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Malia 1d
the bone-ache of wind and cold
runs up her legs as she walks through the plain
so she could rest in the earth and finally
sleep, knowing she found
something better than it was
before.

she searched the jungles once
but all she found were choking vines
still, the leaves whispered
š˜±š˜“š˜“š˜µ, š˜±š˜“š˜“š˜µ, š˜±š˜“š˜“š˜µ
but the tip of their tongues faded
into static and she thought she found
a parchmentā€™s glass bottle washed
up onto the shore but then the sea
leapt up and stole it again.

she sat on the beach for hours
like a long-lost lover, yearning and
waiting
but one day she vanishedā€”
not to home, there was never
home, but to a place that replaced
her new loss with the ones sheā€™d
met before, old friends with the other half
of the story.

now, she walks with the othersā€™
manifest destinies but hers is a
glory that theyā€™ll never know,
no gold or God or greatness but
an answerā€¦
brushstrokes to give definition
though the edges always bleed,
so she reincarnates to do it all
again.
before. again. before. again. once the Lascaus cave and now it is me, at 1:18am, listening to Kendrick Lamar like itā€™s gonna tell me something.
1d · 381
okay, one day
Malia 1d
I think it is a good day
I feel okay, and thatā€™s all
I feel, no sense of greatness
Nor self-hatred, no free-fall.

I look into the mirror
No fear, just looking as I
Realize that I have acne
But itā€™s me and I feel fine.

Right now, I am just okay
But one day, I will appear
From silk and I will be her
From those words, so far but near.
tried an awdl gywydd today.
Feb 3 · 559
Fly on Its Back
Malia Feb 3
On the windowsill, all flailing
Legs and desperationā€”
At times, it attempts to fly
Away, but soon enough it gives
That up as if to say,
ā€œI canā€™t.ā€

The movements get smaller and
Slower, but occasionally there are bouts
Of hysteria
(š™’š™ƒš™” š™ˆš™€)
Until eventually nothing is left but a
Feeble twitch and really the question
That you should be asking is:
ā€œIs it still alive?ā€

It is still alive.

It is still alive but it is tired.

Slowlyā€¦
Slowlyā€¦
Slowlyā€¦
eventually i just killed it. i couldnā€™t look at it anymore.
Jan 27 · 164
taste the waves
Malia Jan 27
i race across the boardwalk and
i taste the waves,
throw my phone into the ocean and
find some form of freedomā€”
whateverā€™s left will do! Iā€™d do
anything to find out who iā€™m supposed
to be, i guess that should be me,
but iā€™ve never met that girl
(š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜“š˜©š˜¦ š˜Æš˜Ŗš˜¤š˜¦?)
so instead i keep running and
you might ask from what but
only the Lord knows that and maybe
my tide-worn mother too but once
she tried to tame the frizz out
of my hair but it didnā€™t work because
she never expected to have a firecracker
for a daughter, š˜¤š˜°š˜¶š˜­š˜„š˜Æā€™š˜µ š˜Øš˜¦š˜µ š˜¢š˜Æ š˜¦š˜¹š˜µš˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Øš˜¶š˜Ŗš˜“š˜©š˜¦š˜³
š˜Ŗš˜Æ š˜µš˜Ŗš˜®š˜¦, but i left that all behind so i could
race across the boardwalk
and taste the waves, but now
i am here and somehow the salt
tastes bitter.
Jan 20 · 496
Infatuation
Malia Jan 20
šˆ
šever
š…igured that
š€
š“eensy tiny
š”ndeveloped
š€ttraction would
š“urn
šˆnto
šŽvert
šausea
these butterflies make me sick
Jan 17 · 170
Frisson
Malia Jan 17
delicate as snowfall brushing your cheek
and wind flowing through on an open-topped peak
but when you go home, when you go home
the warmth washes it all away.

