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 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
I don't know what I want in this world.
I don't know what is worthwhile on this Earth that can make me smile.

It keeps spinning
And I keep turning over in my mind -
Does mankind even know what it wants?
Are we in love or just bored?
Filling up time before we're buried,
Chasing our tails and tales of how to live.
Tired of this town - strive to leave before it gets you down.
And when you leave you'll take the town with you and start again.

So the Earth keeps spinning.
And I stop smiling at what we think is worthwhile.
Because I don't know, maybe,
I don't want this world.
Waking up feeling fresh and disenchanted with the human condition
(Also I feel like I could add to this so it's a possible rough draft)
 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
Tim Buggy
Toys
 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
Tim Buggy
give me something you know I'll break,
tempt me with a toxic toy I'll tell myself to play with,
until it's sides are broken and bruised,
and you'll find me on the highest shelf,
dented, a disaster crying for a new devil to destroy me.
where did this come from?
 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
Buzz
 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
A wire is all that separates me from them.
It's too thin to see but I can hear the low buzz when I get close.
I don't know if it's electric -
But why take the chance?
I'm not manic enough for this death dance.
Yet, to them - my actions appear egocentric
Or that I want to disappear.

This is not the case.

I wish to join them.
But that buzzing prevents me.
There is no way about it.
And I doubt I could change this dread.
Pulling my teeth out of my head.
So I tell myself I like solitude -
Even if solitude doesn't like me
Trying to convey how I feel sometimes - classic poet move.
 Dec 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
All is lost - horribly lost.
A terrible break within.

Let the rain pour.
Let the wind blow.
What does it matter now?
All is lost - horrible lost.

Stars shine darkly over me
And the wine-dark sea.
How much can a man endure
Before he finds himself below crimson waters?
A terrible break within.

Unbridled egoism is blocked
By the tyranny of the clock
Sound of feet and clicking pens
Locks one in a dark cage.
All is lost - horribly lost.

Don't ask me to hold up the world as
The collective weight of despair
Only crushes my darkly twisted reality.
Leaving me gasping for air.
A terrible break within.

I am a host to all I have endured.
The tears shed now frost on the memory
That haunts me the most -
Floats around more ghostly than a ghost.
All is lost - horrible lost.

How can one win against original Sin?
Sin slithering beneath skin
And pins your soul down.
There's no positive spin,
A terrible break within.

So now I pay the steep cost.
Allow the coldness to seep in.
*All is lost - horribly lost.
A terrible break within.
This is the day where my sanity finally broke in Reason.
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
Prongs
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
aar505n
Mystery are the prongs of jealousy
When struck rings and sings like a song.
Mystery still is why such innate sea of emotions
Overcomes me in such a fashion.
What does this say about me?

The prongs rings out -
I doubt -
I've ever felt this wrong before.
The prongs rings out -
I know -
Singing of everything I want
But will never had

I cannot change the song
Or tune these prongs
To another key
As the ringing is too strong

And it's been too long
Since I've heard sweet silence
All I have is neat violence
In the form of a forlorn song.
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
ailemA
How could I forget?

         I was surrounded, confused,
        Overwhelmed, infused.
        Every waking moment,
        I breathed for you.
        I breathed Because of you.
        Everything I would do,
        It was challenging, it was new,
        It was with you.

             How could I forget?

        You made the hairs on the back of my neck stand,
        Constant butterflies and a shiver ran,
        Through my spine,
        Disc to disc,
        Wish for wish,
         I wouldn't take back any of it.

             How could I forget?

        Sentimental. Empty bottles I kept.
        Theres only one I held onto I regret,
        Keeping it bottled up to the brim.
        I'm volatile. Low boiling point.
        I'm missing something that needs,
        To be filled like an empty bookcase,
        But I find books hard to read.

         Why can't I seem to be at peace?

         Why am I tormented by my past feelings,
         When i try to go asleep?
"Clearly she isn't over her"
* ¡¡None of your business how I deal with things!!*
Putting these up is actually helping me though
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
ailemA
Untitled
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
ailemA
Maybe I'm a bit upset,
Sometimes I wish I could forget,
But my memories are holding me up
By thin threads,

That are breaking,
More and more,
Everytime I walk out the door.

I could be seeing red,
But I'm feeling blue,
Because most things I see just remind me of you.
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
ailemA
Faults.
 Nov 2015 Thomas EG
ailemA
I skip breakfast,
I spill my tea,
I've never won a contest,
Outside I'm a mess when i ***.

I bite my nails,
I forget to brush my hair,
Tests I often fail,
Food I'm reluctant to share.

When you'd quote films,
I didn't understand,
But I'd always just want to hold your hand.
I got nervous before we'd kiss,
Afraid I'd do it wrong,
But its you the most i miss,
You're still here but we're gone.

I struggle when i count,
I find books hard to read,
I flinch when people shout,
I have a weird memory.

I'm overly apologetic,
Oh, how pathetic,
The definition of passive.
Aggressive, recessive
One big hidden message

I bear this crown of thorns,
Upon this twisted head,
From those I have been scorn,
Internally left for dead,
Eternally left forlorn.
I wrote this a few months ago and i havent been on here in ages so why not
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