6/6/2022

to you, from the slopes of Shivalik





Nestled between two hills flows the river Tawi



"you should see my city in autumn," i say to an old friend in his new apartment in Gurgaon.

In the bastion of the mighty Dogras, nestled between two hills flows the river Tawi - daughter of the sun

and there i was, standing on the old bridge overlooking Bagh-e-Bahu, "you should see the great Tawi during heavy rains, you should see her might when no one is looking"

the very might, of a son, that saved the king of the serpents, and in return the father crowned him the lord of the virtuous slopes of Shivalik

"she flows here from kailash kund," i tell him with a smile, "to the land of my father, of his brother, and his sister"

the land where the maharaja once saw a beast and his prey - bowing together, quenching their thirst in the month of June; free from shackles

"you should come on a sunday, and have some Rajma," as we take out the foreign bread from a local joint.

"maybe we can have some khatta meat too, if you decide to stay," i say to him as i take another bite.

for long have our forefathers told us to take pride in the soil of our birth.

they know of the threads that bind us to the place that has come before us.

some escape, some never come back, and some carry with them, always, the colour of their soil.

before i left, i too, stood on the old bridge - on my way to the old city; bowing to the Goddess at Bawe, as she looked on, ever present -- in the land of the Dogras, in her ever lasting abode.

"you should come see my city in December," i say to him as i take a last bite.

Nestled between two hills flows the river Tawi - daughter of the sun, nourishing land of the Dogras




@writeweird

in Jammu: the city of temples, there is a house.

On the other side of Tawi, past the old bridge, i sit in my memory;

she's talking to me, "earn so i can be free," as my heart drowns in summer.

"it's unbearable," i say -- "the weather hasn't been kind to you"

i wait for her to say something but she's busy again - "i have so much to do.. why don't you settle here and make my life easier," she says with a forced smile.

On the other side of Tawi, past the old bridge, i sit in my memory;

perhaps one day i can give her the world, the one she is promised.

here on the foothills of the mighty Himalayas, on the other side of the tunnel, i wonder.

perhaps i can leave while i still can, younger than i remember, or have i been old and it's merely a dream?

have the city swallowed my memories to keep her relevance alive.

is she just a figment of her many tangled roads, the tree sitting on the three hills, and disjointed neighborhoods?

by the river Tawi - where i once spent the evening swimming in the sweet embrace of liquor, and in ***** of a welcoming morrow.

overlooking the new bridge, thinking to myself, 'how beautiful is home today'.

or making out in the backseat of a confidant's car as we travel through the sidhra road, and she says to me, "do you think this will never end?"

and before i can tell her the truth - i see a fleeting glimpse of silver; and there i am -- in tomorrow -- far from the edges of the mighty Himalayas.

i take out my phone, i need to see what time it is, and there on the screen, it says it's 32 degrees of summer in jammu, still -- and i burst into tears.

On the other side of Tawi, past the old bridge, i am my memory.

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

behind boarded windows
where ghosts chase me

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

trapped in thoughts
those that now scare me

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

here in this empty room
where silence shapes me

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

made in tears and now
an ocean drapes me

lonely as i suffer and no
one's there to wake me

caught in war as
armies invade me

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

i hate it here where
everybody hates me

i hate it here

everybody hates me

you shot me in dark
when my eyes were shut

did you love me still when
you told me i was just a **** ?

you broke me until i
was at my worst

now you pretend you don't
see my hurt

now you pretend you can't
see a thousand cuts

that you loved me through the
pain but it wasn't enough

when you wanted all of my body
i gave you all of my love

when you wanted all of my time
i gave you all of my world

and it's fine if you could
never be mine --

how could I ever let you be
part of my dusk

so why don't you tell me again
if that's all i am worth

so why don't you tell me again
if that's all i am my love

why don't you tell me again
if i'm just a **** ?

don't **** with Kanye, the crazy Kanye, beefing with Jay-Z Kanye

he's so sick, a *****, an addict, the **** Kanye, take the mic Kanye

take your pick, he'll diss yo' kids, kiss yo' ***** Kanye

can't spell Kanye, outselling your fav' artist Kanye

the old Kanye, the 808 Kanye, he outsold 50 the kim's Kanye,

yeezy for yo' skims Kanye, don't **** with Kanye.

wait, in your sleep,
don't let them take you away
before we meet

for one last time then
you can leave

while you rest let me dress
in a funeral morning

stay with me until i
forget how to breathe

how to sing, how to speak
for i'm nothing without you

for all i ever did was to
bleed dry for you

in the cold afternoons
to seethe jealously

standing by your doors i
keep watch helplessly

to burn for all yours wants
for all your needs

that feed my desire
to be warm

filled with thoughts
and dead seeds

frolicking in your arms
forever on repeat

day after day
into a dying forest

that knows not what
is grief

sheltered by the moon
many a lover seek,

dying too soon.

