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baby 9h
I often suffer nightmares
Recurring and tangible
Live and in color,
Except
Something is always off

The slightness is what haunts me
So subtle
This seems like deja vu

It is fall, and I can't feel it on my skin
Or it's night, but there aren't stars
I'm up high, yet not afraid
All the usual beasts are way too big
Or I am very small

Smaller still, the tightrope I walk upon waking
I pluck it while I fall asleep
I can feel the moment I drift away
My body loses tension

The slack lifeline scares me awake

All my friends here don't have faces
Blank spaces where expressions used to be
Yet I recognize them all
And if their questions are real,
And their answers make sense,
How can I tell who's who?

These things I wonder
Wrapped within the folds of my brain
Seared into my waking world
Weighing down my every effort

Are these things the right colors?
Is this voice still my own?
Who's touch am I feeling?
How much time has passed?

wake up

Someone's whispering to me,
But I don't recognize the sound

WAKE UP
Athos 2d
Music from another time
Begins to fill my ears,
And my mind gets flooded
With memories of then.

Memories of happiness,
Warm like a sunny day in April;
Memories of love,
Ever-consuming and euphoric;
Memories of agony,
Hollow lies and hollow heart;
Memories of confusion,
Fog flooding my mind at all times.

But there is one memory that stands out more than the others:
The memory of my death.
How I slowly lost my spark,
And was too aware of the cold.
How I slowly lost all meaning,
And just wished for an end that felt real.
How I slowly lost myself,
And I wasn’t sure if I was worth knowing anymore.
How I slowly died,
And I didn't even realize until I built myself up again.

I didn't die with a last breath.
I could feel my lungs inhale and exhale the air.
I didn't die knowing I was dying.
I thought I was getting better.
I didn't die, in my head —
I kept moving, too fast to notice.
But I died in my memories.
And realized only now.

But I was born again.
I'm not writing from my grave,
I'm writing from my pedestal.
Like a statue rising from cold stone,
I carved myself into someone new.
Painful, like sculpting pieces of myself out
From the block of marble I'm working on.
Slow, because I only have my own hands
And no other tools to work.
Strong, like the quartz
I chose to use and cherish.
Elegant, like the lines and curves
That I'm chiselling.

I died.
And when I tried living again,
I got killed.
But I already died twice.
This time, I'll grow wings
And be the strong phoenix,
Returning from the ashes.
My mind seeks wisdom — not memory.
I don’t need to remember who I am.
Socrates walks beside me,
questioning every mask I wear.

Odin?
He grants strength and wisdom —
if he’s in the mood.
And Lucifer…
he’s my rebel with a cause,
a symbol of freedom unchained.

I kneel for no one.
Not even myself.
And to know thyself?
You must dare to be seen through the eyes of others
— without flinching.
When we were young we loved so much
The plans we made and the time we lost
Together we learned to face our fears
It was just another time of years

We lived, we loved and we tried so hard
We watched our children grow
We made our place and we cried our tears
It was just another time of years

Now it’s time we are looking back
We both know where we’ve been
We stood strong beside all our piers
It’s just another time of years
I've hidden it for such a length,
All the pain and suffering,
I believed my hidden strength,
Would be all this enduring,

Guess I was wrong about it all,
Now my bottle starts to crack,
My heartbeat now feels so small,
As if I'll get a heart attack,

That pain is what I may've known,
It may just be what I did hide,
Never may all this be shown,
I'm just not ready for that ride,

They said you're so mature,
So emotionally intelligent,
Guess It's in your nature,
A kid ever so diligent,

Intelligent? I know my feelings well,
I know them better than you think,
But there's a reason I will tell,
Who would I tell? I've got no link,

About my feelings I have told,
Only to one other,
Perhaps I'll just let it here unfold,
Not even my own mother,

I know so well only because,
I've only told things to myself,
None to give a round of applause,
I listened for my better health,

I really needed to be heard,
So I just made myself that guy,
A person who would say a word,
No need to give another try,

Despite it all I keep on going,
Despite it all I still have hope,
Despite it all I keep on growing,
Despite it all I climb this *****.
Ever felt to be on the verge of breaking?
When thunder shades your brow,
I could burst the storm clouds,
looming overhead,
until a smile, reignites you,
and you glow, like a shining sun.  

When flares, of helpless pain,
snarl tender joints,
I want to find the thread,
hidden, in your bed, of nerves
and PULL it gently,
until the knot,
pops out.

I'd like to scry,
the deep, shining pool, of your eyes,
and read their formations,
like tea leaves.
I hope to exorcise the demons,
that lean over your shoulders,
and laugh,
at anything you do.