when it captures you, raptures and
seizes your soul, you feel it take hold and
suddenly
you cannot recall
what once was cold and no longer is
but still, a silent strange feeling
lingers
until you are left with your tremors, your
tremblingā€”
the imprint, the mark of a melody.
i hope that gave you chills
Malia Jan 14
ā€œThanks for asking, but š‘°
am fine, just a little tired.
š‘Ŗš’‚š’ā€™š’• complain, you know?
Everybody gets a bit
stressed sometimes, what with
all that weā€™ve got to š’…š’.
Itā€™s not like š’•š’‰š’Šš’” is any different
than any other day, any other person.
š‘ŗš’š’Žš’†š’ƒš’š’…š’š somewhere has it far
worse than I do, so donā€™t feel sorry
for me. No, š’”š’‚š’—š’† your compassion
for a person who really needs it, not
š’Žš’†.ā€
a cry for help is often hidden in plain sight. reread. relisten. you might find something you didnā€™t see before.
Jan 7 · 194
movement
Malia Jan 7
on the edge
of this ravine, Iā€™ve stood
so long that the grass has grown
between my toes, moss hanging off
my fingers in tendrils,
wildflowers in my hair,
but today it is time to move.

the darkness yawns wide, though
it wasnā€™t always this way.
once, it was a childā€”
like all grown-ups once were.
once, it was just a crack in the dirt,
the product of a thousand tiny
earthquakes.

when i was a child, running
free as the wind,
i stumbled to a stop at its cusp.

i became afraid like a
fawn turns to a deer with
wide, wide, wide eyes
darting around as the fish
in a crystal sea.
i spent all my years, frozen
there until the chasm grew and so
did i.

but today, i take the leap.

i shake off the dust and replace
it with steel, steel drum for a heart with
a beat for every step,
one foot in front of the other picking
up speed, until suddenly i am
f l y i n g.

fear?
in another life, perhaps.
made this for a school assignment about the new year
Dec 2024 · 513
Daredevil
Malia Dec 2024
Daredevil laid dead
Dialed aid, leave dread
Viral liar lived idle
Vile drivel, aired live.

Evil idea, veiled lie
Real Reel, diva died
Dire dealer, ever realer
Revived, live, revived, dead
Revealed vivid red.

Redial, aid evaded arrivalā€”
DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!!
Evil deed, via viral
Reel, red river.
My first anagrammatic poem! I hope it made some sort of sense XD.
Dec 2024 · 121
Not Quite
Malia Dec 2024
A triangle block in a square hole.
I manage to fit but thereā€™s still
Something missing.

The uncanny valley of personhood.
I blend in just enough to
Stand out.

I use it as a weapon and so do they.
Dec 2024 · 169
oh no
Malia Dec 2024
sometimes your heart
stretches
its seams and you have to
pour it all out before it
bursts.

i can feel it nowā€¦
but i take the sharpened end
of my pencil tip and i pierce
a hole in my heart so that i do not
explode and then implode again like
a supernova, then a black hole,
crushing in on myself.

but i take that pencil tip and i
slip it through the hole until it is
all crimson dripping,
perfect! now i can write all of it
write it all out so that i never overfill
again.

oh no.

it does not erase.
funny in a sad way?
Dec 2024 · 319
girl in the glass (smile)
Malia Dec 2024
Can I tell you a secret?

Sometimes my jaw hurts from
Smiling
So much.

The room is filled with voices, the din
Of a kitchen in the back of an echo chamber
And none of them know the way I ache
Because all I do is
Smile.

They donā€™t knowā€”
They donā€™t know that I go home
Exhausted
From this constant, grand performance.

They do not know I am a liar.

