I almost wrote you a love song once

but then I remembered how much I hate love songs

and I decided to just

write you this instead

see most people live life backwards

they’re dead before they find life

and it’s usually too late

and I was that person until I stumbled across you

I found my heartbeat in your spontaneity

and I found my smile in your lips

you touched me in places without

using your hands

and when I cry, you don’t silence me by telling me

"it’ll get better"

you don’t wipe away my tears

you let me cry

and that’s more than anyone has ever done for me

and when I want to thank you

I realize I don’t know how

but you tell me “you’re welcome"

in a million different ways

and I want to thank you for that too

but I don’t know how to do that either

that was when I almost wrote you a love song

but I stopped when I realized that I hated love songs

and I loved you

so I wrote you this instead

my skin is where mahogany met gold
their first kiss
was embedded in my
DNA
they call my melanin
home
it is my obligation
to make them proud
I am going to shimmer
until the sun
has to quit his day job

Blue is my favorite color
I seem to wear it best
When I'm missing you

Have you ever walked down a dead end
Knowing that there was nothing there
But still have a glimmer of hope that the sign at the beginning was wrong
and that there was something that nobody had discovered yet
all the way at the end?
you.
you're my dead end.
and I want to keep on walking but…
I'm tired.
I need a break.
The tears, they need to dry.
The pain, it needs to be eased.
So I sit for a little while
Eyes blurred
Head pounding
Heart…breaking.
I just sit..
As I sit...I look around me and I realize that
Despite my misery
The grass is still growing
The sun is still shining
The birds are still chirping
The beauty of nature speaks to me…
Its telling me that if there was no rain
I wouldn't be able to appreciate the sun
I know now that if everything went completely perfect
I wouldn't be able to appreciate the imperfections
The imperfections of a winding road; a winding road, with no exit
I'm not perfect
And maybe taking this road was a mistake
But maybe, just maybe, you should try and take mine too
So we could make this mistake together
Let our dead ends combine
Making an entrance into the one road, that I started out looking for..
The one to your heart.

I woke up crying last night.
I'm no longer safe.
I fear the one place that used to be my haven, no longer carries the comfort that my subconscious mind seeks throughout the day.
I used to be able to slip into the darkness and be covered by its blanket of serenity.
But I'm no longer safe….
You followed me into the dark with intentions so ill.
You ripped off the clothes that it provided my soul with and took great pleasure in staring at my ******.
You  mocked my vulnerability and laughed at my sensitivity.
My head swung down in shame, and my brain spun with confusion
This was my safe place and you trespassed it.
You really never knew your limits...
I felt a hot tear sting my cheek and watched it glisten as it hit the floor in slow motion
I wiped it with my foot quickly so you wouldn't see, but it was too late
You used it as ammunition, fuel to keep your wicked ways running.
You brought back memories that I stored so far back in my brain, memories that I never wanted to relive.
You engraved them in the palms of my hands, using my blood as ink.
You whispered them in my ears with a haunting laugh.
I stood there.. paralyzed, unable to fend for myself.
My body finally felt movement as I dropped to my knees in defeat
You won and you knew it.
I laid there in the dark.
Drowning in a puddle of my own luke warm tears.
My hair was soaked and my eyes burned.
There was no more happy, none. I couldn't stop the tears from coming…
I heard your footsteps as you finally started walking towards the exit.
The click clack sound of the heels of your shoes scraping the ground made my insides churn.
When they stopped, I knew you had reached the door.
With one hand on the door ****, you turned around and shouted at me,
Actually, more like a hiss.
You told me that you'd be back.
You said that every time that I closed my fatigued eyes, you'd be there waiting for me.
Then there was a slam. One with such conviction, a slam unlike one that I'd ever heard before.
My tears slowed down because you were gone, but they certainly did not stop.
I suddenly felt myself clenching bed sheets, and cold air flooded my nose.
I let go abruptly and gasped, wanting more of that precious fresh air.
My face was raw from tears and my pillow was drenched.
I can't hide in the night anymore.
I woke up crying tonight..
My dreams are no longer safe…