I tried. I tried going about my existence the way world wanted me to. I lived my life the way I was told you are supposed to live. I lived for them, by their rules. I wasn't ever smart or intelligent, sharp or funny..
I was never the brightest guy in my school nor the most popular.

I never liked studying, I never liked sitting idle waiting for things to happen either.. things that were placed in somebody else's hands..
to judge me, pass me or fail me.

but I tried. I tried really hard to become all that. and on days when I made it, it felt like I was wrong and they were right.

that they know how to live a life and I don't, that I tried too much..

I stayed awake all night so I could let them have a moment of happiness at my expense. I did all that, I lived all that, and I suffered.

day in and out. I was miserable, more miserable than anyone can ever be.

in my search of their greatness for me, I never made a friend because everything was a competition.


yes, I fell in love. but it wasn't love at all in the end. she was like everybody else, just wanting things. so I left.

and so I'm leaving. I'm leaving you all today. I'm leaving because even though I know you never meant no harm.. you did more harm than you can ever imagine.

I'm leaving because in spite of constantly listening to everybody..
I never learned a thing.

I'm leaving because i can no longer be a part of the world the way it is today.

a world that's not made up of dreams, or the sky. but people put inside boxes. I don't want to live my life in a box, and no amount of money can ever tempt me. no. today I leave.

today I leave, to never come back. for if I don't leave today, I might never. I'm leaving because I'm tired of not telling you how much you **** and I don't. I'm leaving because I now realise what you never told me. it costs nothing to be happy.

lights in the sky fighting,
somewhere somebody's trying
to put out the fire

with bare hands and dying
breaths, in ways no one could
ever understand before

there's more to a painting
when you know how it ends

every stroke made in haste
and for no one else

where the world is made and
broken down for someone else

there must be more than life
if we could see into the distance

more than just colours trying
to ****** the mountains

the rivers that run and hide
from the preying atlas

deep into the forests helm
where the naked hide

rains that fill the oceans
before it's time

swallowing the sunsets deep
into its hallowed grave

where gouls fall in love with
wandering mermaids

how beautiful you must be
to reject the gods?

the very essence of what
it takes to beat a heart

is captured now in still water
and cascading waves

perhaps one day we could
swim carefree

into the same approaching
melancholy that has made a home
inside the swirling storms

the very winds that travel back
and forth across this planet

dwelling into nothingness and
so far away from everything else

maybe home isn't what keeps
us from the outside --

it is us playing make belief
on the porch

guarded by salt walls and lashing
tongues

the horrid stain on every artist's
desk

made in spirit of the restless and
the tormented

scattered words and memories
wrestling with dreams and thoughts

he who cannot speak might scream
the loudest

never judge a book by it's cover
even if it's on fire.

why do you push me away when all i want is to stay?

& then you tell me you need me when i'm so far away

why do you have to hurt me with all these games that you play?

can't you see i'm on my knees for you & a thousand times i've prayed

in a thousand different ways i've been loved & swayed

you sweep me off my feet and you spin me 'round for days

my mind is cluttered with everything that you never say

waiting for you to tell me it's gonna' be okay

why can't you just hold me and kiss the sad away?

& then you tell me you need me when i'm so far away

why do you push me away when all i want is to stay?

somedays i'm more scared
than       the  others

more susceptible to the
diseases of the mind

that lay their bare hands
on my chest and
                     weave it down

hammer on the uncertainty
of the coming morning

meld the steel that dangles
from the ceiling

waiting to pounce at any
suffocating moment of
                          failure and dread

in the dead of the night
when the sun awakens

and ever so suddenly
the moon burst into flames

have all the stars fall in a
fiery ball of madness

circling the streets sniffing
at the despair of the
                            crying children

perching on the threads of
looming crisis of faith and
                            all things miserable

the melancholy of which is
lost on the swaying trees and
                           the singing birds

that is all over the news in
small fine print

while an angry man on the TV screams at people for not paying attention

over and over
again and again; until
it is time for the magic
of make belief:

only if magic was a real thing
so many things would have been
possible

the kind that lives in your
head and prospers in your mind

the kind Charlie Kaufman
knows about.

underneath the skin
fish swim in circles

and all the words I've kept
have turned to Ash and
I've been keeping to myself

behind these four walls
there's no ceiling to climb
and my head won't stop bleeding

there are no feelings
in my piggy-bank

I've used all the change
and I'm still the same

every morning I wake up
thinking about you

and the life we could've
had, the life I could've had

but I couldn't do it to you
couldn't do it for you

maybe I deserve nothing
and that's why I keep myself
from jumping

running away forever
flying into the sunset

drowning
I need to go fishing.

