they say that time flies

they are wrong

with every second that I spend

with you

I know that they are wrong

it is us that fly

it is me

it is you

they say time flies as an expression of its limitless nature

me and you have no boundaries

we are

when we are

where we are

we

are

always

they say time flies

but with each tick

with each tock

I am sure it is us

we fly

we are

infinite

She’s not me, I’m nothing like her.

****, she’s gorgeous.

You’re so in love with her. It’s beautiful, really.

I watch myself in the background of my mind, and comfort me as I cry. I deserve that love.

I deserve you.

I run into you again some odd months later.

I smile in your face and congratulate you on your new found happiness.

You tell me that you’ve never met anyone like her.

Yeah, I’m sure you haven’t.

You tell me how deep in love you are and I smile from ear to ear. Hearing the happiness that lingers in your voice always makes me smile.

You give me a tight hug and thank me for my well wishes upon you two’s new found relationship and say you’ve got to run.

I nodded my head, said goodbye and walked off in the opposite direction. My heart racing, your hugs always had the ability to do that… I continued walking, and ignored your scent that found a way to make itself cozy on my clothes and soon after, in my nose.

I fought away the tears as I continued trekking along to where I was going. I couldn’t let the city see me cry.

A few years later, on my day off, as I’m sitting on near the windowsill reading the daily newspaper with my slight after noon cup of tea, I got this nervous feeling in my gut.

Then a thought of you.

Pulling myself together, I shook away the thought and quickly found something to focus on.

I look out of the front window of my lonely home and hear the faint tires of the mailman driving away from my mailbox.

I gather myself and I walk rather swiftly down the steaming hot driveway and up to the mailbox to gather todays bills and some of yesterdays payments.

Shuffling through the envelopes, bill..bill..bill..

Your name?

Her name?

Official seal?

My heart races and all I can think about is the word “no”.

I feel my hot tea resurfacing as though it didn’t like its place in my stomach. And almost as if it was right on cue, a tear rolls down my cheek..

Still.. I continue to open the letter.

My hands are trembling and I’m biting my bottom lip clinging onto it with my top teeth as though my life depended on it.

“The honor of your noble presence has been requested at the marriage of… “

I dropped everything. I couldn’t read anymore.

My heart burst into flames and my body emitted a tiny involuntary whimper.

I walked inside, this time unaware of the heat rising from the pavement.

I sat down in the middle of the floor in my house of loneliness, and I cried.

Tear after tear, sob after sob, sniffle after sniffle. I cried.

Unable to move..unable to speak. I just.. cried.

I thought of what we could’ve been and the time that we shared.  

The time that obviously meant nothing.

The time that I should’ve never cherished.

The least that you could do is stay out of my dreams.

I should’ve seen it coming. Lord knows I should have. But I didn’t. And now I’m stuck in the shadow of her perfection as you bind yourself in unity before G-d and the congregation.

She’s perfect.

I’m jealous.

She has you.

I deserve you.

What about if I dared you? Would you run away with me then? You seem like a risk taker. Im all yours, if you're all in. We could skip town, I doubt they'd even notice. Just listen to me, please.. Baby, don't lose focus. Now picture this, me and you forgetting about what plagues us. Not remembering the pain, living in the now. Tell me this, when was the last time you woke up, willing to get out of your cozy bed, because everything surrounding you just seemed so much...cozier? When? Baby, happiness would be abundant and we would be infinite. Freedom would come naturally, imagine not being limited! All we have is each other, because that's all we really need. It's all we'll ever have, so why not let it be?

I promise I'll pick someplace nice. I know you, I know what you'd like. Imagine every time you heard silence, you could pick up on G-ds whispers through the trees. Imagine seeing green as for as your eyes would allow. Imagine falling asleep on a luscious grass plain, me in your arms, engulfed by the beauty of our surroundings. Being swallowed by sweet air, and wrapped inside the darkness of the night. Without a care in the world. Baby doesn't it sound lovely?

Let's just pick up everything and go. All of our money, some of our clothes. Come one baby.. let's get out of here.

Baby... Promise me that if I ask, promise me you'll pick dare.

