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Sep 2015 · 387
Free
RyanMJenkins Sep 2015
Living the high life past the pabst's apprehension,
with electrons in suspension,
feeding us life force without a need of thank yous or special mentions.  
We'd go blind without introspection.  
Put the guards on time out after they put a taller fence in,
where they roam in the catacombs of low vibrations.  
Only to open a new chapter and start slowly growing with sensation.  
I'm fed up with phone calls consisting of mechanized automation,
for we need light to have circulating ideas procreating.  
Fascinated by the patients in the waiting room.  
Who are told they need scripts to avoid a gloomy doom.  
Only negativity leads you to a lifeless tomb.  
But thankfully we can sweep ourselves off our feet with our inner god's holy broom, bringing about the realization that our petals have yet to fully bloom.  
Eye need you,
to understand these truths.  
I'll still smile knowing I have more than one chipped tooth.  
Let go and let loose,
live in this instance with bliss any way you choose.  
Climb these cliffs or go for a cruise,
and recognize all that passion that lies underneath your bruise.  
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.  
Ignite your soul and ride the waves on this cosmic plane.  
We are strange, one in the same.  
The beach couldn't be, without your beautiful grain.  
See it through the microscope, each it's own individual shell.  
It all becomes mundane when you don't listen to the stories they tell.  
Open your heart,  in order to find yourself.  
Happiness is a kind thought away, to maintain your metaphysical health.  
Much love
Sparked by convo with comrade Bobby Coupe.  There is an army of light and you are in our fellowship troop.
Sep 2015 · 461
daily reminder
RyanMJenkins Sep 2015
I tire from the 8-5 work life.
Opinions from everywhere tell us what some believe is right.
But I can't cosign with that slave fight
For I want to align with the stars that shine all night
The light is still bright during the day,
But our vision is limited in this universe anyway.
I must cut open my hand,
To remove this pesky splinter
Growing only more alive
Flowing into the dead of winter
Time to straighten out my spine
To show this world I'm no beginner.
Not financially where I'd like to be,
But I don't have to fret over dinner.
Oh what a tangled web we can weave,
When we let our head be the thread spinner.

I never fail to rise with the sun,
Even when my mind is cloudy
Release the pressure with adventure
Take some time to re-ground me.
Melt away the unnecessary "realities"
And live the life you find astounding.

Energize in the storm
Even though the sounds rain vicious
Soak the electrons into your soul
Natural atmospheres reign nutritious
Lunch quickie
RyanMJenkins Aug 2015
I am having a hard time. It's my mind, and the world it defines. Blinded by rules and regulations written by those that don't know us, and don't care. The only vulnerability most of us know is when our body's bare.. I too almost forgot how to share. What you see in the mirror is nothin meant to be compared. Weeks are consumed $pending time, for the acquisition of wealth. Months fly by and you start to wonder about the deterioration of your health. These toxic chemicals are cheap, ever flowing addictions resulting in dependencies.  Simple actions can turn into deadly tendencies.  Pharmaceuticals outweigh compassion by a number I can't fathom. Instead of knee-**** reactions, let's seek to satisfy our passions.  I finally got a mic to record, but I am sick, and my voice is hoarse. I wonder about these humans and their senseless wars. We've been conditioned to unlearn the natural laws of love. It's so easy to think we are singular separate entities from the sky that shines above. We are not alone, and beyond our shells we are always home. We see the world not for what it is, but how we are. When you look up tonight, remember you are that bright, beautiful star. Upon writing this I felt so low. My dear sister hit me up and a smile started to show. I want to cry, and exercise my body to maximize this plane's time. This is just another example of how I release and thrive through the art of rhyme.  So I call this, the illusion of pain and isolation; because initially I was only focused on my frustrations - self-projected hallucinations with no sense of destination.  Breathe your dreams into contemplation within every moment you're facing.  Words enter the frame that can maintain a state of hypnotic paralysis.  Rocks ripple our waters but we can calm our reflective surface.  Blow a kiss, feel the bliss and see purpose in your skit.  Think of the universe when you hurt, because without you, this doesn't exist.
Low to high, in a matter of rhyme.
Aug 2015 · 657
Momento Mori
RyanMJenkins Aug 2015
Momento Mori encourages you to paint your own story
Listening to that broken record mind is painful and boring.
Silence the chatter and climb the chakra ladder to yourself for real glory.

"Remember that you have to die" was planted with Latin roots.
If only you could let go of your leaves, you wouldn't torment yourself with monotonous abuse.
It seems we were trained to forget how to breathe.
Switchboard recalibrated to go on autopilot against the breeze.
Instead of asking why, we look to the neon lights for relief.  
Out of single file one man screamed with grief, " End the misery pretty please!  The doctor says I gotta up the dosage unless I wanna be deceased. Oh master, do I not give you what you claim you need?  I have kids to feed with no more means to deplete.  You can take my seat, I'll work on my feet forever... **** you for shaping my life - No more, my ties to you I sever.  Remember that you are going to die.  Yes, even you, the self-proclaimed 'most high'.  Go hide when you cry, in that same pit of hell where you forge all your lies.  Get ready to fry, unless you face yourself long enough to stop opposing the divine."

Momento Mori, my life I stopped forcing.  Spine aligned, no longer contorting.  Inhale as I stretch at my own leisure while I jot down my own story.  The words come, only in the moment.  I read the lines at the time you do,  with our collective pages eternally unfolding.
Jul 2015 · 478
Reactions
RyanMJenkins Jul 2015
Rub the dust off the windowsill,
For the blinds won't hide you forever.
Open up the lungs with toxic chemicals,
Dying in an attempt to feel better.
Tragic design, outlined with the beautiful,
Got me wondering what the words will mean in my last letter.

Saddened by the losses of those I barely know,
When they played such big parts in my soul's growth.
Even though I know that nothing's set in stone,
I'm haunted all alone by my own death's ghost.
Hard not to imagine the status of my bones
When the aches are awakened by a solo thought's groan.

Every single ripple refuses to reflect the picture clearly,
So I stopped throwing rocks at all I was fearing.
Measuring correlations between my mood and the weather,
Wounds healed, finding me to be recipient and sender.
Eye lost my mind under the moon to realize it really gets better.

Just then I stared at the surface of the calm water and placed my feather~

We'll float on, and carry messages in waves
Your inner child already knows what you need to feel saved
In this life we often place a lot of pain on the grave,
It's time to focus on now, release worry, and be brave.

*Of love, we are all limitless banks
To you, and universal truths, I give thanks~
May 2015 · 733
For Bobby
RyanMJenkins May 2015
Bobby,
   I miss you man.  You got your wings to fly to infinity,
Rather than have your feet roam this land.  A few days before you passed, I saw you sitting with a smile in my dreams.  That still frame I now hold onto, and it assists in keeping me at ease.  Few saw the connections in your head rewiring.  It's still hard to imagine your body retiring.  Though your pistons are no longer firing, your soul yet flows.  Energy can never be destroyed, and so it goes, always in motion.  Had we had the clairvoyance to see the outcome, I'd liketo think we would run to you with the potion.  Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the confines of self.  These sobering moments make us realize we are always able to offer help.  ****** buried under the skin now effects the nerves of us all.  You were bigger than your body, and now we know that no impact is too small.  I heard you saved a life, just before you lost yours.  Reminding us to spread our light, forever on this course.  As action put perspective into hypothetical contemplation, I wonder if there would still be the funeral if we had one more conversation.  Inadvertently, you brought so many together.  There we stood with heads bowed down under the rain in a gloomy Tuesday's weather.  The images inside were thought-provoking.  But at a loss, many of us stood outside smoking.  Holding onto a little glimpse of forever, seeing your body at rest to which you were no longer tethered.  You are remembered, and we thank you for the memories.  You shared all you were given, life's simple pleasantries.  Like I envisioned, I wished I would have spoken at your service.  Lingering on your siblings' words, maybe I got nervous.  Where most see a dead-end, eye like to see a new life with purpose.  So I take a deep breath from my chest and offer blessings to your fresh start.  Just know all of us are honored to be a part of your journey, which is eternally embedded in our hearts~

                                  Thank you Bobby,
                                         Talk to you later.
                                                         Much love
1/11/93 - 4/28/15  Rest peacefully brother.
Apr 2015 · 413
Now
RyanMJenkins Apr 2015
Now
Life; a story you're writing, conscious of the fact or not
We can choose abuse being snake bitten and rot
raising tense stresses into a self-induced blood clot.
Yet I won't relinquish one single red drop, to a moment I don't give consent to
Faith bled through having left school for not wanting to have to wear that bruise
Rent's due, hop out of the pool put on your shoes and proceed with the program
even if black and blue
I can squeeze in a nap first though, yeah? Coo'

Z speaks heat keeping me from lucid, leading me to secretly seek guidance from the druids.
They said I need to travel to a mindspace less polluted.
Dance with your soul outside the confines of institutions.
Stop with the concept of timeframes, and shooting blame at the moon
It is you, and has your back at high noon with a bird's eye view
Respect it's ability to shine true, seemingly alone in the dark.  
The evidence grew, pulsating passion pushing you past the place you first found your spark
This is your territory, now is time to chart.