I can't sleep at night
So I see you in my day dreams.
Insomniac on a mission
Projecting visions on a big screen
I spot an opening to your heart, in my dream analysis
Want to enter but can't move
I guess that's sleep paralysis
So I stay where I am and just focus on this visual
Convinced it's not real, though I can feel the residual
It's embedded in my memory
This dream has got the best of me
I pray that when I wake, you'll be sittin' right here next to me
But if it doesn't come true
If I never come to
At least here we exist
All of me
and
All of you

We take for granted the complexities
Of the seven seas
And never dive deep enough
To find out what's within
What if,
Just what if,
The ocean had a heart
The flow was it's soul
And the shore was just the start
What if the tide was it's heartbeat
And the water was it's tears
What if the wind carried secrets
Directly to our ears
What if the real reason that the ocean makes us float
Is cause we're the last thing it can carry
What if we're it's only hope.
But we never listen,
We just keep on swimmin;
Ignoring the tide, never going the distance
See,
I'm not afraid of your depth
Or what you hide inside of it
And when your tide is high
I won't be scared to drown in it
If you're still not sure
I'll wait at your shore
Making castles out of sand
Catching rays with my bans
Watching your reflection
Painted perfectly in the sky
Smelling your salted fears
Every time you wave bye

I hate finding myself staying up late

waiting by my phone

for a call you’ll never make

I hate you

yet

before I sleep

I taste your name on my lips

followed by the words

I miss you

I want a record player.
And an intimately lit living room.
And after we put the kids to sleep, I want you to pull me away from washing the dishes.
And I want to dance with you to our song playing faintly on the record from the living room.
My face buried in your neck as you whisper to me that I'm beautiful.
I want to look up at the stairway to find that the kids snuck out and are watching us.
I want them to see our love for each other daily.
And when you pull me into a kiss, I want to hear them say "ewww" and run back to bed.
I want to laugh passionately with our lips still in an embrace.
And when our song is over, I want to lay down on the couch with my head in your lap.
I want to hear about your day as we watch the candle flicker on the coffee table.
I want you to rub my shoulders until we both fall asleep.
I want to wake up suddenly at 2:37 in the morning and kiss you softly, motioning for your hand, whispering to you "let's go to bed".
I want to hear your footsteps behind me walking up the stairs.
Before we go to our room, I want to check on the kids and marvel at our blessings.
Then I want to change into my nightgown and slide under the cool covers until I feel your warm body.
I want you to kiss the back of my neck and drape your arm around me and tell me you love me.
I want I love you too, to be the last thing I say to you, every night.
Because I do.
I don't know who you are yet, but I do...
Love you too.

Nobody ever misses me right away.

I have a tendency of making my way into parts of your life that you don’t notice until long after I’m gone.

You’ll think of me in the laundromat, when someone three washers down has the same fabric softener I had just washed my clothes with the night before our first date.

You’ll think of me at the coffee shop, when someone ahead of you in line asks for three sugars and two creamers, like I used to.

You’ll think of me when your sister shows up to your house wearing the same nail polish I did the first time you kissed the back of my hand.

You’ll think of me when you’re in the car alone and you realize you don’t turn on the radio anymore, ‘cause our silence used to be better than whatever was playing.

You won’t really realize it until it’s too late and I’m too far gone.

Until I’m so deeply embedded into your memory and intertwined into your everyday life.

You won’t miss me immediately.

It’ll take some time.

I am your favorite poets favorite rhyme.
He wants to speak me, just so he can feel my name echo in his mouth.
It rolls off the tip of his lips, in elegant loops,
I follow them into the air.
He kisses my curves and turns them into cursive,
And when I wind my body slow
He sings all my verses.
He speaks my language
When he speaks in tongue,
And when I’ve had enough
He doesn’t let me run.
I exist solely in verbs
I am what he does.

Ive came...
To be....
The...

