When I first met you I didn't think I would fall,

Oh so in love with you

I didn't think that the thought of you would make me blush

And fill my stomach with butterflies

I love how when I breathe you in you smell of rain,

And a hint of smoke

I love how you don't treat me like anyone else

It's almost as if you treat me like anyone else I would break,

I love the stupid handshake we have

Like little five year olds with a secret

I love every little tiny cell in your body,

It kills me inside because I know not even in in a thousand lives,

Would you love me the way I love you.

Sometimes I talk about you like you're away on a trip and you're coming back.
Throwing you into casual conversations as if the people I was conversing with felt everything you make me feel.
Pretending they understand the depths of my heart
and how deep you've fallen into it.

But not even I understand the intensity that is you.

Like gravity you pull me back and hold me down.
Trapping me in an illusion of a story never told and never to be told
but forever read in my head.
A never ending dialogue between love and loss, let go and hold on.

A love story.

A tragically beautiful love story.

i loved you
and i love you still.
you never did,
you never will.

When i think back to the day I met you, my heart explodes.
I am both the happiest person in the world, because I hugged you, and the saddest because it's been so long.
In class, I can't focus because the memory of your smile keeps coming back to me.
In my head, it never gets quiet anymore because my mind keeps replaying the sound of your chuckle, and those words I've been longing to hear.
No hug will ever feel
as warm
and safe
and happy anymore,
because no one's arms fit me like yours.
You are constantly on repeat in my mind;
your laugh, your smile, your words, your arms, your smell...

I miss you so much, my heart cannot take it anymore.
And I cannot help but wonder,
how you can be the worst thing that's ever happened to my heart when you're the best that's ever happened to me.

sometimes,
you don't even know
you're in hell
until you catch a glimpse
of heaven.

Help me now to remember

How you hugged me to your chest
your arms strong+holded me, let me rest.

When you whispered quiet
Beautifuls
And quiet
Assurities.

Help me to remember

How I held on with dear life
Scared to let go

And scared I won't remember.
And scared that you would go.