It's all a game, and you write the screenplay ruled even by the thoughts you don't say
Feeding energy into the flame that has lead us unto elevated states.
The ground shakes and high richter reading earthquakes break your world apart
Rocks into sand into dust into nothing, to realize the only truths were not in your brain,
but rather your heart

With every reflex bursting from nerve-endings, there's satisfying new start.
Inside infinity within forever your being is slowly seeing its' mark.
Release the resentment and anger that lays wait in your brow
For existence flows in whatever reflection you allow
Right here you have the choice to either fly or drown
So believe that all that ever matters, is **now
Feb 2015 · 752
Alive
RyanMJenkins Feb 2015
I admit to having been one to use the word "they" as if something exists outside myself.
Gaze fixated on projections, in order to find my help
The biggest illusion, is that of separation.
I realized eye was the doctor, rather than just the patient.
Everywhere you look is a mirror.
Walls soon dissolve connecting you to beautiful tones you choose to hear.
The physical world consists of atomic constructs filled with space,
Dive deep within the void for a transcendental taste as you ride new wavelengths and embody strengths you didn't know you possessed.
Majority of your electromagnetic field emits from the beat in your chest.  
Act with your heart, and let out all you've suppressed.  
There's an infinite amount of ways we can think to perceive the given test.  Create your own questions for answers that will fill you the best, as you astral project, exploring the universe with a body at rest. The paper in this book is entirely yours to sketch.  Eye am you as you are everything, eternally blessed.
Feb 2015 · 503
Waves
RyanMJenkins Feb 2015
Vaccinate vacant expressions and hold elections for mayor
Impregnate impurities in the pure pawns that came for prayer
One dimension at a time trying to get across the chess board confined by squares
Spawn a queen made of dreams with the freedom to explore realms everywhere

Stone starts to float with malleable motions
Essence ascended after the mind broke open
Parting clouds allowed for clear messages the sun encrypted
Waves, sounding like home, powerfully reminiscent

Outside the atmosphere
eye could see the stars of the universe growing more clear
Only then to notice, my body disappeared
I transformed into light, in space manifesting new life
Creative insight, noticing wholeness in this day turned night

Limitless and diggin' this free flight
I feel the ecstasy teaching me all will be alright
Imagined a landscape and relocated with only beauty in sight

I raised mountains and probably thousands of trees
All commands consciously constructing the physical with ease
Waterfalls and animals emitting the only sounds
Accompanied by the breezy orchestra composed of those rooted in the ground

Astounded, awestruck, amazed, and confused
All this ability without a clue on what to do.
I flew back home and descended through the roof
My tether hasn't weathered and here is my proof
Every eloquent energy that rests in that room,
Is a petal on the flower that has yet to bloom

Beautiful regardless, all year 'round
Growing into capabilities we've only just found
Tuning in to open, peeling off the last mask's frown
Realizing the source inside yourself knows no bounds~
Feb 2015 · 942
.uoy st'II'ts you.
RyanMJenkins Feb 2015
splurge on the urge to serve well colored desserts
binge with no purge.
chomp away conversation and feel it where it hurts

you are more abundant,
than all the currency you could ever carry in your pocket or purse
yet one of those black holes carries anxiety, profiling, while fear lurks

For many moons, mirrors were dispersed to the cursed,
Weeping and wallowing in whispering whirlwinds of woeful words unheard -
preventing
the never-ending spreading by attempting image cementing,
projecting lists with thoughtless flaws causing immediate rejection
with time the mind played a game to cage you in it's name,
draining your pay, benefits, and full pension
releasing the need to sow the seed for an introspective gaze
you hold the key to breathe through the chains of that imaginatory detention space

inhale







exhale

Suddenly walls lift from the maze you assumed was fatal race
Your heart glows
Knowing you're on the path you were hinted at but never faced
To forever flow forward with a loving third eye seeing absolute grace,
emitting energy in everyone, thing, mirror, and place
immediate influx of infectious bliss-infusing airwaves vibrate to the tune  of soul affection~
to realize inbetween scenes you appreciate the mystery,
part of a pinpoint plan, puzzle piecing the learned ability to see -perfection~

It's you.
Jan 2015 · 909
Th(ink)
RyanMJenkins Jan 2015
For all the plants that never get the chance to dance in the wind
For the wilted who spill, drinking away their built up sin
To those who choose not to speak in order to avoid disaster again
I dare you, to put down your sword, and pick up a pen

Defenses guarding false pretenses anchored by apprehension
Left my soul suspended in the smog of a ***** dimension
Purging through pores and unlocking my mind's doors
Left me to believe in things I could not accept before.
Eye put on a pair of wings to elevate and see what was really in store

I chose limitless bliss and unending warmth

No longer was life a chore,
implored by something more
lured by an unseen force

and with all three eyes I now adore

..Knowing I am a fractal
could-be casualty
swallowing humanity's vain reality
drowning out the worst in me
cutting all my puppet strings
from the cloud that had power to make me bleed

noticing symphonic synchronicites
I jumped in the river and floated downstream

inhaling sweet oxygen no longer dying to breathe
For when we try to release, we see peace as it comes naturally
we've been searching for tranquility when it exists in you n me.
the modified god with unlimited ability
Yet even the highest high can go blind when we lose the will to dream

I can't be there for each road as it bends
But I know as of late, can't say I've been a good friend.
So with every ounce of love I can extend
I'll meet you down the river, at what seems to be the percieved end.

You will meet an eagle eager to offer you a feather,
dip it in ink.
Write out every single pattern of you weather,
and let it take you to the brink.
The frequencies within and around will astound as you use shears on your own tether,
Faster than you can unconsciously blink.
At last you can relax knowing it gets better forever,
For together we won the right to think.
Nov 2014 · 546
Taking flight
RyanMJenkins Nov 2014
Good morning Sunshine, it's almost 8
Pass you the bowl for a proper wake and bake
Today's a clean slate, get up and participate
Gotta give out love for it to reciprocate

Circle of life, we're responsible for our fate
Outside we fly into magic beyond the gate
One with our surroundings,
Growing when we meditate
Show the world your shine,
Let go and radiate~

Is this a daydream or hallucination
Steady lost in fascination
Climb the steps of preparation
Build bonds while staying patient
Live a life of experimentation
Illuminate in exotic sensations
Learn how to decipher manipulation
& how to speak with articulation

Exhale to ensure preservation,
Notice every indiviidual in every situation,
and choose who to keep in your rotation

Life

..Is what you make it
Dreams manifest, when you chase 'em
Runner's high, when ya face 'em
Guided by, Intuition
Down a long road on a constant mission

Perspective paves way for all envisioned,
To be in the right position for fruition
nnnnnow's the time to dance, you're free!
No need to worry, just be!
If you're ever hurtin', just breathe
If ya need someone to talk to, call me

Come together have fun and releaseee

I Believe..

Drastic changes happen in an instance
I am you, more than just a witness
Cross another item off your wishlist
Open your mind with no resistance

I've lived a life, as a misfit
To show you the truth, behind the fine print
We are actors creating al that's scripted,
but most is unconscious 'til we see we're gifted.
We work for more than entertanment
Satisfaction from passion comes as payment

Let's plan a map of action aboard my groovy spaceship
Coordinates locked in, but can we make it?
The vessels under attack, they're trying to break it
Stuck in the ego basement
They failed while trying to fake it
But we've been conditioned to take hits

And blindside opponents using our wits.

We have more force than when an atom splits

The difference lies in what you choose to do with it.

This is our time, we don't need a patent.
Inventing our lives, through all that's happened
I'll still smile, as the moments are passing
Because Eye am made of a kind of love that's everlasting


*Water the seeds to feel replenished
Still won't be finished after my body's diminished
This is a new age, a space with no limits
Forever together, making music for existence~
My lyrics from a song a good friend and I made sometime last summer.
Nov 2014 · 626
Reignition; back to life~
RyanMJenkins Nov 2014
Just when I was down to a little flicker,
I let go of every little thing that had come to make me bitter.

I couldnt withstand the barrage of thought my mind tried to deliver
Feet below the surface I was stuck stagnant to quiver

Fearing imagined outcomes I was sinking much faster
I went through the years just to succumb to this disaster?

Heart racing, wincing with faint pain
My face painting the position of strain.

