Mom is drunk, talking ****
Grandma is drunk, laughing at her pain
Dad is drunk, yelling
Aunty is sobbing
Brother locked himself in a room
Cousin won't stop crying
Uncle passed out
I clean up all of their broken pieces with no one left to clean up me

I had a good day
I haven't had one in a while
Everything was so perfect and I felt alive for once
My day is coming to an end
I'm scared to fall asleep
When tommrow comes my good day will be gone
I will only have a memory of how I felt
I'm frightened that the next day there will be no more good days to come

You will never come home for the holidays or any other day

MAYBE I DESTROY EVERY REALTIONSHIP THAT I HAVE NOW BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS TAUGHT THAT YELLING MEANS LOVING

You leaving makes me feel completely worthless
That no one can love me for who I am
No one can appreciate me
That its just my looks that guys want

I thought I got better
I actually became worse
It seemed like this black cloud in my head was slowly starting to disappear
I finally felt ok
But the black cloud got even darker
Making me more exhausted, if that's possible
Crying
Not wanting to get up
Barely writing this
I thought I got better

I'm scared for my well being
I can't get out of bed
When I stand up my whole body aches
There's a constant pain in my chest
Food isn't appealing
All I do is cry

I hate being here
I hate my family
I hate my parents
I hate how they always get drunk and **** every weekend
I hate that I always have to hear it or even walk in
I hate that I get hit and yelled at for no reason
I hate that I'm alive
-I just want to die

She's a tree. The seasons are her emotions.
She once thought she was beautiful. When she felt warmth throughout her roots.
She slowly lost the warmth one by one.
After that the skies were gray and she was cold.
So sad and dull.
And never thought she would feel warmth throughout her roots again.
I told her everyday that seasons come and go, this isn't the end.
She thought look at me I'm not glowing I'm dull and not full of life.
I reminded her that even the happiest people find beauty in no leaves.

I stared at your face, tracing every feature with my eyes.
Trying to soak up you forever ingrained  in my mind.
You already said your goodbyes.
And I haven't yet
but maybe someday we'll say hello.

I can't handle you leaving
Please come back
This is too much pain
Please come back, come back

I keep my lips cracked
Because what are my lips useful for
If I can't touch them with yours

I hate this house
There is no love in home
There is no joy in family
All there is pain, screams and crying
This family is ******* toxic
Too sick to care about others
I hate it
I want out, I want out

I see you in everything
Whether it's in objects or sounds
Dreams or memories
Thinking or doing
I see you in everything
And I don't know if it's good or bad

You haven't left but I miss you.
Please come back.

Tell me why you drink your coffee plain back
Why you have no problem eating a lemon raw
Why you love gin and tonic so much
Or
Why it takes your all to give a simple hug
Why you quickly change the subject when it starts to get sad
Why you never show any sympathy

Is it because all of the things you once loved in life turned into a tragedy

Leaving you lonesome and bitter

I wish I can write a poem about how I feel
But I can't find the words to express how much it hurt when you left

Will this ever stop hurting

I think it's time to accept that you never loved me.

I burned myself today
And it didn't hurt nearly as bad as when you left

I don't know if I'm overthinking this or what but all I know is I want to throw up by the thought of you