I touch the fingers of the girl in the
Glass as I wash off the makeup and
Study the acne scars underneath.
but actually fr my jaw hurts from smiling too much. stop making me laugh goshdarnit.
Dec 2024 · 382
Tornado in a Bottle (edit)
Malia Dec 2024
Iā€™m a tornado in a bottle but you
Grasp my glass cage and you
š˜šš˜š˜ˆš˜’š˜Œ š˜šš˜š˜ˆš˜’š˜Œ š˜šš˜š˜ˆš˜’š˜Œ
You take me by the (bottle) neck and you
Toss me flying in the air and catch
Me again, flirting with death like life
Is a game, and Iā€™m telling youā€”
Iā€™m telling youā€”
š˜šš˜›š˜–š˜— š˜š˜›, š˜šš˜›š˜–š˜— š˜š˜›, š˜“š˜š˜šš˜›š˜Œš˜•ā€”

shattered glass bloodstains
no tears but shock freezing the lines
on your face pick up the pieces
no donā€™t let it cut your fingers.
sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry.
Edited from a 2019 poem. Wow, middle school was crazy
Dec 2024 · 525
Confidence
Malia Dec 2024
Confidence used to be
Like a shelf I couldnā€™t ever quite
Reach.

But turns out, I just needed to
Get up off of my
Knees.
Dec 2024 · 956
- - - - - - -
Malia Dec 2024
you said ā€œmaybe
if you
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā let it out
a little
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  more
you wouldnā€™t
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  explode.ā€

But
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā donā€™t
understand.
Ā Ā Ā Ā ­Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā Ā Ā Ā  cannot
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  let it out
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā slowly
like air from a
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  balloon.

all too much itā€™s all too much itā€™s always too much itā€™s too much too much too much too much too much too too too too too too t
Nov 2024 · 247
Embroidery
Malia Nov 2024
It was such
Fine stitching.
Beautiful scenes and
Vibrant colors and
Lovely textures and
Art.

Oh, art!

But then we just had to
Turn it around and see
Its tangled underbelly, its
Mistakes and messy messy messy
knots.
ā€”YOU WERENā€™T SUPPOSED TO SEE THATā€”
iā€™m sorry, please, iā€™m sorry.

Just-
just-
turn it over all we have to do isā€”
NO.
Nov 2024 · 613
i am no dickinson
Malia Nov 2024
You are what you eat
And you write what you read.

I have never read the greats
Except an occasional poem for class,
And I feel like a heretic for saying that.

Iā€™ve never willingly
Read Shakespeare or E.E. Cummings
But instead:

I read the words of online poets
Consuming their inkā€”
Or should I say pixels?
I graze their crimson lining as they
Turn themselves inside out to
Let the whole internet see.

I rise with the wave that they weave with their words
And then when it crashes, when it crashes down
I go under as if drowning was velvety soft and I
Let it wash me onto the shore.

You are what you eat and
You write what you read.

Rarely do I read stilted lines and perfect form
So I write like a mess and a surge and a storm.
but I really ought to read more classic literature
Nov 2024 · 202
Red Silence
Malia Nov 2024
We ran
From something
Unseen. We were
Two, a man and a womanĀ Ā 

River flowed red
He is steel. And her tears
Bullets. We are
Bayonets and gun barrelsĀ Ā 

The earth flourished
With steel, straight statues
Of trees and undergrowth
A perennial memorialĀ Ā 

Buried, we were
Under the earth
Meant to last forever
Meant to simply beĀ Ā 

Red silence
Enveloped the world
My brothers...
Glided between the treesĀ Ā 

Creatures joined
Those of all kinds, prowl
Across the land
Around their brothersĀ Ā 

The earth split
We are the valleys. Gashes
Along the veins of the earth
Runs red like streams and fountainsĀ Ā 

Wounds dried and flaking
Freely beasts roamed
Lands demarcated
Trampled, troddenĀ Ā 

We are echoes
Within the canyons. We stalk
Like spirits, like steel
Behind fervor, behind crazeĀ Ā 

They lost
Time was forgotten
Time was reclaimed
RemadeĀ Ā 

We do not know time
We do not sow
We do not reap
We do not see
We do not hearĀ Ā 

The world is never silent
But the underground isĀ Ā 

How would you feel
If you knew that
The world was hollow
Held up by rifles...
Credit to my friend Trietsiy_P! I posted a poem by her before but it was under the name Orderwastery.
Nov 2024 · 135
I Am a Poet
Malia Nov 2024
In my bones, I am a poet
And every word I trail shows it
Like a fingerprint to trace
Conjures an image of my face.