Overwhelmed by memories that staged where I am today,
Along with the visions, of all I didn't get to say.

I was dying,
accepted it as fact
I went against my true nature and fell off every track.

If I was to go, I need to seek to keep my soul intact.

I shared secrets with with the stars,
whispered wisdom and wishes to the wind.
I poured prayers into nature's pores,
so that new life again could spring~


With every little utterance, I gave what was left of me.
Thinking of all of life as family,
with my last breath I thanked the trees,
for providing oxygen to breathe as fuel for all my body's microscopic functionalities.

The self imposed sinkhole was past my nose.
I will provide the earth with nutrients for whatever the future grows.

Blackness.

And then a flicker.

Soared toward the light that now flowed like a river.
Dove in, but rather than sink I chose to ascend.
I felt a bliss so delicious I wished it'd never end
Just then, in my gaze I saw some friends.
I was confused for they wore the faces of the dead.
Was this a hologram figment from too many milligrams of dread?

Just then a beautiful voice, softly spoke in my head
"I love you, son." Was all that it said.
These were words unheard in my time on Earth.
Now I face the man whose seed was the reason for my birth.

That warm smile,
With such gentle eyes,
Dumbfounded for awhile,
Never having felt so surprised.
Basking in something I wanted all my life.

Tears for the first time in years rolled down my face
A hug ensued, floating in love within the most tender embrace.
I wanted to apologize for ever throwing dirt on his name,
But he already knew, like he was inside my brain.

I felt my flicker, again turn into a flame.

"You are love my boy, we all lose our way.
You will earn your wings, but for now you mustn't stay.
You are to head back, and help restore faith.
Express equanimity, and give all walks of life praise.
This means you too, I know you haven't been fine.
Keep only healthy thoughts on the surface of your mind
Give out the contents of your heart for we are all the divine.
Tell your mom, that we up here think of her too,
And to ask for anything, for we know what she's going through.
Let her know she holds the radiance to brighten any room
We all love you both, see you again, when your soul is in bloom."


I awoke on a chair, in front of some paper.
I was to archive everything, this moment is to savor.
Amidst the letter I was writing to the world,
I stopped to notice 2 new flowers on my desk, that had just recently unfurled,
Reminding me to love myself, and share it all with my girl.
Her head on a pillow, and her hair lay in swirls
Nuzzled up and enveloped her, for I am her clam, and she is my pearl.

I have much to vocalize to the infinite, from the confines of my chest.
*I've found heaven on Earth, but first, much-needed rest~
Sep 2014 · 543
Misfire
RyanMJenkins Sep 2014
Disconnected, dimented
In a dimension
With no mirror to be reflective.
Thinking ourselves outside of the collective
Using abusive excuses as justification for the sedative

Flick of the stick, and the ash scatters
Serving pesticide on a ***** platter
In this scene it's easy to see we don't matter -
Never relinquished from the mind's ghastly chatter.
Just a solitary paint splatter,
In a basement of a home that holds no life
Blended into everything unless otherwise stricken by sunlight.
Rocks rain on our soft spot
Mental blocks stain those I wished would "forget me not"
Almost immobile, breathing in disease, watching the body rot, wash me clean

It's hard to stop
When the pain is adorable.
Ingested my finances,
I was too broke to afford your whole.
Your happiness I stole,
but I swear I don't have it.
My frown is right-side-up until I've found a way to mask it.

Gonna grasp this vessel by the foundation and collapse it,
with a relapse hit, staring at the flame as it burns the fabric.
Waiting for magic in a sea full of plastic -
Setting the stage on fire,
only to create something - *tragic
words burn, flames hurt

smile
Sep 2014 · 644
A Choir of Color
RyanMJenkins Sep 2014
There's never been any cue cards, and if there were, the mind would probably try reading inbetween the lines.
Impermanently permanent.
Imperfectly perfect.
Gloriously insignificant.
The formation of lights have and will always mean everything to me.
There's no color paint I can't appreciate.  The canvas keeps stretching, faster than we candash our brush strokes.
A symphony of whimpers abruptly ends after yellow illuminates their surroundings.
The green never felt so full of life until it absorbed the blue.
A tree formed, & together they grew.
Layer upon layer, note on note stacked until the slowly vibrating chord echoed through the cosmos; infinitely cleansing every soul with any clouded shroud of doubt.
We will carry clarity with absolute certainty, as the fires within emerge, bursting out with creativity.
Harmonies and Melodies of every key,
Painting the existence of everything~
230 am, soul-gurgitation on a page.
Sep 2014 · 510
Inside the night sky
RyanMJenkins Sep 2014
I love you, majestic source of passion.
The fire inside excites, and also soothes me.  
Your twinkling sparkle sends out evocative thoughts throughout my synapses.  I let it flood my & consume me, encompassing my brilliant universe.  I breathe you in and every cell dances to our tune, enchanted.  Tingling sensations run down my spine, as my fingers trace yours.  You divine being of light - Eye thnk the space inside every little atom for your shine.  Molecular containers filled with love, weaving our way through dimensions.  The chemicals fluctuate, but the truth, is set in flourite - No longer mechanically charged to remain stagnant deciphering symbols and codes thousands of times over.  
My truth, is that I'm here, and I forever love you.
2 am, blinded to my own notebook, these are my scribbles.
Aug 2014 · 705
fleshy mesh
RyanMJenkins Aug 2014
Pressure points
Swollen joints
Lack of worth
Feelings hurt
Stubbly hair
On a body bare
Mental strain
No productive gain
Chemicals inhaled
Heart impaled
Sweat glistening
Am I listening?
Senses depleting
Dreams, fleeting

Pounding winces
Accompanied by worry,
because "I" don't wanna miss this.
I'm not leaving in a hurry

Ink on skin,
Temporary stain
The light is within
*The love will remain
Again, my "troubles" proved insignificant when I was hinted to think about the whole.  Eye have the control.
Jul 2014 · 798
Growing into our wings
RyanMJenkins Jul 2014
Colorfully depressed

   Falling in line with others among the family crest

..Yet,

happy to have something beating in my chest.

We all get perplexed and stressed to the point we don't know what to do next.  But even indecision is a choice - all a part of the test.  

Sifting through the mesh of a life once lived
Contemplating how many years my flesh has yet to give

and so I close my lids

...Sinking deeper into an abyss,
Noticing all I would have otherwise missed.  
The mist cleared & the vessel I now steered
Proved to me I had nothing to fear..
No need to disappear for eye am always here,
a part of everything -
from interpretive memories
to each melody the birds in the morning sing~

We're all certainly uncertain of what the new day shall bring -
but I hope you too avoid the bitter stings
and rest rather comfortably to a beautiful ring

The Queen or King of your own palace, in a land full of equals,
who do all they can now instead of investing in a sequel.
What should be embedded in our heads
is that we're more than just people..
Yet we keep limiting ourselves based on what seems feasible

Why we've grown so disconnected seems so unreasonable

...Still, it's controllable.
Even in moments where we feel inconsolable

Too many blows to the ego ***** walls that enclose the soul.
Put every temporary and enduring pain that is your ball & chain..
On to paper, and let it go.

As it does, you too will fly free,
straight for serenity where you can replenish your dreams.
If you're hurt looking back on the past,
Don't bask, for this too shall pass.
You can never be sure how long the moment will last..
But true bliss exists beyond the realm of time and space -
Anchors holding our mind,
Floating only in this place -within the mindframe of splintered windowpanes where you came to play the game only to find the pains all hurt the same.

Let me explain,*
Don't refrain, because at the end of that insane train
I'll be standing in a white light,
with lips forming your name.
Astral projecting, hand in hand, our gaze fixed on a new plane
away from the mundane,
to show you infinite new colors, so we can create.
The universe was, and always will be our canvas, let's paint~
RyanMJenkins Jul 2014
Dreaming, within a dream
Seeing those, that don't see me
Wondering if it's all due to my projected reality.
Only to wake up to a mind that wants to hassle me.

remember to breathe

I'm still here

Going to leave this head and enter the formless
Embrace all the love that keeps us at our warmest
Find innermost truths, waiting to be found in unconscious corners
Under a white light, joining other performers.

I told my friend as we rested our heads that we can fly
Belief is everything, sensing immediate retreat with the refusal to try

Now I'm in the sky, shaping clouds as they pass by

Even if I can't help everyone rise, I hope to at least paint them something beautiful in their mind's eye.  
Visually stimulating, and absolutely comfortable.
I'm here to remind you that this life is so wonderful.

With each second that flees, we could be, rewiring our circuitry.
Living a life that's driven so purposefully
Stranger shifts have happened,
but this is your vessel, you are the captain
Watching the waves come to me in a rhythmic fashion
Speaking without words, only to express this true passion.  

"..."