Song that always gets stuck in his head..
Every time you hear him faintly hum,
it is me strumming his vocal chords gently.
I lay bare across his blank sheets
readily awaiting
the next time he is to rhyme me again.
Painting pictures with his voice
using my skin as his canvas.
Brown was never his favorite color
Until he kissed my lips,
And melted into me.
It was all he saw,
And all he tasted
I glide on the tip
Of the edge of his mind
I am your favorite poets
Favorite, ******* rhyme

I have scars on my kneecaps from the nights I would
beg God to take me
Mainly because I was too much of a coward to do it myself
Sometimes I wonder if He didn’t hear
or if His answer was no
or if He just wasn't near
or if I have something to show
but much like back then,
I still don't know
I try to fight this concept,
day in and day out
Cause if He didn’t hear me then,
does He still not hear me now?
I pray that my prayers make it past my ceiling
straight to His ears
on my floor I’m kneeling
How many more tears do I have to count till they dry
I’m running out of fingers,
I’m running out of pride
What type of humility is He trying to teach
They say God is so attainable so why can’t I reach?

I was my fathers prized possession. The finest piece of pottery He had ever crafted.
He worked on me until His hands were pruned.. Until the smell of clay seemingly became His scent. He molded and molded until I was perfect. In His eyes.
He placed me on the top shelf and marveled at me every day and every night.
But His neighbor was overcome with jealousy... At how I glistened at the top of the mantle. At how I gleamed in the sun in all the right places.
You see, on the top of his shelf, lay nothing but dust.
So surely, I had to be destroyed.
In the thick of the night, he stole me off of the mantle and marveled at my greatness.
He brought me back to his place and stuck me in the darkest of rooms.
So that light would never be able to shine on me again.
He spun me on his fingers, no delicacy in his touch.
He tossed me up and down, mocking my beauty.
Day after day I was plagued with the imminent thought of destruction.
Overridden with depression.
I cried out to my potter, and when the thief heard, he ran into the dark room and bellowed "no one will help you", picked me up, and threw me against the ground.
Pieces of me shattered in every direction, strewn against the floor of the enemies house.
My insides, corrupted with sin from all the time collected in this place were brought forth.
All I could hear was the wicked laugh taunting me, exclaiming  "who could love you now"?
Then suddenly a light shone in my face, something I hadn't seen in years.
Every broken piece of me looked up and saw my potters face, with tears rolling down his cheeks.
He began to pick me up in an attempt to put me back together...
Abba!! I cried! Your fingers! They will bleed!
My daughter, he replied, I have one  hole in each of my hands!! My love for you has endured much more than a few scratches upon my fingertips!
He continued to piece me back together, not missing a beat, not missing a piece.
He shielded me from the looking eyes of judgement, bearing the stripes on His back for leverage.
Abba!! I cried out again, can't you see all of the sin that filled me?! I am no longer perfect! How can you love me?
I understand your sin, my daughter!  in it, my grace is perfected! You are my creation, you are my reason! Upon making you whole again, I will not put back your transgressions!
He finalized the touches, not missing one piece.
He wiped my face, not missing one tear.
He renewed my heart, not missing one beat.
He carried me back home and presented me in His name to his Father.
Took His seat upon His throne and placed me on the mantle, right by His side, letting his glory shine on me.
He smiled and said "welcome home, my daughter, welcome home."

I think about the future like
I am trapped inside of the recurring dream
That I have had
Every single day leading up to the one
In which I meet you.

I ask you in sheer vulnerability
Honesty floating between our lips
Why you love me
And your answer, I will never forget
Your response carved itself  
In the memory, that I am yet to make

You take a breath, open your eyes
And spill to me the hottest tea of
How your love came to be...

I pray that my cup runneth over.

I slowly sip every word
And every verb quenched my thirst
I pray that chamomile never goes out of style
This is peace.

Like honey, slowly it flows
And it settles at the bottom
Sweetens my soul
I wonder if you know.

As the last drop settles on the back
Of my tongue
I am certain,
You have infused your love within me
Now, I am calm.

Time passes by, I get lost into your eyes
And I’m brought back to earth
As I open mine,
The sun shines through the windows
Lighting up my room
I hold on tight
Already missing you.

I will impatiently wait
To see you again when I sleep
One night closer, to the day we meet.

You are my forever.
Temporarily trapped in my dreams.