Sweet, toothache smile, wonky,
Chipped tooth greedy grin, melts my insides.
My name written in your quicksand brain -
Funny how you don't even know me,
But you know the details of my body.

Fill me up with freedom,
Take me away for a night,
Your voice soothes me, breaks me in one.

Fake face to everyone,
A people whisperer, professional charmer.
But I want to see the specks of dust
In your unkept room; the glitter of your life.

I know you would shatter my heart
If I let you, but sometimes my
Mind is weak and still, I think of you,
Of us.

Our explosive, violent storm of passion,
Never a muted moment, just a
Flickering rush of fiery compassion.

But why do I still lie here,
Eyes closed feeling your phantom skin,
Imagining us staring into the night
Holding each other, talking for hours about life,
About your poor mum, and your dad and his new wife.

I trace my fingers on your back,
Hungry for you, all of you,
Not just that infamous fake face,
Hiding a reality too hard to retrace.

One night, you held me,
Then you pushed me and pulled on me,
Opening me, closing me,
Lifting me up, shutting me down.

I'm not your toy, your play-thing,
Your distraction when you're bored.
You can't pause me like a game,
Press play when you've nothing
Better to do, nothing better on offer.

You want me, I'm yours,
But only until you break me
More than you can mend.

Fickle me, funny feelings. Forget it.
Forget it girl, you just can’t make
It up, can’t make up your mind

Sometimes you want it bad, but then
They take you over -
It’s too much, just stop
Run away, hide from them all.
Escape this dull pain heavy
In your body, that you slug every
Where; to class, back home,
To the shops, to the fridge
To bed

To bed with whoever, whoever
Will add more and more empty weight
For you to drag around.

One day I will be fixed to the ground
Buried deep underneath them all

Close your eyes and let the
Images flicker and flash
Lightening bolt pain of an
Unfinished potential perfection
Suppressed by fate’s predestination

I think I’m going to be sick,
Your contemptible *******-ish
Behaviour is rubbing off on me
Stealing pieces of me, elevating
Me to such a height that
When you inevitably drop me and
I shatter, my shrapnel showers down
Cuts and slashes, gashes and grazes
All those I ought to protect

No more will I be here for you to collect!
You may be mamma’s blue-eyed-boy
But remember pride comes before the fall
So be careful, the hurt hearts
You’ve abandoned means
Your record needs reconciling

You're my cross stitch lover,
Not my star-crossed lover
- We're not meant to be
You just unpick me and
Zigzag through others

Somehow your backstitch
Gets me every time
I come running eyes open
Ready for you to rethread me.

Feel the rain on your skin
Let it sink into your pores,
Diffuse into your bloodstream,
Dilute the pain

It trickles down my back
Each drop a bead of cold sweat
But my skin like paper
Will tear when it's wet

My papier-mâché face
Turns up to the sky
I am pulp
I am a mushy mess
I have reached my saturation point
God, don't ask me to confess.

I wrote your name
In the condensation
that we created when
We made love in my car.
It's faded now,
But I can still see the
Faint outline

It fills me with dread,
to think of washing it off
As if it will somehow
falsify us

I feel I don't know you,
Not a bit, not at all

Your words are like flowers
All pretty and sweet, grow on
Trees and bushes, fill us with hope
But die after a week.

I'd give my life for you
But you have to live it in return.
Don't give in to the world,
It'll eat you up, devour you whole.

Pain; we're all familiar with it
But we don't live by it
It moulds us, builds us,
Creates who we are, but you let it
Define you, let it diffuse into your blood
Instead of oxygen.

Why won't you let us help you?
You watch us as you let us watch you

Pull down your wall of pride
Your life is screaming to be lived,
But you suppress it.

I swear you want to be a crisis
Because silence of lies is all you give us,
We're waiting for your truth but
You've got to realise time does not stop -

Let us help you,
I feel I don't know you.

It will be winter, the trees and bushes
Will be starved of blossom - all that will
Remain are skeletal figures
Vulnerable to the bite of the bitter cold.

So let us help you,
I feel I don't know you.

Left only embers
Sweet burning remains
Ashes of your imprint
Sticky ****** wounds of lovely pain;
No area untouched;
Unburned

It's hard to forget the smell
Of human flesh melting
Especially when it's your own.

Let me have you, hold you,
Touch you all over, stay,
Stay, please stay.

Detonate me

Let me seep into your happiness
Become part of you,
And this life I've prayed
To every god to let go of
Will disperse
At the touch of your finger tips

Never fallen into a hollow this deep,
This dark, empty, lonely.
I can feel myself slipping
Slipping away into memories
Of you gilding me
With your gold leaf skin
That without I shiver from the cold.
Now goosebumps cover my skin
Because I crave those searing wounds
That eat away at me until
Nothing remains but bone

You regenerate me
Only to reduce me to flames again,
I'm waving my white flag
Please, have mercy on me.