I need to visit the man in the mirror
He provides me a smile and dissipates my fear
Even though my own ship, I may not know where to steer..
I know that once all the sediment settles,
The depths of the water that reflect, will become clear~
Jun 2014 · 393
Dreaming Alive~
RyanMJenkins Jun 2014
Solo drunken dances on a rickety Milwaukee balcony in the rain.
Leavin' a shred of me wherever I go to create a stain of change.

Strangely sane, in a couple of ways, trying to make every day brighter
Strained grace, shown by my plate, made before the flick of my lighter

Reminded constantly of inevitable shell shedding, so I'm letting my worry go
I'll be okay in the new terrain, paint on my soul a new globe.

Within a state of exploration, we demonstrate the need to go above and beyond
We follow water droplets before we stumble upon the pond.

Here, between the ripples we previously thought we couldn't calm
You see your highest self more clearly than ever before, inside your eyes all along

I watched from a distance as you leapt into it's depths
I wanted to join the soul-lercoaster, but our time hasn't come yet

Still the smile is always there.  Watching each other grow, I don't know what can compare!  It almost isn't fair how rare these moments are, but I choose to be present because everything is a star.  While stumbling upon gems, others go unnoticed.  To me it would seem they're meant to be for another being's focus.

Always one to blow in the wind, eventually, maybe I'll later take root
Inking all over pages carefully composed into a wondrous tale of a book~

I think I'm going to leave the ending, open-ended, such is life.
Let the possibilities flow through, and maybe encourage a few to write.

Tired, but more than enough energy to soar over any plight
I just daydream so much that it's difficult to sleep at night.

But here's a cheers, to you and your existence

May whatever you endure make you feel more replenished
Watching the obstacles behind us, fade away until diminished.
I'm here for you,
Take my hand,
We're not quite finished~
RyanMJenkins Jun 2014
Gaining wisdom,
Listening to Mos Def
Not to be boxed in by the quadrant of the bass clef,
Because I like the melodies of the treble.
If Eye am to live a life to be confined, then call me a rebel.

Letting out all that was repressed
Counting blessings instead of stresses
Picking up messes &
Preparing for the test
To invest in myself,
in you
~
Diving below the depths to see what's true~

The interest accrues
But there's no use -
in paying these taxes to factions
When they should be subtracted from the equation
For exacerbating trivial situations

til we see the answer is One

You have the control, a full mind\body/soul collaboration

Sort out ya chakras and rebuild your nation
Plant seeds and reverse the deforestation

Let creativity fill your wounds and be captivated by fascination

Follow your own soul
Guided by sensation
Close your eyes and breathe, if ya need, some quick elation
...Away from frustration or the contemplation on the
"right" choice.

Just share your innermost genuine voice,
Keep the soil moist,
& the stem strong in order to stay poised

Lose the armor
For you are formless
In a state of vulnerability,
We are never dormant
But rather, open to the occupants
that we can't even see
Let your heart explode with love and you'll know what it's like to be free.

Don't open up though, and we'll be doomed to repeat

Be not afraid to call upon the Youniverse
Disperse what you rehearsed
before your vessel is within another in the confines of a hearse.

Weird to hear, but we can't wait for one more day.
It could be anyone's last grain of sand,
So by all means,
Say what you have to say~

You have a gift,
& It's called the present
Living with the ability to lift,
and make others' lives pleasant.
Muster every ounce of love and drift,
Right into another's essence


You hold the power in your hands, reach out~
..You'll never go hungry..
*Giving vital lifeforce to those experiencing drought
May 2014 · 409
Fought for this smile
RyanMJenkins May 2014
At a crossroads with life.
Existential questions arise & keep me up at night.
Been up since 5, rode the same amount of miles home.
Circuitry surfacing riddles embedded in my bones.
About to go to school simply to see faces,
before we move on and head to different places
Still tryna figure out, how to right all the wrongs
Gonna keep writing, I'll try not to be gone long
Any move, stings, with connections so strong.
Giving myself time, but lemme leave you with this song;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD7_kEe8TV0
May 2014 · 369
Eye See
RyanMJenkins May 2014
Tired eyes and chapped lips
Alone time, used for more practice
The secret of life is one filled with good habits
Indulging myself, for eye am a hopeful music addict

Within a sea of symphonies, lies you and me
Connecting souls, rewiring circuitry
Floating together, still miles apart
Every single moment's a good chance to restart.
So act with your heart, cuz time's flying
Ya either get busy livin',
or get busy defying your true purpose
I'm here to help your inner self come to the surface~
May 2014 · 1.4k
~Our Space~
RyanMJenkins May 2014
Electrifying insides much deeper than skin
Rekindling the temple's flame that burns away perceived sin
& Shine in a new light while a new life begins

Into the pond I saw beyond
This span that exists currently
Left me then, besides dread, was the sense of urgency
Along with the notion of taking things so personally

Now's a good time for a lot more breathing
and a lot less worrying

Give me some zaps that will act as a lucid inducer
Insane synapse blasts across my tribal mind maps
Programming much faster than a supercomputer
Inside the Youniverse, past mask diffuser

Crafting within the infinite,
Based on each individual intention
Everything changes from each shift in perception

Let all the walls fall releasing the demons in the form of apprehension

*
You're beautiful the way you are, a floating eyedea of perfection~
Let's ride the wave, and soul-surf to glory
Splash on the canvas within each page of the story
May 2014 · 340
Life in the vast lane
RyanMJenkins May 2014
I miss you*, but, it's okay.
I have a heart that beats and a guitar to play.
Armed with ink, to write out the blues.
I live by the pen, and will die by it too.
Apr 2014 · 539
Breathe, deep, times three
RyanMJenkins Apr 2014
Be
Ready to
Envelope &
Acquire
Teachings from
Higher
Energies

Boundless
Realms
Emerging
After
Techniques
­Heighten
Existence

Bewildering
Remedies
Enticing
Affirmations
Transcending the
Human
Experience
RyanMJenkins Apr 2014
Subtle message
Instantly symbolic
Transferred it to the long-term the moment I got it.

I'm taking a pause

Living, slowly fulfilling my cause

Paying attention, in a state of awe
Not waiting for any particular call
Blessed with a canvas,

Where the only law is to draw

Head in the air,
Feet on the ground
Realities, only differ based on what we allow

I've found peace
That travels with me when I hit the streets
Exhale for a gentle release
Break your soul free from the mental capacities' fees

Do what you love,  please
I want us to walk away happy,

With ease, away from our shells like a feather in the breeze~
Mar 2014 · 403
ClassSplash
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
Sitting in class vibin' with mates watching time pass
Nourishing connections because lifetimes fly by too fast

"Tell me about yourself.."

I am a boy in a man's body that approaches music with the will to grow and know enough to take hold of this world and shake it up a bit.
Never detrimental to the globe, because I'm in love with it.   Face facts with tact, splash onto new horizons even if it knocks me on my back.  Latch on to the moment, direct divine intention and let creativity explode in a blast on the right track.  Shining a light into the black and admiring peoples' masks, but never distracted.  What happens is what's meant to be even if we had overreacted.  Focus on what you have, instead of that you lack.  Collect our energies together, mash and exponentially grow.  Sometimes it'll seem like you're a turtle on the road, because the progress process is so slow.  Let go of the mold and stroll with the will to blow along in the breeze never knowing retreat because the feat is huge, but with focus we'll make it.  Take your preconceived perception and break it.  You gotta be happy, because doing what you love is the ultimate payment.  

Too many expressions are vacant, but heads full.
Escape from comfort zones that inadvertently take a toll
You are,
and have
all you need.
That person in the mirror is worth getting to know.
Water the self, and emerge from the seed to grow
I'm making good use of this tuition.  It's debatable, relatable in life and love.  I don't know what I'm saying, must be a message from the higher me that's ascended above~
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
dkkfrkbvgjccg jj rrrrrrrroouvj 55555555555555555wi3u4ywnf

Let my fingers dance around the keyboard because my brain can't currently interpret what's on my mind thoroughly through symbols that can properly paint the situation. Trying to comprehend through colors, when no two see the same. But that's the beauty of this movie isn't it? It takes two to tango, and with a misstep, typically the worst outcome is you get tangled. I like solo jivin', as I groove to the sounds. But right now I don't wanna dance. Gonna feel free as I lay face down.

May lucidity shake us; feel and wear it like a bruise.
I feel every bit of blessed wear and tear, on the path to the truth.
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
Here I am, fragile,
feeling every word;
On the pages
In the songs
as well as those,

left unsaid,
unheard

Trying to pick a single point on the timeline where I could trace this feeling back to.  Isolation, frustration, stagnation in motivation, deterioration of time spent smiling.  Profiling the soul in the mirror according to standards set beyond self.  To this day I still feel like a fool asking for help, leaving me even more foolish.

