infected from head to toe,
it spreads
poisoning
your movements
thoughts

slowly
takes your life
rips it seam by seam
until there's nothing left,
but a string.

forces you into loneliness,
exiles you from your own life,
leaving you with nothing,
nothing but a shell of who you were.

memories are used as weapons,
torturing you with thoughts.

all that you had left is turned against you as if you're deserving of simply nothing.

because that is what this disease does.
it forces you to feel like
n
o
t
h
i
n
g
until you accept that it as truth.

but you can't, the only cure is to rip through the mirage.
you can't submiss to the negative,
when you can create positive.

you may left in pieces,
but everything is formed with pieces.
e
v
e
r
y
t
h
i
n
g
Pieces are everything.

Crystal eyes as the waves crash,
the liquid golden sky shines to form your smile.

Your laugh radiates warmth as the waves splash
laying there with you, makes life all worthwhile.

The butterflies in your eyes,
fluttering just as fast as my ever-so beating heart.

We melt into the sky,
begging to never have to spend a day apart.

Take the jump into the ocean,
and we'll forget everything besides us.

Let the love wash over you, like a potion.
Everything besides us is simply superfluous.

Don't let these waves ever disappear,
this is the only place I want to be, and that is ever so clear.

lightning is important.
                                                                                                                 age 4:
i watched you fall lifeless right in front of me,
the lightning and rain outside shines through the windows,
your eyes go black,
body completely still,
my oldest sister,
my second mother,
taken from me.

i cried, screamed, begged for you to come back.
no reply.

i stood as your body was taken away,
buried,
taken out of sight
for eternity.

                                                               ­                                                age 12:
torn apart.
it took 8 years to divide us,
but the strike of the lightning
cut layers deep,
it was permanent.

family is something that should be held sacred,
but it had been 8 years since we were a family.

now we would have to be two families.
                                                                ­                                               age 18:
i get a call.

drive through the rain and lightning,
only to see you were already gone.
another life in front of my eyes, taken.
another body that would soon leave my sight,
and never return.

My hero.
Dad,
i wish i knew,
i wish i had done more,
i wish i could stop wishing and just do it.

we all begged once again,
come back.
why.

Why.
                                                                ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                   now:
i watch the lightning outside my window,
the flash shows strength.

the strength you must show everyone,
you must use to protect everyone.

but when you live for everyone else
and everyone is gone,
who is left to live for.

you.
how do you learn to live for yourself,
you've never done this.

you have to try,
otherwise you won't be
living.

Watch the lighting:
imitate the strength,
the power,
the force,
the persistence,
nothing stands in the way.

you got this.

Run
                                                             ­                                          we can't fly
Speak
                                                       ­                                 we can't be invisible
Write
                                                 ­                                   we can't stop thinking
Do it.
                                                                ­               we don't live for eternity.

watch the water crash,
the wave slowly crawling up to the tips of your toes,
begging for it just stop,
slow down,

wanting to turn around,
run away from the drips of crystal
but you're froze.

Muscles fight your thoughts,
a civil war within your shaking body,
grasped by the deep tremors.

The pain is just temporary,
but there's nothing more scary.

Water rises higher and higher,
your desperate thoughts turn to
screams.

why even try,
nothing can stop the persistent tide.

you just have to watch,
as it consumes you whole,
poisoning you from the bottom
slowing rising all the way to the shadows in your head.

You did all you could,
besides run.

which you've refused to do.

Throw ourselves into darkness,
Trust that we'll end up in the light,

In a land,
where blood from the bullet holes in our head turn to confetti,
and faded smiles are replaced with a temporary burst of joy.

Into the Rabbit Hole we go,
another escape, a way out,
even if we know it won't last.

Our wildest fantasies turn to reality and
reality fades to nothing but a dream.

Our scars dissipate,
replaced with sparkling images of strength,

Our fears morph into our best friends.

You reach a new level of euphoria,
a new form of happiness,
never before experienced.

It can't end,
you won't let it,

just let go,
Wonderland Lasts Forever.