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322 · Oct 2018
either way;
Dev Oct 2018
I stand here weak
and lonely
afraid of what I'll do
On one hand I want to lie
on the other, tell the truth
but the truth is overrated
and it's really not so fun
because once you say it out loud
you no longer hold the gun
Even if it was aimed at your own head
even if it is still
You are not the one teasing the trigger
You are not the one cheating thrills
So I lie here, sad
I lie here lonely
Until I'm weak and tired
I wait for the moment where my heart will stop
When my brain finally expires
I roll and ruffle
trying to get comfy
and I wish and wish for a message
from someone to help me
And then someone does
someone asks
and I'm faced with the same issue
Keep the gun, or hand it over
Either way, the bullets going through you.
322 · May 2018
Fallen Angel
Dev May 2018
She’s beautiful,
A fallen angel, you see.
Not because she believes in god-she doesn’t.
But because she’s saved me.

Time and time and time again,
My parachute when I’ve leaped off the edge.
The current of wind to return me to sanity,
The words of wisdom that heal my insanity.

She loves to scare people,
With her interests in Wicca and Satanism,
She’ll kick you if you dare
Mess with her or someone she adores

She acts like she has no heart,
Like she doesn’t give a ****.

And why shouldn’t she?
When they all end up using it against her.

The way she lines her eyes - her devils disguise.
The way her hair is a mad mess of frizz.
The way she cries for the guys on the US show
It is
The most amazing
Thing to
Watch.


She is so ******* beautiful,
Like a fallen angel

She doesn’t  need her wings.
306 · Jun 2018
deteriorating
Dev Jun 2018
"I perform well under stress.." she stresses
her lips pursed in a thin line, she digresses
from the main topic, the point of view
that anyone could see, given half the chance, "You.."
"You're deteriorating.." I heave with a sigh,
she tells me she's fine but thats all a lie.
"Just because I don't eat doesn't mean that I'm sick"
But it worries me because your body isn't nearly thick
enough to keep up with this pattern,
your size should be somewhere between Earth and Saturn
but instead you're mercury.
It isn't fair to your body to keep
depriving yourself of all that is good
when all that it needs to survive is some food
I am begging you please
do not fall to your knees.
they say rock bottom is the place to be
when you can't find the right mindset to see
what's happening.
because it's happening.
'I perform well under stress, like charcoal turned to diamond,
when  its 3am, writing my notes, its like I'm in my prime and,
I just can't stop now when I'm on this roll"
But you haven't yet seen what this toll
has taken on you
stolen your youth
Your boyfriend can tell,
he's not under some spell
and his gaze always falls to me
he's worried.

He has no idea what to do,
I'm your bestfriend, so I must know what to do.

but i don't
we're on opposite sides in the same boat
so how am i to keep you afloat
when my own heads slipping
under the water?
life is tough, and people cope with it different ways. this is sorta a letter to a friend who doesn't deal so well with life. Sometimes, you build them up as much as you can, but if that doesn't work, give them your eyes, and tell them what you see.
303 · Jul 2018
Darling
Dev Jul 2018
My darling you are everything to me
You fill me with love and light
   During my darkest hours, no one to  
     save me,
       You are my shining light
         Some complain that we’re filled with      
            toxins,
              Others, that we manipulate.
                But we’re bound to each other  
                   through invisible bonds
                     That no one ever could  
                         speculate
                            You’re my truest friend, to    
                               the very ends
                                  Of the earth, I shall      
                                      follow you
                                         Because you’re my    
                                             person, and I am    
                                                 yours
                                                    And that’s  
                                                        ­something
                                                           you can’t
                                                              di­spute
300 · Apr 2018
sad short stories
Dev Apr 2018
~

I want to say I trusted you,
But the truth is, I never did.
You fed me lies, and alibis,
And behind them, you and I hid.


