel like it didn't even matter which was sitting there listening to him because it was about him the entire time. I love my dad, but I wish he heard me sometimes

Disliked
And Unwanted
I Stood There
Heart Dripping In My Hand
Loving Myself

My soul understands my brain
And when the world collectively declines from understanding my ways
My brain will understand my soul all the same

I'm not close to it
So I have no right to speak
My sympathy can reach out as far as its arms can
But its no my problem so it has no place to stand
I can keep my nose safely out
And no one will be mad because its not my bout
My day still looks the same
While yours has shifted into an different domain
And though I feel what you are going through
It will never mean the same thing to me as it does to you

Life is a maze
If not just a time and a place
For rising or crawling or falling from grace
So try your hardest not to make it a race
Because everyone falls at their own pace

Dont offer me all your  love
Because I will let if fill my gut
I will let me chew you up
And I will never have enough
Until I spit it up
I'm a parasite
But you know it, right?
You let me take a bit
And take a bite
Like a common mite
So dont offer me your love
If you can't give it up
If you can't fill me up
Don't offer me your love

I shut off my PC to enjoy a pause
And take a sweet sip of reality
And then I realised that my robot parts were defective
Well, uhm, I guess
When you look at the greater speck of things
That nobody's perfect
So I carry around a load of metal in my chest
No one ever died of being the odd one out
Well, uhm, I guess I could get a rust inferction and die of lock jaw
But we're all going to die someday
And the cause is never as important as the event
I'm just a half person while the rest of you are walking around with all the right ****
So what?
I'll just carry on walking around with all this kinetic energy
Looking for a decent outlet for all my love

Sometimes
Before the world creeps in
I lay in my sheets and experience peace
The moments before my thoughts begin.

Torched my soul to cure the bleeding
Ate myself whole to stop the feeling
Burnt to a crisp, I stumble and fidget
The man at the back of me step forward and whispered
That it hurts when it hurts, there's no peace when healing

I saw a glimpse of peace today
A ripple in time
A moment a deity let slip from its eyes
When a second had passed
The moment was lost
But I'll alway remember that glimpse of the sky

Do you water the flowers who grow in your garden?
Do you share in their joy once their growth has started?
Will they be wilting, or will they bloom?
Are you their savior or will you be their doom?

I look for meaning
I write it down
I make it rhyme with different sounds
Then I share it
Like I'm doing now
This little bit of honesty
I think I found

Writing for the sake of pen and paper
Driven by the a page break or two
I'll beat these margins until they're ******
Purple, red, and blue
Sticky bulges of ink oozing and raw
And by the  wake of my next page
I would have hungered for more
Chasing full stops is a daily pleasure
If emptying ink, its only just so a page can be filled
But to fill this page, there wouldn't be enough paper in the world
What is the point of all my scribbles
If only just to package up tiny  pieces of reality
Points of view crawling like baby turtles
Fashioned into pieces of paper that will eventually die before reaching the sea

All of our flowers are matching
Where graceful mistakes don't happen
Swirl in the dresses we're wrapped in
Why aren't all the pretty girls happy?

I have found you
But you were better in my dreams
Now real life seems boring
And I want to go to sleep

Promise that you're not searching anymore
Hurting anymore
Out trying to find more
Like the time before
You were mine

The ideas turned to war because war gave them life
The war was a war because both sides were right
They fought for their honor and argued for pride
But pride turned to molehills because both sides had died

Can you just leave me to cry
And not ask me to explain myself?
Let my tear travel down my cheek
Don't corrupt her journey
She is carrying more weight than you could ever hold
So let her do her job
And don't try to be our hero

I used to be able to close my eyes
for longer than a blink
but paranioa has a funny way of shortening the intervals between open and close
blood shot eyes is my new self portarit
only enemies and maskaraders can be seen through these windows
that lead to a fast beating heart
that is aggressively racing to its final destination

Everything worth it
Aches beneath its surface
And in between hurting
We seem glimpses of perfect
Just enough to believe we deserve it

Here's my head
And here's my heart
Here they are in separate parts
Head on a neck
And the body is gone
Bed is a wreck
But the night is still long
Morning comes
But the hours are wrong
Living in me
But I'm apart
Two sides of me that'll never get along
Forced into a body  where they don't belong
But there's my head
And there's my heart
There's they are in separate parts

Quality silence
Hearing the jerking and workings of the world
With enough peeps funneling through for the room to be filled
Yet over and under our talking occurs
And we converse for hours without saying a word

Does anyone know what it's like
To gaze upon sight
That doesn't exist,
And fear that when you wake up
You would have lost yourself
If your gazing persists?

In stillness, I read a few lines per second
to sweet relief and wisdom beckon
it's the painful habit of the poet I reckon
to let out a breath at the end of each session

It takes time to feel
What has not yet healed
I felt and kneel
And wavered a shield
And paited skys teel
Like a flickering film real
It shook me like an electric eel
My eyes forever seal
Because this moment can't be real

I'm not brilliant
I'm just OK
I'm not rainbows
I'm just rain

I woke up in pain
With sleep on my brain
In puddles of sweat
And muscles so strained
Sprouled out on springs
Like a pokey syringe
And pillow so flat
I had pain in my dreams
Put my hand on my chest
And tried my best
To feel the air all around me
And get some rest

I carried my own body across the finish line
And there I sank to the ground knowing that my knees have earned the rest I give them now...

Lets share some beers
To cut the tears
And leave the day behind us

In the morning we'll chat
About the riff and the raff
But for get beer inside us

I think my soul hates me
I think my soul loves you
And it rips my insides to streads for keeping you two apart

My edges were sharp from the very start
My attitude is a product of a broken heart
Now I carry a treasure in need of guarding
Creating an environment for my heart to harden

Why you choose to welcome it into your home
broken and wilted and hard as a stone
there'll be a place for you next to the throne
because you believed that your life's not your own
One day when we all drifted away
off to find love in a whole other place
You'll be welcomed through mercy and grace
into His home where He prepared your place
because when He knocked you opened your gates...

Worldly pleasures and passions aside
Riddled with want and mangled desire
Nothing on the earth compares to to the fire
Of reaching and scratching a demanding hive

And if I...
I do not run
My season for love
Will come and go
Like the winds and the snow
Away in the night
Can love be alright
Without a chest
To call home?
But If I let it inside
Offer a safe place to hide
Like the clouds hold the rain
Like a candle does a flame
Will it die in my skin
That has coldness beneath
Can love build a home
In a chest made of stone?