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Ayeshah Mar 2010
He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
They touched and caressed,So close and so intimately.
She decided she had enough of feeling awkward
and took control over the situation.
Kala said I notice you been looking at me lately
a little differently and I wanted to know why?
Ai'yahna  let out a little sigh.
Well ever since I kissed you
in the elevator at work things
just hasn't been the same,
Yes I know we kissed
and touched like this but are you only  
bi curious or are you really into me?
Kala said  I wont lie this is my first time
doing anything even close to this.
I've never thought of it before
but I like how I feel when you touch me.
Ai'yahna Says you know I've been thinking
about you for a long long time
now and for me it's different.  
Let me show you what I mean.
Ai'yahna kissed  Kala's  forehead,
the bridge of her nose, than teased
her mouth open as she pulled her head by,
by pulling gently on her hair.  
Ai'yahna Moaned into her mouth as they deepened the kiss,
Sitting in the living room had started
out with champagne and dinner,
a girl's night out.
They're both wearing lingerie
Ai'yahna had on a baby doll nightie,
red&pin;;,
Kala's wearing a blue and purple short set
their toe's have the french tips and pedicure
from earlier when they went to the salon to get a full do up.
Ai'yahna  slides one hand in Kala's top
as she feels her up and down than squeezes
Kala's breast.
Kala bits on her lower lip and tries not to like it so much.
She feel weird but can't understand whats coming over her.
Ai'yahna  than stared kissing her neck biting as
She went further down toward Kala's cleavage,
Kala was only 5'2" with a slim waist and a big ***,
Her breast were about 36.C
Ai'yahna liked her ladies shorted than her 5'7 thick frame,
she too had a big ***, bigger than
Kaala's & her breast were about a 38-40.B
but she didn't have that tiny waist like Kala
She was thick not a big girl but far from small of course
Ai'yahna worked out about
4 to 5 times a day every time she took her
break and for about an hour for lunch.
Ai'yana didn't look butch she carried her weight
well and had a very feminine side
to her just like Kala, the difference's between them was
Everywhere Kala was soft
Ai'yahna was hard tone and firm,
But unlike a man she still had that femininity
about hr and she was still muscular like a woman
should be not counting her arms of course.
Kala started caressing Ai'yahna's back as
Ai'yana moved slowly down Kala's body
Kala couldn't help what Ai'yahna was doing to her,
She felt like she was burn up from the inside out,
Her desire caused her confusion
she shouldn't like it so much but OH God it felt so good,
She'd never been touched kissed
or licked like this by man or woman
and Yes she's dated a chick before
but they never went this far.
Ai'yahna licked
Kala's navel and midriff she teased and taunted her with her hair,
her fingers and teeth,
Up and down and all across her body,
Kala was looking her mind
she tried hard to fight the feelings
that were coming over her,
She wanted to stop it but couldn't form
the words all that came out was a little sigh.
As Ai'yahna moved further down  her body she tensed,
Readying herself for what was about to happen,
Ai'yahna kised than gently bit  down on
Kala's mound right  at the base of her ****,
she than used her teeth to take off
Kala's shorts as she was doing this
Kala began to play with Ai'yahna's ****,
squeezing her ******* with her two
fingers and pulling gentle, than
Kala grabbed a handful and slowly caressed each one
massages and teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala slid one finger inside
Ai'yahna's mouth when she was done taking her shorts off
than pulled her finger out and slid it into her own *****
Teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala said
Watch me and let me watch you,
Ai'yahna slowly danced as she undressed for Kala,
She moved so graceful like a ballerina.
Ai'yahna sat on the bear skin rug and started to
also playing with her own *****, She slowly putting
two-fingers in very very slowly until they were
filling up her hole. she moved them in and out
and Kala watched while taking one hand
and moving it in circle around her ****,
letting the other fingers slide in and out of her *****,
She took them out then shoved them deep
inside herself while Ai'yahna
watched  with abandon desire in her eyes.
Ai'yahna stood up and walked over to where
Kala was sitting on the couch.
She picked her up easy and laid
Kala down on the bear skin rug.
Spreading her legs far apart
Ai'yahna than licked  Kala's hole as
Kala continued to play with herself,
Ai'yahna moved her hands and held
them both above her head with just one
of her own hands while using the other to tease in
and out of Kala's *****.
She knew Kala would probably
put up a fight and she knew too that Kala liked it rough.
Ai'yahna thought to her self she may not be a man
but she'd make t work to have this beautiful woman
as her very own and do her best to please her.
It was so **** hard competing with men
for bi carious women.
Kala did in fact struggle and cried out as she felt
Ai'yahna penetrate her ***** to it's very core,
she likes it rough but wow this was so different
and it felt good more than it hurt-ed.
Ai'yahna ****** on her **** so hard
and bobbed her head up and down like
she was ******* on a **** she liked
and ****** insider her hole
taking her hands away just to spread her open
teasing her ***** as she slide in 2 fingers stretching her hole
and making her tense up as the pressure built and built inside Kala.
Just as Kala was about to ****** and *** her boyfriend walks in.
Neil didn't know what to say at the scene he just walked in on
his chick and another girl was on his floor going at it
and from what he could see the other chick had her fingers
and mouth on his chicks *****.
He could tell Kala was *******
from that sweet look on her face.
She always bit down hard
on her bottom lip to keep from
screaming while she was *******.
It turned him on yet he was fuming ,
To him it was some what like cheating and
His lady would pay for this one way or another.
She pushed up and away from the other woman
and the other woman just smiled and said Hey.
how are you I'm Ai'yahna,
She stood up licked her finger
than ****** one her index and
extended her hand to him.
Neil just looked at the both of them.
He studied Kala's sweet angelic face
as she watched the floor.
He than looked at this
Ai'yahna chick and smiled
she was almost as tall as him well
close enough to suit what he had just thought to do.
He liked her build and her athletic frame,
she still had to look up at him and he liked that a whole lot,
He said Hi. I'm Neil ,Kala's boyfriend....,
Baby he said to Kala.
I knew you had asked about doing this
but I never thought you'd really do it,
I'm shocked,
Kala says sweetie before you go off
please listen.
He laughs and says,
NO you listen.
Kala thought she was in for it now
and looked at the floor again while he talked.
Neil says I want in&right; now!
Ai'yahna smiles while Kala's mouth's drops open,
Neil's stripping and He watches his chick
just stands there with her mouth hanging open.
Ai'yahna walks up to Kala and starts
kissing her passionately.
She than bends down on her knees
and starts lick and again ******* on
Kala's ****,
Ai'yahna than again slide her fingers in Kala's  *****.
Neil walks right up to Kala and grabs her head saying
"**** my ****".
Kaala laughs and does what Neil asked of her to do.
She stops and says wait.
"No" is All Ai'yahna says and
her and Neil pick up
Kala and laying her down again on the bear skin rug.
Ai'yahna again starts her sweet torture on
Kala's ***** while Neil  stuck
his **** a little roughly inside
Kala's mouth.
Kala **** hard and
deep throats
Neils **** taking it all inside
as he rides her face.
He hold the sides of her face as
he pushes his **** in and out her mouth.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm tired.

Tired of you

and the **** you keep texting me.

Tired of the many excuses

& all yo threats **** yo *** funny.

Tired of how you assume so much,

shut the **** up.

Everything ain't about you,

her,  them or him.

Most of times it's

whatever
I ******* feel like writing.

I'm tired of how you
still try to dictate to me,

******* please
YO *** ain't mines.

When I left you,
it was over your lies,
cheating, your mental,
physical plus emotion abuse,

oh wait don't forget your deceitfulness,
your decorum of begin
a unscrupulous
sorry excuse of a man,

Yo *** tried it calling me
a  N...,
over 4 times.

I bet yo  wanna be
"Italian" ***

liked all this "N!"
did fo you...

Member I was with yo ***
when you were broken,
homeless, penniless
even toothless,
yo *** still toothless,
and  you were still
trying to be a player boo!

You tried to blame me for all
the ****** off **** you've done to me,

but like I been told you
when you begged me back

"all I wanted back
then from you was
money & ****"

No one used you- you played ya **** self,

call me user, gold-digger it's not gon help.

I stopped being in love with you long ago,

I know you seen it when Yo *** tried it,

I been told you- don't put yo

motha ******* hands on me,

you had to finally find out the hard way,

told you stay the **** outta my face,

you screaming loudly in my ear,

trying to scare me

please.

I'm from Brooklyn- fighting meant
some days we got to eat!

You thought because
of what the Arab dude

did to me I'd be scare of

" you",

even at his ****** off worst

that motha ****** -the best at abuse

was 10xs better than you.

You say you want me back,

then flip out cause

I'm not interested,
not when you've still be on some kid level ****!

claimed you want to help,
when I need some money,
you think you slick,
helping a few times, claimed as a friend
then saying I have to be yo woman,
your just a sorry *** liar,
I no longer need that
little once a month $200 dollars,
naw man like I been told you,
I'm not for sell & you you will
never own me.

You once, well a few times told me
I was your property,

I find it funny,

how I belong to you when
I'm my own woman?

You then say I used you but how is it possible

when since I left you I told you upfront son

all I wanted was yo **** & some money,

Now ***** you say and ****,

you called me that

through out our sorry ***
3 year relationship,

I'll be a ***** & a ****

**** I don't give a ****,

"My truth"
is you was
the only one I used to ****

oh wait your warped mind
you say making love,
but you don't know the meaning of love.
I know the differences

and trust me or don't but

you got ok ****  just it ain't
that back breaking- making
love type ****,

it never was,

sorry boo, you only
know how to ****,

**** UP PEOPLES LIVES

**** UP YOUR OWN

**** UP FAMILY'S HAPPY LIL HOME

**** up a good time and **** up the world

your just **** up and ****** off with your

insults and lame words

put me down it doesn't hurt no mo,

I know I'm better off t
hen ever again being yo girl.

Believe what ever you like

long as we just say good-bye

as the song goes

BLAME IT ON ME

long as we ain't doing
this no more.

I could care less,

claim I'll never change

but the only who hasn't
gotten help or changed in
the slightest is you and I'm not
yo door mat,

I'm not what you need

try a straightjacket

long as you go do
that **** the ****

away from me.

Yo *** hate to see me
happy even when

I was with you,

your a miserable
type of person,

and a lonely, sad ****,

a 45 year old fool.

Last time we was together

I couldn't wait to be rid of you,

ya just annoying now,

always trying to manipulate
your rules & dictations,

or get your own way,
trying to force yourself

into my life

ya always trying to be spiteful,
plus hurtful

even to ya own father
& that **** was over a bike...

not a motorcycle,
a ****** off pedal bike!

These are all the reasons
why I left you,

but you can tell em all you left me

it doesn't matter cuz at the end of the day

I'm finally happy

being on my own, no accusations, ridicule,

abuse or any other ****** off problems

from you,

and while I'm happy weather

for a moment or a lifetime

I'll live it up & do as I ******* please.

I'm so tired of this same old thing,

comforting you, explaining literally

every single thing

having to always justify myself to you,

WHO
the **** are you?


You don't deserve a answer

so MIND YO ******* business man!

This is my life & that of my children

& I'm a do as I **** well please!

if you were a good person in general,

treated me like a man should

things would of been so completely different,

The problem ain't me

as I used to believe,

it's you and I'm

I'm tried,

TIRED OF YOU!


(you'll never be good or good to me)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I been dealing with a person who takes anything I write on Hello-poetry in a literal sense no matter when,what, who and/or where  my idea's , thought or whatever comes from when I write, this dude assumes its about someone else and or about him, then texts me and cusses me out ,puts me down etc, im like so what if i write let me write  who the hell is he to dictate my poems real or not real true or not true  weather of my life or fantasy, anyhow fact is, 1 he aint my man 2 he stalking me online and off and im done, we broke up long ago and well the poem finally says it all, so HP friends forgive me as I rant.... pray for me, my girls & me are  moving to KY soon, so I will be better off out of NM and soon! my kids don't need this or to see me stressed over an ex one who isn't their father or kin and this is just tiring , im a student and it seems i am just wrong for bettering my life n that of my kids since it aint got anything to do with him im wrong, got a retraining order too and he still harasses me so im done as i said. this ends now! thanks for reading and hope to write about better things soon! 1 luv yall! Always Me Ayeshah
Ayeshah Dec 2010
He makes me smile when
all I want to do is cry at times.

He makes me wonder
how did I become so blessed,

even thou I been
blessed a long time ago,
I just didn't know,

joy burst forth from my lips
as a giggle escape cause of
something he recently did!

He makes me stay on my toes
& he makes me feel so whole,

love isn't ever pose to hurt
but I hurt'ed mightily for him
& for him too,

to think I went through it all
and came out clean,
refreshed & brand
spanking NEW!

He makes me smile
&
He makes me laugh!

The power of children
&
a mothers love can
do wonders
for your soul!

it's a gift God
'can only give-  
Twins!