~
I briefly considered making this a longer poem, but keeping it short and sweet seemed to suit. Also this is the best title I could come up with
287 · Mar 2018
X
Dev Mar 2018
X
Letters by letter by letter
These thoughts and emotions
Pour from my head to my heart,
Through my veins.

They reach my fingertips,
Tapping eagerly on the side of my laptop
But then I hear it,
What if it sounds stupid? What if no one cares what you have to say?

Her voice, no, my voice,
Doubtful, hurting, scared.
But the thoughts keep pumping
my fingers violently throb

It all happens like a blur,
I have to get these words out
Or everything will explode
Into a dizzy array of sparkling light

So I type and I type and I type
I type till my fingers go numb
And my eyes are glazed over
And it doesn't hurt to breathe anymore.

And despite her many warnings,
When I click 'save',
She quietens down
And anxiety doesn't hold me back.
One of the few times where she quietens down, at least for a moment.
277 · Sep 2019
I'm done. Have fun.
Dev Sep 2019
You hurt me far more than you know
words hitting me like bricks
Ill-formed advice and wisdoms
Are the only things that stick

You can't see it
we don't mesh well
not anymore, at least.

But be careful how you speak of me,
I know your tricks and schemes
I know your manipulations and lies
I know your disguise

So if you're truly a friend
and you truly care
then talk to me about it

Don't go spilling secrets and calling me names at parties.
277 · Apr 2018
Beware of dog
Dev Apr 2018
I am angry.
So beware of dog today
She's a real *****

I am angry at the planet
For how it rotates
How the seasons change
How the sun goes down
How it can make perfect days end and awful nights last.

I am angry at the people
The idiots
The friends
The family
At how they can say one simple word and it would tear me into a billion miniscule pieces.

I am angry at the cold.
Because it's so godamned cold that I cannot feel my toes
And the heater doesn't work so how
Am I supposed to sleep tonight.
Freezing to death in my 3x3 white wall box.

I am angry at myself
For hurting me all the time
Without a second thought
No care whatsoever
Just self sabotage 24/7



Self destruct initiated
















Boom.

Boom.

Boom.
Dev May 2018
I am but a star
in your little galaxy.
just a speck amongst

the planets and moons
and suns that dominate you.
maybe if i leave

you'll notice after
all, it's pretty hard to miss
a supernova
yeah it may not be (astronomically?) scientifically correct, but you know it's true.
272 · Jul 2018
i m p a s s e
Dev Jul 2018
I am at an impasse.
I can no longer write.
As i sit here dread and agony
boils and rages inside me.
Festering until it manifests
into...
Me.
into...
agony and rage.
I can't produce music
I can't write the poetry
I can't paint my visions
so here I will force myself
to get something
anything
out.
No matter if its good
it is me
where my head is at
and so hopefully
this neither here nor there piece
can drag me out of this rut
like a tow-truck to a hippie van
thats been bogged in the mud
for months on end.
And so
I'll end this piece
with some food for thought
just one word






ugh.
just the words from my head. take it or leave it.
270 · May 2018
Muse
Dev May 2018
I am now without a muse,
Apply for the position.
What colour are your eyes?
Are you to be my newest addiction?

Is your hair long,
curly, coloured fawn?
Or is it straight and dark,
to match your mysterious heart?

Will you mock the movies,
and teasingly hint at dates?
Or will you be serious,
Emotion, and humour behind closed gates?

Will you hide behind smiles
and laugh like no one's watching?
Or will you simply do nothing
For already, my attention, you are catching.

Whoever you may be,
I couldn't care less.
Just hurry up and materialize
So in poems I may confess.

Because I think my muse
may truly be a thought
The idea of love, it is.
My experience is nought.
Got a bit Yoda-ish in order to make things rhyme ':D

I really enjoy writing about loving different people, but I can't say i've truly ever felt it.
268 · Aug 2018
rain on a gasoline fire
Dev Aug 2018
you are rain on a gasoline fire
you pour over me, calm
you write words that are meant for him
and as a result re-ignite my soul.

