I want to ruin you
the way you ruined me
and you know I can
and you know I could
and you know I won't
and you know I didn't

I want to ruin you
because you ruined me
you took away my happiness
my reason to smile
you took away my soul
like the angel of death

you ruined my love
because I gave it all to you
and now I hate love
as much as I hate you
I don't trust love
just like I don't trust you

you ruined my heart
you broke it into pieces
and stepped on every piece
crushing every hope
I ever had
to be whole again

you ruined my life
by stepping into it
and then leaving
and then running back
only to walk away
slower

you ruined me
conquering my mind, body & soul
so much that
your happiness and sadness
became mine
but my inside went numb

you ruined me
worse than
he ruined you

I want to ruin you
but I don't have it
in me
to be as selfish
as heartless
as you

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

last night,
I realized something.
I can still remember the first time I came across,
self harm.
suicide.
it was a movie.
'cyber bully'
I was 13 years old.
I remember the song,
playing during the scene
'breath me' Sia.
I remember looking up,
self harm that very night.
getting all these terrible ideas.
I'll admit,
at first I used it for attention.
but, not in the way you may think.
I craved my fathers attention.
so, I cut.
deeper and deeper.
till it became an addiction.
a release.
I felt control for once.
but,
one night my sister walked in on me,
cutting.
that was the moment I decided.
what I'm doing is wrong.
so, I tired and tried.
to over come my addiction.
I wanted to show her that,
it's alright to have rough times.
but, it's all about overcoming them.
being stronger than you may believe you are.
I did it for her.
it took a year and I half.
one step forward two steps back.
but, I did it.
and now, I'm proud.
I'm proud of who I am.
I no longer feel ashamed.
I over came my battle.
and, I've finally came to a conclusion.
that I'd like to share my story.
for all those going threw,
rough times.
to show them, things are possible.
believe in yourself.

We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.

The eclipse lasts shortly,
And the moon shines
Merely because of the Sun's rays.
The moon may be gorgeous,
But everything it got
Was a gift from Sun.
Without it's gold spreading across the sky,
The moon is invisible.

That's why a Moon
Could never compete with a Sun.