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Apr 2013
I step up to the curtains
they weren't open yet,
but I could hear the melody of the music
and
I listen curiously,
as
the man performing before me spoke,
he used words to address me as a
Afrocentric --Soultress
with a little bit of Boriqua aurora ,
I bow my head and laugh.
The curtains lift as I walk out & up
I open my mouth softly
I tells of lovers wrapped entwined entangled
as
sheets become hiding places as lips taste of honey
from valleys of lustrous milky--juices
from a our oasis
of ******* *******,
and
overflowing valleys fill to the
brink with sweets raunchiness hehehe...
I step to the right to
look at the crowd
making sure they get the effect of how he tasted
as
I hold the mic
I gentle massage it
while motioning
to a man sitting right in front,
he licks his lips
and
I then turn my head to my left
addressing
the parties sitting right up front on my left,
I speak to them of the swells of his back and how
my nails dug deep as he enter me swiftly
with his Mandingo shaft...
how his blue eyes seeped into my brown eyes
while
he drove deeper inside of my mahogany velvet box,

a women in front crossed her legs tightly
and
wiggled in her seat,
I bow my head so I don't laugh,
I watch the center crown as
I explain how he  the man with this enormous
Mandingo ****
stuffs it down my throat
and
I **** him in choking as he trys to insert it deeper,
I'm lavishing up every bit of his essence, 
 the couple in the center hold hands even tighter
and
look at each other with a shared memory.
I flow with the music softly slowly
I connect with each member of my audience,
sharing with them the way he bent me over his stool inside
his photo lab
and
kissed between my cheeks as he spread me open
and
softly fingered my ***
while using the other to finger to lavishly assault
my chocolate velvety muffin,
as
I moaned he readily spread me,
telling me as he moved in front of me saying be still,
he tied me up to this tall stool, the crowd leans in
as if ready to hear the next verse,
I give in after a moments pause,
sharing with them how he spread my legs
and
tied them right after he spread
my hands on each leg of his stool.
In his photo lab he lubed up moving his hand up
&
down
his light skinned shaft,
I watched
and
longed for him to touch me again,
the radiance crowd
sitting on my left seemed
to be thinking as I did,
"is he going to stuff his **** back inside my mouth,"
I speak again
seeing how their all
longing to know he did in fact slowly 
walk up to me, lifting my head and saying open up baby,

I did as I was told,
the man sitting in the shadows
on my left
seems
to be stroking his **** as
I proceed to explain in poetic
****** verses
of this tall
high--yellow
black man
with the
blue eyes,
he seems in tuned
so I keep speaking of how
I licked his shaft
then allowed him to slowly meticulously
push
his **** inside my mouth
and
slowly pull out again .
I tell the audience how he ***** my mouth first slowly and then like a beast, he was ready to explode I explain how he grabs the head and stops him self from *******,

I get an
"Ah'awe"
from all the men in the audience
and
I laugh..
but
continued to explain
how he didn't want to just yet...
poetically
I explain how
he wanted to ready me for his assault
on my sweet *****,
using words to describe it ;
like mahogany rose buds or petals.
Explaining
how his Mandingo shaft
would be his weapon...
They seem eager to know more,
I tell a tale of how this light skinned brotha had me tied and teased me in his photo lab,
explaining how he pulled out a ***** just
as big as
his manhood was
and
while eating me he slide it inside of me
as
I quivered and shook he'd stop,
it seemed right when I was about to ***,
he seem to laugh out loud at my misery,
he knew just what he was up to, the audience seemed to get deathly quite,
seems even the music died
as explained the rough treatment I received at the hands of this blue eyed light skinned devil
of a man,
He licked me even at timed used his fingers along with this *****,

I explained to my audience
how he stopped his assault
on me as he slide his Mandingo up and down
my *** teasing my *******
putting the tip of his head in and then taking it out,
I told them how he finally stopped for a second,
then he entered my *** with the ***** and slide his 12" ****
deep inside my ***** causing me to cry out,
I tried to stop him but my hands were tied and that of my ankles as well,

and

he moved with such force and swiftness
I couldn't utter a word,
the more he moved the more
my body betrayed me as it heated up
from the inside out as
if he ignited something new and longing within me
he moved fast and ferociously in and out of me in sync
with the enormous ***** until
I myself was begging for him not to stop,
I
poetically
spoke memories & fantasies out loud,
letting my audience
know how
I
came so close to a ****** I've never ever got to feel or come close to feeling again,
I acted as if there was more but I then kissed the mic and walked off stage ....
  
  Another
Story
perhaps
another night
&
I'll
KISS THE MIC!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
**All right reserved ®
3.8k · Jan 2016
A BROKEN MAN
Ayeshah Jan 2016
You had everything you needed

I couldn't give you all you wanted

but
I've made sure you had everything you needed

What went wrong
was so much more than what's seen on the surface

What's going on is way deeper
than a few hurtful words in the mist of arguments.

I can deal with this yet I refuse

I refuse to repeat this dance with someone new

I've passed this test before and I wont take it again

I'm spiritual tired, soul mind and body

I rather not accept anything from you

No more of me compromising
it's draining every single part of me

You
don't care and even though you see and hear
you're really not listening or paying attention
to key details

You throw blame at my insecurities  

Yes

I have some but I face them
and no matter what

I know
I'm  pretty **** close to amazing
plus
I'm working on me  

I know
I'm mental & emotionally banged up
which is why I have to
STOP  

YES give up on US  

and
keep praying you'll find your way

I only want and need peace

I'll pray for you but as for me

I'm praying
I
FINALLY
live 

 Praying
I gain
wisdom and understanding

Because

I've tried

I really did

but

I've known

even as

I've
come to realize

the truth

too late

That
it is possible
for
me to love

but

not always help

*A Broken Man
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
#love   #fear   #life   #death   #spiritual   #birth
3.4k · Dec 2010
Wanted!!!!!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
I wanted to feel his hands


massaging me once more,


rubbing out the pain & stress of my day(s).

I wanted to look into his beautiful eyes

that always said


"I Love You My Queen"

I wanted to once again

entwine our fingers


as we held close

our bodies while we laid & talked.

I want to kiss his lips,


feel

our
tongues dance again.

I wanted to run my fingers

once more thew his curly hair....

I want to hear him whisper once more

Good morning my love,

as he came home


from a night of work....

I wanted to feel him


kiss my forehead

and

say baby


I'll fight for you,

for Us!

Like he once was willing to do...

I wanted him to

be there when

His 1st born!



HIS SON

came outta me,

I wanted him to watch as

my opening stretched wide


for the life we conceived


started to break free,

wanted to look at him watching

me struggle


( for my & our sons life)

Wanted him to watch me


cry out with each contraction,


as my body sweating

and

shook from hot to cold

with hot flashes & chills,

I wanted him to see

my legs spread far apart,


my bottom hanging it seems~

slightly off the bed

my feet wrecked up on stirrups


as my ***** minora opens wider ,

stretching it's self as well as my  ***** majora....

As our sons head slowly emerges out of me,

I wanted him to watch me

as I watched him

"catch His 1stborn....

His only SON!


I wanted us to cry laugh & hug each other

as our child is placed in my arms....

Him kissing me on my forehead

once more teary eyed with

that proud new daddy

look men tend to get.........

I wanted this and so much more.....

I no longer want it thou!

Realities hit
&
I'm better off

doing this on my own!

**Always Me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
3.3k · Sep 2013
SCARED!
Ayeshah Sep 2013
I'm SO Scared
...........

I'm scared
to love again,
the last few times I've allowed a man in my life,
it was lies cheating and so many fights,
I've given my all only to have so much of it fall apart.

I'm scared
more now than I've previously been,
I feel like its a faze like that honey moon thing,
3 months of bliss, sadly traded for 3 years of misery.

I'm scared
to trust you because lord knows I've trust the wrong fools,
those who'd say they longed for me & needed me,
but claimed the same things to her & her too.

I'm scared
to open up,
telling you all my secrets,
dreadful memories & histories of horrible abuse,
at the hands of my exes & foster care
plus
such things from my present & more of my past,
things
I'd never share with anyone again- if I can help it,
because
it's been shared before,
with others & I've been let down and laughed at, treated badly .
had it used against me too.
I'm scared because,
secrets
were used to inflict harm,
used to make me feel ashamed...

I'm scared
to once again share intimate moments,
because I've been put down and shunned,
treated like a *****, instead of a girl-friend or wife,
I've heard how she's so much better,
how I've supposedly failed to please,
yet in my bed he's claimed he'd wish to be.

I'm scared
to be loyal because he's turned on me,
my abilities to forgive after all the un-loyal things that's been done to me,
the unfaithful ways he's shared his life with others,
the lies he's told on me while claiming to others,
how
I'm always the excuses & reason
his cheating & actions, were justified.

I'm scared
you'd do this too and I can't ever again take the hurt or lies.

Even though
I'm scared
to open up & scared to trust,
or  to be loyal and devoted...

Still scared,
but I'm not giving up,
I'm still refusing to believe that this time around,
it'll be the same as it was when I was with him & my last ex.
I believe heartedly that you'll be different then all of my exes.

You'll be given to me what they've refused,
I seen the way you
look at me and how dedicated you've been towards me,
Even my girls like you way better then him.

You've shown me what patients really looks like,
showed too how you'd treat me as your friend and as your lady,
You've listened and given great advise.

Sharing your deepest history and allowing me always to just be me,
You've lifted me up and haven't put me down,
laughing with me and making me smile,
You've danced with me in the pouring rain.

It's early still and we know the honeymoon faze will end,
but I'd like it to last for as long as it can
I actually loved
our first fight because
you expressed your desires to set things right,
You didn't accuse me nor point a finger,
being so attentive and so very soothing.

You say you love me
and
want the best for me
plus you have even shown me
your word's hold true.
So even though
I'm scared
I'm ready and willing,
Happily I'll continue to take this leap of faith with you,
because you've given me the same chances and made it a point to improve,
You're betting it all on me
and
intrusting me with your heart,
I believe its only fair that I too intrust you with mines...

Put faith into your actions
and
believe you
because you've given your solemn word,
to love me and take care of us,
I know too that you do love me and I love you too!

I know it wont be easy and I know we got a negative past in each of our history's,
but like you said;

as long as we're honest and dedicated to each other,
no matter what may come, things will keep getting better...


Sooner or later, despite my pstd, bi polar and d.i.d.
I'll see, because you'll keep showing me,
that there will be no more reason for me to be
SCARED!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
3.3k · Nov 2014
SELFISH!!!
Ayeshah Nov 2014
You've said and I'd have to agree
I'm  
selfish,

Because
I refuse to let you do anything to me,
Selfish ......

Why because
I refuse to spread wide & let you
**** me then leave?

You've expressed to others
how

Selfish

I can be,

because
I wont give in to your deceit,

I refuse
to allow you any sympathy
when it comes to

your fuckery

your an
infectiousness diseases...

Selfish

cause I wont be

subdued with all

the lies and ways
you mistreat me,

all the game playing,

trying to scheme

fake me out,
while you try to
make me lay out

my cards,

ya stupid cheat,

Selfish

because I've told you

I Wasn't Ready

I'm calling your bluff,
Your not so tough,

Ya sort of funny papi

Your always trying to knock me,

wishing to cause havoc and bring me down again.

Selfish

huh

really?

I'm so

Selfish
because I'll put my children

all of them before you,

I've placed my walls back up

wont allow you to climb em

I've changed my mind

more than once it's cause

of something you've done...


You've got me rethinking
being up on this pedal-stool
&
I'd rather you stop shaking it

so
I can get down

but you'd rather see me fall.

It's

Selfish

*of me- right
cause

I'd rather not have to fight,

I don't like being put down,

Specially ya
small jabs

about my mental

the many excuses

you've come to make

time and time again

You've dismissed

my past and all

the bad that's trapped me,
You make fun of me
for having PTSD
& D.I.D.

You've said and I'd have to agree

I'm


Selfish

cause I don't want to do this,

I don't need another man's

to abuse,
or for you to
use  and beat me

I'd rather be


selfish
then to take care of another drunk

or man with any type of addiction,

even if you're addictions me.

I'll be


selfish

While
I guard all that's dear to me

You've already
deliberately

tried to cause me so much pain

dressed it up and called it love

but I wasn't fool to your game.


Selfish

huh?

Is it because,

I didn't let you in

well not as much

as you'd like me to,

Naw papi

it's because
You
can't just pop into my life

then try to take it over.


SORRY *******

You can't mistreatment

and abuse me

than bring me flowers

cards or candy,

You can't rock my body

then dismissively

treat me like

I'm worthless....

But it's me

whose so *******


Selfish.

I've said it long ago
Oh how he thinks

I'm


"His Type"

Well that's not true
because
baby you've made it

so **** clear

that
I'm nothing.

Besides

a *****,

a **** & a ****...

A *****

even though

You've apologized

each and every time

those
words left your lips,

not right away

but you've done it
&
I refuse to forgive you

over and over

each time you've

repeated ya crimes...


No way could
I allow you back
because
you showed you'd
do it
again and again,

and if
BIG ******* IF,
if I allowed it

which I wont-
not anymore and never again
its because  
you've said it
right

and
if you cant

remember

well  baby
I'll help you

out

its
because

I'm


SELFISH!

*Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
AND I DON'T NEED YOU, NOR DO I EVEN LIKE YOU ANYMORE! GO ******* WITH YA FUCKERY!
Ayeshah Mar 2010
procrastinating is my hobby,
ask
someone if you don't believe me ,
baby i lay around  
as i please
&
work at my own leisure,
incredibly you fail
to understand i am me

and

i love more then like the way that i am-  gorgeous courageous
coco golden skin,  

painfully
i know you feel the threat of  

my  momentous  appeal  
keeps  
you you & yeah you --  mystified.

guaranteed  your days are filled
with shock and frustration,

haa haa hee

how very exciting to me seeing your not as experienced as  I,

unlicensed  to tame what i'd never give
freely,

repetitiously you've played the game,
failure must be a sweet pill sallowed whole huh?  

adequately i compel my strengths --  my naivety makes
my appeal that more interesting,

call me uniquely imperfections
rarely made in to what  many can never comprehend,

my life is my dialogue to my very own daily soap opera

la di da da--  it's more then my  sultry walk
as i pass you on bye.

in this corrupted jungle
you have to win or be inhibited by  
what others  may call taboos,

whew  weee your so serious,

chasing prey only to tease--  lingering doubts?
catch me--  i bet you can't.

innocently the line's been crossed

yet
speak not of what should be!

only--  this--

is what you'll know ; procrastinating is my hobby!
I Am The Lioness!

(some may be lost on what i wrote&say; but ok lol)

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.9k · Jul 2010
Magnolia's & Black Roses.
Ayeshah Jul 2010
Magnolia's and black Roses
comfort me,
I lay awake as you
softly
breath low lower- fading-

wondering how
I've let you get into
my thoughts & now
once more into my bed...

tonight
I've come awake at the
touch of
your hand,
roughly you've penetrated
the core of my being...

softly a breeze stirs
from my cracked window
and the smell
waffled with your scent
lingers in this bedroom,

Black roses & sweet magnolia's...

I looked over your body too many times

Your eyelashes
I've counted each curly
one a million times,

those high check bones
I've touched & caressed until my hands went numb.

You never move and I hardly breath
thinking it's not right but Ok-
Oh how you danced
with in my Vally of seduction
and
become intoxicated  
as you dranked in my nectar- honeycomb.