I tell myself I'm crazy
that you're my friend and nothing more
but lately i can't deny you
and your torrential rain as it pours

And maybe we were meant to be,
and we're both denying it.
And maybe, you were meant for me
but I'm too scared to prove it.

I don't want to be jealous or hateful
but right now i hate his guts
I joke with him and torment him
because making him uncomfortable is enough.

but i hope you realise some day soon
I hope that i might tell you
because you're beautiful, adorable
inside and out, and i just want to be with you
266 · Mar 2018
Nothing
Dev Mar 2018
He'll tell you that he wants you,
he'll tell you anything,
He'll do whatever he wants to,
he thinks that he's the dream.

He'll objectify and hurt you,
in a way that makes you think
that you're something special finally,
as you grab another drink

He'll ask you for something,
that's not his to take.
And when you reply, No
Is when the beast awakes.

He'll point out your every flaw
He verbally murders your spirit
Till you're crying behind your door,
you think his words have merit.

He'll crush and crush and crush you
till you're reduced to barely anything.
Because you said no to him
He'll make you feel like you're worth nothing.
Guys are *******
266 · May 2018
The artist
Dev May 2018
Here lies a blank canvas
On which you swipe harsh bright hues
and soft vivid tones
Of your thoughts, feelings, emotions

A flicker of paint across your cheek,
A smile as preposterous as your creation
Your brush swinging back and forth
Colours exploding everywhere

Colours imploding in my chest
Beating hard, reminds me; I'm alive.
A dash, a stroke, dabbling in my head
Swift touches of you,
A blank canvas no more.
259 · Jun 2018
someoneelse
Dev Jun 2018
You said
"I cannot love you
unless I learn to love myself"
well that old tidbits useless
when you're loving
someone else.
255 · Mar 2018
So we're talking again
Dev Mar 2018

So we're talking again,
yeah I guess its fine.

I'm supposed to be ignoring you, y'know.
Putting you out of my mind.

It's funny when you share a joke,
from that show you're making me watch.

The one about the guy?
Yeah the guy with the scotch?

I don't really remember
the highlights of the plot

I just remember you
telling me which one you thought was hot.

And comparing myself to her,
saying British tv ***** man

You getting offended
and telling me, all deadpan

yeah it's better than that American ****,
what is it, Anchorman?


and then I had to laugh,
but you would never tell

because all this banter
happened like we were under a spell

like we were actually friends for once
not just some people from school

And I know this time
I'll still end up the fool.
I'm very sorry for the flood of sad puppy love poems, I swear I write diversely you've just caught me in the middle of some issues
254 · Aug 2019
Not the favourite
Dev Aug 2019
Maybe I deserve this.
Maybe I am the overlooked one
And maybe I ****** up the whole dynamic
I wasn't supposed to be the stoner
The smoker
The "borderline alcoholic"
I wasn't supposed to **** away my money
Or drop out
I was supposed to finish things
Because I'm smarter and I'm supposed to have learned from your mistakes mistakes, mistakes.
I'd you're worried about him then fine.
He's a drug addict and always has been
But lucky him hes invincible and smart and hell sober up well in time before he starts something that will ruin him.
The first one is going fine, he's got a stable job, and life, and ego.
Second one is the fixer, same **** and less ego. He'll pick us all up when we fall.
Maybe you do see what I'm trying and failing to hide
And you talk and worry about me like you talk and worry about them.
But why do I get the short end of the stick?
The one who truly ****** up you leave alone
Yet its me you scream at
Its me you can't seem to cut a break
I don't know what to do
I keep trying to ask for help
I'm just so ******* lost
So instead I turn to this newly acquired taste of liqour and nicotine
To dull this incessant noise in my head
And it ******* helps more than you do.
251 · Mar 2018
Hidden Haiku
Dev Mar 2018
I am tired of
Pretending I'm okay when
I really am not.
Yet I can't seem to drop this mask
250 · May 2018
Best frand
Dev May 2018
You could cut me open
I wouldn't give a ****
I'd do it over again to you
And then I'd hold your hands