My mental capacity is reaching its max
Ideas don't develop to their full potential like they used to, leaving them in a minor state
They can't be touched by man without it considered to be molestation
My words are virgins, seeking to be sought
But this isn't the place to be a wanted thought
The world doesn't want truth, and they're nothing but innocent
Truth is inevitable but unfortunately, it's not prevalent
We prefer the ugly in the lies, and treat it like a *****
Show it the love that is only deserved to be seen by a woman that you've taken the hands of in the face of the All Mighty.
You **** it. **** it. Lick it dry.
Oh the amount of love you're willing to show, to something like a lie
"But it's right there"
That's your only excuse
Because you're way too lazy to seek the beauty of the naked truth
We're removing the sweetness from the sugar
And the melodies from the songs
All to try to belong in a world that has no problem with moving right on along
Without us
This isn't how it's supposed to be
We're supposed to feel the softness on the rugged trunks of the trees
We're supposed to sing with the wind and hum with the bees
We're supposed to write on the skies using the ink provided by our seas
But we're not.
This is how the story goes
This is how the end unfolds
With that incomplete feeling
That undeveloped thought
Cause my words are nothing but virgins…seeking to be sought.

he wasn’t expecting my lips to be so warm

nor my heart to be so cold

he wanted to go by what he felt

and not believe what he was told

I was in an abusive relationship once.. But it was a bit different.

You see, he was always the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep, and the first thing on my mind when I woke up.

He used to kiss me softly every night before I went to sleep.

He used to wake me up gently in the mornings and make me breakfast. He would run my bath water to the perfect temperature.

He used to escort me to the bus stop before work when the sun was yet to relieve the night sky of its shift.

He was always there. He lived in my mind and that's where he birthed complacency.

His first name was What, and his last name was If.

He never gave me time to myself, he never let me speak.

I tried to walk out on him. I swear I did, but he'd visit me at 4 a.m. and I would simply let him in. He would keep me up all night, forcing himself on me... In me. He wouldn't leave when I cried get out.

I was in an abusive relationship once, as scary as it is, I might still be.

All this time I thought it was a man, but what if, What If is a she?

What if all this time it was myself?

I've finally came to see.

What if all this time, What If is really me?

You felt like the first sip of champagne on a Sunday morning
Real crisp like
The first paint stroke on a blank canvas you felt like
Art
So let me know
Did you make it to your destination
When everything went downhill
Cause I’m in the same spot that you left me
Listening to mix tapes with mixed feelings
On the first verse of the last song
I hit replay
When you move
I hit replay
I move
And hit replay
You drew me close
And then asked for space when
I wanted to give you the galaxy
Now distance
Doesn’t seem so far fetched
I don’t want to give up on the vision
So I’ll paint you in a poem
Picture perfect
Maybe here we’ll last

I would write you a poem

to tell you how I feel

but when you left

the melodic flow that

passionately pieced

my words together

followed you

out

the

door

Your words are impactful because you only speak them when deemed necessary by your spirit. You never speak to hear yourself, and you never listen without hearing. When you talk your eyes wander... I think it's inside of yourself that you look. You always seem to go deeper than the surface of your thoughts. You understand that the last piece holds more value than the first.

You always crave more and in your silence I know there is searching.

Even in your silence there is life.

I wonder sometimes, if you see the warm blue light that encompasses your spirit. Ready for embrace. Calm and swiftly moving, steadily with peace, holding many of the same characteristics of a river. Smoothing over the jagged rocks that you come across. Whether they be people or situations.

Bursting at the seams with humility, you are love at it's finest point of being, you're G-ds example of the fact that love is living. That He is living. For He is love...

By that I am amazed.

Thank you.

First it’s, “I don’t have time”, and then it's, “can I talk to you for a minute?”.
But if I say yes, will you tell me your regrets?
Will you switch the song tune, can I sing along with you?
How about we harmonize your precious lies, that intricately constructed my hearts demise?
Let’s add up all the seconds that you didn’t have, put them in an hourglass and go back the past.
The past you told me to leave alone, because it’s dark outside, and you want to come home.
It wasn’t me, it was you.
It wasn’t you it was us, so I let go and now you’re looking for my trust? 
So now I’m supposed to look past your flaws and into your eyes? 
Isn’t it funny how time flies?
Don’t tell me about myself, or who you think I’ve become. 
I’m not mad, I’m not spiteful, the only thing I am, is done.

you told me I could tell you anything.

and from my tongue slipped chaos.

broken consonants, faulty vowels, damaged syllables.

from my heart slipped shattered feelings that cradled every word that was to be delivered to your sensitive ears.

I spoke unto you everything that was hidden.

I brought them back to life and served them to you on a platter so silver you can see my innocence fading from your eyes looking back at you as you stared in it.

and from my soul slipped trust.

and into your hands it entered.

and then I was safe.

you may not have understood.

but you listened.

and that was more than I could do for myself.