Swirling torment
Spinning in reverse
Riding waves of agony
Sick and perverse

Twisting and turning
Losing my sight
Grasping and holding
With all my might

Slowly losing grip
On love, life and sanity
Gasping for air
Drowning in my abnormality

Have I the strength
To stand and fight
Free myself from misery
And find again the light?

Or do I lay peaceful
And take my last breath
Hope that I find solace
In a quick and painless death

Answers to these questions
I know I shall never find
In this madding violent tempest
I shall forever be confined.

Why are so many people
So ******* rude!
They all feel so entitled
With their “IT’S All About Me” attitude!

Disrespect has replaced
Common courtesy and good will
They would rather give you the finger
Or worse attack you or even ****!

How have so many hearts
Turned so evil and black,
Is it a growing sickness?
Or a sense of humanity they all lack?

I’ve now become a cynic
A distruster of mankind
Am I the only one who see’s  and feels this?
Is everyone really that ******* blind!

No more love or compassion
For our so called fellow man
It’s replaced with greed for money and power
And **** everyone who’s not part of their plan.

So I now live in my own little world
Where I am away from their greed and inhumanity
Where I am loved and respected
And away from all their ******* insanity!

I smell the pleasant aroma
Of our fatal last shot
Your beautiful **** barrel
Smoking and red hot

Oh how you fill me
With such pleasure and power
How the very sight of your loveliness
Mad our victims run and cower

Makes me laugh aloud
How the haters give you the blame
When it’s really me, not my beloved AK
Who feels the need to ****** and maim

So let them try and take you
But they better get ready to run
Because I’m another entitled American
Who can legally “HUNT” with my gun

My soul is ill  
But I'll not find a cure
It is infected and rotting  
Of this I am sure.

It bleeds and aches
From this sickness you have brought
Corrupting my spirit
Twisting my every thought

Distorting my inner visions
And contaminating my sense of sanity
Totally destroying my faith
In love, life and humanity

You are the bringer of pain
The lord of heartache and dismay
And I’ve become your disciple
To your malevolence I now pray

Set my soul free
From your dark incantation
So I may find my way back
To the light and salvation

I have given you my all
And can’t bear another day
Of this beautiful chaos
And your sinful ways

Release me now
Take my last breath
So I can at last be free
Even if it’s through death

Maybe I will be reborn
Again to the light
And then I can rejoice
That I’ve finally won the fight!

I sit here pondering my death.
As I look upon the remnants of my tattered remains for signs of my so called life, I come to the conclusion that to do this, I must first accept the fact that I even had a life.
But how can one have lived without the rhythmic beating of a heart, or the spiritual foundation of a soul to support ones wants and desires, or the will that encourages the thoughts and dreams of existence.

How could the emptiness that was inside me have housed such a wonder?
How is it possible the weakness I felt could ever have held such a power within?
Is it possible I had reached the pinnacle of my suffering and committed emotional suicide?

Is it possible my demise was due to the ravenous wants and needs of man, disguised as passion and love which lured me into my willingness to give all that I had so freely, to satisfy a gluttonous appetite that consumed everything in its path including the memory of who and what I was?
But to acknowledge this would be to admit I gave my precious gift of life in exchange for a lie wrapped in the promise of everlasting happiness and love.

I sit here and ponder my death but I do not mourn.
For I have only lost the vessel which held my true spirit, the one which now looks for the light and the chance to be reborn.
A new being of strength and wisdom who realizes the mistake made in that other form, but will now hold dear all that is to come and all that can now be.

A smile forms at the edge of my face
As random thoughts of you tiptoe through my head.

Your silly little laugh
As you acknowledge my poor attempts at humor

Your quiet breathing
As you sleep peacefully next to me.

The natural beauty held within your soul
And the tenderness that emanates through your eyes,
As I gaze intently into them.

Pleasing memories of your soft skin,
Fragrant scent and elegant form
Send waves of heat throughout my body.

Suddenly I feel a rumbling within the depths of my being.  