We clash, we fight,
we misunderstand
You make me want to ****
that boy in my band

for hurting you so
when he held your hand
at least he's not coming to
the party we're to plan

to celebrate eachother,
the life that we've spanned.
Sometimes I see you
and I just can't stand

to even be near you
because you're a strand
of sunlight at least
little bit of heaven here on land

It's too much for me
too much to withstand
that sassy little face
serving verbal backhands

to anyone who crosses you,
and you're high in demand
but that doesn't matter cause
you're my best frand <3
Meme language for the win?

Love you J :)
243 · Sep 2018
far too many holes
Dev Sep 2018
there are far too many holes in my shirt
he tells me, winking
he asks me if I'm cold
Would I like his jumper?
No, it's far too small.
He's far too happy
when he sits here
talking with me
and I am far too at ease.
He tells me about his dreams and plans
he talks about video games, how he stans
for skrillex, and all that dubstep stuff
and I can't even listen to it now.
He tells me his home life,
and how he was scared
He tells me about brothers
and possible sisters
He asks me how I am,
and I tell him the truth
he hangs an arm round my shoulder
he is far too comfortable with
comforting me.
But only when no one else is here
but see, now I'm embellishing
because I am not talking to him
I'm talking about him
to myself.
I'm not yet comfortable with comforting myself
and there are far too many holes in this shirt
and the story.
Sometimes I think I made it all up, I'm not entirely sure I didn't.
240 · May 2018
Sunrise
Dev May 2018
She doesn't like to talk much when we're together. She's too busy thinking of him while I'm stroking her head, thinking of her. She twists and she turns, contorts herself into something desirable, because she doesn't believe for a second that she's already something desirable. At least, not to someone she loves. She paints her face, not to enhance the existing masterpiece, but to create a new one altogether. 'the muse,' she says smiling at me through the mirror, covered in self loathing and insecurity 'i have to look good for him, like me, but not me' she folds her luscious locs into waves of pity and hurt and she covers her scars and body with too tight tshirts and scarily short shorts, which is different from her usual "hipster ******" look. She loves baggy clothes. He prefers no clothes. I love her the way she is. I beg her not to change who she is, which is only ever met by anger and resentment. She thinks I love him too, that I want to ruin their chance to be together. I want to tell her she's beautiful, that she reminds me of the sunrise at 6am in summer, when the air is warm and dewy and when just a sliver of sunlight brightens your whole day. Because she is my sun, my moon, my whole universe. She is the centre and I can only gravitate around her in awe. These are the things I want to tell her, but she'd never speak to me again. She doesn't like to talk much when we're together. She's too busy thinking of him.
Thinking about old loves, and this came through. It feels as fresh as it used to.
240 · Jun 2018
Negative space
Dev Jun 2018
All I am to you,
Simply put, is negative space.
Some may see my beauty, yet you do seek to replace

Me with some other hue, some ditzy, dumb, deranged, doppelgänger
All different shades but the shape remains the same.

Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong, put me in my place,
Prove to me that to you, I’m not an empty face.
238 · Jun 2018
my veins {haiku}
Dev Jun 2018
I can still feel you
linger in my veins, your warmth.
Your soul still rests here.
inspo from 'My Veins' by Manorism.
237 · Oct 2020
Untitled
Dev Oct 2020
Alone on an island am I
Surrounded by my favourite things, and yet
it's a prison
I reach for inspiration, divination
instead finding isolation
a prison
of my memories,
my treasures, my luxuries,
how self-involved can i be?
How selfish can I be?
My problems in reality
are as small as i seem to be
Dev May 2018
I know, it's in my head.

I know that,


I know that I create my own problems, and  backing pills won't solve them.

I know that the bitter tang of alcohol won't dull them anymore.

I know that.