I distanced myself at an early age
My front door led you into walls that yelled with rage
..Instead of feeling trapped in a cage..

I escaped
and made, anything else, my new stage

This came with new pains

Emotionally vulnerable too often
In other people I would get lost in
Always worried about others' mindstates and the toll I would cost them

Love

Here it is, there it goes.
Bliss-ridden, to ill-imposed

I found sanctuary in trebutaries when searching for a river,
Stayed way too long because I liked to be a giver
Found the lake to be desirable when where I was would no longer deliver

Satisfaction

Quick actions kept me on my feet.
Body language no longer discrete
I had to keep going, when too often I'd retreat, to the other body's will
Inhaled too much agua, messed me up worse than any pill

and there were many

Changing scenery, because the greenery was calling me.
Every space in the land, I would fall in between
Realized I gave more love out, than I did to me

Then I found reflection, gazing into the sea.
On the other side I had told Ryan to breathe
Haunted by disconnects and a dad's passing
Leaving voids where there was no chance to meet
Spent just a little time alone to grieve
But spent too long looking at wounds,
watching them bleed.

Now infected and lightheaded
I'm slowly fading
Seeds of sadness have been embedded
Here I am living for the grading

Still unsure of what life I'm making
Succumbed to sorrow right now, that I can't get to shaking
Say what you will, but I refuse to be faking
I've been roughed up, mind and body scraping,
Knowing I've been the cause of much forsaking.

I'd run too if there was something I was chasing

I age feeling uncomplacent
living in and out of various basements
Feeling the cold like bare skin on the pavement

Date night with a book and a hook in my lip
I'll let you know if I make a move if I can ever get a grip
Drained and increasingly pained with every wasted water drip
Ego, couldn't **** it
So it asks, why do I have to go through this?

...Into the abyss, I slip...

Of course this song comes on,
The universe knows I'm sad
Thinking of the things I possibly could have had,
Dealing with the toxic and absent, I felt abandoned and mad.
Our chance came and went like a fad
But people cross paths like the colors that make up plaid
I didn't ever know where I was going
So I sat and watched the people fly by too fast

I tried making things last
& lost sight of the now
Supplying laughs as a class clown
But underneath the paint I wore a frown.

This is whatever, we all get down.
Tomorrow when I wake
I'll pick myself up off the ground
Until then though, my throat will know no sounds.
Mar 2014 · 438
Reflections
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
The challenge of having options,
brings on the perceived threat of infinite possibility.
Stagnant stresses keep us from the slightest access of tranquility,

It's intoxicating,
Too much to think tonight
So I let the ideas fly free,
Out the window, into forever, taking flight.

Bad flashes of dialogue that crushed the inner temple like an imploding synagogue.  Broke through the mask hiding the mosque.  Destroying that, which left me hardened only to find myself in my zen garden.

I've always been troubled, with matters of love.  Intense connect, and then dis
Blamed myself enough to think myself to be one to add impurities to the bliss.  
I love "too" hard, "too" strong
Soon find myself wondering what went "wrong".  
I love.  
I can't help but love, and fall with no thoughts of getting up.
Then I thought maybe I am to stick in lives only long enough,
To give all of me fill their cups.
I do, but, get stuck.
I love,
but I choose to let live.
Freedom, is sometimes the best gift to give
We're here to fly, and I want you to soar wherever, whenever.
Glad you stopped by and could share a love so tender.
Love often gets mixed up, 2 hearts in a blender

Holding each other up, temporarily, like suspenders.
Eventually letting go, against what the product was made for.

I became okay, after learning about myself tonight.  No longer did I feel so foolish, ashamed, and hurt for being one to fall with everything.  
I saw a quote that produced an internal ring

"Recognize that the other person is you."

We are all walking reflections, and it's never felt any more true
Eye love
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
A constant longing
for something unknown
because it hasn't been experienced
Escaping the physical to find "home"
Away from a mind always on the fence

4 walls, that I've hopped many times to test other grasses
Have the scars to prove it, now I just stare in the sky as each cloud passes

a void in myself exists, and it heavily affects my soul
kind words are heard, but can't process a response
I'm glad we met, but I must surely go
Hoping that your feelings for me are no more than fond,
I want to leave you with no wounds
That's why, no matter how much I care, my leaving wasn't too soon.

Let me hide away, and sleep 'til noon
I wouldn't recommend planting your seeds here for fear that they won't bloom.

I have an endless memory
Blessing and a curse
Some moments are so significant they need to be dispersed.
Some though, are kept silent for those I've seen at their worst.

often  indescribable
pain is undeniable
questions never cease
waiting for my release

I can't hold on to anyone, without unintentionally hurting them
more love comes into play and it happens all over again

Fluctuations and regurgitations of contemplations
have me falling away from aspirations,
chokeholds of *******, yet always fascinating.

I guess, in this moment I'm not above saying that I hurt
Whatever's missing is around, and it lurks.
Curiosity leaves me in day dreams so vivid I can feel every sensation
Then I come back.  Impatient.

Just to leave again.

Returning to depart for my heart is frail
Honestly if I didn't write, few would really even see this ship sail.
weak moment.

Maybe it has to do with a bond I never had
My life would have been much different had I known my dad.
I see his smile, I can feel his care
but these feelings, I can't compare to anything in my mind that's defined.  

Sorry if I've hurt you emotionally - I carry a heaviness, a toll no one can see.

I just need to step outside and breathe.  Have a good day Youniverse.  Peace.
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
It was anger,
Despair
Hurt,
Rage, building from an undisclosed sadness

Messages were cryptic
Aggression was slipped in.
Spoken word, otherworldly
We didn't realize how serious it was til you put your hand on me.

Dictating out of your element,
you crawled under our skin.
We thought that living room,
Would become a sanctuary of sin.

Tension could have been cut from the air,
helping us to breathe
I didn't know of the warning
Still we collectively wanted you to leave

A reliance on violence creates ages of defiance

Every topic with a twisted stance
We were riding on good vibes,
You wanted no part in that dance

Happy you confirmed that we weren't demons,
But you expressed audible blades for no reason.
In attempts to cut all of us you wanted to put a leash on.
For here in America being severely damaged is always in season
Manipulating and regulating a life less than half lived
Getting yours should never be the only reason you give.
Beating the **** out of somebody is what you expressed you wanted.
Touch someone I love, and I'll make sure that you're haunted
One, already lives looking over their shoulder
You sneak up, making their bright days colder.
Crushing spirits like a boulder

Tweaker livin'

Chasing roles to fill black holes in your soul
See beyond yourself, day by day losing control
We still chose to see the good, despite you being riddled with dark
Biting tongues, because anything could have been your spark

A split second in my cranium
I was overwhelmed with delirium
When you grabbed my wrist, putting a halt to our stream of bliss
Where I thought violence was appropriate,
The guitar on my lap, an instrument of creation
Completely fluctuated and almost became one of destruction.  

It was as if I felt what you were feeling with your hand touching me
Felt anger enough to see that you wanted to crush the we
Not sure why you followed us to the fest.
But you within our vicinity was an interesting test of restraint.
Tried showing you warmth, but you'd have none of it.
I hope you see life from a new perspective one day, and unconditionally love it.

Sorry we ditched you there, but our friend living in fear of you isn't fair.

Get yo head right, before "The final scene" you spoke of comes true.
A seed of hurt was planted long ago, exponentially it grew.
So high you wanted to take the sunlight from us all, only so we can't have it.

*Just be careful what you wish for, because this life is magic~
RyanMJenkins Mar 2014
molecular confusion
inner-temple pollution
case for head institution
ego protrusion
sense of self diffusion
living within the confines of one's own delusion-

[|creating constricting prisons|]

Just listen~

Reducing ticks, slowly
Seducing lustful luxuries
Chasing things instead of dreams
When we could all live a life as beautiful as the feel of skin on satin sheets

Or something else substituted in if that's not your cup of tea~

This means goodnight for me, been up since 445
Thanking all that's divine for the opportunity to be alive
Determined to achieve masterful lucidity
Diving into the universe within you, within me

eyes closed, walls fall
infinite possibility in a sprawl
unlimited mind
~wormholes of consciousness
in a land where most mostly see randomness
Eye tend to see vivid vivacious images of perfection
Puzzles, and symbols creating mind-maps that outlast past perceptions

Speak your truth-

Gain divine intervention with immediate introspection
Choosing to see the beautiful in every reflection

We all plummet from the skies
~like stones into the water, rippling out vibes~

Enjoy the swim,

*~just remember you can still fly~
RyanMJenkins Feb 2014
My dream cycle continues after my eyes first open
But they're as fleeting as the feelings I've tried to rope in.
It was a hassle to make the lasso for it was a vast chore
I see more than I speak, wondering what people wear the mask for.
Trading in the conversating to check how I am operating
Too many problems we've been elongating,
It's frustrating, and painstakingly obvious we've been separating
When only, our thoughts are rearranging, fluctuating, and demonstrating -
New ways to gain power.  So I'm trying new ways to spend my hours
Find bliss through lists I want to accomplish.
Melancholy thoughts can create or demolish
And so through routine, our being, we must constantly polish.
Free yourselves from the skull and get astonished
by the magic in the universe, inside your soul.
You're carefully crafting this fractal of reality that we see,
with every thought
Letting go is a must, even with things we had sought.
The spirit speaks, listen to what it has taught, and is currently teaching.
Your higher self will take you to higher peaks, so where are you reaching?