I want to take your hands, in mine,
and infuse you, with my energy.
I long to push my palm, against yours,
and see if our lifelines
kiss, as ardently as we do,
and travel harmoniously, together,
under a wake, of shimmering stars.

I yearn...to pour myself upon you,
like healing water,
and bathe, the full of you,
into the gentle tides, of me.

To tie, the nucleus
of our aching souls, together,
in a flagrant twist,
of the loveliest
flowers, and vines...
because I need you, to hold me,

to cherish me
beyond lives, that end,
beyond worlds, that collapse,
beyond stars, that explode
into supernovas
of guttering stardust.

In you...
I can see a love,
that transcends

lives, together
dimensions, apart...

and galaxies, that could crumble,
only to release more stars,
around us,
like free, and floating fireflies
in the blue-black expanse,
of sky.

What bliss, it could be,
to burn, like an eternal torch,
with you,

beyond the dark well,
of time.

What bliss, it could be,
to take your hand, in mine
and jump, beyond,

the spinning,
quiet void,
of death.
Mariah 7d
I am impulsive
I am strange
Lying in the bed I made

I am anxious
I am loud
I won't make my parents proud

I am restless
I am tired
I'm not one to be admired

I am obnoxious
I am trite
Burning bridges keep me warm at night

I am indecisive
I am sure
Enjoying what I haven't earned

I am curious
I am afraid
Cleaning up a mess I made

I am grateful
If I am at all
I have no regrets that aren't absolved
Your guess is as good as mine.
somedumbbitch Jun 27
I wake, to the rhythm, of you
breaking slowly, behind my ribcage.
The orchestral swell;
the auric light, of rosy dawn...
blooming, to new life.

More, than a phantom.
More, than a phantasm.

I yearn, to be wound, around you,
in long, lingering threads,
of bruisy, purple-gold daylight,
and pull tight, as I knit myself,
around your stretched form...
soft-skinned, and sleepy...
pulling you so tight to me,
that your body barely rocks
upon the edge, of the tapestry needle.

Let my legs, be the woven fabric,
that ensnares your hips,
and pulls you, even closer, to me.
I want to feel, your rippling laughter
burble, through your chest.
I want to swim, in languorous strokes,
the fathoms, of your aching mind,
with the ease, of turning your thoughts:
flipping through its dog-eared pages,
like the well-read chapters,
of a readily studied, book.

My arms, seek to hold you,
and cradle you, to me,
lips, pressed to your skin,
plush, and satin pillow soft.

I want to devour you, in rapacious,
repeated kisses...I want to feel
the spring-coiled tension,
above your shoulders, snap, and unwind
relaxing, in helpless surrender,
at my nymphic touch,
as the rest, of you...hardens, like resin
and then melts away,
between my own spread,
buttery thighs.

I want to be so filled,
with the full, of you,
that you spill over, and escape...
I want to clutch your face,
in the tenderness of my fingertips,
and lose myself, in the labyrinth
of your lovely, dreaming eyes.

I need you, like flowers,
need gentle rains, to bloom.
I desire, you...like the prime, of night,
awaiting the the rising moon.

and I wait, for you...
like the guitar string solo,
in a beloved tune.
******, I love you.
Athos Jun 27
I realized I was turning into a boy,
When my sadness turned into anger —
The sight of my own bleeding knuckles
And marks on the wall scaring me.

I realized my soul had gotten louder,
When my sorrow turned into rage —
The thought of becoming the version she would've feared, once again terrifying me,
Knowing she's too vulnerable for this imagery.

I realized I was changing into myself,
When I remembered my fury was once called depression —
Becoming the wound
And not the wounded became my worst nightmare.
somedumbbitch Jun 26
I am caught, in your eye,
and I drown, in your tectonic wave.
You rattle, intimately,
for me, and shake...

You shift,
minutely,
soundlessly,

collapsing, into sprawling patterns,
into formulaic strains, of madness.
Then you madden, me, as you cascade,
into beautiful, and brilliant shades:

Your Rorschach mosaics,
in prismatic hues.
Each gemlike, facet, of YOU, that is you...

Burning out my gaze,
with your radiance,
as you irradiate...

I'd give anything...to label each color,
that infuses, your face...

Scattering trickles of light,
and roseate shapes...

as if your soul,
were a treasure trove,
of the most precious jewels.

Your vibrant emeralds...
your smoky citrines...
your sapphire blues...
your ruby reds,
and your royal amethysts, too

You twist, in my hands...
and, under the light,
I turn, and return, too,
if only to seek,
a fleeting glimpse...of you.
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