Wrote to you casually we haven’t
Talked in a few years but you still
Read my poetry and it's sad but
You get it more
Than ever now
A faulty connection
Static radiating from radio signals
Held and let go of in water droplets
Falls from the sky born in pewter clouds
Ink swells spilling from vials
Passionately onto paper
Cascades from cheek bones-
Bottles of vodka these days-soaks into the new
Carpet bought before spontaneously collects and
Flows as if gaining sentience a great
Lake with strong currents, life
Riddled with electricity and interruptions
"Never enough time to devote to breathing
Constantly swimming to catch a clear path
Always and only being a fatalistic rendering
At what point is this classified as drowning?"
Wondering if not the affair could it have been
The ability to never complete a sentence
That caused the divorce
So I read your reply and it
Rained in the middle of January
Lord I come to you with my jar of tears, though I've lost count through the years
I know you have every one counted and numbered, every tear whether awake or while I slumbered
Lord I cry, this one thing I ask, and is it really too much a task?
To be unconditionally loved by one so dear, and to have someone to go through life and to be near
All I desire is to be a husband and a father, to love one woman and never another
To raise up my children in your holy word, even when to the world it's so absurd
Father, I cry, my heart does weep, please my desires allow me to keep
For I thought I was there many a time, but always was cast out feeling my worth less than a dime
My heart is so broken I don't know what to do, Father do you hear my words when I cry out to you?
Lord I wait on you... I know your timing is best, please grant me peace and give my heart some rest
For better for worse,
But very rarely in rage,
Or when hidden in the sheets,
With someone half their age.
For richer or poor,
But not when they're old,
turn into mold.
In sickness and in health,
But not when in pain,
When the plague is hiding,
in the bachelor brain.
Till death do them part,
We all wish them well.
Their misery promised,
By the blackened church bell.
I buff the rear view mirror with my coat sleeve
A blur of white lace disappears inside
I slide along the back row
Old, familiar, burnished slick
Me to the aisle
Crisp scent of White Linen
The organ quiets
I arch and crane
A profile wedged in memory
Then, a kiss to another
I sidle away
It would be right to one day take those vows;
promise to live by rules already broken.
But I would cheat myself to hear words spoken
by lips of mine so earnestly aloud;
mind far too scathing, heart already soured
towards this binding act and golden token.
My questioning mind remains forever open
to temptation in all its spidery forms. I cower
from commitment until the eleventh hour
when I realise I must reap what I did sow.
I see the surface ripple, split and break
And I must spare you from this lonely streak which binds me.
I see a life where all I've caused is heartache
with nothing but the debris left behind me.
I cannot swear and all others forsake
when you have only ever looked but never seen.
I vowed to listen to all you speak of
Even amongst the hostile cold and unforgiving bleak
I stare into a face once full of love
That once made me weak
But now a stranger- l struggle with time
Imagining you true to your once pretty sight
No longer mine, it has consumed your mind
No longer do you know my plight
How I wish you would come back to me
I can feel your body next to mine but it's not you
It is merely a shell of the person I once knew to be
So full of life, generous, caring and eyes so blue
Eyes now black cavernous caves
Empty and dark like pools of water
Reflecting life but never generating waves
Stagnant, festering, this is not fair
You have truly lost your mind and your soul
A shadow of what once was there
Ever taunting me with the memories it stole
Meaning you don't recognise me in your stare
Nothing will ever hurt me more than that
A lifetime torn apart by degradation and age
But you now are lost to me, yet cruelly in your seat you're sat
Your love for me lost: signifies the final stage
Sometimes I feel lost,
Like am living in a shadow,
Of ghosts from my past,
Walking around an eight,
With my head low,
Dragging my sore feet,
My hands loosely hanging
Drowning in waves of blurry ambitions
Did i dream too big?!
The flames of my yesterday,
A gun loaded,
In her hands,
Within her quivering fingers
The blood on my chest
This hole in my heart,
The anguish of my soul
Did I care so much?!
i can see them standing together,
holding each other's hand in the summer
and i want to tell them to leave, that
this is wrong.
i want to tell her of his fury,
of the force he will inflict on her children.
i want to tell him that she's isn't right,
that they will have fights and things,
that they will forever regret, will happen.
i want to tell them that if this happens,
they will put the kids into unhappiness
and their fights will affect the whole house.
i want to tell them that if this didn't happen,
they could meet people better for themselves
but i don't. i am selfish and i let them go,
i let them meet and hold hands and fall
madly in love. i let them fall out of love,
and i let the bad things happen
because i want to live, and i know
that love is just another person
And there she is
Way down the supermarket aisle
Quietly browsing, shopping for lunch.
With her right profile lit from below
From the shelf lighting
I see her hair is longer today.
It falls in straight furls
Down across her shoulders
And she turns her head from time to time
To throw it back over, behind her head
Out the way.
Her hands touch things slowly
Giving themselves time
To take-in the textures, make choices
With a kind of trust it seems to me.
Her lips are together in a little pout.
She is humming to herself
I can tell that too.
I just watch, counting back
The 32 years I have known her,
Almost 12 Thousand days,
I know what's coming and I wait.
People we Love, they know don't they,
As we look at them, at first unseen?
They feel we are there.
She hesitates, her hands go still
As she thinks for a moment.
She looks up, first the other way
To her left and then right,
A brief split-second of focus
And her glance explodes - she smiles
With a thousand yard flare!