I know that screaming and sobbing and shaking will not be taken to be the cry for help that they are.

They will only scare people away.

I know that hurting myself and eating everything in sight is a control struggle, and I need to learn to control it.

I know that.


I know that my depression is just a regression of my anxiety, and that saying things like

Well I'm going to go hang myself now haha and God I hate myself haha and just shoot me now haha

are not really funny

because they ring of truth

i know that
it's getting worse every day

no one can help me but myself

but i gave up a long time ago
236 · Jun 2018
//. i n . s y n c . \\
Dev Jun 2018
Hearts aflutter
lips in sync
you sway a little
to the cool jazz beat

"... in my heart, I know
when you go out to explore..."


Our gaze meets
from across the room
when you smile like that
i can't help but swoon.

"This last night, won't you act like you
will stay for a long time..."


In my head I imagine
your hand clutching mine
We slow dance to the beat
keeping to the time.

"I don't know how, but i know I'll find a way
to make you stay awhile..."


In reality, we're here
standing mere metres from eachother
but holding so much distance
singing the same words to eachother.

"Until I feel you leave my veins."

-
223 · Apr 2018
equilibrium
Dev Apr 2018
I now know that dark
balances light, and without
dark, we would be blind
and we'd probably die too but yknow, try and keep it cheerful
222 · Jul 2018
“Wait”
Dev Jul 2018
You told me that you’d wait forever
For me, for you, for us.
And when the time came, we’d be together.
You told I could trust.
You asked me to be quiet,
not to tell a soul.
You told me to be patient
Cos we would have it all.
You told me just to lie a little
To my family and my friends
But then I grew tired of being quiet.
I grew tired of the dead ends.
And so I confided in you,
The only way I knew.
And in reply we fought,
Anger and confusion consumed you.
and then we never really spoke,
It all just seemed to end.
The memories, 3 am calls,
Our whole relationship, not even friends.
I think you may have never known
How to let me down,
So instead you just played along
Until you weren’t around.
Never a good bye to me,
Not even in a call.
But looking at your Facebook now,
I’m wondering why I ever loved you at all.
You never forget.
220 · Apr 2018
XVI
Dev Apr 2018
XVI
Sing me a sweet lullaby
a tune that will reverberate through my head
as you softly whisper goodbye
217 · May 2018
You keep hurting me.
Dev May 2018
"I'm sorry"

I cannot bear to see you like this
Keeled over, clutching at your heart
Like you feel broken inside

"I didn't mean it"

You say that, and yet I know
You long to hurt me, for unknown reasons.
You cannot bear to face the consequences.

"I want you to be happy"

And yet you do not account for your actions truly
You yearn to destroy me, to make me feel the way you do.
I yearn to make you happy.

"I won't do it again"

I cannot bear to see you like this again
Regardless of your inadequate sincerity
Despite your lack of legitimate care.

I want to make you happy
Despite your deliberate destruction of my dignity.
217 · Mar 2018
Blisters on my fingers
Dev Mar 2018
I have blisters on my fingers
from playing for too long
because I was trying
to learn your favourite song

I have a croaky voice now
from singing far too high
from trying to sing a melody
that reaches towards the sky

My guitar is out of tune
because of what you said
you told me I was good and
I let it go to my head

My uke is sitting sadly
untouched for quite awhile
because what I play isn't worth it
if I can't make you smile.
Inspo from "I've got blisters on my fingers!" out of the recording of 'Helter Skelter' by The Beatles


I just want him to be happy


at least happier than I am
214 · Apr 2018
1.12 am thoughts
Dev Apr 2018
(let me)        in
I write to feel sane
weird structure, weird overall.