while my head gently weeps
and my soul is awake

i find myself drifting
a length in time

and there's nothing that
i can do

but pass softly
onto the next moment

marked by days and
months of restless afternoons

breathless nights awake
smoking aimlessly

trying to recall your
fading face and

the things we used to
talk about for hours a
lifetime ago

how is that every sad
thought leads me back to
you ?

the ripe winds
perch upon the threads of
western disturbance

trading through the
vastness of liquid turmoil

flowing and cutting
across the narrowest
of vengeance

that has laid upon
this land flourishing
under a disguise:
of mere nothingness and
certain similarity;

for who knows
what converses with the
frigid north

and talks to the
passes of the mighty
peaks of middle Asia

walking past the grandeur
of the Himalayas, and it's
many ancient towns

where no other
has been of any importance
whatsoever

there in the sweet solace
of solitude and crisp sunrises

i find myself dreaming
of the tranquil winds, and
ancient passageways:

far from Nazareth and
the cradle of men

where the old brick
roads now sleep in dusk

and there's nothing
left to conquer

built upon the spectacular
-- on this olden earth

i find myself yearning
for little things.

the ripe winds
perch upon the threads of
western disturbance












days dissolve in sadness
find me when this ends

tell me about your
experiences

lets go for a walk
before it's too late

i'm awake just
for you

and i never sleep when
you are not looking

i stay still until the
alarm rings

and it is your time
to leave

early morning when
the songbird sings

there you are
never here

you've loved me in
the spring

and i've been in love
with you ever since

dying of sadness on
a tuesday








trading through the
vastness of liquid turmoil

flowing and cutting
across the narrowest
of vengeance

that has laid upon
this land flourishing
under a disguise:
of mere nothingness and
certain similarity;

for who knows
what converses with the
frigid north

and talks to the
passes of the mighty
peaks of middle Asia

walking past the grandeur
of the Himalayas, and it's
many ancient towns

where no other
has been of any importance
whatsoever

there in the sweet solace
of solitude and crisp sunrises

i find myself dreaming
of the tranquil winds, and
ancient passageways:

far from Nazareth and
the cradle of men

where the old brick
roads now sleep in dusk

and there's nothing
left to conquer

built upon the spectacular
-- on this olden earth

i find myself yearning
for little things.

how many times have I sat in a cafe alone

empty chairs to keep me company.

with a brave face, and tensed brows

trying to look past the hazy blur that
seems to have caught me in trance.

sipping on the bitter coffee to remind me there's something to live for

and finish before I leave here, be gone for maybe what could be my last time

of sitting alone in a cafe, of people and chatter to keep me company,


I used to like it here.

between, there lies my burden
on my knees i am but a servant

serving at your feet as i've done
a thousand times before

swollen gaze
resting upon your eyes

i can't flinch
and catch me by surprise  

bound in chains, kissed by
******* --

i want to taste your
addictive lies

corrupted conscience
lost in sermons

you're so vindictive it'll
never suffice

you and i cannot
survive

in this malfunctioning
world

spiralling through summer
as it grows

into autumn, uncertain,
of the winter that passes by

in that weakness i find myself
drawn to you

in your arms of ruthless
subversion

suffocate me with your
fruitful diversions

the more i am awake
more it worsens

i'm barely alive haunted
by desertion

desperate for an escape
from this burden

yours even   ever after,
i am truly yours.

beacon of hope
emerald heart of mine

frolicking in
ruins

in a transparent
hue

pretending to be
smoke

running amok
in the golden fields

forcing the winds

and you can see
heaven when

the sun falls
seared

every dark hour

and the beacon
of hope

becomes me.

look at home,

the night is dark
and yet forgetful

warm room with
bodies sound asleep

cosy air breathes
through the windows

as the leaves fall
somewhere in the future

and a rainy day
is on the offering

carelessly stoking
arms of the clock

it's a shelter still
this warm room

filled with things
that will be --

old and dying,

as the leaves fall
somewhere in the future

for enough springs have
come to pass

now that i sit here
looking at old photographs,

visiting home.

watch me as i suffocate
at the corner

of this malfunctioning
room

where all thoughts come
to die

and decompose into
boarded windows

and cracked walls

old and vast
traveling as i have

circling me as i
draw a line

ever further from
me


\PART-2||


cold blue eyes
stare at me

from between the
spaces

and there's no place
dark enough to hide


\PART-3|


there's a grave divide
in my smile

of all those things
i couldn't whisper

and bring to life

always breathing colours
into the corpses

making love to the ideas
in my folding head

unbecoming of the caught
dread

that grows into new days
and old nights

witnessing the many storms
that have knocked on my door

to lure me out in
the open

where the world can
haunt me

possess my conflicts
and scars

it's alright if i die

here, and now

in this endless moment
that we live in

and call home

where everything's pretty
all the time,

malfunctioning.