I wanted you- I wanted this moment ,
I did want to love you and
in a lot of ways I do but
laying here now as I stare at your form

lifeless on my bed I feel it wasn't
just your misleading
pain & your lying games
that brought me to the breaking point...

It was the man
I finally saw who told me once..,

I am worth more!

tears of freedom
streams down my face as
I lay here watching you,

watching the slight breeze from
my cracked window shifts
the thousands of petals all around
you & all
I can do is cry with
a
simple smile on my face.

My rooms filled with the smell
of you
&
Magnolia's & Black Roses.

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.8k · Mar 2010
Bitch I'm Special
Ayeshah Mar 2010
What gives you the right to

judge me,

criticism wasn't asked

so why you

open your mouth,

What's your prerequisite

to make assumption's

& judgments-

Constructive criticism

my ***,

My

ADHD

PT-SD

Dyslexia Anxiety

& dealings with you

caused me a break down,

got me

chronically depressed,

You say you only

want the best for me,

Well shut up & let me be!

pill popping just so my E.E.D.

(Emitted explosive disorder)

wont cause me

to become

sentience

with life

new labels

would say

******

if you keep bothering me

I ain't stupid-

So stop talking down to me

Im not illiterate

******* I read

So let me be

No I don't have TS

(tourette syndrome)

I ******* cuss

cuz I wanna

so shut the hell up

I know right from wrong

I'm no psychopath

Then again

I just might be since

I could give a flying ****

about you

weather you live or die

I wouldn't cry.

Your making it harder

for ya self not me just go way

Doc

Do ya got **** Job,

I don't want to talk anymore

My past is where I left it

Behind me

You deal with it

Cuz

I already did & do

For you that

call your selves

wanting to help....

My OCD

(Obsessive-compulsive disorder)

is personal  

So what if I wash

my hands& ***

3 or more times

I'm not stupid
or deaf

I have

Selective Hearing

Nor am I *******.....

that's how

I say hello

with my *******

I told you,

I'm not *******.....


***** I'm Special!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright
© Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.6k · Mar 2010
Sweet Poets
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Write me ******
Converse with in my notebook
Write me in verses
Use  lust a word to trace my lips,
kisses in forms of sonnets,
Touch my hair in feather inked  pens,
pencil my buttocks with curvy nouns
Endearments in & out like syllables,
while spelling out sensual adjectives
poetically ****** me,
calling out my name
as you rhyme again in and out out and in
****** deeply within me your hard penetrating
Philosophy.
Wrap your hand in mines as you  
once more trace  your tongue down my notepad
become master ******* within pages of my dairy.
Converse with in my notebook
as we fill up  my pages.
Please Please Please
Write me in verses
Write me ******
Write me harder& harder
Faster Please
Write good long as you Write me
Sweet Poets!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.6k · Jan 2014
QUICKSAND!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Feeling like quicksands surrounding me,
trapped here sinking into the unknown,

grasping at flimsy vines- like branches
from this willow tree near by.

The more I move to catch a hold
of it's long flowery vine- like branch,

the more I'm swallowed up
in this murky quicksand...

I need to get out & move on from here.

It's not so cold & a bit comforting to me,
scary as it is to be sinking to my death.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had a dipsomania for those arms,
like those vine- like flowery branches.

A curiosity brooding over me
for a need I'd hardly allow,

like the longing to move out of this pitted hole
where slowly I'm being devoured...

Sadly for me, I seem to have a lack of
romantic-relationship acumen.

I've fell into your trap yet noticed you were
a master at excogitating reasons not to do

the assigned requirements for what would
of been a everlasting affair.

You've sinking me faster into the depths of loneliness
lies welling up and surrounding me in darkness.

Sandy banks seems with in reach,
yet I can't get a firm grip on this branch- like vines,
omnipresent swinging gently in the breeze.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had this painful self-injected
craving for you like taken ******
for the first time,
only drug of choice though was you.

In my mind eyes, your succumbing
to my wicked desires where

I put you into un-rational thoughts,
guess you'd say it was
irrational

to think of you in such a poisonous,
concupiscent way.

Knowing as I do that you've
yet to quench me or fulfill this

wrongful,
painful  burden of need,
not of late and not for a long time now.

I'm stretching out my arms,
all the while the slightest movements causes me to
descend deeper into this murky slushy quicksand...

Seemingly it's rising up,to cover my chest
I'm finding it hard to concentrate,  

I guess it's the same for you
with your  irascible disposition,
ever since you've found out,

I'm no longer willing to be your victim .

I'm not going to let you swallow me whole
leaving my bones to surface later

once you've dried up
from the magnitude of your collections,
with in your murky lugubrious quicksand.

I've fought this long & I'm winning,
I have the willow's finger-like viney flowery
branch,  firmly with in my hands.

I've grasped on so tight, because,
because- I know what it's like to be free,
to live and not be ****** in,

to forever & never able to reach
that bank which always seemed more like
a mirage,

I knew to be more real then the many sandy
"I love you's"
you've plead & fibbed out to me,

I felt what it's like to laugh & dance
as the sun beats humidly down on me,

I know what I want & it's not to be with you
or die in your*

QUICKSAND!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
2.5k · Sep 2015
NO ONE CAN HEAR!
Ayeshah Sep 2015
He watched as I  'slept",

seems as if my chest is rising and falling in tune

as he breathed deeply through parted lips.

 He shed his clothes and,

wearing only his boxers,

he stretched out alongside me.

 He trailed a finger down my cheek,

my neck,

caressing every inch of my body

 He bent his head to nuzzle my smooth  COLD skin,

flicking my ear with his tongue.

 A soft moan escaped his lips.

A single tear slides down my face.....

No One Can Hear Me!

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
He's Killed me!
Ayeshah Dec 2013
I never been on

Verses & Flow or Poetry Slam

don't get me wrong

I'd love to be

but me sharing like that on "mic"

scares the ******* life outta me

yet I admit

I want to in fact would love it

But right now-

I can only tell you how I feel
&
this is how I let **** out

express me&sometimes; let you in

so this is a poem I've made about this dude.

A dude whose comforting and new

a dude whose lenient

and beautiful inward & outward.

He talks to me of so many thing

and he has a mind that speak more

volume then money....

I've been know to deal with them  baller's

those who'd spend on me-

the moment I call em.

He's gentle and kind,

mindful of me & my needs

even

funny even at times

when he's joking round with me.

He lights my way and makes me see

not of everything physical,or ****** either

but of inspiring dreams

for me to do better

than what I've been told I could barely achieve

from listening to past assaults

and dead weighted-ended relationships...

To opening the ******* door

& letting me just be ME....

My hair weaves

he complimented

and my braiding techniques too

from my beautiful big lips

plus this luscious **** hours glass phat *** shape

he says baby your amazing

then kisses my forehead

like Taye Diggs did in both The Best Man movies.

When he touched my breast- not in a ****** way

I felt finally safe-

cuz I asked did you feel the lump there

he kisses me on my cheek

tells me it's ok even if my hair falls out

and all my weaves went away,

he's seen me without em,

seen me with out makeup too.

No need to worry since there isn't even a lump,

so he says & I smile widely.

but if it was I'd still be the most beautiful

this he promises me

and looks me right in my eyes.

This dude says he watched me sleep

sometimes until the early morn

and looked at me like I've never

looked at myself.

Mind you I know I'm fine

but barely was I ever able to know my wealth,

to even ******* know myself worth

or who I really was.

Sadly so beautiful but yet I'm so tainted & insecure

He's seen this about me long ago

yet I thought before him-

that love had to hurt

that the pain I've caused me-

from dealing with other types of "love"

from dudes due their share was somehow real

Other dude's who'd spend

and who'd **** me deep & put my *** to sleep

was what love meant

this "love" I was so used to-

was pose to be fist knocking back my head

eyes black in their sockets,

clothes ripped off

and me being slammed to the ground ******

and left bleeding

Left, deserted, abandon

and me sore bruised-

from ever part of me

cops coming once a month

or when he ****** his boss & I went the *******.

Or love was him- telling ole girl in Chi Town

how much he couldn't live with out her

while sitting on the toilet in my house-

in my bathroom after ******* me

and calling it making love.

Or love was pose to be in my head

when he let his cousin get away with ****** me-

yet I was the who got her *** beat.


I thought from

the age of 6

that I was pose to lay there

just spread wide for you

and let you use me

pinch

poke and rule me!

I didn't know this kind of man

so every time dude came around-

I'd chase him away.

telling him

NAW man I don't date white boi

(that's slang for boy)

but
I've dated the Italian and he liked them easy women

the ones he could change and manipulate

I've dated the Natives born of this "America" land

he showed me what my mother tried to hide-

like a drunkard father beating her at night

this was the Native

who wasn't taught how to eve3r be a man

Then there was Paul-

a mixed up race/breed Native too-

Apache yet Mexican and yet American

in New Mexico they're called Chicano's

so guess that what the **** he was

he had the short man complex

and couldn't bother to talk

he thought *** would be pleasurable

but sadly for me & him

his baby toddler *****

just didn't do the trick.

So hurting worded voices loudly spoke

caused me abuse,

I guess it's still my fault-

I allowed them to hurt me.

The smooth talker,

Casanova,

The Ballers,

The players with the nice whips

(That means cars y'all)

The man who could **** out my mind & my brains

get my ***** wet before he even got to my house


The Mr. Fix it-

whose good at fixing ****

but not for being committed

cuz his check wasn't enough to even put a dent in my rent

and his habit of scathing his *****

and calling me ***** just didn't work.

So these are them type motha fuckas

I'm used to-

like ole boy

who'd carry my books

and help me with all my assignments in college

for a peek yet talk and brag about the *** he hadn't ever hit

not me but that's the story he told

lying since his reputation depended on it.

Sorry but this was my thinking this was how it went

& how it was meant or pose to be

yet
the Egyptian had it best

on top of all these dudes.

His was the ultimate

because his lies where centered

by half truths

which I know

know were more lies

than his word sworn on a Qur'an,

he'd **** his best friends wife

then beat me into submission,

**** me- buy me....

BUY Me,

Bought me

like a slave from way back when

buy me

love me

then buy me some mo

He'd buy all kinds of **** to keep me claiming for me

houses, cars, jewelry,

and name brand items- I'd have a black eye,

ribs smashed to pieces,

but **** I looked real cute

limping round  in my new **** from

Sax 5th Avenue, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada & Versace.

**** name it & I maybe already had it


this is the same man who saved me from

being ***** by my foster father,

yet he became like the foster father

he saved me from

seemingly

after we've became husband & wife...

So when dude comes calling

I hold back built higher walls,

push him away,

fight and get in his face,

waiting for the monster to come out

waiting for him

to slam me to the floor or ground

I never believe a word he says

always looking for a reason or excuse

calling him lair and fake

telling him to ******* & go away

never really given him a

chance for him to be my man.

I be mean and I make him wait

but he says I know your pain

and together we can make it

just let's take it day by day.

He kisses me lightly,

caresses me tenderly

massages me to sleep

listen to my every word

and gives great advise,

has been a friend and part of the family

he has opened me

to expressing his own

pains trails & tribulations


never judgmental or abrasive

not even abusive

not even a little bit.


But
my ****** up mind is so scared

so afraid and ****** I'm worried

.

Honestly my hearts succumbed to his un-willful ways

but I can't fathom

once more being hurt

and I don't know if I even want to

yet I think I do.

So tell me help me please

explain

give advise and tell me

how do I say no when for many months now

he's been making me the center of

His Universe?!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
This has a lot of cussing/swearing in it so if you're not into it or any other ****** language please do not read it thanks.
2.3k · Feb 2010
Afrocentric Gift!
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'm the Afrocentric Gift
you been waiting and dying to open ..,
Christmas came Early just for you this year,
I'm the Thoughts in ya head,
Mind blowing the
Essences of Sexuality,
Wisdom,
Knowledge
and a
multitude of Feminine Power,
Prowling and
Roaring for your affection,
I'm every Women,
Just not to night
I don't want to share,
Be my one & only..,
I am the
Architects building
the bridges back to ya heart,
My Prominent Black African King,
Mr.**** as ya wanna be..,
I Dreamed of this many times at night & also for some weeks,
Thoughts of you Thought of us become " We"
Teaming up and Doing
What lovers do,
But
I want more,
I want your heart too,
I see it in you,
the artist ;Your words caressing me,
Like painting and drawing,I'm just one of your sculptures..,
But
I'm the centerpiece of this mental non-nocturnal dream,
Your the
Author writing a great masterpiece only I'm the Main character...,
Chapter one we began slowly as our bodies
mesh&entwined...;,
Can you distinguishes between Fantasy,
I'm here and these feelings are real.
Lust so passionate you'd think you
conjured me up from your imagination.,
I'm un reasonable when it comes to you,
I want to give you unquestionable pleasure.
Be the Concubine you desire & you shouldn't have to wait,
Not tonight anyways.,
Come here and let me show you,
Be mines....,
Sacrifice yourself,
Be my love salve and come away with me..,
I want to give you this
Delicious yet delicate sweet
Afrocentric Gift!
Speak into me poetically,
Mentally blowing my mind ,
touching with words as you hurt me gently
Yet pleasing my body..
take me
cuz
right now
I'm for the taking,
I'm ready and waiting,
open me,
for
tonight I'll be your
Latin mist
You Puerto Rican *** ,
Come get drunk off my love,
Let me sooth you
and
caress you into submission.
Take what's been given.
This Mix, and blend it with you ,
dance to my song
as
I open for you.
I'm ready and willing
to be what you want me to be.
Give
me pleasure
release the yearning
deep with in me...
I'm yours ya Afrocentric Gift!
Always me Ayeshah
Copyrights © 1977-2010 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

Don't get me wrong I was on many sites, still talking it up

to those who'd seem genuinely interested,

yet I've as you now know, went through a lot of disappointments

with the opposite ***, from cheating, abuse, games,

lies and so much more,

well you now know, so no need for more details.

You've come at a time where & when I only needed a friend,

I should of been clear about that instead of continuing
late night conversations of whose ex's hurt who
the most & the things we'd do differently
"if " only(s)....