I'm so **** tired and i can't even sleep
213 · Jun 2018
mister mister
Dev Jun 2018
mister mister
lonely heart
always chasing
a brand new start

mister mister
hot and cold
always doing
what you're told

mister mister
turn away
always pretending
that you're okay

mister mister
trust in me
I promise you
I can set you free.
weird little thing
212 · May 2018
you've grown up, kiddo.
Dev May 2018
you've grown up, kiddo.
I've seen the way she looks at you,
the way you look at her,
you're in love

I've seen the way your cynicism
can only make her smile
and the way she fumbles on her words
only makes you laugh

I've heard you both
at similar stages
"No, I'm not into her"
"Nah nah I'm not over it"

And somehow you both ended up here today
me being an awkward third wheel
while you both stared lovingly into each others eyes
it makes me so so happy, yet sick to the core

you see, just because i am truly
one hundred percent happy for you
doesnt mean I don't occasionally think
"I wish you'd chosen me"

But it wasn't a matter of choice,
was it?

After all,
the heart doesn't choose what it wants

it just knows.
209 · Feb 2019
Untitled
Dev Feb 2019
Tip toe across the floor,
And slyly creep to the open door.
Slither through and don't turn around
Cos if you do,

they'll put you in the ground.
Just a weird bit
209 · Mar 2018
VI
Dev Mar 2018
VI

Ah! The drama!
To be young and in love!

Well give me a break,
he's just simply very attractive

Well surely there  must be
somebody you're into.
Are you like your aunty, hmm?
More into the
(cough cough)
Ahem. Females?

Oh, come off it,
I just don't wanna talk
about it with you lot

No, no! She's interested in both,
don't you know? Don't
quite
understand how,
but I'm sure it's just a phase.


Yes! Yes she does it all
for the attention,
don't you sweetie?


Well come on now,
tell us who is right



-
Conversations with my family
207 · May 2018
c o n t r o l
Dev May 2018
he likes to have control.
you can have your freedom,
but don't forget,
you'll have to pay the toll

he tells you "Stop"
commands you "Go"
and everything
in between.

he whispers
sweet nothings
and firmly suggests
all the most obscene things

By daytime, sweet as anything
shouting food, making me smile.
By night, he's the devil,
making you work for every mile.

he boosts your confidence
oh so slightly
it's what they all do.
But if he asks you anything,
don't ever tell the truth.
206 · Jun 2018
Oddly shaped just like you
Dev Jun 2018
I wanted to write you a love letter
So I picked the flowers from my brain
To decorate the page

To decorate the writings,
I plucked the strings of my heart
Because I wanted to write a love letter to you.

A love letter, I will write for you
In oddly shaped format
Because it reminds me of you.
I don’t know anymore
206 · Mar 2018
Confused
Dev Mar 2018
You shouldn't talk or stare like that
a girl could get confused
as to why you smile like that
I feel like I've been used

sometimes I'm like the tissue
that wipes away your tears
and then you throw me away
till you remember all your fears

and come crawling back again
because you're sorry, I really mean it
I just got caught up in her drama again

Yeah, I can see it

Its a wonder you cant tell
why I sat here waiting for you
you really must be dull
for it to not have gotten through
205 · Mar 2018
II
Dev Mar 2018
II
get your hand out of my heart.



didnt they tell you not to play with your food
He doesn't even know it
204 · Jun 2018
Unexpected and sickening
Dev Jun 2018
Hands on thighs,
And spinning lies;
You got exactly what
You came for.

Literally.
Figuratively.
Methaphorically.
Truthfully.

Phot­os abound
When I’m not around
And my friends are
Using my phone.

Bizarre.
Unwanted.
Unneeded.
Strange.

I told you once, twice, thrice,
Yet you still roll those dice.
You’re a terrible gambler
Bad timing yet no tells.