Does it serve yourself enough to be happy within?

Accepting the oneness and your ability to inspire, a new life begins.
Jan 2014 · 879
A prison no one can see
RyanMJenkins Jan 2014
Pressed send and again I feel so far away,
Disconnected to loved ones I could only hope would stay.
So much energy given, the focus always leaves myself.
Caught in the waves of everything, if only I could ask for help.

I could, but I don't even know what to say
Wouldn't want you to waste your time, seeing as you already have a full tray.
Sorry if I can't muster a full smile, but I'll still wish you a good day.
I can be here, but disappear, into imagination - I stray.

I'm so cold
my words are mostly untold
my back reminds me I'm getting old
throughout life I was too often scolded
everyone thought I would be so easily molded
Bent backwards, I had eventually folded.
The stories are remembered, but not that I told it
This is why I write, to keep track of this whole skit
My heart is for you, you can leave behind the dull crypt
I always hold on until it's pulled, and I slip,

Back into my dark caverns only to  hear the occasional water drip

All I wanted was a type of unconditional love, someone who wanted me in their grip
But after all, this life is one long trip,
You fall, and get back up
Each instance hurts, after all you're a human with a cup.
Half the contents are there, yet, still wondering which way's down and which way's up.

Diamond in the rough, lost at sea
Maybe I'll see you where the sky meets the trees
I whispered your name, into the breeze
Just always remember that I love you, please

My body just wants to crumble with every exhale
*Dying to release
Jan 2014 · 966
Lost in the cracks
RyanMJenkins Jan 2014
I've been slippin,*
Eventually fell on my ***
Laid there on the concrete,
Evaluated the cracks

There they were connected
Perfect little fragments
A picture to me was reflected
So I picked myself up off the pavement

Then I caught the street lights,
Bright in my peripheral
Standing tall in front of dark houses
Of disconnected individuals

Two for the price of one
Morals half off
Discounted beliefs
Aisle 93, you lost?

Right by the worker,
With the smile upside down
"Which one..?"
It seems each employee's already hit the ground..

But they haven't gotten back up

Don't pay attention
Flip on the telly
Take advantage of those ads
Fill up ya belly

Contact your doctor
Take those pills!
You act with compassion
Surely, you are ill

"Maybe I am
Time to face and confess it
I was happy growing my own medicine
Until I got arrested"

This make up is the best!
Animal tested
You'll be the next pretty face
Thanks for your investment!

It's 5 o'clock somewhere
Let's get beer with the bros!
Bring back some chicks to the crib
Who thinks they can drive home?


So I try to stay away from that reality
Brainwashed to the system
To become an inevitable casualty

So many in that realm
Think they're better than everyone else
Speak in tongues
Just to get the prize on the shelf
Play with it a little bit
Then sneak away in stealth
Get something new
With all the hours you spent for wealth

What about your health?

On the other side of the spectrum
Are the hurt, waiting for the cure-all
Put down by other hurt people
Numb the pain with alcohol
Infectious depressions
Brought to you by society
I'm sorry, but,
It seems like a lot of lies and wasted time to me

Because you're beautiful
And don't ever forget it
Now tell that to the mirror
And remember who said it

And so I delve
Inside myself
Many know what's wrong
Yet too apathetic to help

I can see my ego still alive in me
Take a step back, pause and breathe
Lose identity in the forest, among the trees
Wind from mother nature's lips helps me release
It stimulates my soul, and puts my mind at ease
And when I look up to the sky
I know
I have all I need

-I'm so glad I fell-

I realized I'm beautiful,
& I'll never forget it
I have my own faultlines
Imperfectly splendid
Looked into the mirror
Ride in the eyes - introspective
Then I smiled
But honestly, only because
I absolutely meant it~
Jan 2014 · 2.5k
Chameleon
RyanMJenkins Jan 2014
I find it interesting,
The way we mold ourselves to the given situation

Different faces means new spaces
to fill liquid in, intoxicate, and ultimately change them.

So we need our weapons clasped in our grip
catch a bad intention, make sure they're the ones who slip...

No!  We've been doing this all wrong.
Keeping the walls up inhibits growth to be strong
Even if it takes, "far, too long."
Inevitably we exclaim pitches that reside in the same song.

The color-changing, tree-walkers are said to blend into their environment.

This is actually not true.
They change based on light intensity, temperature, and mood.

The personality-changing, free-walkers change based,
On the type of reaction they want to get out of you.

After all you could be the ***** to hold together the whole scheme
Caught in a feverish nightmare, when it seemed to be a sweet dream

Solitary work is needed, *now
, to avoid a potential sting
And so I take the time to rhyme this,
Evaluating the nature of everything.

The mouth can be, but the eyes are not untruthful
They precipitate pictures, from the scary to the downright beautiful
Look deep within yourself, and see your own array of colors.
We may be blind to the importance of some priorities, but I feel we're all lovers.

"Hurt people hurt people," In my life it's a fact.
But remember you can only be responsible for how you act.

No offense or defensive tactics,
Throw the whole playbook out.
Conducting this vessel requires much practice,
Reflect needs of warmth for the seeds to sprout

Make sure you don't love someone, just for what they can give to you.

Highlight their radiance, for making you feel the way you do

The cycle, is only as vicious as one portrays it
The choice is ours, and I choose to change it.

Right here,
right now
Breathe in,
Feel the oxygen go down
Hold it,
For a moment
Every exhale reminds us,
That life's color is golden.
So fold up the clothes,
And walk out the door.
So many illuminated pigmentations to see,
~Everybody's a new world to explore~
Jan 2014 · 905
Polar
RyanMJenkins Jan 2014
Compare
Contrast
Slow down
Move fast
Bare soul
Fake mask
Stress out
Relax

Journey on
Create new tracks
Follow intuition
Universal facts
Time erodes
Enjoy the cracks
Into the void
A light in the black

Many questions
Just ask
Past is past
Don't bask
Be here right now
It won't last
Life is short
*Have a blast :)
Dec 2013 · 805
The ramblings of a fool
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
Twirling around like ash, focused more on the dance of the fall, than the displacement of what was whole when it hit. The pieces may never take the form of what was, but they surely have only relocated to become a part of something bigger.

So, literally, out of the blue I say to my cousin:

"My brother, how will we ever know?

Truth is

...Maybe...

We won't.

Sometimes, we have to be happy with a mystery,
or feel whatever we feel and respect it for what it is.
"

There's always so much going on we can't know all of what we want. Just be.
Do what lifts you, beyond the physical body.

Sometimes we just need someone to really connect with, openly, honestly, raw.

Sometimes we really just need to reconnect with our higher selves.

Sometimes we forget we're all one in the same.

Sometimes can be most times with blurred lines of past times.

But I'm here right now.

My mirror's sometimes clouded

But I'm surrounded on a mountain

with a new perspective

Don't wanna leave the peak,

For right now this existence is perfect the way it seems.

Peculiar interpretation, but after all,

Life

Is but a dream


I'm awake, ready to be awoken.  Sometimes words fly, yet better left unspoken.

I'm here, and looking through a screen you can't see me choking

I give my life away, take a piece as a token

I can only really hug myself, in an attempt to feel less broken.


I won't feel this way in the morning,


Each day is a new page in the story.

Everyone wants a piece of the glory///

But I'll lay me down in the water,

Drown

Or float on to a foreign territory

Away, but never to falter
Dec 2013 · 533
Take a step back
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
In the middle of mountains was no less than astounding.
Incredibly blessed for the situations I'm found in.
Forever youthful, not looking for the fountain.
Soaking in energies from the moon brightens me from what was, dim.
Exploring porous auras that I help fill when I touch ya skin
Was so consumed with Yang, I forgot about the Yin
Curiosity has gotten me, in the deep end of sin~

Yet.. all a matter of interpretation
Letting go of contemplations
Jumping in without hesitation
Unconsciously yielding manifestations.
So this is a new proclamation to flip the lever
Water rising, and it's exciting biting on a new endeavor
Flooding over with no control my whole world's getting wetter
Drown it out, increase the sounds, while working for something better.
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
Tired of wearing your heart on your sleeve?
Then go sleeveless.