i am small
barely enough to live
another day

i am weak
brittle bones afraid
of being betrayed;

and when i scream
i pretend they're all
here with me inside
my broken mind

maybe it's all a dream
maybe not,

how can i tell
when i'm barely alive ?

i'm too scattered
to fight this settling calm,

i can't sleep
maybe it's in my head

and i can feel it in
my arms --

unsettling my veins,
and in my frozen tears

it's circling inside
of me, always, right here

when the blackness
swirls and swarms;

and it's the same
despair that

i've bled now,
so many a times;

caught in my
storms

far from
the giving sun

to be so old
when i'm young

i am numb and
forever dying

so cold
like the last night,

that i spent with
my eyes wide open

trying to find meaning
in the shadows that
move across the walls

dancing in stark
darkness,

there's something here
in this room with me that
does not exist

or has ever spoken

and yet i hear it breathing
down my neck,

i can taste the whispers
that have made a home
in the deep of my skin,

i can feel my mind
fighting the dread, the dead
and everything inbetween,

and i love this hurtful
existence, i'm in love with
the flames,  

i've known nothing else
and nothing else can be the
same as this pain --

it's strange how much
we fight the things we cannot
explain,

there's this white noise on
the other side of the world
we'll never learn how to
contain --

and it'll seep through
our cities and thoughts

in the same wilderness
as i once was;

you'll just be as weak
and small

as we've always
been,

no rain nor fire
or rivers or trees

just us free,
drowning forever.

tonight i see no stars,

tonight the deep black has swallowed what little's left of the world

tonight there's nothing out there to look down upon me from the distance

and she's not here to fold into my arms to comfort my soul

tonight i see no stars, i see no ghosts sailing in the eastern winds

i don't hear the city mourn with its lost lovers and young pain

there's melancholia at every corner filled with silence it cannot contain

maybe there's more to this nothingness that my eye's cannot explain

tonight i see no hope for tomorrow and i don't wait for the promised sun

i'm sitting here in this silent room while the lonely road goes on --

i'm waiting for the birds to sing and break me away from this lonely hour

but it's still an eternity between me and the sounds of the living

and i don't have the comfort of the sky of reminding me how small i am

and smaller still, whatever that ills me and keeps me awake

as i stay still fighting the wilderness that has made a home inside of me

i wonder about distant planets those that exist for nothing

i wonder if they know of my pain, if they know what it means to live with a broken heart that never smiles --

i wonder if there's someone somewhere awake just as i am;

i wonder if his night is filled with stars.

they'll dance in our skin
make love in our scars

to the sounds of our sin
beneath fallen stars

they'll swim in our dreams
in a home with no doors

drowning as they spin
circling them rotten floors

and as lovers we die,
as lovers we die --

for how less we lived
as lovers we die

you and i,
forever together.

.




dreaming,

she sits by the cogs, turning
fog into mist

in midst of an autumn, caught in
arms of abyss,

in her sleepy frost, where her
winter sits,

where her wilderness clots
in melancholic conflict

hung by the clocks, and rocks,
in bones, and sticks,

an ocean's worth of rot, no
mortal can sip,

in her drowsy gaze, in her
dreamy drift;

she sits in her loss,
lost in her solemn bliss,

screaming.





.

home is where the heart is, but what if the heart is broken and lost ?

what then, when there are no roads and no pathways, but a forest with naked trees, and with barely enough sunlight creeping in, to make out the void that surrounds us at all times.

what if a mind does not require a body anymore ?

where do we go from there ?

questions pierce my conscience like an asteroid hitting earth traveling at a thousand miles per heart beat,

evaporating any sense of belief or religion that existed in the deepest corners of my being, resembling a fire that even sun is afraid of --

what if the answers never come ?