"If" only you'd come at a time where DBT- counseling,
was almost complete & these insecurity's
left by the lies,doubts, mistrust or broken down communications
from past experiences didn't have me questioning
every single word you say,
plus every one of your actions made.

I've been keeping to myself,
becoming a recluse,
but
from the
Mental Disorders handbook,
I'm listed as
a afflicting person since I've display
a person with a pervasive pattern of  social inhibition,
feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation,
with my avoidance of social interaction.

I'm afflicted with the disorder & I tend to describe me
as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted
plus I fell I'm isolated from others.

I used to go out a lot,
I had a plethora of friends well very good acquaintances,
I've allowed exes to push me into giving them up & now
I find it hard to just open up, find it so difficult to trust.

My supposed best friend slept with my husband
and another of these so called best-friends lied to a few men
that could of become my man.

So women or man- I find it hard to be myself now round them,
round you it was easy to talk to laugh and be completely free,
but I should of told you, I wasn't ready for
late night trips to your home, showers or baths to relax me,
back rubs until you put me to sleep.

Wasn't ready for you and those powerful hugs,
the encouragements
or
pats on the back
for the countless hours studying & getting my 4.0
with all my college classes .

You're a friend well you were & still are,
I should of left it at that.
Should of...

I should of told you,
that I doubt I know what loves is
or 
 if I've ever really owned it, I think I've rented it- a time or so,
but to say that I've been truly loved?

Naw I doubt it,
been infatuated & lusted a lot but love?
again
Naw I doubt it...
You already know I ain't speaking of my children,
pets or family.

Well let us exclude
my mama
cause she's always said to me
"who could ever love you"?

Most of my life I've tried to fill in the blanks of "who"?
"who could ever love me"

I thought I knew, *
but in recent events plus theses last 15 years
I've notice those who came to say they loved me
showed me different & treated me so ugly!

You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,
wanting or needing a relationship.

Your friendship is comforting,
I guess I'm scared, worried of the unknown, all those
"ifs"
and what could be, but I'm afraid, worried-
I already said worried, so worried in fact I've sometimes
put space between us.

I'm so painfully bruised & scarred from inside plus out,
from the age of 6 to now that's 30 years of being  bruised & scarred.

This was pose to be a poem and now it's more like a letter,
You know like "Dear John" or to whom ever,
but the ever only person whose made me make sense of me
seems to be you.

Somehow your in this deeper than I think I am
I'm conflicted, confused,
even though you've yet to do what others have done to me
or what others have put me through.

Think I should say: what I've allowed them to do-
"sometimes"
I've allowed them to do.

I seem to NO- I know I make you pay for what they've done to me,
guess I shall say I've allowed them to do to me knowingly or not...
I'm so disappointed by life & all it's had to offer me,
I've known & at times unbeknown to myself
have taken it out on you,
on others too by staying out their lives...

I apologize, but I'm not sorry,
that to me is something I don't think
I could ever be...

Saying sorry for me means- I'm a sorry person,
flawed-
*YES,

*very much so, becoming a recluse ok
but to be "sorry"    no,
therefore I apologize.


Through  all the ******* and all the mess
you've supported me.


I'm screaming or yelling at you & you've accepted me,
from the nightmares, that wake me & you've heard
my siren crying yelps of despair,
you've held me tightly,
reassuring me it's just a dream that my ex's
along with my childhood/teen molesters plus them ******
can't harm me no more...


You've left the lights on since I'm afraid of the dark
walking me to my room and locking the house up tight,
even at times checking under my bed
see your comforting for me,
at 36 I should be ashamed, yet with you I finally feel free
feel a bit good about me & about you,
says a lot since for a while I've yet to feel ANYTHING!


You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

But now that your
*here" can you please stay?



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
2.2k · Feb 2010
CHANCE'S ARE
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'll never love like
I used to LOVE him,
But You knew that,
Didn't You,

Cuz love comes in different
shades of purple's pink's& blue's
Chance's are
I'll never care like

I once did,

Again

You knew that too.
Chance's are
I'll never trust completely
Let me guess umm

YUP

you also knew that?
Chance's are

I'll cry again OR I'll smile again,
I'll live like I did before you or him came in to my Life.
I'll try once more to find my soul mate,

But
Chance's are
Nothing will ever be the Same,
Not with out You,

Not with out Us,
Chance's are

we're stuck right here.
With one another,
Is it so bad
Or do you like it this way.
Am

I your everything

your Nubian Queen
Chance's are
I'm nothing You thought I'd be,

I'm a lady yet Crazy,
You see how I do,
But

Chances are
your already Immune.
Chance's are,
Your not ready

Maybe It's me,
Maybe I'm too scared and scary to be,
More than what

He made me,
Yes I am ashamed,
I let him take away my greatness

And steal away my fame
Made me think
I wanted this for myself,
But
Chance's are

Your gonna help-
Me to change

for the better,
Let me lean on you in this weather,
Let me hold you as you hold me,

Sweet talks,
While shedding our grief.
Chance's are

Your gonna keep
your word un-like Him
Sorry there's

no Comparisons
Chance's are,
You'll claim everything,
Even the seed's of another man's

See now that's what I call a MAN.
The one's who really
love and want that

Woman
and

what ever comes with HER.
Chance's are,
You could be fooling me
but

in time I'll know and I'll see.
Chance's are
I might just be using you,
But for what Boo,

Trust in us cuz,
I now got you too.
Chance's are,
I'll RUN from you,
Too Infected& Effect

From what others used to do,
I might blame you too
For the mess they caused me,
Chance's are
I'm doing this

ALREADY?
Chance's are
I'll let you go too soon

and

miss You the most
Cuz

the love you give to me

WAS

unconditional!,
Even your touche's

were

HEAVENLY

From head to toe!
Chance's are,
I'll beg and plead for your heart
Just to get it and tear it all apart.

With every thing in life thou ain't
It worth the risk cuz
Chance's are
I wont do none of

THIS,
I might just love you for you

like you'll do for me,
I might just give into you

in your time of need,
I might just hold you

and

play with your hair
Maybe braid it or what ever

cuz it's there!
I might just let you heal me til I hurt No Mo,
Even claim

YOUR OWN seed's as my OWN!
I might shut the HELL up and let you win A fight,

Maybe just to have make up *** on Winters cold nights!
I might just be everything your looking for huh?
Maybe cuz you know
Chances Are
Abundant...,

To be right there
NO MATTER WHAT
I wouldn't care.
I might carry you to victory,
We might find pleasure in enjoying the little things,

We might make this a lasting thing.
Something to tell OUR grand kids.
You never know and that's the beauty of it
We still try and even thou LOVE hurts,
How do you KNOW

tomorrow will bring rain or sorrow?
Maybe the sun will Rise  AGAIN

And

you'll fall in love with me.
Take a chance on me cuz ,

Chance's ARE....,

(whatever WE make them!)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.1k · Jan 2014
Watching TV!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
We're laying here  with pillows on the floor, like where in the Sahara or some other exotic place just- watching TV.

Hold me while you run your fingers through my hair, caress my face as you look down into my sober face,  a smile breaks and i cast my eyes downwards knowing I'm blushing  cause your looking at me with that tale tell look.

I flick through the channels pretending not to notice your left arms laying right on my breast, the weight of it is refreshing since your left arms underneath my right arm and you've encircled the top half me protectively in your embrace.

I like leaning back on your chest as we watch TV, going through the channels together but you allow me to hold the remote, we settle for a movie we both like, "The Grudge".

We're all into the movie & been watching for a long while, it's scary and I shirk so loud you hold me tight,  even though I've now jumped a tiny bit & cursed out the scary girl crawling around on the screen,

I've covered my eyes with my blanket, I peek out from the blanket and look up at you, your holding in a laugh which seems so hard for you to do.

Kissing my forehead and loosen up your grip, then say to me baby are you scared?

Naw like really?,  of course I am & duh I say, you finally burst out laughing , its beautiful like sweet baritone- like music.

You bend & kiss me,  the kiss, I guess goes on for what seems like hours, it's only been at most a minute,.
Baby,- is what you say to me and finally I open my eyes, your looking at me with that tale tell look.

We kiss some more as we start ******* each other, fast and swift we get right down to it, no  foreplay  just the kissing, you enter me and unbeknown to me I'm moist, ready.

Your moving deeply, I'm moving fast, like it's a race, your aims to take your time,  but I'm heated, I've been longing for you, so I make sure without saying a word that I end up on top.

I'm grinding my pelvis as we mesh together, allowing you to move in & out of me, I'm climaxing rapidly, I told you I've been longing for you.

****** You've stop me dead, cold, and I'm looking at yo *** like what the ****, you smile those bright teeth with those amazing lips spread wide showing off your kool-aid grin, then say to me relax baby & don't move.

I don't know how you've done it but I'm on my stomach in a flash, and you haven't even taken your **** out of me,  rather your moving so deep inside of me allowing the pleasure from before to come back in such a force,
that I ******* bit hard down on my lip, not intentionally, your moving fast now and smack me on my ***.

I'm moving with you as if I'm a dancer in a ***** shaking video,  as if I'm a **** star pro and your the main star, I've always wanted to ****.,

I'm moving faster now, we've matched each other stroke for stroke, so much so it's like where  racing to some imaginary finish line,

but you slow your pace, I wish I could- but I'm already climaxing and my body's doing it on it's own.

You intentionally move even deeper, to where I can feel you hitting my ******,

It's all my body needed,  I cry out so loudly, you pick up your pace and **** me so hard, so deep, your holding on to my hips and slamming your **** in & out,  out & in
with such force & so much friction, once more my body's reacting.

You pump so fast & all I can do is take it, while I *** again & again,  you've yet to,

but I can feel it coming, with each stroke, each ******,  I feel the thickness all nine inches of you swell up.

You growl out; Ahhhhhayeshahhh, I'm *******, and erupt, right behind you is my turn, guess you knew cause you never stop.

This is crazy cause all this started just from us

Watching TV.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
2.1k · Mar 2010
Duke & Duchess Pierre
Ayeshah Mar 2010
(Readers I been going crazy to write  like this for a long time so if it suxs  too bad lol please read its a bit long also 4 those who do ty for reading & commenting)
________________­_______________
She seen his stares since earlier in the ball room & during most of their acquaintance's growing up also when he'd visited her family at her home in Hampshire... She bluntly ignored his many advances while
at the Queen's Ball and she also publicly shunned him in front of  many aristocrats, He asked her even then to be his wife, She flat out said NO! with out going through the proper channels it  "*******" just wasn't done,  Her chaperon Lady Gideon was no where to be found so she did what she thought was best and walked away from him as fast as her small frame would allow.  

She did indeed find Lady Gideon in the kitchens with  the cook in the "Blimey!" broom closet. NOW on this night she'd truly become his and pay for her misdeeds & mistreatment's of him at The Queen's Ball...Duke Lincoln Pierre held his new bride Virgina Abagael Pierre  
tightly as he assaulted her mouth thrusting his tongue in her mouth- parting her lips in a seductive dance, as his hands moved lavishly up & down her buttocks, betwixt her bodice caressing her breast.

Lincoln tried hard to control his need for his new bride,  He was supposed  to be with his "mates" for another hour or so whilst his-  " well now" his wife's maids readied her for their marriage bed.
Lincoln couldn't wait & as he rushed his guest out the door not even
waiting for Jefferey his Butler to do so, He ran taking the steps two at a time, His need for Virgina was more then lust.  He wanted her ever since she shunned him at the Queens ball & as he visited her home--  watching her bloom into womanhood, Tonight she'd pay for his humiliations of that night at the Ball. He burst open the door and bellowed  for the maids to Get OUT!

At once they went running like rats. All except Beatrix stood her
ground and told him in not to kind-of words that  "She" had to prepare Virgina properly and He was acting reckless.
Beatrix  was his nanny & nursery maid, she was  also there when he first open his sparkling  hazel round eyes, God rest "Duckies" soul, His mum, she died in this same bed whilst she gave her last breath for this handsome devil.  His Da,  poor man was getting on in age and this was a wish he left in his will to be fulfilled before he died. "Lin" as she'd called him must fulfill but without scaring the poor chit off.

She unfasten Virgina's stays & hooks as fast as her old hands would allow, before she could help her out of her bodice  "Lin" ushered her out....Well she'd said her peace and exit Lincoln's rooms praying as she left.....
Lincoln kept  up his assault  while Virgina had a look of fear & misunderstanding in her mahogany sapphire eyes, Her small frame was shaking to her very core,  Poor chit but it couldn't be helped he was in a rush to be done with virgins and their silly concepts of love ex specially this "his" new prudent bride,  Yet he wanted to make her come alive, bring out the "bleed'in devil" of lust he knew was trapped deep within Virgina's un tapped core.
Lincoln teased and licked as he removed her clothing, ripping a bit of fabric in is haste, she kissed him back! Shocking his own sense of sensibility.

He picked her up splayed her on the bed and stared at her dark luscious Honey chocolate  creamy coco skin, it shined like a lovely indigo ocean on a summers night.
With carious longing and dread,
it was still an interesting moment Virgina didn't know what to do and as he capture her waist she felt  even more unsure, sensing a thrilling sensation wash over her,  Her new husband Duke Lincoln Pierre kissed her with un-abandon lust Virgina instinctively crawled up to the head board on the bed, as she did so her new husband reached for her in a blink of an eye she was caught in his steel grip, she cried out not for pain but because she had no ideal what he meant to do with her,

Lincoln laughed and made a tsk tsk sound as he pulled himself atop of Virgina.  "My Lady I beseech you please leave off I mean you no harm''
Lincoln proclaimed yet his meek smile said he was lying,
Virgina only stared with her mouth gaped in a perfect lush O shape.  
Her husband undone he own clothes  in a heated rush.  
Once done he stalked towards her kneeling on the bed.  
With Virgina's gaze fixed tranquilly on his stiff shaft, she looked at it apprehensively  she wanted to move away yet her limbs wouldn't allow her to and with banned tears threatening to over flow
she ****** in her breath as her capture Duke Pierre her husband climb a top of her.  

