I think
my dog must be smarter than me
he may chase his tail
(even though he has no tail)
he may sit in front of an open door
waiting for me to open it

but he’s happy

therefore, my dog’s clearly smarter than me

Who would want to be a leader
In this world full of tricks
Where problems keep arising
Enough to make you sick

Who would want to be a leader
In a globe that slowly melts
Burned up from global warming
And the heat you’ll face if you fail

Who would want the power
That everyone knows corrupts
When everything you do
Will never be enough

Who would want to be the person
Everyone depends on
To make the hardest decisions
You must be stone strong

Who would want to be a leader
When you sacrifice yourself?
The most human part of you
Compassion, put on a shelf
To be forgotten.

Chained here
Watching someone build a palace
Of my broken pieces
And I’m screaming
Because they were mine
I’m being used
My tears for windows
My blood for paint
Every hammerstrike, I feel it
Every hole drilled in, I feel it
The holes in my pieces
Like your stare in my spine
I watch numbly
As you use up what was mine.

So much all the time
I give so much all the time
I just want it back.

I believe in destiny, not fate
Because our lives are steered
By the choices we make
Left or right, right or wrong
Our choices, not fate, make us strong
And yet, a certain destination
Is the best-case situation
Left or right, right or wrong
Or any path we walk along.

Hardship made the lines in her face deeper.
Cries echo as she stares bleakness in the face.
It is strength, but the kind of strength
That was worn down and beaten up.

She is the remains of a forest fire.

She is the mountain cliffside that still stands
Once the stones come crashing down.

There is no hope in the land where she lives.
There is, however, hope in her.

She must go on.

Again and always, she must go on.

Your callused hands
Warm me up
Like s’mores on the fire
Like some fries in the fryer

Your callused hands
Protect me
My insurance against humanity
My sword against insanity.

Here I go again
A vicious circle in my brain
A rainbow road, a rainbow rock
I just live to check a box
But at least your color i can see
When it’s just rainbow rock and me

I walk on the four-est floor
With three scrapes on my knees
Two hands clasped together
As we climb one tree

One sky almost as blue as her eyes
Two clouds that look like sighs
Three times I trace a scar on her thigh
The four-est floor below me

If I had a dime for every instance
I self-sabotaged my own existence
I would be richer than Elon’s kids and
I would be shiny, and I would be drippin’
Something is missin’, you got my permission
To take a blade right to my wishin’

One person in this world
That I’ll always trust (it’s you)
Two beautiful brown eyes
That set my soul afire (they’re yours)
Three weeks, and she had me
That’s when I understood my heart (it’s yours)
Four seasons in the year
That are better when she’s around (that’s you)
Five times I smiled today
Because of some brilliant thoughts (of you)
Six times I thought of the future
And it looked so bright with light (from you)
Seven days in the week
But the best ones always have someone (who’s you)
I could count all the way to infinity
Reasons why it’s always (you)

it’s just them
in the square
and they’re alone
amongst a thousand people.

if a droplet
can stand out in a sea
that’s what they are
but if droplets can be crying.

i think that sometimes
people’s stories are so strong
that the universe
makes them the main character
for a moment.

I cannot decide
If I am totally numb
Or oblivious.

i don’t want to be sad.

but for once, i wanna cry without laughing.

i don’t know why it’s so hard to simply cry

like a normal person.

if i’m gonna hurt, i’d rather hurt

the way most people do.

so, brain, you better be taking notes.

it comes and goes like waves,
she said to me.
it’s okay, one day, it’ll go away,
she said to me.
the ocean never stays the same, you know,
she said to me.
if that great, big body of water can change,
so can you,
she said to me.

i love you,
i said to her.

I’ll do it tomorrow.
That’s what I say every day:
“I’ll do it tomorrow, not today.”
I 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 it’s a bad idea,
but I can’t stop;
𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱.
Every day, when I wake up,
All I want to do is go back to bed.
I want to 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 for tomorrow like it’s something that 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 to me.

