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If it's him and not me, go. 
Please go. 
Don't make this any harder. 
My heart has been through tornados and tsunamis,
But nothing could prepare it for this. 
For you leaving. 
For this heartache.
For you are choosing him over me. 
Over 
And over. 
Again
And again. 

If it's him and not me, leave.  
Take your bags and walk out the door.
But don't you dare look back,
You've left me before. 
Without a doubt in your mind,
And I was a fool to let you back into my heart. 
This time was the last time. 
This is your choice. 
You choose.  
It's him. 
Not me. 
So go.
The pain that replays over and over again. She wouldn't know. Sometimes I wish she knew how it feels to have a heart that been threw love and hell.
 Feb 2018 posiontheapple
alex
there is more than one type of cold.
there’s the cold from that winter wind
it blows through the window
with the hole in it and it sneaks around
the curtains and comes up
through the floor
there’s the cold during the summer
when it’s ninety degrees in the shade
and you turn on the a/c in the car
and it numbs your fingers
and the backs of your arms
there’s the cold when you’re sick
and ten blankets couldn’t reach the chill
that’s made its way inside
and your eyelids feel the fever drifting
there’s the cold that arrives when you’re scared
when you’re nervous
it nestles just under the skin
and you’re losing feeling in your fingers
there is more than one type of cold
but you’re the only one
that ever made me freeze.
and i continue the pattern of comparing depression to cold. i'm not sure what i think of this one.
The ribbon is red.

And around my throat,
Tightening when I try to speak.

Thoughts wishing to be exclaimed,
Trapped in lungs.

Sinking like a rock,
Wide-eyed
I stare,
The ribbon's colour blooming,
Swaying towards the surface,
Breaking the edge.

A tug.

And I am pulled.

Face to face,
Another like me,
And around their throat,
A ribbon.

The ribbon is red.
 Feb 2018 posiontheapple
Viseract
an acid, a poison, corroding my thoughts
crossroads that run four different corridors
at the end of each, a padlocked door
not much to see but here, have a tour

one leads to Guilt, it opens a lot
and from deep inside lies a scent of rot
imagine sunken eyes, decay-riddled flesh
crusted tears caught in the folds of saddened death

the second leads to Rage, hear the beast in the cage
a vicious monster kept, a lion untamed
the red claw marks along the walls and the blood that dried
I've lost myself so many times you could say that I died

to your six opens Doubt, a hollow void indeed
you can feel the pulsing dark, lustful or greed
its desire is destroy, to run down into the ground
and claim my soul its only goal, gone without a sound

the fourth is most vicious, a chasm called Depression
all your thoughts and feelings, kept under suppression
for to voice all the voices telling you that you should die
is the means to take away the chance that you may try...

and in the centre stands me, isolated by this pain
the likes of which to share would be of zero gain
a problem told is a problem halved but this one can't be cut
I know things that can, but the unsolved is worth much

and I keep what's mine....
 Feb 2018 posiontheapple
Nisa
enough
 Feb 2018 posiontheapple
Nisa
i don’t like what i see in the mirror
because i am nothing more than an ugly mess.

tired eyes
flabby tummy and big thighs
self harm scars
and layers of skins enough to hide my confidence.

i don’t like my reflection.
i don’t like them at all.

i was told that i was perfect the way i am
but then they would tell me
“maybe if you lose weight a little bit more
you could get rid of that chubby cheeks and double chin”.

so i skipped breakfast,
and lunch,
and dinner,
and sometimes i lose control and puke all the way out.
my throat would burn but i felt victorious.

and just like that i spend days and weeks and months and every moments counting calories that will flow down inside this mouth
one hundred
two hundred
not more than three
or else their terrifying gazes will speak to me and say
“ew, disgusting.”

i hate my reflection and i dislike my being
because who would have loved a person like me,
a person with self love the size of a teardrop?

and then they told me again that i don’t have to go on diet because i’ve got the body of Victoria’s Secret’s models

but again,
why would he left me for a girl
well,
she has smaller wrist, bigger chest and she’s always alive
i don’t blame him though
i am really not enough, right?

because anyone can say those three words
and anyone can say you’re perfect
as long as you fit their idea of perfection

i am no goddess and i know my place

but maybe
just maybe
someday,
i will finally be enough.
please leave your comment, thank you! :)
Away from the chaos
I lit my cigarette and puff the smoke hard gruelling  to recall your Potriat
that every bone is colliding in agony
turning into ashes
But I am unable to see your silhouette
I am piercing my innerself  for you in this gloomy night,
but i am diving in the uncanny gallery
The pain is foreshadowing  of the woeful
future
But now i am immobile
Grieving the lullably from the distant window
Hoping now i will shed tears
But  emotions and heart are not synchronizing any longer
Even oasis can be a myth from near
But you are the essence precedes existence
Now I prefer evil over good
Evil has become my ally giving me morphine love
       "You are no  longer my addiction
My writing doesnt belong to you anymore".
What if dying isn't death

If when we leave this world…


The weight of it is simply off our chest

When we take that final breath

We live the most memorable of moments all over again

But this time…


We’re at our best


What if only the best of memories replay

All the sadness,

The shame,

The madness

The blame and the anguish…


What if they’re cast away

What if it's like waking up to not just another day

If only the happiness is the feeling that stays


What if…

Death is truly the end of all pain

If love is all we retain


What if…

The night sky…


And all the stars from above

Is all that remains


But...

I’m wondering about those stars

They too some day die

So…

What if we’re like stars…


We only shine bright when alive

Just a small light in a vast world that one day burns out…


What if the weight of the world’s what living life’s all about

All the people,

The places,

The sorrow and joyous filled faces…

  

Each of our books of life and their;

Some better,

Some worse but…


Still lively filled pages…


Are what leaves those we leave behind with heartbreak and…


Sorrow filled grievance…


What if our memory is truly all that's left when we pass into the unknown

An empty bed in a place we once called our home

A place where in our old age we had grown…



What if our lasting legacy is only the moments in which we shared an experience

If...

The wisdom,

The kindness,

And the hard work filled progress…


Is all we leave behind

If we only leave what we project into those empty filled spaces

In our loved ones' hearts and loved ones' minds…


I wonder what I'll see when I'm staring up at the ceiling or sky…


Somewhere down the line…

Life hanging by a thread

Watching the story of my life as it flashes by...


Will there be regrets,


Goals never met,


Things never said,


Thoughts trapped in my head…

Or...

Will I be able to say

I did all that I could

Willing to die without needing to lie…


T o  m y s e l f


What if…


The money we made


The status we gained


The list of the people we blame

For the shame on our name…


If none of that ever really matters when our…


Book of life comes to an end…


What if

It was only ever about the mark on everyone's hearts we ingrained


If like stars we burn out but…


Just burn out much faster

The difference for us is…


No tomorrow can be guaranteed


If...

This life…

Was the only book you could write

If tomorrow was your final chapter…


Can you say your book of life was the best it could be


Like only the greatest of books

When they end...

They leave the world with sadness and grief

With…

Wonderment and pure disbelief

If your life was the best it could be

Can you close your eyes

Fall into that endless sleep

Feel your heart's final beat

Come to a close as you cease to breath


And go satisfied…


K n o w i n g   y o u r   b o o k   o f   l i f e ' s   w o r t h   t h e   r e a d

— The End —