what if everything ends before i can wake up, before i have the urge to do something worthwhile with my dreams and fears,

i can build castles in sand and bury my doubts in tiny rooms with tiny beds, but never escape this impending sense of doom that has made a circus in my veins, always to and fro the axis, as i wait for the silence to scream from across the ocean, i guess i'm still waiting for somebody to say my name before i forget how to think,

and i'm still thinking of various ways to end this train of thought and perhaps i'll jump off at the next station, i can see myself from afar howling at the wheels of my suffering for taking a turn for the worse,

it's better if i leave this room before it devours me, i have so much to think and so little room to sit idle, it's as if the walls are suffocating me for fun, every brick vibrating like the bones in my body, trembling in a careless rhythm --

and it feels as if i can never escape from this sadness that has made a nest inside my hollowed body, i am but a step away from breaking down in little brittle pieces of absolute nothing,

i'm so close to being scattered, of crying rivers and oceans of my solitude and misguided birth, but i never do, i never let the rain **** the storm --

i never let the blues paint over the rotten reds, and greens and everything that does not come with a colour,

i enjoy my drakness alone, and i make peace with the ghosts those dance around us when nobody's looking,

i swallow my screams until i'm drowning in my own sorrows, my eyes in a horrific trance, watching the atoms destroy each other a billion times in plain sight,

it kills me that nobody bothers, nobody cares until they're dying, with unrelenting sadness at all times breathing down their necks, ready to bite and drain away the lesser world.

why life when there must've been so much before ? -- i wonder in disguise of madness and tame melancholia, ruined by man made conditions and nefarious activities of the restless and unkept,

and yes, i'm talking about you too, about us, about the gods that live in palaces made of rejected prayers and songs,  

i'm talking about memories, slowly decomposing into dead skin and dusty old book shelves that harbour nothing more than old age and forgotten fingerprints fading away even though the arms of the clocks on the unraveled walls have stopped moving, and the time has stood still peeking from outside the window, waiting for somebody to draw the curtains.

in the cold gloomy room where i've sat everyday for days to come, i sit even now paying attention to every detail, with empty promises and smothered dreams, with voices that echo across the many places inside my mind, buzzing with words that change with every step, and no matter how deep i crawl there'll always be something on the outside that just doesn't make sense.

i wonder if that's how people feel, otherwise it'll be harder for me to explain when i'm done talking,

i'm always breathing the fumes of whispers and stories that people radiate, walking room to room, traveling in circles, and in straight lines that never deviate to accommodate any other shape, reason or thought, always blind to the things passing us by, never turning to see if there's more than what greets the eye when you're looking for something out of place.

perhaps that's why we never leave our souls and wander about in the world of ghosts to see for ourselves if there's more than what we think there is, always believing to choose the lies instead of the truth because we were taught not to be real in this binary world where being out of the box means you're exposed,

that's when i wrestle with the man in the mirror, strangle him and complicate him, abuse him and starve him, carve out his body in my own, paint over him until all that i see, are my eyes peering into my soul, telling my mind that my thoughts have died a sudden death and all there is, is an echo that keeps fading away whenever i remember i do exist, and this is more than just reality, and i'll be better off without my own company,

who am i ? three words that keep me from ending it all, i hope there's no answer.

demons and ghosts
and things

i cannot compare

frolic in these ruins
made of despair

many a moons have
come and gone

since the sun's
disappeared

and i still look
for you,

everywhere.

screams and moans
litter the scape

swirling in storms
no soul can escape

and here i sleep;

scattered
with no shape

wandering the dusty
old shelves

settled in a picture
frame,

frozen in silence.

i wish i had a few words
for the things i cannot explain

if i tell you about my hurt
would you tell me about your pain ?

or seek me through the dusk
and as far as the ends of the rain

if i only have for you is love
would you love me back the same ?



of all the things that i've seen
now they slowly blind me

even if this ain't a goodbye
you'll never know where to find me



tears wipe away the slate clean
and with years no one can reclaim

and once i had this dream
where we were young once again

i hope the forest's still green
and that the ocean hasn't changed

if i only have for you is love
would you love me back the same ?



of all the things that i've seen
now they slowly blind me

even if this ain't a goodbye
you'll never know where to find me

this loneliness it speaks

it seeps into the atmosphere
and creeps into my lungs

and i'm drowning
gasping for air

trying to read
between the lines

before the words
disappear

and i am consumed
by the dark.

there's nobody out there
behind the voice

all there is
is this vacuum in void

filled with rotten
flowers and emptied sun

drifting around the
asteroid belt

where frequencies
are sung

filling sequenced days
from the last

in various ways
blooming into melancholic
art

alcoholic space
and in an unholy flask

sailing across the page
between the lines

not enough velocity to
to escape the mind

stuck forever in this
fallen place,

diseased and blind

isn't universe just
a cage that

no poet can rhyme;

nobody can hear you scream
on mars, nevermind.