Little did her husband know she'd wanted  him all her life she longed to become his bride but she had no ideal it entailed this rough treatment of her person to gain access.
She'd sit with her own nanny "Liv" short for Olivia  
at Hyde Park watching as his carriage made it's rounds.  She dreamed even then to marry him, his eyes always laughing and He was forever teasing her when He'd visited  her "now" deceased parents lord Duke&Duchess; Harrisburg. She'd dream he were always saving her from dragons and evil villains.

But tonight he seemed the Villain.
As he touched creatively over her she felt flushed, his hands trailed down to her hairline where her tulip was hidden as he proceeded to caress her he felt for her budded rosebud playing teasing  rubbing his fingers with gentleness over her.
He continued until Virgina's head was thrashing wildly left & right on the pillow she was scared and shocked not knowing what was coming over her,  she wanted something--   this need that was growing  building within her, she didn't understand and it made her feel weak with a longing she couldn't comprehend, as he removed his finger & hand a light yet cool breeze cam through the cracked window causing the sensation to slowly subside Lincoln moved down trailing kisses as he went his mouth hovered mere inches above her tight yearning rosebud he bet down and tasted honey as he licked in an out of his new bride, sliding his index finger within her tight silt wile wrapping his mouth around her budding rose, he ******, gently  causing Virgina automatically to lift her legs wrapping her hands in his golden brown hair.

He felt her throbbing shaking and he wanted to laugh because of him she now new what it meant to be pleasured,  Virgina began trembling with a urgency not knowing what her body wanted just that she liked this feeling that washed over her from her toes up to her Honey dark coco head.  Her long brown auburn hair fell in waves of curls around her as she melted to her husbands ministrations.

Lincoln could barely contain his want and in his eyes His new bride was a wanton ready for plucking like a ripe strawberry, His little filly was bucking beneath his demonstration's.
He'd played with the God's wile tempting the devil & now there was Hell to pay...  Sadly for his new ****** bride he could no longer hold back, he wanted to consume her, his control was failing, wreaking havoc on his now intoxicating senses.  

Virgina bucked up towards his mouth letting out a seductive cry breaking Lincoln's last restraints  
He spread her wide held her fast
both his hand on either side of her hips as he lead his shaft within her lustrous wet inviting opening, moving in her swiftly as to not cause any more unnecessary pain,
He felt her maiden-head give way but it was to late t pause, he try not to move slow,
which with half in sympathy he wanted to stop his penetrating ****** yet his need for release in his new ****** brides velvet tight silt kept him urging forward deeper&deeper; within her tight walls.

Virgina let out a piercing scream as she also called out Lincoln's name twas an interesting moment when a fierce jolt consumed both occupants of this lovers den, she cried out as he ******'ed deeper still within his new bride....

No longer did he want to  punish her he felt something chip away at his heart releasing a need to want more then her body as they coiled becoming meshed together in legs & limbs traveling on waves of ******* bliss.
Duke & Duchess Pierre

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
2.0k · Dec 2015
We All Fall Down
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I've changed
You've changed

Remember when
duck duck goose  
made sense

Giggling bubblely laughter  
was all that mattered

Redlight
123
Greenlight

Tag you're it

Ring around the Rosies

Pockets  full of posies

Remember it;

I've changed

You've changed

Life threw us  ashes

Ashes ashes

123 Greenlight

Didn't see it coming
yellow
  quickly
turned red

Ashes ashes

I can feel myself lifted

flying in the air

Your feet tucked into my belly

Your hands holding my hands

Remember that;

Miss Mary Mat Matt Mat

All dressed  in  black  black black

With silver buttons  

heading to a funeral home

That's what's she was doing
but it's not
exactly
how the children's song
goes huh

Remember when;
  
We'd stand in front of the mirror

****** Mary
****** Mary
******  oooooo don't  say it


I liked it best when
we played

ding **** ditch

Ashes ashes

life's ashes swirling  
grey dark hazy

Smokey mist glimpses
as my mind races

Glittered  pieces  
Like a kaleidoscope
fading in and out

Making funny shapes & faces

Faces with no name
whom I've known
when life was simpler

Ring around the Rosies

Pockets  full of posies

Posies ; deep pock marks

Scares an unnamed souls

  from crashing though  
a car's windshield

She wanted to text
she'd be home soon


123 Greenlight
yellow
  quickly
turned red

Ashes ashes

I've changed
You've changed

Remember when

Being young & irresponsible was seemingly
our job

We didn't  have to worry or wonder

Remember when;

Tag  you're  it

Ashes ashes

I changed

You changed
&

We All Fall Down!
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Yeah this is my brain on mental illness no cure just how the thoughts display there self in my head all the things I see and or hear like a movie.   ***** yet it's home for me.
2.0k · Dec 2015
A Pair Of Jokers
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I have this
feeling

I'll not try
to explain it

Deep inside
me*

It's telling
me
not to

*trust
you


I admit it

I've been
hurt a great deal


but seems here

You're
playing a game
only you can

win

You hold all
the major cards


SO
of course
You'll win


Only one's
that'll work


In this game is
the pair of


Jokers

Which doesn't say a lot
then again it says;


I'm the Fool

Not once
but
twice over


I've been a joke before
unbeknownst
to myself


The other players knew
&

They've cease to inform me

SO I've had no choice
to be lead on these string's
forever

&
Danced
to a foreign tune


This time
I'm a Joker
&

long as you're amused

Guess I'll play my part.

Act II Scene VII

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
As You Like It,
Act II, Scene VII
William Shakespeare
1.9k · Mar 2010
Relapse.............
Ayeshah Mar 2010
I'm Having A Relapse
My muscles shaking my bones jarring
I'm stu- stu- stuttering,

I'm Having A Relapse
sleep walking while wide away,
dazed in a dream like state,
I need a fix I'm
itching- scratching
rubbing my hand and thighs

You, You you
oh why'd you do this to me
Screaming & tryna climb walls

I'm Having A Relapse

No no nooo don't stop
higher YESss Higher

bring me closer closure

I'm Having A Relapse
I went to the doctor to get help
He said He couldn't
Wouldn't help me is what He means
I run walk talk to myself
Help me Please!

Shaking, sweating,coughing with drive heaves
I feel so funny I can smell taste & feel it coming
I'm bursting with need Please
PLEASE release this desire
this fire which had consumed me,
Lived in my core my very being,

shut the blinds, turn off the lights,
I wont eat can't sleep,
Walking in a funk ,dazed and lonely
Don't hold me!!!!
Don't TOUCH !!!
Just give in Help me ,
Just um, Please
PLEASEEE,

Just Oh Lawd please
Just um  Baby Just
HELP MEEEEEE...........
YESSSSS!!!!!!!

**** ME!!!!

Until I can't  breath,

I need YOU.
you Oh You........
You know your the cause of me
Having A Relapse!

(*** Addiction Can hinder you or for me lol make love making so painfully good!)
Always me Ayeshah
Copyright ©Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.9k · Feb 2010
The System!
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Molesting Innocent's
Taking
advantage of young un-suspected victims,
****** away hope,
Beating out trust as
"they"
tell you it's all for your own good.
The System
Verbally sales you,
Mentally
making you believe thing's aren't
really what they seem.
Hey pretty girl,
You
want to come home with me,
Like
stranger's using Candy,
Creeping in the middle of the night
stealing away dreams,
Snatching babies outta arms
For not being what "they"
want you to be.
Jumping through hoops
to prove your worthy.
The System cover up lies,
Disguised
Your Shame
It's not "their fault for you
becoming pregnant at 10,12 & 13.
Abortion isn't in my beliefs,
Forcing us,  Breaking us, Making us do what "They want!
Telling Lies while Judges become your executioners
Fostering empathy's,
Making you live in misery
Parents- Grandparent's
Crying Screaming,
Dreaming of they days you'll be back.
Depressions, PTSD, Bipolar
Explosive disorders
Meaning a person gets angry fast
with no reason or for the littlest of things....,
Label's
from Misuse,
Misrepresentation's
Misuse of my or even your body,
******, Molesting, Physical, Mental,
The System
took me from a Exceptional-Good home,
Placing me
with Monster;
Who called themselves: wholesome,
loving- Good- God fearing Church goers;
Foster Parents.
A Preacher  
phrasing the almighty book,
every Sunday
While every night
He'd say I was better then his wife,
As
my eye's cried,
Hoarsely I beg him to stop.
Case-Worker & The Systems
cover up.
From home to home
Group home to group
I'd run as fast as I can,
To  my
own family even thou
We were  broker then sin
at least I was so safe there.
Repeat & repeat these step every chance
I'd get & still they'd  Placed me in home's
until
I got old enough to make it on my own.
Even then The System wouldn't let me be,
See I knew "their" ***** deed,
All the well kept secrets....
unfortunately for me,
16 going on 17 mother already of 2 while
expecting another lil girl,
The System tryna step in once again,
Robbing me of my Children,
Their
words: labeling me,
I'm tooo crazy to love or ever be a mother.
I'm not doing what "They " want....
I had it,
Life was it for me,
I wanted to commit Suicide
I just couldn't thou & Lucky for me
cuz
I Finally found away out at 18.
Got my kids- Sued & Beat
The System!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Pesent Day(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm not obligated to you,
I don't owe you anything, not no mo &
not when for years you've made sure to
exclude me and treat strangers
far better than you'd do me,
your impressed by your entourage
&

groupies
                    
                             but if they knew
                                              
                                                                             you like me maybe they'd see
                                                                      
                                                the ******* hiding underneath.

                                                                                  Just maybe huh...
Yo you talk a lot of ****

but what do you have to show after
spending on these little old *** man--looking women.

Blaming me,
when your caught out & stuck...

I swear son these
"Fee'males"  
make it hard for rest of us females,
take note girl and realize his money don't impress me.
I knew this motha ***** when he ain't have a dime
or any type of game,
your the only one in line
trying to be what I once was- his everything,
the chef,the lawyer,
his counselor, budget keeper,
clothes mending,
dish washing *** machine -house keeper,
his baby maker,
& forever attending to his every waking need,
his bread winner,
I'm the chick, the queen-bee,
girl the only one that ever held him down,
I'm the one whose made sure
he was clothe, feed & never broke
Yo you think I'm the joke?

Trick please,
just for your
assumptions & blatant disrespect,
I'll always be better than you!

                                                              These men are so funny

                                                                                      and these uneducated
                                      
                                   so called women too.


Who in there right mind
would assume they now my life
or that of the relationship I was in,
***** don't attempt to answer,
that was rhetorical
there ain't no way you can ever know
&
I don't give a **** what's been told you
specifically&especially; by
him.

Of course he'll lie to you that's the only thing he knows,
I'm laughing hard at you though cause
your stupid too, for believing his sorry excuse.

No good gold-digging man whom you've seen
me do everything for,
no need to listen to him when
the evidence been right in front of you,
but your cheap&looking; to score,
She thought to take from my children,
stupid *****,
I think not,
because everything he's got
it because of me.
I made and gave to him
except the man he pretends,
I can't claim the fake ******* he doing with you,
***** please
that's all him,
an adulterous
looking for you to give to him what I used to
and you keep looking to me for answers
well my advise to you- get back on your knees,
kiss my *** actually never mind
who knows what diseases
are on your lips.

My advise to him,
be careful who you play games with
and watch who you lay down with too,
I got a life which no longer involves you,
my kids will be fine,
so baby boy *******
**** yo own ****
cuz
from here on out I don't owe you a **** thing,
I don't forgive you
but I'll forgive myself
for trusting in ya word and the vows we had left...



I'll forgive me

                           for ever loving you,
            
                          for the pain I let you cause me
                                
                                     not to mention the pain

                                                           ­                      I let myself feel
                  
                                         ­           for falling for
      
                              the wrong ******* dude
.



                                  But

               ­                          from here on out
                    
                           I'm sailing my ship far the **** away
                            
      and taking my kids too,
                                    
             because after all your lies,
        
affairs& every kinds of abuse
                          
           I'm no longer
                          
  Obligated to You.


*Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I write about my divorce&about; other relationship's plus all my abuse i went through from child hood to adult hood...and much more good, bad... whatever's on my mind and i share. enjoy cuz lol this was what was on my mind for a while. to my exes **** u & thanks for the lessons.
Ayeshah Mar 2010
How to write an English poem

Well this is what I do,

I listen to my dear friend "Jon"

Then I go about copying him.

He says  Good-marrow My to Thy lady

I laugh & reply back Hath thee fared well,

Like I'm in  Shakespeare's  Macbeth.

I love how

He uses "thou" different then myself

I say thou in sense of  "even though"

translations are must

to understanding my friend!

He speaks in

Cockney- crockery riddles

Yet some how I understand.

I doth not speak to make

fun of him

for I love his English gib,

I listen while learning

to write a sonnet since.

How to write an English poem.

I listen to Sir "Jon's"

witty sense of humor  

His cloaked sarcastic'ness

as he talks in general,

Saying such this as

Aroin't thee & Blimey ole chap

as if I know'th what he means.

How to write an English poem

Well frankly it's a pickle of a thing,

I say I doth rightly know lets ask'th

Sir"Jon & see!

He say'ith to me

"change your "****** dialect"....

And

when he's spitting made

He yells

O' God Save the queen.

He also talks of frippery

& ask if I'd like a spot of tea

when asking me questions

he laughs & quotes

such things like ;

" cheeky" little beggar or monkey

as "IF" I

know what he means.

Funny thing is though

Sir "Jon'

never really

******* told me

How to write an English poem

(so answers to every-ones question- I'd say walk around & say top of the morning,
ole chap & blimey, Even things like Bristol Cities & things likes this don't forget your "TH" s  
addressing your selves  a lot & put emphasis on every other syllable  & thing!)