Any essays, I might write
With golden flourish, thrilling heights
With wide crescendos, rumbling frisson
Soft like silk and smooth like ribbon.

So when my teacher does request
A lab report or written test
I may bring tears to their eyesā€”
Still, I did not get it right.
Nov 2024 · 260
gone gone gone
Malia Nov 2024
I am being drawn and quartered
By each expectation pulling away,
Tugging at my fragile sense
Of identity (if there ever was one)
Until suddenly, oh no! So suddenly
I am in pieces, and each person has only
A part of myself, that is all I can giveā€”
I gave myself the death sentence, theyā€™re
Only the horses that tear away my
Skin.

As they bolt away, I wonder
How far they will go until they
Realize
That I am no longer Whole.

I sit here sinking
Into the dirt,
Without feeling because I am on
The precipice of numbness,
A mere step away from screaming.
Nov 2024 · 285
A Noisy Impatient Fly
Malia Nov 2024
A noisy impatient fly
Humming by my ear like the fluorescent light overhead
Near imperceptible, but in the silence, grating
As it sung out, buzz, buzz, buzz, out of itself,
Always droning, never a pause in the incessant
Static.

And you, O my soul, where you sit,
Trapped in a cocoon of web, never quite alone
But immovably stagnant, perhaps once learning, chasing, dancing, Seeking that elusive something,
Till exhausted by the endless journey, only ever wishing
For a home
That you never found, but barely existing you continue, O my soul.
A Noiseless Patient Spider by Walt Whitman:

A noiseless patient spider,
I markā€™d where on a little promontory it stood isolated,
Markā€™d how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launchā€™d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you O my soul where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect
them,
Till the bridge you will need be formā€™d, till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.
Nov 2024 · 156
Personhood for President
Malia Nov 2024
Everybody seems
Terrified of what will happen
When one person or another
Wins this election
And it matters so much
But not so much that you
Need to scream at others telling
Them what to believe, who to
Vote for.

I want to say, ā€œIT DOESNā€™T MATTER!ā€
Because we š˜¬š˜Æš˜°š˜ø that they will do nothing.
The president is only a single part
Of a single branch
And no one listens to them anyway.
These people may be dangerous
But they are effectively ineffective
And the greatest danger of all
Is how we choose to treat each other,
And no president can change thatā€”
No president can take away this basic
Human decency.

So let us all
Vote personhood
For president.

Let us all look the
Fearmongers in their eyes
And say: š˜ š˜¢š˜® š˜Æš˜°š˜µ š˜¢š˜§š˜³š˜¢š˜Ŗš˜„.
Someone on tumblr asked for a hot take and I gave it
Nov 2024 · 83
Curated
Malia Nov 2024
I am but a specterā€”
An apparition, immaterial and gauzy,
Gossamer and ghostly,
Hardly even there.

When I leave,
They do not notice.

When I stay,
They do not notice.

I am as the pleasant music,
Playing in the background.
Enjoyed when present, seldom missed
When all that fills the silence is
Their voices, chattering like birds
Above the sea, without me.