It’s just something that 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 to me.

𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘮.
They say you should 𝒔𝒆𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚,
But I can’t.

I can’t when it’s just something that 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 to me.

We are all a victim of life passing us by.
Of time passing us by.
Of the universe 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒚.

The universe is so 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕.

But maybe, just 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆, I don’t want to be a victim anymore.

I don’t want 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 to be something that just 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 to me.

I think it’s really 𝒇𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒚 when we ask, “how are you?”
The answer’s 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 the same.
“I’m good, how are you?”, “I’m fine, how are you?”, “I’m 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆, I’m 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚!”
I think it’s funny, because sometimes it’s a 𝒍𝒊𝒆.
We have made it 𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒎 to 𝒍𝒊𝒆, to give an 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 that doesn’t 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 anything.
We have made it 𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒎 to 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, because we 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 what they’ll say.

We 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 what they’ll say.
We 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 what 𝒘𝒆’𝒍𝒍 say.

You know what we’ll say?
We won’t say 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈.
We’ll say 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 because words are not 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 when they’re 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚.

We’ll repeat it, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵-

Can’t you see how 𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 this is?

It creeps up 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 of you
The darkness.
I can feel it too.
It reaches up and 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒔 you
And pulls you
𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏
𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏
𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏
Some days it has me in a 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌
A headlock inside my 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅
Locked because I
𝑪𝒂𝒏’𝒕.
𝑮𝒆𝒕.
𝑶𝒖𝒕.
Some nights my mind 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 at me
Like it’s 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚
Like it’s 𝒑𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 me for something.
The 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 fly so fast they’re like 𝒋𝒂𝒃𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔
In the boxing ring.

I try to fight them.

Some nights I come out 𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔.

Not tonight.

I’m 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅, feeling each 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘 like a million 𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒔 on my 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕.

𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆.
𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆.

𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆.

𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆.

Why can’t I 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 how to 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆?

I’m 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 everything I need
I’m spoiled and I should be 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.
“𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦”
It’s like a 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵 or maybe a 𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦.
“𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦”
It doesn’t matter if it’s just fog and conjecture.
I don’t deserve to be sad, I don’t.
I’ve never experienced hardship the way
My 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 did, my 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 did,
Or the people I read of online.
There is no cause for me to lash out,
There is no cause for me to run away
From my own 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 in my 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.
And yet, they tell me I don’t deserve to be 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 either.
“𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥,” they whisper.
Did you know that whispers can be loud?
Did you know that quiet can hurt?

I can’t be 𝘴𝘢𝘥 and I can’t be 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺-

I can’t be 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 and I can’t be 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨-

What is there left for me to be?

Hi, I’m back and well…it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I won’t be as active but I will be here.

I will always fall
I cannot truthfully say
I am on the right path
I know for sure
I cannot turn around now
I refuse to believe that
There is still hope
If the coyote still howls
I am done for
Only at the world’s end will I believe
That I may be enough at last
Indeed, I think now
I am already past the edge
Indeed, it is untrue that
A kernel of hope can grow in this soil

Almost too much, a cursed grail
A heavy stone rolling down a hill
Almost too much when I fell down
Almost too much when I hit the ground
Almost too much when the she-bird sang
A sorrowful song sodden with pain
Almost too much, too much when I failed
A heavy stone rolling down a hill

On a voyage quite far
I said to he
A solemn and silent elegy
Of times long past
When I was a child
Exulting in small things
Innocent and mild
Alas, but those days
are long gone
My anchor broke
My keel did yawn
As wide as the rack
That chased me so
When I was flung
So far from home
Tread on water, I did,
I swam and sank
A voyage I took
Until I saw seabank
That home that I thought
I knew as my own hand
But the home that I sought
Was no more than the sand
And now I shall sing
A solemn silent elegy
To childhood missing
Lost to a vicious sea.