i've got you on edge
you've got me by the blade

deep down in my head
we're still not yet awake

something here is dead
stains we cannot erase

sometimes i'd like to forget
violence i cannot escape

between tears we shed
we've made ourselves a lake

and the water's still red
painted blue by our mistake

the rot in you has set
and i can see the lights fade

reflecting secrets we've kept
and i can see them on your face

even though we've just met
there are feelings i cannot fake

since i've tasted your dread
i cannot let ghosts go to waste

and the demons i've fed
dance naked on this empty page

even though we've just met
nobody else can take your place

you still haunt my fears
and dreams

i've blocked out the sun
yet i can still hear you scream
across the lights

and i can still hear you

your presence burn
feed on the dried tears

prance on the memories
enslaved by the forgotten years

and i sit inside the
pages

cold and alone i yearn
learn about the melancholic
corners and spaces

trying to paint
ghosts and their faces

ash leaves behind no
scars and no traces

cold and alone i yearn
frolicking on ends
frozen forever and sedated

the wheels have spun
in arms of someone
and everything else has faded

but your presence
still burns

the flames igniting
the nights

across the skies
and seven seas

as far as the time
can see

you're everywhere
dancing

so naked so free

and i have an eternity
of nothing else to be

but be mesmerised
by that that i cannot see

haunted.

chemical nights
city lights
and the isolation

farming dreams
while they scream
in my head

loneliness eats
and it repeats
in synchronisation

insects crawl
while people talk
in my head

gnarly roads
vapours from smoke
and annihilation

words i write
have already died
in calming insulation

and the rot
has set;

the dark coming down
all over me.

i know it hurts
but it's better than pain

tangled words
mangled shapes and names

ash to dust
washed away by rains

scars and love
nothing ever remains


in this endless dusk
can you tell me what is true ?

travelled the world
only to come back to you


thoughts converge
electrifying my brain

passion surge
pulling ******* chains

swallowed the curse
now it swims in my veins

tomorrow's blurred
drowned out by the stains


in this endless dusk
can you tell me what is true ?

travelled the world
only to come back to you

only to come back for you
and it's better than pain.

i lost myself
today

waiting for ends
to reveal

gave in to my
dismay

confused by what's
not real

other side of
the door

people rot and
disappear

of only thing
i am sure

that you were never
really here

what are these
for ?

chronic feelings of
despair

i'll only hurt myself
more

trying to eat away
the layers

in this vacuum
of cold

there's not a gasp
of air

where emptiness
bleeds a soul

i'm spiralling down
the stairs

and of only thing
i am sure

that you were never
really here

that you were never
really here

that you were never
really here

that you were never
really here

beneath the moon
the world's still dark

ocean's are dead
haunted by the sharks

turned on its head
the knife won't stop
bleeding

filled with summer's debt
winter's not worth breathing

it's only september
and ghosts won't be leaving

children are fed
but mother won't stop
grieving

shut those eyes
while they're still sleeping

thoughts multiply
and scars keep breeding

cut open the alive
while they're still speaking

voices of dread
keep repeating over and
over

**** everyone
be free

stop believing.

fade into the summer
darling

my arms don't wrap
around the winter no more
as they used to

feel the forgotten sky
bless us with uncertainty

and rotten eyes
stare deep into our soul

watch the children of autumn
cascade one by one

breathe in the spores,
the residue of a thousand lies

those that burn
far away from where we stand

and yet the ashes
won't spare the distance

nor this golden sky
save us from the approaching
dark

and one by one
in the winds
we shall fall too

clinging on to each other
ruined by our dreams

melting into the stardust
kissed by death

i want to rule the infinite
perish in flames

draw a naked kingdom
and wear dead butterflies

raise the dead spring
buried beneath my feet

watch the summer cascade
until the autumn dies

take a sip from every
ocean and barricade

until i am withered 
and broken,

burning holes in the sky

i want to slay
every forest 

and make love
to the barren lands

find animals and stars
**** away the man

watch the planets fall
from where i stand

until i am withered 
and broken,

burning holes in the sky

just like the timid child
i am.

©writeweird

it's like a haunted house
and i'm the ghost

there's only sand here
and i'm on a boat

won't you come and
find me

i have a knife
against my throat

won't you come and
find me


before i am lost ?


it's like a funeral pyre
and i'm the corpse

you don't have to be here
nobody has to talk

the dead can't sing no more
they're already gone

i know you're not really here
it's just the song

and i miss you.

breathing heavy
one two three

i have an urge
to rip apart the world

**** them brothers
and sisters and lords

none is mine
to keep

here i weep
in my melancholic ruins

where september reigns
against the cold

untold scars
simmering in my veins
turning me blue
and red

my head
full of dread
the dead
and everything that
comes in between

i can sing a song
but there are no animals
on trees

whole kingdom is dead
and buried

beneath the hurt
screaming in my heart

i must admit
i'm only a bad dream
and nothing more

if it all comes to an end
today

i'd be glad
to disappear

until the end of time.