I am as the cheerful actress,
Seen but never known.
I say my lines without a flaw
Unbelievably real, so the audience
Believes that they know my soul,
The marrow of my bones and the essence
Of what my heart pumps through my veins,
But the things they know are as curated
As these words upon the page.
a self-aware fake. watching unraveling, still not entertained.
Oct 2024 · 156
Ode to the Final Page
Malia Oct 2024
When your heart races,
Rushing out of a dream,
And words leave spaces
And lines in between,
Where your heart heals
To be shattered again,
Like oceans surreal
Once the reverie ends,
Frantically you strain
To let yourself sink,
With a mind soiled, stained,
And brimming with ink.
That feeling when you close the book but the story keeps going.
Oct 2024 · 96
wasted
Malia Oct 2024
they never **** the main character.

but i am not the main character.

i am replaceable like batteries,
only useful for some time,
never really necessary, just nice
to have around.

but i know that i did this to myself.

people never care about a character
without flaws.
and i made sure not to burden everyone else
with my pain and my worries and failures.
i made sure to not need them
and now they do not need me.

i managed to avoid vulnerability
and i managed to avoid closeness
and i managed to avoid potential damage
only to waste away.
Oct 2024 · 412
a reminder
Malia Oct 2024
The loveliness in the sky reminds
me that these clouds do pass with time.
This morning, it was dewy and darkā€”
drearily doomish, sullen and stark
but now the sunā€™s rays bring out the gold
in every crevice, to banish the cold.
Oct 2024 · 260
Occhiolism
Malia Oct 2024
The mantis shrimp
Sees all that I never could.
My creator, ever frugal,
Gave me gifts
Of word and tongue
But only just this once,
Bits of light cowed by the sun.

I peer through the window,
Too short to see those
Violet peaks.

I brush past reality
Like the eyelash fluttering past
My cheek,
Never to really know.
Occhiolism:

n. the awareness of how fundamentally limited your senses areā€”noticing how little of your field of vision is ever in focus, how few colors youā€™re able to see, how few sounds youā€™re able to hear, and how intrusively your brain fills in the blanks with its own cartoonish extrapolationsā€”which makes you wish you could experience the whole of reality instead of only evercatching a tiny glimpse of it, to just once step back from the keyhole and finally open the door.
Oct 2024 · 197
Looseleft
Malia Oct 2024
it feels like locking
the door on your loyal dog
who loved unconditionally
and saved you from your
sorrowful depths,
but you must go and
all things must end, though,
canā€™t you hear the whining
through the cracks?
canā€™t you hear the groan
through the cracks in the spine
made from opening what must
always
be shut?
Looseleft:

adj. feeling a sense of loss upon finishing a good book, sensing the weight of the back cover locking away the lives of characters youā€™ve gotten to know so well.
Oct 2024 · 416
Vemƶdalen
Malia Oct 2024
Why do I dare to sing
this melody, overused and
claimed by millions of
others, with voices nearly
interchangeable but barely off,
imperceptibly so, just a dash
too much of cinnamon, not that
youā€™d ever know, but still
I steal these hand-me-down
words, chasing the horizon only
to retreat back to the
well-worn reef?
Vemƶdalen:

n. The fear that originality is no longer possible.
Oct 2024 · 256
Slipfast
Malia Oct 2024
I want to erase the fingerprints
I leave on your days, weeks, and years,
To drain through the gaps
In your floorboards,
To float through life,
Unable to embrace but
Too incorporeal to be slapped.

I need to

go.
Slipfast:

adj. longing to disappear completely; to melt into a crowd and become invisible, so you can take in the world without having to take part in itā€”free to wander through conversations without ever leaving footprints, free to dive deep into things without worrying about making a splash.
Oct 2024 · 781
Elsewise
Malia Oct 2024
I long to see me
As you do,
Entirely foreign and
Mundanely beautiful.
I wish to trace
The curves of my lettering,
Attempting to decode
A message I have already
Memorized.
I have already unraveled
All of my mysteries but you
Still startle at each creak
Of the floor, each squeak
Of the door.
Nevertheless,
That elsewise wonder
Is only reserved for
Strangers.
Elsewise:

adj. struck by the poignant strangeness of other people's homes, which smell and feel so different than your ownā€”seeing the details of their private living space, noticing their little daily rituals, the way they've arranged their things, the framed photos of people you'll never know.
Oct 2024 · 457
Willow
Malia Oct 2024
I sit beneath the willow tree
That wilted, weeping, widowā€™s tree
That messy, mournful, martyrā€™s tree
Wishing for a better me.