Why do we look up into a stormy sky
Stare out into the grey because we could not see the light
Hope is a fragile thing, how is it not broken yet?
The walls are closing in, feels like we’re breathing our last breath
What do we do? Who will we save? This land of the free and the brave
Is sinking into fiery waters of all of the lives that we gave
Defeat us not, we won’t despair
We keep on going, we don’t know where
Sacrifice, hope, human resilience
We are pressing on with purpose
That’s our human brilliance
Search on, search on, search on
What is it we will find?
An ember of hope burning
Whose flame will never die.

F-flippantly finding four friends of mine praying
I-in cages bound wrists floundered hopelessness
N-nevertheless, the day after was flaying
E-everything, it was changing, don’t worry, I’m fine.

Maybe
If I write happy things
It’ll leak onto me...

Evil and good is based on perspective
But I know that you are not even close to evil

You might be afraid I might leave you
But I won’t, I won’t, I won’t

Happiness is hard to get and even harder to keep
But you are it, and I won’t leave you

The world may be scary and sad
But I am here, and we will be okay

We may not be okay
But it will happen
Someday

Meanwhile
Accept your demons
And accept yourself
While you still have to deal with them

Poor poor Sisyphus
Rolling a stone up a hill
Nearly get to the top, he did
But the rock rolled down and fell.

Crushed beneath the burden
Of his own type of hell
Destined to labor forever
Rolling that **** stone up a hill.

The light dims
But it can’t dim me
You see, I will make it
I tell my own story
And I don’t fake it
And in this tale
There’s no giving up here
No yelling upon deaf ears
Nope, nope, no giving up
Fairy tales may exist
But happily ever afters
Are full of it
But I am writing my own story
And in here there’s no giving up
If I can’t get happily ever after
I’m not gonna give up
Before I get any ever after.

I’m a drifting planet
You’re a drifting sun
As I draw closer and closer
I must be careful, or I’ll be burned.

A supernova-however bright-
Is dangerous after the light
Mistaken, a moth to fire
I got ****** in your black hole
Torn apart like flesh in rapid gunfire.

The most bitter things
Can be sweet

Sickly sweet lies
And bittersweet goodbyes

Sweet, sweet love
Turned bitter by time

The most bitter things
Can be sweet
And so can I.

I’ve waited
I’ve waited so long
Since the day
I asked you to stay
And I looked for you
Do you know how long?
I looked for you
All these years
But you never
Looked for me once
Did you?

I’ve waited in this Wonderland
So long that the lush flowers and plants
Rotted, so I was left here alone
With yellow grass and sharp thorns
I’ve been waiting for my knight in shining armor
For so long, but he never came
Where are you now?
You said you’d come back for me
But you never did.

I’m trying so hard
But nothing is working
I’m doing my best
So why am I hurting
I thought I was better
Things starting to look up
But things aren’t going
The way that I want it
I know that it never
Was really a promise
But I thought I was lucky
Why don’t I feel like it
Sometimes I am drowning
In all of my stress
And sometimes I just wish
That it would all end
You keep saying I’m okay
“Don’t you give up.”
But I tried that already
So please just shut up
And I sound so annoying
And whiny and loud
I’m sorry that I can’t
Just go with the crowd
I’m not trying to stand out
Just trying to forget
About all the times I messed up
But I haven’t done it yet
And I’m sorry
I’m so sorry
That you gotta deal
With all of my spewing
But I gotta heal
And sometimes the screaming
And the “letting it all out”
Works for me well
But I’m sorry I don’t make sense
But that’s not what this is about
Too bad this is so long
Just me rambling on
And I think that I’ll go now
Don’t got more to say
So goodbye for tonight
Goodbye for today.

Everyone assumes
The sidekicks are always fine
‘Cause they’re too busy helping
When the hero cries
And the hero doesn’t have to worry
About getting hurt and dying
‘Cause you never **** off a hero
But the sidekick’s another story.
It hurts sometimes
For your story to be ignored
‘Cause we all got a story
But we are all told
That some are more important
Some mean more
But they’re wrong
Sidekicks have stories too
But no one cares about them
Until one of them is you.