Well dear Sir "Jon"
I am not  a British Bolk  
Just A YANKEE- New Englander
oh & a NuYorican
Ta Boot

So next when  I see You
****** Friend  tell me-  
How to write an English poem !?!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Man,
there's a cold dark corner
in my room,
your voice calls
out when I'm curled up there
on the dank musty floor,
it speaks to me; I'm coming for you.
I hold to the
voiceful melody of your
softly
spoken sounds as you drown out
the drone of negativity
and the past men who lied
when they said
they'd always love me...
His'aholic.
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position,
eyes closed
hoping
you'll walk in,  lift me onto your lap
cradled me in that protective way
only you're able to give me,
feel your fingers caress me.
Too many times I find
I walk in a stupor from the loving  you gave.
Gosh it feels so long ago
and my needs wrecking  my senses
once more can you do to me what you did last time,
just once more & I'll let it be.
I'm feigning...
My dystonia
is you- every time you come around
I get what I'll call
His'aholic,
uncontainable, uncontrollable
movements and twitches
twerking if need be, just to get
intoxicated one more time of off
you,
like the excitement a kleptomaniac gets
or the levels of high a shopaholic feels
my dopamine fired up every time
you do what you do to me
Him'aholic, His'aholic,
Your'aholic
my
infectiousness habits,
sweats & hot flashes-
Man
because of what you do,
mentally I'm gone,
once you take root in my veins,
in my lungs,
I forget all that's wrong with the world,
all those problems from my past
I no longer see any of those things.
It's a made up word,
less you count when
Kelly Price
used
Him'aholic for her album title.
Different meaning in 
 His'aholic, different in Your'aholic too,
but
that's a bit more personal and much more deep,
it a thing where
  well forget I said anything
hehehe.
I make up my own words in referencing to anything about you.
Man,
I'm  jonesing, longing and yearning
oh please oh please
note
the
oh please-
I'm begging you!
Your the unusual
"drug" addiction
I need to feed on,
You got me
craving, shamefully
shaking with it,
longing and in a dazed- hazy blur.
Because of you I'm a
mindless puppet, my strings
once connected to you
are torn.
The music doesn't sound right,
the dance ain't got he same
rhythm,
I feel sick when I can't have you
feel upside down,
when I ain't got my fix.
I got it bad & all I want is you
say what you want but just know
I got a illness
there's only one cure for
His'aholic
&
it's
you!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
made up some these words and no disrespect to anyone with a real illness/addiction. Thanks for reading even if for YOU it may not make sense.
It was fun and I did a play on words. Besos!
1.7k · Mar 2010
Cupid must think I'm Stupid!
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Your just sad,
stupidity of the most flamboyancy
you throw your arrow's

catching others off guard,
showing them the illusionary's

to something fake.


Oh no you don't!!!
I'd **** for much less
but I'd **** you slowly painfully
if you stick me with that!

I'd hurt you and make you suffer

slowly-  meticulously  
like you've made me hurt, cry,
die a bit each time- so many many times.

time after time I failed & fell prey to your games...
your sick mind must be wondering

what next you can do
to me

Baby baby baby...........

I'm no longer blind to your wicked deeds
and all your silly schemes.

I got your number  
and yet you still
think your gonna fool me,
Not this round and never again,

you should be ashamed of yourself
for the misconducts and falsehoods you
and your magical arrow's have
shown so many, not just me.

all kinds of being from ever walks of life,
all around the world.
Your silly & sad really,

and truth be told someone
must have ruined your love long ago

I heard ya momma did you in and for what?

Beauty is only skin deep or so they say.

she must of hated that your love was given
to someone else!

Did  you do it, huh did ya?

Yo you ******  ya momma  
huh?

Your a stupid *******-  yes you,
Kama, Amor, or so they called you
MR CUPID,

I hate everything you claim to stand for
if you understood true love

You'd know ya arrow's cause lust & desire
not love,
not even real infatuations.

you've did your damage
and if you stick me again
I'll **** you!

You don't inspire romantic anythings.

You wreck happy homes
given young girls false hope
false wishing and dreams.

Cupid
you ******* leave me be and go away.


Cupid
stop playing  go on now get outta here!

Cupid.........




’’’’\̵͇̿̿\з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿’̿’̿



Goodbye...

Man I swear.........

Cupid must think I'm
Stupid!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2010
She studied him ,while not really letting him
know she was checking him out
He was looking at her  bluntly
showing her he was looking
& checking her out too
As He crossed the room
to go turn on the stereo.,
She studied him closely
Noticing ; He looked
Afrocentric and so exotic
His Muscular ****** Body
worked to a hue of perfection.,
Honey Skin,Silk waves combed just right
so the light caught the red high lites
He probably didn't even know. he had
His face seemed sculptured
molded in pure model like form
****** hair shaved like he was working for GQ
Magazine Breath taking'ly Handsome.,
She held her breath as he looked up at her
he winked and pointed to the song playing
on the stereo
All she could do was nod her head in agreement.
He saw in the mirror how
she was looking secretly at him
or so she was lead to think,
He too was doing the same thing
Checking out this Beautiful Hypnotic Queen
The legs and hour glass shape was what 1st caught
his eye but the smile she gave
sent chills down his spine
the way she moved
so gracefully
like she was walking on air
made him feel weak kneed
Her Hair flowing in its natural state
curly and hanging down on her shoulders
giving her a heart shape looking face
he could run his hands in it but not just yet,
The feelings she in golfed
in him made him forget
what they was supposed to be doing
Studying for their law exam.
They didn't have to speak,
It seem the silences
would become a special communication.
Like in oasis the desert
the silence was a balm giving peace and respite
from the world
were words could become meaningless
sounds masking the emotions and abrading the senses.
These silences were uplifting ; a type of intimacy with-out
touching..,
Looking in His eyes and not saying a word
in harmony with each other
holing onto the memories of unspoken desires
casting off the shadows of doubt,
He don't need to enter her flesh
when just being there next to her was a gift
Cherished & treasured,
This was such a different kind of love.
She's looking in his eye's Silently
caressing him
Mind blowing thoughts shared
even as words were unspoken,
eye contact promised everything
Didn't need no words
when you're mentally
emotinally and
soon to be phycially connected
And then He Smiles.
His eyes light up
He has beautiful eyes
the thickest longest lashes
she had ever seen on a man
His light eyes became lit from
within and a feeling of sunshine
filled the room.
Because of her He was able to smile again
let the laughter in
Because of him she was able to trust
open up again.
And all this was done
With out a word!
Always me Ayeshah
written Saturday, December 23, 2006
© 2010
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Can you feel the resonance throbbing gently through this subtle discourse?
I constantly  find your lustful innuendo to be an incredibly pleasurable experience. Like your a magical lyricist.., Your words urge  to create masterful *******'s through laced pages with in me you bring out the artistic'ness hidden deep with in me.  
Rhymes and rhythmic vibrations build up until finally they gush forth with musical symbols, A stream of  lyrics resounds in & out of  my orchestra,
While we attempt to concentrate on our next  feature.
You have me unable to distinguish the next verse for our repetition's, Artfully your lyrics coincide with my own causing phrases to be come literate and a **** good read, Flowing melodies,
While you impregnate my text with all your, your lyrical kiss&naughtiness.;
Filling up my syllable's,Reconstructing my vocabulary.
Our rhyme is  basic element that defines the couplet, LOL Coupling as  we do.
Our consistent element is the repetition of form,
As in me and you forming as one Not in-difference to you ,
Just with small changes,
in your  technique
As we face off while playing out these scene,
Your persistence of  our sonnet reverberates like multicultural dance,
I'm competitive while feeling in awe of you. Your sweet tunes ripple down my spine,
while our word play
brings havoc to my mind. Like a chant or a sweet harmonies.
Causing mental eruption's. Conversing about to end,
tactically you evoke emotional & sensual response, But I'm
keeping up with your lyrical  flow. Rhyme for rhyme,
as each adjective courses through me, in and out while you become a
cunning linguist
master!, I'm about to overflow as you
Cause me to rhythmically fall victim to
insightful
Poems!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.6k · Aug 2016
Secrets
Ayeshah Aug 2016
Mind racing thoughts

As I screamed;  
with my mouth closed;
  too afraid to open up
and
let the voices  out

Who
knows what they'd say;
if allowed to shout Loudly
what's always
in
my head.

Secrets
left
unkempt
have ways
of
coming out.

Shhhhhhhhh

Please  don't  tell!

(
they'll send me away again with medicine & try to  make me forget *)
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1.6k · Mar 2010
Platonic
Ayeshah Mar 2010
I love you for many reasons & yet we've hardly meet,
I proceed from recognition of your beauty & appreciation of
"Our" what could have been(s).

From conversations past,

You
exist in reality-  only your not at my side,

Miles
away you are & afar I still love you
Doubt
me not
because I know these feeling be true.
I'm asking nothing  of you
just keep me in the loop,

I really shouldn't say this but
Babe
I have a need for you.

Weather
it's in poetic verses or sweet flowery words,
I need to hear you in writings or even on messenger.
How do
I love you wonder ,questioning our fate but again
I say doubt me not for my love will stay the same.
I like you more then just a little bit,

Love you forever if that would be your wish.
I hope
I'm not speaking out of turn but
my body yearns for you & what's crazy
is
I never personally meet you.
Yet I hold back desires-   which are purely  lust.
I keep my distance with out
choice but someday
I know soon,
We'll
be closer and better friends

Even if for now my love
for you's
Platonic !
(or is it?)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.6k · Oct 2019
Scent
Ayeshah Oct 2019
I smell him in my hair ;  
his scent
lingers on my skin ;  
on my sheets too.

The thought of us ;
our bodies

merged into one.

Reminiscing
leaves a
pleasing
ache
within me;
causing my body to crave
him all over again.

His scent

is everywhere in this room.

  Conjuring
images of our
love play.

My soul
needs him
here.

Even if it's
temporary;

I want to
and
need to
have more than just

his

scent!
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.®
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ayeshah Dec 2015
Bitter taste in my mouth

A metallic tangy taste

He shoved in his engorged enlarged shaft

as far as it'd go

He ***** & stole away my innocents

offering wine

I find this sacrilegious

more I guess like blasphemy

after all he is a Deacon

Preaching lies

more to me then our whole congregation

Sinners have to pay to get into heaven

Guess mines is my virginity

Age 10 going on 11

I'm now like * the sacrificial wine

I've been past round

Who'd want to go to heaven anyways

If this is the price to pay



All I can remember is; Us surviving victim, get sour grapes


I'm floating out of myself

as I think of them



I can see all that's happening
until I crash into myself

Back to my torturous reality

I wait until he pulls out

just enough to bite down hard

with all my strength........



Sour grapes like sour hearts,

but

So unlike sour hearts...

You can still make wine outta

Sour grapes


Blood doesn't taste so sweet!

Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Alters have ways of making me never forget!Sometimes they make me so mad!Who wishes remember this mess! best to forgive&mov;; on im 2OLD to mourn my childhood or lack there of!
Ayeshah Sep 2013
He said we'd be happy, in love- together forever.

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me waiting for a love that wasn't truly there, a loyalty that only I gave,
empty words- promised after your battery and being choked out.

His Forever was me with many lonely nights and calls of concerned &my; ears listening to you laughing,
saying "i love you woman" yet its not me you've said this to, that was,
10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

He said we'd communicate & work things out, be faithful, loyal and always devoted forever.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me being an attentive house wife,mother to his children lover and intimate companion,friend, plus budget keeper and everything else he'd might of needed,
That was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His communication was speaking about me in a disrespectful way just to get sympathy from whom ever would sway his way
His communication was lying to me, lying to our children and everyone it'd seem- about everything,
from his wear about the newborn child and the money we, me & his children went with out,
we struggled when we never had to just so he could court a woman who apparently already has a man.

Sharing things with her and doting on her son, given her what should of been the promises he failed to keep with me.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,
Where he said he'd do anything in his power to make things better,
but that was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

For Better become For Worse after only 3 to 4 years of marriage.

Until Death Do Us Part, was the death of what could of been something magical.

His Through Sickness& In Health was carried out by his DWI, and me continuously~ standing,supporting him & sticking by.

Yet when I needed him and stuck in the hospital there was no through sickness or in health.

His Forsaking all other, well that was the year before 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

Within the first year everything seemed perfect the illusion's of what we or I've striven to achieve...
If you're confused that was, 11 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

I remember holding hands and laughing for sometimes no reason at all,
Walks in the park sometimes down the street just to enjoy each others company.
Laying in bed gazing into each others eyes,hands entwined.

Love letters handwritten of all the lustrous and love felt feelings expressed where words vocally couldn't express,
A wedding day that made him cry and i watched 1 single tear fall from his eye as he said I do.
He didn't and never been that type of man since.

Fist on my face, slapped down choked and ****** assault, lies and stealing what little i had,
jail became his best friend, where he learned to hone his abilities to deceive.

But truth is,
I blamed me for a lot of it until I realized I gave all I can and did my best.
It wasn't me it was him and i had to leave, taking the children with me.

I can say all in all I've learned a painful lessons...

I'm only sad it took me,
10 years,
8 months,
2 weeks,
4 days,
12 hours,
32 minutes,
and
18 sec!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
1.6k · Mar 2010
Identical
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Why are you appealing to me-

Stimulating my ****** desire
tending to arouse evil with inside

Me- You

Us
Identical-

Suggestively I've laid out
flowery perfumed petal

trailing to the bedroom

I've characterized you

by obscenity's & indecency's
you've already let me get away with

**** vivacious recipient-
eluding the lubricious

embraces of
my prurient thought.

Thigh high boots

Whips Creme & chains

Swing chair done up tight to the ceiling,

Lubrications lotions & potions,

Candlelit flickers

as

Our
silhouette's merge into

Identical
mirrored image

You-  Me

Mingling

Melting- the little death

becomes

Us!

Identical........

Always me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Baby, let's leave the lights on....

I want to make love with the lights on,

Sit on top of you before we do anything.

Trace your hand while my hands are in yours,
in union we caress each others arms up & down,
stare into each others eyes as
we touch & explore one another.

Allow you to run your hands up then
down my back, stroke my chest,
caress my heart & feel it beating,
slowly I watch you,take one of my breast
into your mouth, suckling & nibbling just a little.

Sending radiant sensations tingling
all through me.

I want to do it with the lights on,.

Hold me closely as you kiss me,
all the while your still touching
me & staring at me.

Looking into my very soul as you lift
me on to your throbbing solid rod.

Melting me as your hot sleek member
dances inside of me.

I'll move with you never taking
my gaze from your face.

My nails on their own dig in deeply,
I feel the flesh break on your back,
that's when you move a bit deeper

hehehe

sort of like ouch & mmm girl
take this - for me doing that.

I watch as your lips part
and you moan just a bit,
I'll follow your lead as you speed up
& move my hips.