I am the boughs, so bent and beaten
Desperate, derailed, defeated
Without respite, the worst repeated:
ā€œFailed again, you failed again.ā€

Once, I was the vibrant green,
A softly serendipitous scene
With smiles now so seldom seen
That one day, might be found again.

I lay within the willowā€™s shade,
To wait and watch and let her sway,
She holds me in her vined embrace,
And says my goodness still remains.
Oct 2024 · 546
happy birthdayā€¦
Malia Oct 2024
I wish that my birthday didnā€™t
take a whole day because I
have too many things to do.
I do it to myself but there is just
too much and I feel spread so thin
like the frosting on a birthday cake.
I donā€™t have the time to celebrate and
what am I doing it for?
Iā€™m not the one who brought me into
this world and now, here I am
squandering it.
I donā€™t know what Iā€™m doing and
Iā€™m wasting my time and I have
bitten off more than I can chew
and everyone expects greatness
from me.
I constantly fall apart so why does
my birthday deserve to take up
a whole day?
Oct 2024 · 213
Push
Malia Oct 2024
Nothing made me angrier than when
You expected the best from me and I
Felt like it was unfair, and I couldnā€™t do
What everyone else could, that I didnā€™t
Have the tools, that this was a race but
I was positioned behind the
Starting line.

I thought you didnā€™t understand.

And you didnā€™t.

But you pushed me farther than I thought
I could go, you told me that I could do itā€”
That I had to.
You held me to that same gold standard,
On the bad days and the good days and
The days in between, you never wavered
And you never gave me the option to
Quit.

So I ran that race, and I ran it fast
I sprinted and leaped and speeded past
Everyone else, despite where I started,
And all I could feel was the rush in the air,
The breath in my veins and the wind in my hair,
The power of my stride, the power of my will,
The strength of my wholeness, this strength I could feel,
And every time, I thought I could not do it.

You did not know my painā€”
Yet you pushed me right through it.
Oct 2024 · 410
Oxygen
Malia Oct 2024
i was messy crying but you
took me into your arms and
told me that you loved me
and that i would be okay.
i am far too scared to let you see
my tears, most of the time,
but sometimes they break free
and i color blue outside my lines.
i thought, somehow, you would leave
me to my tears, alone, but you
did not, and picked me up, brushed off
the dirt, and let the dam break.
it is not always like this, but today
you keep me safe.
the inside of my mind was as harsh
as any bleach, corrosive, acid,
so harsh it needed a warning sign,
so harsh that i could hardly survive,
but now it is quiet and warm and suddenly
i can breathe again when i thought that
the oxygen had run out.
Oct 2024 · 152
Manna for the Soul
Malia Oct 2024
A sigh, an exhalation,
Relief from all of the weight.
I float, just for a moment,
Just for an hour or two or three
Just us, only family
And yes, soon it will be gone,
But for now it is enough:
This feel of a feathery laugh,
That tingling warmth, that upward curve
Of lips and teeth, that playful verve,
This air of placid comfort,
Like a hug, enveloping sweetly.

I donā€™t dare let it go,
As a child clasps her motherā€™s hand,
Fearing that it wonā€™t come back,
And truly, I canā€™t make it stay,
For buds will bloom and then decay,
But this is manna for the soul,
For now, it is enough.

And the weight, it will come back,
The scene fading into black,
The dust will blanket and will bury,
This moment, though it wonā€™t last
Is a pinpoint of light to carry
When I am as the trodden chaff.
Sep 2024 · 227
Let It Bloom!
Malia Sep 2024
Are we meant to dissect
These poems with laboratory
Efficiency and precision?
Are we meant to
Pull them apart and
Split their seams and
Inspect them for flaws?
Or
Are we meant to
Let them spill into us and
Let their loveliness warm our
Souls!
Let them speak and sing and
Sweetly stutter, with a flutter
Let them trace our spirits back
Let them, like a flame, attract
Us until we are, like moths, consumedā€”
To love a flower, let it bloom.
this is how I feel about AP Lit class
Sep 2024 · 354
If Only!
Malia Sep 2024
If only I didnā€™t care!
I could float through life unaware
I could spend my hours on practical things
Without wasting time, pursuing the truth.