not today
said the man in the mirror

hope is dead

monsters under the bed
are reaching out

the world on the other side
is screeching loud

and i have to find the devil
singing inside my brain

plead him
to take over

to find and contain

for i need his poison
to colour me red

to fight and sustain

breathe fire
and stoke my breath
feed the flames

take away the calm
that has set

from years of being
on this side of the mirror

not today
today we rise

cut open the lamb
give in to your scars

there's only a whisper
to comfort your soul


wandering the lands
searching the stars

world's going to wither
back to the cold



find me in your dreams
strangle my breath

look away when i scream
you don't have to be here
with me inside my head


you're torn at the seam
in same ways as i

i'll tell you all that i've seen
only if you promise
you'll be here when i die



in the forests green
where the devil spies

will you find me there
even if i never tell you why ?

dust is falling down the sky
dead people don't want to love

too old to say my good bye
i'd rather die than become rust

monsters need a place to hide
how about giving them your soul ?

you'd rather **** yourself twice
why is that you still feel so cold

you won't understand a thing
if you don't disappear now again

go back to where they found you
withering away occupied by the pain

let them sing you another lullaby
you are nothing more than a curse

no stars to keep you company
so diseased by the melancholic hurt

waste away your life as you've done
since the last time that you were born

no nails to bury by the sailing sands
only dust remains where you were sown

and dust is falling from the skies
ailing wind shall ****** all your thoughts

people who live are the ones who die
no place for the people time forgot

take all your evil and put it in a box
bury it inside you and keep it locked

in time your veins shall turn purple
here and now, there is no god

so take the fire and burn the wordless
you're worth less now as you were taught

forget everything you learned before
it's time to **** them all as you desire

mix that silent poison to the fire
the light shall find them like a moth

open your mind and let them in
every monster that hid beneath your bed

and the shadows they could never see
let them all in - and set yourself free

there's only this one world to destroy
make it yours before they do the same

paint your name across the sky
and watch the dust fall ever so slowly

soon there's going to be a sea of ash
and tides as huge as the swollen scars

and they'll eat into the world you've known
watch the dust fall down from the stars

you know in your heart what's right
they had you blind
before you could ever learn to see

so, **** everyone and be free



**** everyone and be free
before they take it all away from you

and you're left alone
dancing to the winds full of rust

you have to **** your thoughts
and ****** the sky - ash to dusk

you must never ask why

people who live are the ones who die
no place for the people time forgot

and there are no goodbyes
here today with no one dying in your arms

and if you look up and listen close
you'll hear the dust falling from the sky

dust is falling from the sky
dust is falling from the sky

and the dust is falling from the sky
dead people don't want to love.

september roars through an autumn
and the silent dark winter howls  

back to the cold, dark and the rotten
and i can hear the reaper near and prowl

memories cut my skin with the sharp end
and the ghosts lurk beneath the stairs

and i lock myself in a box with my torment
trying to stop burning in this cold air


there's stark darkness everywhere
inside my skin, outside my mind
it's there on my sullen grin
in the voices i hear all the f'cking time

it's in the smoke i take in
it haunts me at that place beyond the pines

it's even in the dawn that's breaking
in all those yesterdays i've left behind


and i still hear the whispers
sometimes,
when i shut my eyes as hard as i can

pretending to be shut inside this darkness that knows not how to love a man

and for a moment,
silence becomes a long lost friend

until the end
until the end is here

you talk about flowers;
i want to shoot myself in the head

you talk about the sky;
i want to slit my throat and go to sleep

wanna' talk about the love gone sour
or how hard are whispers to breathe ?

gonna' talk about kings and cowards
and how them wolves wear the sheep ?

how about the sad things by a lonely hour
ghosts and tears they bleed

doused in flames of ink and its power
where the emptiness sleeps

beyond the everglades

so when are you gonna' dig deep
and turn to a different page

like back in second grade when
everybody made the same mountains,
a triangle, with river maybe a beach

when are you gonna' pretend
you're in a spaceship not on an
old ugly *** wooden seat ?