I took my whole shirt off,
But still can't iron out the creases

People fall like leaves,
Engaging in various releases

Some get carried away
Leaving behind important pieces.


That being said
Gonna meditate and lay in bed.
Drift off,
replenish my energy
With a divine lucid fantasy,
Not only through rhyme
...but in my eyes...
you can see what meant so much to me

* shuts down
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
Because of that moment, you were led here,
If that had not happened, this wouldn't be
Everything happens, making other things clear
Just never woulda guessed that you'd be so important to me

Simple little actions, fingertip movements, linked us into conversation
An open bridge was built that night for our souls to travel across freely
Emotionally jumped into each others' soulful arms, without hesitation
Each message read was like a piece of our heart that we were inadvertently stealing

Every time your face popped up on my screen,
My heart would nearly skip a beat
Right now, many miles lay inbetween
But in roughly two weeks our bodies will finally meet.

Already in you I've let myself be vulnerable,  comfortably
The pictures we paint with words depict something I can really see
I feel each slightest touch as if you were here enveloped in me, effortlessly
We've already raised each others' spirits and expanded frequencies
I think about you being here, or me there, frequently.
Thinking of hugging you instills a kind of peace in me,
Call it tranquility...simple pleasantries.. call it anything..

~So long as it involves love~

You say I've done so much for you
But words are never enough.
Just symbols, to represent, stuff
Independent to the perspective

I just hope I symbolized meaning that was effective

How much I care.. I really meant it
Because if I didn't mean the content, I wouldn't have sent it

Hearts on the sleeves with arms extended
For any wound in your soul I wanna mend it.
Anything on your mind you can come to me and vent it.
I at least have a little bit of time left, I wanna come to you and spend it.
We're gonna have to take advantage of time spent, so to not regret it
Already deep within me you are embedded,
Talked so much in a short period, just know everything was true when I said it

Just as it is in the current, riding waves of light that'll promise us at least one night.

Frigid, snowy weather,
yet warm together~

It's our endeavor to better ourselves,
And I'll always be there for you when you need help.
I tend to move in stealth, but I make myself known.
My daydreams, embraced by you feels so at home.
If you're ever down, feeling alone
I'm here, pick up the phone, no matter the time zone
I'll send my electrified vibes flying through the air faster than a drone

Love,
some say it's tossed around too much,
But I say too little
They put rules and complications on it,
trying to find an answer to the riddle
I told you I could say it to strangers
But it's hard, romantically speaking,
as if there's impending danger.
But if the feeling's true we shouldn't waiver
For there's no guaranteeing there'll be a later

Even though right now I'm feeling blue,
I have nothing but love for you,
You make me think of brighter colors
Meshing energies like long lost lovers

<3
Dec 2013 · 1.3k
My late, furry friend
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
I was riding high until some thoughts passed by.
Saw a few pictures and memories flooded the very limited space in my head
Levees feel like they're about to break through tear ducts, yet still afraid to cry.
But now, at this point there's been many I shed

Very sensitive connections kept us together.
You couldn't speak English, but still spoke through your action
Came by my side during storms that I could not weather.
I wish I knew how fast your time was passing

Sometimes I took your companionship for granted
Often not investing thought in the moment.
Stood by me, even when life.. I couldn't stand it
Now I'm thinking about your fate and how I wished I could've controlled it

Anytime I was home, you made me conscious of your calls
Whenever I was in my own bed you made sure to join me
It's as if now, without you, I'm getting withdrawls.
A bond beyond brotherhood draped in comfortability

The week I house sat for my mom, will remain with me always
Laying on the floor depressed, not only because you were dying
Still get choked up, knowing we showed each other love, before your next phase
But to keep you alive, some witnissed to see how hard I was trying

Weeks later after I moved, I woke up in Nevada thinking "where'd Austin go?"
I swear I felt you, and thought you were there, even though it may've not made sense
Know you're still in my heart, and were always so blissfully pleasant to hold.
I still feel you, and will always make room for your presence

You were the one cat I knew that would actually jump into my arms from the floor, on command.
You held on, never scared as if you didn't wanna let go
Literally wrapped your paws around my neck in a hug-like embrace, or should i say - little hands.
Spent more time together than most of the humans I know

I miss you buddy, and the feelings haven't changed.
Some may think caring this much about an animal is strange.
Truth is we're all animals, and I'll see you at the next stage <3
Dec 2013 · 450
Make love to life
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
Life is so, mmm~

Don't hold back,
Taste it,
Consume it,
Really Live through it - while it's here
Hold loved ones near, and smear memories on canvas.
Accept change because not everything goes how we plan it.
Love, completely with honesty.
So long as I'm around I'll only give you all of me.
So let's release in the breeze, plant seeds and watch family trees grow.
Life's a dance so manage to take chances, cuz otherwise, ya never know~
short and sweet, much like life can sometimes be~
RyanMJenkins Dec 2013
Somewhere along the line I broke my internal compass.
Already inhaled our poisoned water, fearful of not reaching the surface.
Never knowing the right direction, leaves me left alone.
Done so much to weather this body, not as clear cut as a broken bone.
I just feel I want to go that way.
Eye see what I want - stumble, blackout, and stray.

Script already written, but the characters are constant variables.
Knowing everything in our heads is all malleable
Reading in between the lines searching for guarantees,
Feelings come influx.. and then slowly flee

Anchor me down to anything.

Sinking into a black tar pit abyss, wondering when I'll leave.
But maybe my soul was always meant to roam foreign zones, alone, free.
It's in moments like these where to thoughts I feel shackled to, can't release.
It becomes a hassle to feel happy, struggling to properly breathe.

Maybe no world is the same as yours
Each path has perfectly placed locked doors,
That's as individual to you as what you soak into your pores.
Getting *****, but we still want more.

It'll soon be time to graduate from our physical capabilities,
But man, how did I go so long without seeing the synchronicities?

I bleed red, I'm tired, but true.
I can't bridge past the fact that I don't know if this is for me or you.

My monster of malice,
Helps me hold high, the aluminum chalice.
Knowing these roads don't help feed my head,
Left Alice in bed for the next adequate depressant threshold
Draining my spirit and the malicious comes back-
Writing down symbols, using me as a vessel.

This dream of a life can be stressful
My walls I am enclosed in has become a mess hole.
Halls with trophies that look much like alcohol bottles.. oh wait.
Little victories! - I'm still here.
Make the liquid disappear so you can see the skewed you a little more clear.
I make the art of dying look so graceful,
Just hoping before the expiration date I left you with something tasteful.

My genes are tearing at the seams.
Glittered with fractured beams of half- hope
Slipped down the rope before I saw the light
Shining down on disappointment.
Been joyously walking to the liquor store for my alcoholic ointment.

Too much cancer, fresh internal scars, and airbrushed perspectives.
It's too bad we mostly only look at our exterior when being reflective.
*** becomes a place where we can forget.
It happened for more than hormones, yet many tend to regret.
People can run off course and divorce themselves when ******* leads to remorse
But the choice is yours.
Then we develop new feelings whether intended or not.
A home for new wounds, just waiting to clot.

We're simply riding through life chemically imbalanced,
Happiness turns to madness, sadness, numb.
Jumping from this feeling to that, this person to them.
Firing more into the overworked synapses that overreact through connection
When you clash with your mind, and embody all it's destructive four course meals
It eventually takes control over your entire life, robbed blind, an easy steal.
Peel away each sentence, and bask right now in the surreal,
Make a deal to be your divine self and let the soul show ya what's real.

In these very limited bodies, currently, time is currency. *
With your unlimited potential act purposefully-
Spend the ticks wisely to enrich your soul.
Mind plays tricks from time to time, never let it have control
Open your third eye and dare to be bold
Strengthen vibrations with intent to share the love
and you'll be riddled with appreciation without deviation,
From the heaven within us all, to the heavens above~

But I trust our spirits know our way around the blueprint.
Despite the many unseen forces, forever at play.
Look deeper into the depths like an enthusiastic student
**Reality is just a matter of what you believe; namaste~
Nov 2013 · 1.2k
Today marks 5 years
RyanMJenkins Nov 2013
No one knows how long it'll last
But We all have a time limit,
This is why we can't spend too much time on the past,
But we should definitely learn from it.

Whether it be, the things we could have done,
Or the things we regret we did,
We remember those close to us but are now gone.
Kinda makes you wish you could go back to being a kid.

The carefree days,
When everyone was outside and played.
Even as a little me, I knew the people wouldn't always stay
Just made the most of the time i had with people, it was the only way.

But for my dad and I we never had a bond while I was growing up.
Not knowing, and even having a grudge against the man was surely rough.
I just knew, the life I had, it wasn't enough.