If only I didnā€™t care!
I could ignore the annoyances, anger
Would be a far-off imagining.
The world would be gentler, muted
Peaceful, calm, and placid.

If only I didnā€™t care!
I could lose the bright contrasts and
Colors and flaws that make me
Who I am.
Ah, perfection always
Looks the same, no?

If only I didnā€™t care!
It would all be so easy.
It would all be so easy and
Dull.
Sep 2024 · 337
not alone, no, not at all
Malia Sep 2024
I collapsed, the ground gave way
The earth, it trembled and it quaked
I thought that I would tear asunder
Ripped by each blight, botch, and blunder.
Could I ever overcome?
Not alone, no, not alone.
The world screamed until I was numbā€”
Like them, I thought I was alone.
When hardship comes and runs its course
When I am bashed by every force
When I feel sullied and abhorredā€”
Christ says, ā€œYou are not aloneā€.
Sep 2024 · 709
Divine
Malia Sep 2024
I will be your sun and your moon
For you, Iā€™d light the way
I want to hold you in my arms
Softly, safe and sound.

But how could I embrace the sky,
So striking and expansive?
Youā€™re everything, all that can be
Youā€™re all there is to me.

Divine and purely celestialā€”
I can hardly comprehend!
But I need not understand the sea
Just let you heal and mend.
Sep 2024 · 591
iā€™m sorry
Malia Sep 2024
I struggle between the truth and peace
Balancing on this crystal beamā€”
So fragile, on the edge of breaking
As I try to make myself lighter
To keep it in place.

I keep it in place
And it keeps me in pieces.
I would shrivel to nothing
For this.
I would disappearā€”
Just say the word.

Iā€™m sorry.
How many more times
Must I say it?

Iā€™m sorry.
You never said that to me.

I know Iā€™m the one in the wrong
But it hurts like white-hot tongs
And I cannot ever sing you this song
So I let go of the pain and move on.
is it dramatic? is this feeling too dramatic?
Sep 2024 · 234
senioritis
Malia Sep 2024
COUGH COUGH! BLEGH!
Iā€™ve come down with a case of ā€œmehā€,
Iā€™ve got tremors and shakes
And ā€œthatā€™s due today??ā€
Nearly putting me into bedrest.

Thereā€™s so many things that need doing
And I truly cannot keep assuming
That I can avoid
The results of my choiceā€”
I jumped in the ***, now Iā€™m stewing.

Will this be my undoing?
One might have guessed
That Iā€™ve quit and Iā€™ve stopped
In an unending rest,
Am I still the best?
My grip, it is slipping:
Like an old, beat-up ragdoll
Whose threads wonā€™t stop ripping.
Sep 2024 · 275
A Price
Malia Sep 2024
If I had to choose,
If I had to win or go lose
I know it wouldnā€™t be long
Before I choseā€¦wrong.

Victory, it would be mine,
Iā€™d triumph in every fight
Each goal, each plan
All in my handsā€”
Iā€™d rise to the greatest of heights.