like all them other poets
too broken to weep

open your mind
there's an ocean to blind

and dead lines to complete

no hurt or violence to teach
happy childhood so good
got no stories to preach

only apples and peach
deep down where your sugar coated
hands cannot reach

don't understand a thing that
comes out of your tame mouth
your ******* doubts out loud
creep the **** me out
and i'm about to pick a creed

maybe we're just a generation of creeps
too eager to swim and hardwired to speak
too tired to think we're machines
metal and fire we're only wired to repeat

not go out of way down the road
with bag full of ale and smoke
enough to make a pained man choke
they say tragedy is comedy plus grief

in dark i know one cannot read
only the owls
but it's clear that you cannot tell
if it is a wolf that howls

clear blue skies from hell
when hounds prowl

what it's like to spell
when you're filled with nothing
but a void and a voice with two hearts
and halves of syrup and bleach

and yet you're so full of salt
and then you fill yourself with walls
mannequins and statues and dolls
watching the dead space
as the dead pace in empty halls

as the head breed


for gods sake there's so much
to hate and to forsake
the happy times cannot even compete

stories can never be complete
they take a life of its own
monsters and demons only reap
where they are sown

the mind can only lead thus far
every heart has a mind of its own
eyes that only read at the dusk hour
right before a new sun is born

and you want to talk about flowers ?

nor a fox not wise
with claws and pipes

a forests breath
with death ripe


just a day in paradise,
that's all i pray.


no fool for a price
nor a herd for a prize

malfunctioning slight
chocked with parasites


just a day in paradise,
if it wasn't for today.


spoiled thoughts
and foiled spite

caught then boxed
with no air to bite

lost and left,
kept for the nights

in transparent red
herein painted quiet


just a day in paradise,
for the one who pays.


in a stranger's head
with debt of dice

where heaven lays
and the dead shall rise

seven solemn days
that'll never come twice

mourning for prey
by a mornings pride


just a day in paradise,
for a day in paradise

if it wasn't for today.


kissed by the fire
shut with wire

no word nor desire
and made in ice


broken prism's charm
in arms of a lover
born away and in white

doused in hope
and not a dime to pay
no dream nor life


just a day in paradise,
and it'll never go away.


where beauty slays
and inferno hides

dante's meal
and a mountains might

where a valley bleeds
from a pelters diet

melting the stones
and people alike


just a day in paradise,
that's all there's to say.


whence scars bleed
opened far wide

and the hour sleeps
in fear and fright

where words fail
to tell and describe

rotten and stale
fighting the lights


just a day in paradise,
for the one who stayed.


nor a fox not wise
with claws and pipes

a forest's breath
with death ripe


just a day in paradise,
and that's all i pray.

i loved her and sometimes she loved me too
and all i ever was, too scared to lose her to another.

i miss her and i know sometimes she'll miss me too,
but not the way i have and certainly not the way i do.

only if there was a way to love someone
even more perhaps we'd made it through


and so i loved her and sometimes our love felt so true,
but you never know why when sometimes the feelings just die

and why the truly bless'd are so few.


now when i hate her at times i blame myself for having loved her true
but she was never mine and all we ever had is now lost to the time,

and i can't tame the bleeding blues.


i loved her and
sometimes she loved me too


and i try to find meaning in words
of the great Pablo,
but there's no healing only this
mutual satisfaction of knowing,

that he felt the same way as i  do.

even though we're not the same
nobody can tell anybody else's pain
though it's just one hell
and we'll never find each other again

at the very end
the only man in the mirror
is lonely you

but i loved her
and i know sometimes she loved me too.

bad kids don't die young and
tomorrow's just another day we fail

bad kids don't buy guns but
they swallow bullets as they wail

sad kid don't be shy, son;
they'll take you away just like the winds

look at that sad kid,
he don't - won't have none

still he wants to play
with them shells and ale


mad kids don't break them,
there's this jail with no walls and doors

bad kid - but he don't hate pen
swords and blades don't cut it anymore

sad kid don't be shy, son;
they'll take you away just like the winds

hey, mad kid - why don't you try some,
three's a crowd, fives a doubt and six a sin.

hey, sad kid - why don't you buy some,
take it in and they'll fix your grin.

hey, bad kid - you won't die young, and
they'll take you away just like the winds.

just a moment more
please hold on tight

been livin' in torment
but i'll be home alright

nothing for me to forget
don't have no words to hide

been livin' my regrets
but i'll be home tonight




i watch the sun set
and watch the moon rise

dreaming of tomorrow
in love with the moonlight

so tell me your sorrow
fill my hollow with your sight

have no stories to tell
and got no enemies to fight

no roads to learn and follow
wasting away miles and the life

got so many pills to swallow
i'd rather **** away all the lights





just a moment more
please hold on tight

been livin' in torment
but i'll be home alright

nothing for me to forget
don't have no words to hide

been livin' my regrets
but i'll be home tonight




nothing for me to say
you say my dream's too bright

i tried but you didn't stay
now i've got no bones to bite

no gloom for me to pay
the man in the mirror has died

no room for me to pray
got no demons for me to oblige




just a moment more
please hold on tight

been livin' in torment
but i'll be home alright

nothing for me to forget
don't have no words to hide

been livin' my regrets
but yes, i'll be home tonight.