Hands firmly pressed against my buttocks,

tightly you squeeze then pull me

fully down-around your steel rod,

I cry out from pain & pleasure.

Beads of sweat trickle down my back-

I can feel the coolness from the cracked window,

the light in the bedroom are still on, the TV's flashing

from what ever shows being shown,.

I hear a dog bark and a baby cry,

It's daylight and we've been seducing

each other like this for over
two hours.

You've barely spoken a world since you

took my clothes off

& asked me to help with your shirt.

We've switched it up and I'm on my stomach

with my slit in your face,

your tasting me,

I'm ******* on you.

The blend of us sure does taste good,

like pineapples & honey.

I feel it & I'm ready, you slide ******* inside of me

causing my body to ****, then seize up

Like I'm having convulsionary fits.

Flip me over and enter me again

so slowly, I'm begging for your

to hurry & give me all of you.

I'm looking at you as you watch me bite my lip,

you stick your finger in my mouth, then kiss me, tasting us,

causing me to become delirious

we're at a fever pitch, moving in sync,

I can feel you swelling...

I'm sure your about to pop, and on cue my body fires up

it's built so quickly- I can barely catch my breath,

we're ******* together

all the while,  I nor you

ever take our eyes off of each other.

Now you see why*

I Want To Do It With The Lights On?!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
This AM I woke thinking of nasty thoughts & dream I had didn't  help either lol. It was veryyy intimate . Besos HP friends! TY for reading!
1.5k · Nov 2013
Sadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ayeshah Nov 2013
Sadly I think of you & wonder if those green eyes remember me or if you think of me....
I bet you don't.
Do you miss me even a little bit...
I doubt you do or could care less,
I seen the affirmation in your wake of destruction,
to my home & very soul...

I'm sure your happy now since you've destroyed this home, stole and thought it'd be fun even funny, I hope the temporary satisfaction fills you in those lonely nights and days where I once use to dwell.

I pray my scent still lingers in the air where ever you go and all over your pillows, leaving you craving me and still yearning for my lustful touch, kisses and caress...

our legs entwining, our body's moving in sync, your green seductive eyes staring at me with love shinning through as you make me your lady, your life and someday maybe your could of been wife...
We shouldn't of ruined "that" because "that" was the best part of us.... Or so I keep trying to tell myself.
I cant forget or forgive you for the negative names that came out your mouth- towards me and they are so so unforgivable, yet because I love you and still care.

I guess, it's best for me to forgive some of the disrespectful ways and things you've said plus done to me & not just me but my children.

I hope your happy really I do, I feel if things were so completely different  we could of been steadfast in working things out.

I seriously miss your strong arm wrapped breathlessly and so very tightly around me, and that's ok, it's ok to miss you, to crave you and at times still need you.

I know that us being apart is for the best, least that's what I'm telling myself...

the healing I've allowed me to go through will one day help me think back on what we shared as a fond memory.

The growing that's taken place, tells me that, for me- my chapters not over and the pages that once were us sadly was a tragedy, but these new blank pages and those canvases over there are ready for me to start a new book and paint again....

Sadly thought I'm so used calling you when I have a issues problem or need a pick me up, sadly I'm used to going over & climbing in your bed, having you fill me up with your intensified love making.
And sweetly but sadly- how you used to hold me for no reason at all or even when you scooped me up right in the middle of walmart screaming "I LOVE YOU" as loud as you could...

I pray the next one you meet you realize that if she sticks around when your broke,broken and penniless, giving you all of her love as you lie and abuse and give reasons for your deceit that you hold on to her.
I pray you don't lie cheat or steal as you've done to me...

I was there if you'll recall, when no one else was, and would of still been if you didn't damage my home and my life or that of my children if you'd realize that, there was no need to play games with me to win...

There was no need to demand and abuse or lie and cheat, there was never a need to try to manipulate or any need for control not over me not with us,

no need to force my hand and or the love i carried with me every where, since it was you who always owned the key to my heart!

To those "green/hazel eyes" which haunt my days and wakes me from sleep with nightmares of what once was a beautiful tragedy of ..........................

um........................US!


(Sad­ly I miss you & sadly I still love you too)

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Mar 2010
i am proud to be will maybe do a poem about it as well let me know?
btw how many of my dear friends here pn HP are Leo's?  if ur not let me pls know what sign you are! thanks........

Leo - The Sign of the Lion
The people of this sign are natural leaders and chiefs. In reality the supervising position is what the majority of people born under the sign of Lion aspires to. They are really intelligent and magnetic people. That fact attracts others, but they should not try to dominate everyone. Lion frequently called "The sign of the kings" according to his intelligence and graceful manners. Their astrological symbol " Lion" is considered to be the king of animals. But, as well as all governors, that people should learn to wear the crown modestly. They should remember their large sin - vanity.

Friends
It isn't always easy to be friends with a these people. They are best in a one-to-one friendship where their ego is less likely to intrude upon the relationship. These people can find their most lasting friendships with people born in their own period or from March 21 to April 19-27 and, strange to say, all those people who were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, or 28th of any month, for the reason that these numbers accord and have a sympathetic attraction to the number of the Sun which is the number of this period.

Health
People born in this period should have more time to sleep than almost anyone else. They usually overwork their brains, and are inclined to suffer from headache, trouble with the eyes and other things concerned the head. And they are liable to get cuts and wounds in the head, and they usually run danger from fire. Such people usually demand a constant medical attention.

Color
Their most suitable colors are all shades of yellow, orange, pale green, and white.(PURPLE)

Stones
The birth stones for this period are topazes, amber, and rubies.
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Music is my Muse
From the funky jazz tempo
To the sounds of salsa
From the classical rock
To the alternative basses
From the Opera Lady's bellow
To the Tenors solo
From the 80's slow jamz
To them 50's swinging bands,
To them country folk songs
To those old folks blues
Music is my Muse,
My inspiration,
Being Black&Puerto; Rican
I- A NuYorican,
I've heard the best tunes,
Bahchata's & Merengue,
Bailes La Cumbias,
Like Macr Anthony &
oh how he sang to me,

My wanting
to rock with you like
Micheal Jackson-
To Vanilla's
Ice Ice Baby,
It's yo thang do what you wanna do,
Candy coated Rain drops
By Soul For Real,
& When will I see you Again-
Babyface
Until I muse
in my amusement
When Tim McGraw  
Sanged don't take the girl,
Reba "Asking Does
He love me like
he's been loving YOU",
To its my prerogative
Like Bobbi Brown said,
Let not for get
Johnny Cash,
Or what About them
O'Jays
Yeah my muse is musical-
Music and thinking artfully
coincides with one another,
with breathing and  eating
Rhyme & Rhythm linguistics
even as we walk down the street
or cruising
while jamming in ya car,
LL Cool J said Cars drive
by with the booming Systems-
AH Push it was
My jam back in the day
R&B; Was mostly what I liked
But growing Up
I started listening to
Rock & Hip Hop,
Got drunk off those sweet
Monster Ballads
while Making love
to Sade,
Sung All Cried Out
at my graduation party,
Tony Toni Tone
Made Us-FEEL GOOD YEAH
at all them block parties
back in NYC,
Now
I listen to everything
going on 33
heard it through the grape vine
that YOU share
a likeness in this Musing?
Music is My Muse.
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.5k · Jun 2014
Until I Heal.
Ayeshah Jun 2014
I reminisce quite often

of your touch

and

the unabashed ****** experimentation's

we've shared.

I know my worth,

so don't you go forgetting,

I had you with your mouth agape,

your toe's curling

as

you cried out my name...

call my conceit one of a kind,

because

I know the way you stare,

the way your  eyes lustfully & licentiously devourer me,

the way you crave me

and

how you cling to the memories of us,

in bed.

Your priapic lust for me

is

equally accepted & measure,

almost to a point where

I could have ******-combusted

since

you always seem unable to stop,

but

you must know,

I have a very arcane little list and lucky for you

I've let you in...

hahaha lucky indeed & better for me.

My concupiscence  language

and

metaphors simplify & convey my lustful intent.

In simpler terms just know I want to repeat are coupling,

I'd like you to to bend me over and stretch me to my fullest.

open me widely

and

dance with in my silken  Venus’ cradle,

entangle me into

a dreamlike haze,

in which my  fantasy and reality are indistinguishable.

I know you've  harboured about me & the many ways,

all the very excitingly different ways you could defile

and desecrate my ripe tight little body,

I see more clarity and certainty of what might happen,
  
if ever

I'd allow you to spend the night with me again,

I still remember our passionate nights together,
  
oh so very well,  

I can see it,

I taste us and worst yet,

I can feel your animalistic

and

sometimes brutal ****** assault on me,

I still feel you deep within

my seductive tight little love box.

Your

a

cannibalistic-cunnalinguist master,

causing havoc within me,

as you attack hungrily

between my thighs,

sending me spinning,

sending me on a  intoxicating high.

Our last encounter,  

left me unable to breathe,

barely able to walk and yet I have no regrets,

well maybe just one,

and that is;

all good things must come to an end!

(until I heal.)

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
LOL,
had to do something to incite you hehehe, hope you liked it , trying new things, thanks for reading!
1.5k · Feb 2016
Tell me WHY?
Ayeshah Feb 2016
What would possess a man to stalk me on the internet after I've told him over and over that I'M  not looking for a relationship?

what would possess that him to pretend to be other people on the internet?
When somebody does not want  you to  be apart of their life...YOU should give it up

Be it  male or female

You should leave them alone
respect their boundaries and their wishes if they wanted you they will be with you period!

I know I stated that I don't want a relationship

Yet I'm looking for friendship and I don't want anything else when the time comes for me to settle down again-no we're not talking about marriage just settling down with one person and being committed to each other when that time comes it will not be with you....

You can cry about it
YOU CAN rant about it
YOU CAN  feel however you do
JUST  just stop stalking me!

I know for a fact that you have MANY girlfriends and of course YOU asked another woman to marry you

I know for sure that you have many lovers & for what?...
I don't know because you're not really good in bed and not good at much of anything .... that's your business and I would like you to stay out of my business

I would like to live my life without you stalking me: hence why I moved to a different state!

I'm on this here poetry site that I've been a part of for a very long time
Yet
I don't even write on here as much anymore because I'm being stalked.

This  this is someone that I  moved far away from 2 years ago and I'm still being stalked

The saddest thing is you're wasting time on me for no reason!

All this failed understanding of what I'm saying  has me worked up , like who enjoys their space being invaded?

Fact is you'll find some way to read this and still stalk me;  via the web, text or call me.

Makes no sense to me..

if I must do another restraining order so be it...
I'm so tired of this  ******* and it's not that I'm afraid IT'S  more so I would like peace of mind because I don't want to become a criminal and hurt this person that's stalking me knows I fear no 1.

I will protect my children so let's hope for his sake he stops!

I don't want to have to go in and out of court.
Which is WHY  I move out of state;  to get this person to stop stalking ME!

WE ALL can't control what people do on the internet but I **** sure can control a person going on to the  poetry sites and dating sites that I'm on, pretending to be someone else!

This is so stupid to do and then try to have conversations with me. ... *** don't you think that's sad- that he's almost 50 & doing this?

He's a father of 3 and a grandfather.

He claims he can have any woman he wants,

  THEN why does he stalk me huh?

Go ****** HAVE  her cuz I don't want or need ya !

I hear stalking is more about control , for some  your  their possessions......

Guess rhats why 6 years ago he once told me -I was his property....

From then on I didn't want to be with him & MADE SURE TO get away from him.

THIS AIN'T slavery & my black Puerto Rican  *** don't  belong to nobody but me!

THANKS FOR READING FRIENDS AND LETTING ME VENT!
STILL MY QUESTION IS TELL ME WHY?
WHY ME?  I think he'd **** me if he could find me! Tell me why?
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1.5k · Feb 2010
The Puzzle Of You!
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I listen for so long at what
TV, Radio & what other people said.
Advertisements, Magazines,
Books on how to loose weight,
Other ways & things to make myself look
pretty.  Pity-Petty me,
Trying to dress like
Celebrities,
Trying so **** hard to fit in & be like those
Models & some of them one hit wonders...
even starting to think there
was something wrong with my skin.
Too dark for many
and yet I have this red hue kind of glow,
White teeth but so UN perfect to me.
Hour glass shape I hated it,
Big strong thighs that just didn't look right,
Truth be told for a while I used to like me
until I started becoming self-sabotaging .
Thinking I could get him or just be happy doing
what all the other girls & women did,
Oh how I wanted to be anyone else
other than myself.
Long curly- unruly hair,
***** some would say
but back then
I'd have it no other way,
Afro puffs, braids,
beads,
Styles that made people question me.
Relaxing, burning&straighting; my hair
To look like Halley Berry  
How she looked in that movie
QUEEN.
I guess.
Making me feel so unPretty,
You sorry lil freak in
the mirror looking right back at me,
My grapefruits sit high-up on myself,  
They perk up and smile at me
in my state of  undress,
Some where some how along the way
I started hating them & their shape,
Wanted bigger even though I'm  38C.
Why? I really don't know...
I guess it all started
way back when;
I was just blooming
into a young lady,
Finding ones self.,
When I started to hate being me;
Foster father told me
I need to eat less,
Only Black/Puerto Rican
with dark skin in
a all White School.
Went onto visit family during this time
and got picked on
at home because
most of my families skins was so light,
Abusive relationships unbeknown at the time
had me feeling like I could never get it right,
Doing what ever "He" He  "Him" liked,
which is also what
helped take away any concept of self.
Went through the toughest 15 yrs of my life,
Married young to a
Man whose opinion
matter more then Mines.
Finally hit 23, Divorced & Free,
A light came on bright as the Sun...
I had to figure out who
I was when everyone told me
I was Ugly,Worthless & Dumb.
See eventually you reach that exhaustion.  
You take a really good look in the mirror,
Seeing me for me what hard facing reality...
I have almond shaped cat like eyes,
Brown hair with auburn highlights,
Full lips that most people pay to have
and I ain't never had to inject rat poison
into any parts of my FAT,
It's at this point where
I had to decide at this crossroad
which route I'd take.
Most would choose defeat but I had my little girls,
I couldn't accept them ever looking
at me as someone who gave up.
I had to figure out how to love myself  all over again
Be comfortable with who I am.
It takes many a lifetime sometimes to
finally come to this conclusion.
But for others like me,
It's really like building or rebuilding a puzzle,
The Puzzle Of You!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.4k · Dec 2010
EVERY TIME.......
Ayeshah Dec 2010
Every time

We talked

He'd ask me what I thought

Once

He hooked & bated me

He'd send flowers and a card

Every time*

He made love to me and finished off 1st

He's send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd kiss me

When I was feeling at my worst

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He told me he loved me & not "her"

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd stayed out late or came home the next day

He'd send flowers & a card

This time with candy in a box

Every time

He lied & i fall for him again

He'd send flowers candy & a card

This time

with a teddy bear holding the card

Every time

He'd  choked & yelled at me

Then  stormed out

He'd come back with flowers candy a teddy bear & a card

This time on his knees asking me to marry him

Of-course I said yes

Every time

He'd blame me when it was his fought

He'd say how sorry he was

with flowers candy box teddy bears
& a card

This
time he asked me to give him a baby

Natural *


I did giving him  more then one

Every time

He'd *hit
me and tell me to shut my mouth

He'd come back with candy boxes  flowers teddy bears & a card

Promising not to do it again

Obviously

He never kept his promises

& started adding necklaces to those other gifts

Every time

for the longest time

He'd send me

candy boxes, flowers, teddy bears rings necklaces, & cards

Every time

He went to my grave



He'd send


flowers


a tear


&


a card

EVERY   TIME.