And yet, a price there would be
Trading wisdom and progress for ease,
In your tears and your scrapes
Youā€™d grow stronger each dayā€”
In motion, while I sit idly.
Sep 2024 · 286
SHOUT WITH A SINGLE BREATH
Malia Sep 2024
PRETTY LIES CANNOT DISGUISE
THE EMPTINESS BEHIND YOUR EYES
YOU LOVE TO TALK AND HATE TO THINK
WHY DO I EVEN TRY TO SPEAK?
YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED
YOUR EARS ARE CLOSED
YOUR MIND IS CLOSED
YOUR MOUTH WIDE OPEN
UNLIKE THIS FLOW
OF INK TO NOTE
YOUā€™LL NEVER KNOW
THE HEARTS YOUā€™VE BROKEN.
Sep 2024 · 240
spilled
Malia Sep 2024
why does this ink look like a bloodstain?
it sings like writing on the wall.
it stings like the mirror i shattered
and the darkness i spilled and i splattered.

why does this page allow its face
to be struck, scarred, mangled, and marked?
these words tear themselves apart at the seams
eviscerate themselves to understand what they mean.

why does this poet stretch her jaw ā€˜til it breaks
just to show the world whatā€™s inside?
she should hide. she should hide!
but the price of her pride
is to endlessly, manically š’Žš’‚š’Œš’†.
Sep 2024 · 217
small
Malia Sep 2024
ā€œdonā€™t make yourself
small for anyone,ā€
You say to me.
i say nothing but i
think to myself,
ā€œi used to be larger than life,
i used to be big as the house,
the stars,
i used to reach for the sky
but then
You told me to be quiet.ā€
ā€œdonā€™t let them push you around,ā€
You sayā€”
but You told me not to fight.
donā€™t question, donā€™t argue
donā€™t cry, til i choke
on the tears that i swallow
down, down, down.
You tell me to be strong
but where do You think
i learned how to make myself weak?
i went and i made myself weak
for You.

is that not how iā€™m supposed to be?
Sep 2024 · 217
Playing the Game
Malia Sep 2024
Iā€™m over here spending twelve stupid years
Becoming a parrot who repeats what she hears
Itā€™s not for the learning, it is for the grade
So I turn off my brain seven hours a day.

Iā€™m wasting, Iā€™m wasting, Iā€™m wasting my time
Even that phrase is a waste of a line
And Iā€™m sick of all of these definitions
Pressing on in, getting marked in red penā€”

What am I doing here?
You convinced me thereā€™s answers for everything,
Unvarying, black-and-white lettering,
Supposedly bettering, more like youā€™re fettering
Me like a prisoner, mental inhibitor
Wish you were valuable, you little swindler,
Iā€™ll play your game, ā€˜cause thatā€™s all that it is,
A paper to frame, that is all that I get
But if Iā€™m wasting away at this desk,
Forced in the system, then Iā€™ll be the best.
Sep 2024 · 175
dot my iā€™s
Malia Sep 2024
I dot my iā€™s and
cross my tā€™s,
a perfect ballerina
dancing across the page.
Graceful as a butterfly
soothing like a summer sunset.
Sweet, simple, flawless.
But already there are
scribbles, mispelings,
blots of ink and suddenly
this perfect canvas is no longer
blank.
Oh, to write like a wildfire,
no remorse or formulaic
meter!
Just bared wide, torn open
displaying my wholeness as
us poets so often do.
Aug 2024 · 532
only time
Malia Aug 2024
Like a quote that I cannot remember
Like a song stuck right in my head
A fire once, now itā€™s an ember
Ash pages of words that were said.

Like a waft that drifts out of the kitchen
Just a hint of the past, so sweet.
I have scars that I know were once stitches
But I only recall summer heat.

Like water, like sand, to hold in your hand
To cradle when it just slips away.
It was art, it was home, not written but shown,
Now crumbled, broken pieces of clay.

I miss it!
What was it?
I miss what I lost!
It was warm, it was cold, it was piercing and soft.
It was something, just something
I feel calling me back.

Iā€™d go to it now if I hadnā€™t lost track.
will tell.
Aug 2024 · 495
Beats
Malia Aug 2024
Heart beat-beat-beats quick
Like a drumbeat-beat-beatā€”or tick
Of the clock, sent speedily
From my chest cavity to my amygdala.

All neurons alive,
Just like a ******* fire,
I havenā€™t felt this
In a long, long time.

I thought all the good ones
Had deserted this place.

But here is a good one,
You.
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