So now I need new locks
So I don’t have to see your...//BLOCKED\\
Give a girl more warning
Next time please.
Dev May 2018
"Fix me"
There's nothing to fix, my darling.
"I am broken"
Yet it makes you all the more beautiful.
"Help me"
Let me carry you through your struggles.
"Save me"
I would die before I let you come to harm, my love.
203 · Aug 2018
memorabilia
Dev Aug 2018
There is a scar on my heart,
from when you crashed into me
and cut it wide open.
Don't mistake, it wasn't broken.
Simply just open.
And you stared at me
with your deep brown eyes
lashes long like spider silk
and i thought to myself
'boys shouldn't have lashes that long.'
'it makes them too beautiful'
'boy shouldn't be that beautiful'
And i remember when i cried,
and you hugged me
you didnt hug anyone
but we were alone,
and no one could've seen.
I remember your thumb drawing circles
and i forgot i was supposed to be crying
because that **** thumb
was driving my nervous system
into a wreckage of anxiety
and love.
I remember you painting
something from your video game
you were happy that day
and we mucked around.
You splattered paint across my
good white schoolshirt
I had to throw it out.
but I didn't,
because it was you
it was us
...
before you left anyways.

So i finally threw it out,
the last remnant of our
time together.
the final piece of memorabilia.
I don't think you'll care but
I thought you should know.
202 · May 2020
Too Late
Dev May 2020
Would it be better to delay the message?
Leave it imprinted in my brain
Let it boil and fester,
Let it soak up all the pain?

Do I let it become so massive
That I just cannot relay it?
That I call you to tell you I love you and I miss you
And hang up when you answer it?

Should I even bother?
I've let it go too far
That our friendships slowly turning out
To be a dying star?

I want to call you
I miss your voice
I miss your jokes
I miss you

But I'm scared that it'll sound like excuses
I'm worried that there's no weight
I feel like I can't breathe
Because it's all too late
202 · Feb 2018
Untitled I
Dev Feb 2018
If today I were to die,
I don't think I'd be sad.
Just lonely
I hope it gets better
202 · Mar 2020
I will not sink
Dev Mar 2020
I will not sink
Here on my boat
I sing these words
To stay afloat

I will not sink
Here in this sea
Won’t condemn myself
To misery

I will not sink
I know I can
But will not try
To reach for land

I will not sink
I’ll sing all day
And chase these pirates
All away

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
Till I’m ashore

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
My fears, no more

I will not sink
Here on my ship
I’ve finally started
To give a ****.
My little mantra at the moment.






It's only the first week of something new, and I keep getting that niggling thought in my head that I'm not cut out for this, but I refuse to give up simply because I think I can't do it. I simply have to.
201 · Mar 2018
2am Talking
Dev Mar 2018
It's 2.26 am, and I'm dying to talk to you.
I know, I know.
My sleep schedules ****,
You're worried I'll miss the bus.

It's 2.27 am, and I keep rewriting a text to you:
Hey... No, backspace on that Hey, you up?
Could you sound more desperate?
No luck, because it's 2.28 and you wont reply.

It's 2.29 am and I feel it already,
The regret of staying up too late.
Shouldn't have drunk the coffee,
Shouldn't have had that drink.

It's still 2.29 am, oh no its turned.
I should sleep but when I close my eyes
I think about everything I want to say to you
The way I imagine it all happening in my head.

It's 2.31 am, and I'm so exhausted
I'm so exhausted from chasing after you.
So now I'll go to sleep,
And when I wake up, I'm taking a different route.
We all know it's a lieeeee
198 · Jul 2018
I’m fine
Dev Jul 2018
-
I’m fine,
Don’t  worry about these little things.
I know it gets better.
it always gets better..
You don’t need to help me,
This happens all the time.
I’m fine
-
198 · Mar 2018
Hypocrite
Dev Mar 2018
Who am I to write love poems to you
When you will never see them

Am I selfish to create a friendship based off of lies,
In the hope that you'll come to love me?

In all honesty,
I'm a ****** hypocrite.
198 · Aug 2019
Untitled
Dev Aug 2019
Wasted time and wasted efforts
For you to say something so hurtful
So easily
Maybe it slipped out
Maybe it didn't mean anything
But you're right
There's a problem there.
And your priorities are clear
I'm not welcome here
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