Emotions spew from my inner core
Like magma from the mouth of an erupting volcano,
Molten hot with fiery intention

Boiling blood courses through my veins like a lava flow,
Searing my heart and heating my lungs,
Turning my breath into a pyroclastic flow of lust and desire

The soft tiptoed footsteps within my mind
Transform into thunderous stomps
As deliberate memories of our unbridled passion
Run rampant throughout my head.

Tremors of elation and excitement rock my body
Like the aftershocks from a violent earthquake
As pleasure sweeps across my body like a tidal wave,
And turns my smiling face into a mirrored image
Of satisfaction and pleasure

I am left breathless, shaken.

As the thoughts of you slowly fade from my head
My smile remains

Because even though on the days you are away from me,
I am blessed to know that just the very thought of you
Leads to a happy ending

Blood stained eyes
Gaze upon innocents sleeping form,
Malevolent intent spoils the promise of blissful slumber.

Beauty immeasurable,
As naive eyes twitch with dreams of purity and grace.

Seething abhorrence guides twisted hands towards violent deeds.

Warm sweet breath exhales from un-kissed lips,
Wet with remembrance and anticipation
Of life’s wonders yet to be lived.

Horrifying screams from now waken eyes,
As an incestuous destruction of one’s self is committed
And the very soul of god is ripped from the now ruined vessel
Of what was once,
Innocent’s sleeping form.

I searched for you through the endless expanse of night’s long blackness,
The shimmering light from a crescent moon offered little help in my quest for your elusive form. The pale light dimly lit inconspicuous objects and cast shadows of their beautiful contours upon the ground to thwart my pursuit at every turn.

Radiant eyes peered at me from within the cover of darkness,
And mysterious intonations and melodic resonance echoed into the night air, confusing my sense of direction until I was lost in a maze within your protective purlieu.

Fighting my frustration and fear that I may never gaze upon your majestic beauty, nor hold your rapturous warm body against my cool skin, or savor the taste of you on my tongue, I gathered what was left of my strength and resolve, and continued my silent pursuit.

Guided by my heart and uncontrollable emotions and hunger for you, I somehow broke free of the discountenance feints set upon me to mask your true course. The hunger within my heart and the vision of you brazed within my eyes, guided me toward your lingering essence and ultimately to where you now hide, deep within the confines of your sheltering den safely held tight within the cool moist earth.

As my long sleek form slithers into your place of refuge I strike and sink my teeth deep into your neck and as my coils embrace your supple body, I am overcome with powerful emotions emanating from your very being, and at that moment I knew my hunt was not in vain. To taste your sweet flesh wound be unlike any that has ever been known between predator and prey.

My finger traces the lines of your elegant form as I try to capture your exquisite contours in my mind. Your skin is soft as silk as I lightly move across the surface of your body, slowly outlining the intricate features that holds your beauty.  

My sense of touch paying close attention to every detail, as not to miss one single line or curve that defines your true essence of perfection. As lines of the portrait of you takes shape within my mind, I start to envision a kaleidoscope of pastel colors in which to color you in.  

Hues of light violets warm pinks and soft tans, pale yellows and reds merging into the very color of the sun, which shines deep within your eyes.  I paint you lazing on a lush green bank of a slow meandering stream, as vibrant as the light blue sky above of which it reflects.

Rays of silvery sunlight pierce downward between billowy clouds and dance upon the surface of the stream shimmering as if tiny diamonds were scattered across the surface, in your hand you hold a single calla lily as soft and white as the clouds above you.

Above your left shoulder on a low hanging brow of a conifer is perched a lone blue bird, singing praise of your kindness and beauty so that all shall know your wonder.

I complete my masterpiece with an almost invisible golden mist that surrounds you. An ever-present aura that represents your undying passion for life and eternal love, that radiates deep from within your being.

At last, my mental canvas is complete, a work of art that would rival even the greats if I had the ability to escape my mind or had sight within my eyes. So as my hand comes to rest upon your tender cheek. I add another mental portrait of you to my minds gallery walls, dedicated only to you.