If you want my real
You gotta deal with my tears
And if you want my honesty
You gotta let me be me.

I don’t hide
It’s not my thing
And when I tried
You could see
Right
Through
Me.

Because if you want my real
You gotta let me feel
The way I feel
Because I won’t pretend here.

Sometimes I’m sad
Sometimes I’m stressed
Sometimes I wish
I stayed in bed.
Sometimes I break
Sometimes I’m
Not okay
Sometimes I’m weak
It’s a part of
My humanity.

Because I’m human
And I am flawed
I am broke
I am imperfect
And I don’t care.

I want to be real
I don’t want to disappear
I want something that
Won’t fade away.

If I had a little sister
I’d be the best I could be
I’d try and be a good example.
And I’d hold her
When she cries
And I’d help her
When she’s stressed
And frustrated by life.
And when a boy comes and breaks her heart
I’d be the first to tell her
He wasn’t worth it at all.
And when her friends start to leave
And drift away piece by piece
I’d look her in the eye and tell her she still has me.

If I had a little sister
She’d know I cared
Even when I teased her
She’d know I’d always be there

I’m a storm
I’m an ocean
Get too close
You might get ****** in
Try and sail
A ship on these seas
Tossed and turned
You’ll get bruised
You might bleed
You can’t say
I didn’t warn you
I told you over and over
“This heart doesn’t fit two”

When she tells you
That the universe is fair.
And that all people
Do really care.
If she believes
That things are fine
And that the world
Is nice and honest
And that people never lie.

Do you tell her
That she’s wrong?
How can you lie straight to her face
And say she’s right where she belongs?
Or do you tell her
That she’s right
And things will change and get better
As long as we fight?
What do you tell her?

Who’s gonna tell her?

Expectation hurts
Happily ever after
May or may not come.

Is it so strange
To create
Without thinking?
Is it so strange
To express
Without expressing
Yourself?
Is it SO STRANGE
To simply create
For the sake of it?

Am I the only one who does?

We only ever
Miss the sunshine
When it snows or rains.

We only ever
Miss a lover
When they get up and leave.

We only ever
Miss our family
When they’re long gone.

We only ever
Know they’re there
When they disappear by dawn.

So excited to grow up
Maybe freedom would heal us
But when our childhood got taken away
We held on
Like it was a teddy bear
The complicated years
Of 13 and forward
Got us wishing to go back
And longing to grow up.

Amid the chaos
Of humanity
We try to fix
All of the wrong things
Convinced that
Fixing small problems
Will hand us
A small semblance
Of control.

The power went out
The WiFi went down
The water won’t work
The lights won’t turn on!
But I can still see
Electricity or not
Thank goodness the power caved
In the middle of the day!

Like a bluebird from a cage
Hope will deliver us
From bad days.

People all around me
Nobody
Looking me in the eye
When I try
To talk I stutter
No one I know
Is here
I don’t know
Anyone anyway
Always alone
Even when I’m in
A room full of people
I could be surrounded
But I’d still be stifled
By loneliness

It’s not always a competition
We’re all trying to survive
In the humidity of the jungle
We’re all just trying to thrive.

It’s not a competition
We’re just trying to get through,
Help each other out
When that’s all that we can do.

Who cares if you win or lose?
Pretty sure it’s only you
Because it’s NOT A COMPETITION
Don’t make it about what trophy is whose.

Even at night
The dark isn’t black
It’s speckled by stars
And the moon and our laughs.

Even at death
The pain doesn’t last forever
It subsides as a scar
Forever partially healed.

Even when you’re gone
I’ll wait for you
I’ll wait until you’re here
Leave you?
Never.

I guess I’m blind sometimes
Thought I had 20-20 vision
But I guess I was mistaken.
So much I can’t see
But at least
I don’t have tunnel vision.

I’d rather see everything
A tiny bit blurry
Than only see the things
Right in front of me.

Optimism
Or willful ignorance?