(until it was my last time)*

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
So much pain in my life,

I got a million question and can only get one answer; this too shall pass...,

I can't say nothing back I got so much that's already past in my life,

I try to do right try to live by the word yet as wordily as

I live I still can't get up from this weight burdening my chest.

So much pain in my life,

I thought of giving up many times,

Thinking how I got my soul whooped and got my face torn - broken

My heart left in shambles but still I continue,

I strive and survived made it threw so many storms

but how long I can I go on,

how can I continue to hold my head up ,

So Much Pain in my Life,

Look at all the stuff that's happened Uncle killed in car accident,

Born to a mother with nothing but sin prostitution,

A drunk& drug addicted father who couldn't bother

for the life of him to give to all these children

what was need to

keep even the house heated,

Marine &Vietnam; Vet- P.o.w. ,

Shhh get down don't move,

See this was something

we all got used to made fun of him and his craziness too,

So Much Pain in my Life

Nana Sick and doing her best with all these kids,

Got a gambling husband

so hiding Money be come a game to us,

Out in the street catching heat,

rolling with the Latin Queens thinking

I was bigger and bader than anyone

till shot fired

My friends life "red" spread on the concrete, got pregnant

and never thought to be the same ,

Little girl become woman - At 13 -Baby ripping out my innocents,

Hell of a life to live &still; I give!

So Much Pain in my life...........



SO MUCH PAIN IN MY LIFE,

Why me I cried to Allah/God,

Why am I being punished, my answer in return, was nothing,

So much Pain in My life..,

Lightly

thoughts come to my head "this is the cross you must bear,

a test to see how much do you love me" must be the voice I been waiting for...,

After that silence noting...,

I bow my head and say thank you ...,

Even still I'm left feeling stupidity and sorrows chilling my bones,

So much Pain in My Life,

Strife's wont let up ,You cant possible know my pain just like I cant know yours,

Saw Tricks turn Church goers and pimps turn child molesting-  Preachers,

Growing up grown and trying to make on my own, NYC held me down,

But the lessons haven't ended it's just the beginning for me,

So Much Pain in my life, I

'I'll continue and win some day soon...,

Until I do hmm I cant tell you

I have no advise to give to you, as wise I am

I'm still learning and growing ..,

So much pain in my life,

Been mother and pretend father to children of and not of my flesh,

Been the abused as well as the abuser,

Many times I wanted to take my own life, but the Sign at the

Gates Say do not enter the sin and thoughts of a sinner must

not disgrace these steps turn around its not ya time and if you take ya life ,

You'll never be a child of mines,

I walk away inflated, Begging to make it another day,

So much pain in my Life,

Night and day I beg for release for the pain in my heart to Cease,

Wanting to be more and working on the impossible,

Cuz threw my life and my eyes

I see miracle's happening every day and the dream continues to make me,

Breaking sprites but in love I can't say I ever felt it truly owned it or knew it,

Lust I can confess plenty,

but one things for sure My time isn't priceless everyone has something in the closet,

weather or not , they'll tell is up to them for me its another way to let you in,

So much Pain In My LIFE.........,

Now as I lay my children down to sleep,

I smile and think to my self even threw it all I got the

one things that counts& cant ever hurt me ,

Maybe I say..,

Thinking of Nana again and the pain her own Children caused her,

I say another Prayer,

Spare me lord, don't let my children ever feel what I felt..,

And if it can be helped please never let them live life as

I once did ,Give me the peace in knowing they'll

grow up better and striving to Greatness in their own

womanhood,

With out, So much Pain in their Life.

Like mines...,

I'm crying as I ask him this and I say to him again even thou you

Carried me as the
Footprints would have me Believe..,

I thank you still for you're by my side and always will be..,

knowing your

Love's unconditionally

Given to me with out question
and I'm blessed
Still I say thank you..,

Knowing you Saved me

SO MUCH PAIN IN MY LIFE!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Apr 2013
It's getting late.
We've ran around
all day and he knew from
the time
I called him
early this morning,
how much I wanted to be with him,
I
doubt he took me serious
when
I
told him after
I
get out of class we would
head back to his place...
I
called him on my break
and
told him
I
would be seeing him soon,
he sort of giggled like yeah right
"
Brooklyn"....
I
worked on my assignments
but
my mind was else where.
As
I
typed on my school PC,
I
thought of how good
he'd
feel inside of me
and
I
began to feel myself heating up,
getting a bit wet
between my thighs...
As soon as I could;
I
rushed out of my seat,
down the steps
and
to my car,
doing my best to keep my speed
about
80 mphs.
I
picked him up
just as he got off
the city bus.
He jumps in my car
--
kisses me
on my cheek,
I
couldn't think
my mind was wishing
he'd
kiss me everywhere.
Hi
I
said breathlessly,
he stares at me
with
them beautiful eyes
and
says hey babygirl...
I
love when he calls me that.
We
rush to finish all we had to do
and
once at his place
he cooks
trying to do his best
to
feeds everyone.
While
he's attending to dinner,
I
rush in and out the shower.
I
run to his room
and
wait
--
I'm
ready, heated
and
prepared...
I
lie naked on my back watching out his window
I can feel him enter the room as I'm
staring at a dusky yellowish setting sun.
I
can feel him in the doorway,
his eyes are glazing
over my body...
For a split second
I
feel vulnerable,
weak even.
This
deep
longing
takes over
and
like a she-wolf
I
leap up as if by magic
off his bed.
He's ready for me,
He giggles
knowingly,
and
pushed me down,
He holds me there
as
he lifts my legs up around his shoulders.
He
barres his face in between my thighs.
*******, licking
I
moan so loud,
I
think the neighbors can hear me...
Oh well
he doesn't stop,
only moans out
I LOVE YOU
while his tongue dances
in & out of me,
then
around
my *******.
He's teasing me
--
it's building up...
He
knows
I'm about to burst
--
he's ready for me,
as soon as
I
cry out
he lifts
his head up,
I
arch my pelvis
up to meet his
hard, long, thick,
solid ****,
he slows me down
--
literally
picks me up off
the bed...
In one swift motion,
he's deep inside of me,
I'm airborne,
lifted into
his protective strong arms,
his muscle aren't even taunt
as
he allows me to grind
while he moves
in & out of me,
along with me,
like we're racing
--
trying to beat each other
but somehow we match stroke for stroke...
as my ****** breaks
he's
moving deeper.
I'm ready to burst again.
He watches me
as
he leans over my abdomen;
he caresses my *******,
He takes off his wire frame
glasses.
He looks at me with them eyes
that can melt your soul.
I
feel the warm vapor
of his breath nestling on
my neck..
He licks
in
between
the hollows of my neck,
leaving trails
of his wondrous kisses
down the valley of my cleavage,
******* one
breast
then the other,
moving onward to my *******,
all
the while hes pumping
in and out of me..

"
Oh OOOoo mmm Ahhhh ooOoOo "
I cry out
--
as
his **** becomes ramrod.
I
close my eyes
feeling him stretch me
his rough treatment
turns me on even more,
I
can feel my ***** becoming wetter,
Feeling his **** penetrate deeper than before,
I'm so wet I feel myself over-flowing.
My ***** aching for him to stop but I'm not ready to give up..
We
pause,
then wait for a few seconds...
Our
breathings so hard,
we're gulping for air..
whilst his ***** nestles inside
my quivering ***** ,
my *****
tighten around his ****,
as
I'm listening to
him breathe.
We share a look
--
I'm ready just as he is...
his muscle become taunt
as
he
rigorously
&
vigorously
lifts me like weights
up & down,
while he moves
in and out of me
--
slamming into me
I
feel myself
swells as he fills me up
so completely
with his hard ramrod shaft..
so deep is he
--
I
can't talk, moan or breath,
only whimpers of moans
rant
the sunset evening sky...
softly at first; then
I
finally call out
his name
and
scream: *
yes yes yes O'Yessss
He grunts
and
moans watch
so
I
look down at his priapic ****,
as
I
watch
--
my mind plays a little trick on me
and
I
imagine it entering me
at a magnificent speed,
I'm turned on even more
while watching
this assault on my *****,
while
he continuously thrusting fast,
deep
and
so **** hard
I
can barely
take anymore.
I
watch
and
imagine it entering with
the force of the
explosion.

TO BE CONTINUED.......
maybe another day like;
"April's Fools"
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
1.4k · Dec 2015
I DON'T MISS YOU!!!
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I don't miss
you

I miss me

I miss whom

I  was becoming

I miss whom

I could be

I miss what

I've changed
into

But NO

I don't miss
You

I miss what

was becoming  

uniquely me

NOPE

I don't  miss
YOU

I miss everything

You were

helping me to be
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Only miss the good we had and brung out in each other.  This new u I don't know nor do I like so no nope I DON'T MISS YOU
1.4k · Apr 2010
Day Dreaming..........
Ayeshah Apr 2010
never felt a body so hard,

muscles

rippled every inch of you,

your hands so strong,

molding me to you,

caress deeply massaging my body.

i feel you on top of me-
solid hard pressing down,

touching me here mmm and here.

playing with my pressure points,

dancing over my egregiousness zone.

you've seductively molested
my mind while secretly
tantalized my pleasure zones,

your a walking talking aphrodisiac.

sleek like a dark panther,

flexing your biceps
as you work my body,

teasing me as your pelvis
and manhood softly grinds
up on my buttocks,

where your half sitting.

i feel you rise swelling and all
i can do is lay here guessing,

thinking impure thoughts
of what we could be doing,

your half siting on me,

knees bent
close to my waists,

my arms at my sides

Sorry baby i had to touch you,

feel your power as
you stroke me seductive.

Sweet gentle ****  masseur  

your
technique has me craving  

your hands on my umm hmm,

I want to now feel you between
me
flexing as you probe in me deeply
with your
"Afro"disiacs

flex with in me as you move
in sync with me, harder oh please

YES!

caress my velvety walls as my own muscles

constrict & contracts pulsating from your

*******'tics touch and tense up.

Sir  please, Sir  move deeper
while i move with you.

that's what I want toy say
&
beg of you to do,
thats what I'm thinking

but I wont say a thing.

I'm going to lay here on my stomach-

enjoyably mesmerized  at the care you take

with me &  your expertises

as you massage peace back into me.

relaxing me while i lavishly day dream

of us becoming more then just  a 1 hour  session

of  You the sensual  Masseur

&

I the lustrous  wishful thinking client

whose mind  has already taken
a leave of absence

Only when it comes to you.

Mmm Day Dreaming.......


Always me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
1.4k · May 2010
Watch Time Flys By!
Ayeshah May 2010
I counted  the clock
as I watched the small hand slowly tick by

I stared off into space
as I watched the weather change from sunny to Grey-
blurring my vision as my mind drifted away...

Something in the air told me to be still-  listen & wait

but if I'd of known on this day
you'd do the unthinkable so intangibly-
I well I don't know what I'd of done....

I haven't eaten since you left
I hardly slept since I found you gone...

Hard to think as I sit at my dinning table
watching out my bay window as children laugh & play.

I heard a dog bark and watched a girl playing with her hula-hoop

I sit as tears run down my face thinking are you eating are you safe?

Why now would you think to leave
when everything you wanted
is right in front of you?

Is that person you ran to worth
the pain your causing me?

What can you be thinking ?

As I sit hear with my elbows on this table,
head bent low & my hands in my hair.

I hear a knock & my heart skips a beat, butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach...

That lil girl with her hula-hoop tapped my window and smiles (I thought it was you)


I smile right back but all  I see is you- in my mind
I see you with your tiny hands, your wrapped in blankets,
leaves of many colors  fall down from above as we sat in  Elizabeth Park
me reading  Winnie The Pooh  to you.

You at about 2- running with your very first kite  
saying looky momma look "it fly'ing"...

As you ran you tripped stubbled & fell  sadly your kite flew away...
I chases it but I couldn't reach it in time....
You look up with tears & it breaks my heart I didn't catch your kite
so I cry too and you say to me momma it OK.

I see in my mind you  at 4 laughing with your sister - you both hold hand
twirling round & round in circles   until you fall down giggling all the while.

I wonder where is that smile of yours now?

Where's the laughter & feelings you had way back then?

My tears are overflow- spilling on this dinning table...

I look up and watch
the tiny red hand on the clock tick, tick, tick on by,
it's the only sound in my house.

Your sisters outside playing with their friends
as  I sit watching out the window& all I see is the many blended
children whom now look all
like you- running, laughing, playing...

Being free to be them selves & all I can do is long to have you home for once.
No picture is gonna help
because you've left me watching, waiting once more,
I  been here all this time doing what I seem to continuously do which is
Watch As Time Flys By!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
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