I always knew there was something more, something to look forward to.
I knew people would die along the way, but I didn't think it'd be you.
Nothing but a few myspace messages, a hat, and a picture will I have to reminisce
18 years is too long to hold a grudge, after all you n ma were the reason for my genesis.

I thoroughly enjoyed the conversations we had, finding out we have so much in common,
To you telling me how great of a person mom is.
You didn't have to tell me though, it was more for you.
It's too bad you were never here to watch as I grew.

I turned 18 November 2, 2thousand and 8
not a great day, but life was straight.
It was maybe a few months after our 2nd message convo
exactly 2 weeks later and our chances of meeting were no more

Said you wanted to fly me down, maybe around christmas
meet the whole family, clear things up between us.
you didn't say that last 5, but I definitely knew we would've
If the opportunity came up sooner, I definitely knew we could've.

14 days after that birthday
I get blown up on Myspace, to the news that you passed away.
Your sister, and your ex-lover both told me.
I was in shock, a whole range of emotions that no one would see.

Right then I had to write a letter of consent
To grant your wish, to be cremated
Nowhere did i go, or even turn to anyone to vent
Regretting my lifelong grudge, that I had created.

Justin would've done it, but I was the eldest son
Clicked "send" on the fateful email, and my only gift to you was done
Well dad, while you were here I hope you had a lot of fun.
Too bad the stress and the powder ultimately ended your run

I have close friends, that wanted to go with to meet you
It's too unfortunate that your struggle had to defeat you.
We would've kicked it off better than either of us could anticipate
From that point on I knew you'd always be in my life, and participate.

I'm not gonna blame you for anything though, based on what I know now, you were a great person.
The one you never knew, is always gonna be a hurt son,
But i'm not gonna take my life for granted.
I'm gonna appreciate what I have and not fret if things don't go how I planned it.

Not gonna lie though, there's a void that'll never see closure
When I think about you it's sometimes hard to keep composure
You and me, we would've been good for each other.
You'll still live on though, through me, and my brother.

Accepting your loss, affects me more than anyone'll ever know
Can't get stuck, gotta look forward and grow.
It's extremely hard sometimes, but I know I must.
Just like you said on your profile "IN ROD WE TRUST"

Rest in Peace:

Rodney Poehler 12/12/70 - 11/16/2008
this poem's almost 4 years old, stumbled upon it the other day..
RyanMJenkins Nov 2013
I have a friend that recently passed away...
saw an old post of his, uplifting, regarding father's day..
I could only muster this to say...

"man..

Brent, you raised us. Raised our spirits with your love and healing vibrations. You offered us so much and I cherish every conversation. Half the times I look at the sky I think of ya, but "Jah" already know this. Til we meet again, have fun surfin' those eternal waves of bliss.

Namaste, and unconditional love
From the heaven in our hearts to the heaven above~"

I love you man, I know you hear me when I speak
Nov 2013 · 1.9k
So here's a little story
RyanMJenkins Nov 2013
Here's a little story about one of my best friends, and I
We've gone through the lowest of the lows, to the ecstasy peak of highs

It all started during the second half of 12th grade
Immediately a beauty caught my eye, fixated my gaze
Her aura was not normal and I immediately needed to know her name.
It was in that film class, where we set the stage.

I tried to back away, even though it wasn't what I felt in my heart
There was just something about her that struck me right from the start
I knew in her life movie, I wanted to play a part.

Not a supporting actor, not a stagehand.

I wanted that lead role, and so I took a stand
We then embraced our connection, and took on life, hand in hand

There were clashes with the cast around us
Mental strains clogged the drains and caused too much fuss
But we knew enough to build off of what we had, trust.
That and a whole lotta love, thankful for every moment
That I was blessed with this star from above.

But we were young, high-strung, and intoxicated by our surroundings
When we shut it all out, removed all doubt,
Together on a cloud it was no less than astounding.
A future we were founding, shined brighter than sun beams
It's in those fields where life feels better than your dreams.

Existence was constantly testing us, arresting us in prisons that felt so grim
I was fighting a battle against hateful people, one I could not win.
Voices from outside led us astray, to sin
An alcoholic's logic, made me wanna get a bat and swing
But we sparked a new beginning when we dismissed other opinions.

She was my sunshine, and I let her know
We nurtured our beings, continued to grow
Anywhere she wanted me, I would surely go
We never stopped to look back, groovin' with the flow

We never meant any harm
but sometimes had to disarm each other
when the alarms were blaring.
There were occasions that were downright scary,
But peace was found in each others' eyes,
Staring into the depths of one another's soul
We physically held onto each other determined to never let go.
Despite the rain, shine, or snow
We've weathered all weather patterns
Our boat we continued to row

Merrily merrily, wait where are we?

2 hearts, minds, bodies, and souls
Our blissful union had been on a roll
But spending life on a bus, depressed, and sleep-deprived was surely taking it's toll
Got me drinking and thinking there'd be a tomorrow I wouldn't know.
Became resentful with a head full of dreadful hypotheticals
Unto none I could bestow.

Someone drowned in the nearby river
I figured I would join them after a night of abusing my liver
I immediately considered, how I felt during her moments of weakness by the cliffs
I'd've been so hurt emotionally it would seem as if internally I was pummeled by fists
I then put a pen within my grip, now connecting the dots, it led to this.

I once pushed her away, now it was her turn.
I tried holding on too tight constantly watching the bridge burn.
Impending doom filled the room inside my head
Sorrow was now the only one to lay in my bed
Zooming down a road I knew to be a dead end

When the time came, the perfect vision of our future shattered
I still kept fighting for love, but felt it didn't matter
The canvas was torn, the paint was all splattered.
I felt as if it were a sick joke,
Causing my inner demons laughter chasing a happily-ever-after

She would still call on me, whenever I was needed
Like temporary medicine even though I felt that I was bleeding.
Never heeding warnings from friends,
I felt like nothing more than a means to an end.

I lost the two that were closest, but they found each other.
In that fire I was but a scorned lover,
Cast them off my island,
While they didn't know where my life or mind went.
Lived life fast, one could say hell-bent
Then spent a lot of time, with another girl.
Decided this was gonna be my new world.
Although, it was doomed right from the start.
I was this girl's "soul mate"
but she couldn't hold my whole heart.
I tried forcing it, picturing another forever
I hurt us both, my mind is far too clever.
We were both too hurt from the past,
I knew it was a matter of time, it wasn't meant to last.
The concept of hurting someone, I just could not grasp,
2 and a half years sure went fast.

The original girl would sometimes pop in my dreams,
It was never angry but I didn't know what it could mean.
Shortly after the breakup came in girl number three,
We matched, the fun times with glee
Surely we were on a loving spree.

One night it changed, my whole being felt strange.
Inside was a feeling that I just could not tame.
I was at work stuck on a trip down memory lane
Fiery passion was the game
I knew deep inside I needed that again.
Hurt to another came down like rain,
Never intended despite how much I could explain.

I needed to let go of past pains and invite love to stay.

I messaged the girl that was once the brightest star in my solar system
We let our feelings out and again our spirits were in rhythm
It was a new beginning
Even contacted my old best friend n let him know how I missed him.
I again tried to hug her pains away and listened to every word she'd say
Common contact was slowly turning the nights into days
Replaying memories and the talks of forevers with old and new lovers.
We knew once again, that we always had, us.

Memories irreplaceable
I smile when I look out the windowsill
Reminiscing on the old thrills.

Nights spent watching sappy movies alone
while she lay with her head on my chest to the beat of my corazon.  
We once had sanctuary in each other, a home.
So many times I held her with optimism while she cried
Mascara marks on a hoodie of mine have stood the test of time
In her once upon a time was the only place I could confide
Arguments and water balloon fights.
Sneaking around to see each other always felt so right.
Halloweens and the moments in between,
Knowing the grass on the other side wasn't any more green.
Beds that were beyond places of rest,
Places where our cosmic beings could confess, love.
The best of rollercoasters had us addicted moreso than any drug.
I let tears fall in front of her once, regarding the loss of my dad
She held me oh so close and told me I'd be the best father anyone could have.
We've grown with time, and I'm happy to see her still rain down sunshine.
I'm happy that we once had each other as lovers,
and have each other as friends.
The past is past, but the stories will never end.
Oct 2013 · 589
Soul-sucker
RyanMJenkins Oct 2013
Some people are poisonous, keep at a distance.
Drain your soul, and consciously watch your body diminish.
They'll secretly sting you when you let them in the door,
and smile while you try to scrub them out of your pores.
Your quality of life can be heightened and restored,
but first you must do away with Lucy Ford.
The meaning behind the "Lucy Ford" was invented by one of my favorite rappers...a play on words.
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