I keep feeling like I'm sombody else,
every time I reflect on myself.
I know I stay true to my inner being,
but I'm always
compelled to be a better me.
While never losing
what I've learned before,
I keep it similar to what ones adore.
Is this what I want and even more?
Or is it a facade I tend to abhor?
Am I completly there?
Am I even me?
That's what people think
it's not what I see.
I've loved
and lived
this life gone by,
but now i have the need to actually try.
To become the way,
I knew that I would,
while staying true,
to doing good.
I create my day
and tend to say,
that I live life,
in most interesting ways.
Staying spontaneous,
keeping unique.
By realizing that,
I'm merely one of the meek.
Is there any life I'd rather seek?
Or is my existence completely freak?
Am I all that one's made out to be?
Or am I blind to what others see?
No reason to care,
for they matter not.
For most lose themselves,
their true self forgot...

inhale exhale
my God i'm scared to fail
i got to get some things off my mind
sombody spoke of healing with smoke
it'll hurt
but it's worth it for a short time

breathe in the war thinking the fight will fade away
when slowly your lungs start to deteriorate

walking though the clouds for a moment of relief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
breathe in the demons, breath out the light
repeat the cycle when you don't wanna fight

the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
and where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holdng it close
and you can't let go

i never wanted this
thought that i owned it
but turns out that it owns me
i'm getting weaker, a heartache
a fever
this is burning down my family tree

breathe in the war thinking you're fighting for the wrong side
turns out you're in the middle of the fight

walking through the clouds for a moment of relfief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
breathe in the demons, breathe out the lies
like when they told you that you had to fight

the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
an where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holding it close
and you can't let go

the demons creeping up on me
been so long since i could really breathe
sombody help me before i die

walking through the clouds for a moment of relief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
*breathe in the demons, breathe out the life
repeat the cycle because it's too hard to fight
the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
and where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holding it close
and you can't let go

i’m sorry.
that may come as a surprise to you, i know
haven’t really spoken much lately though
haven’t really spoken a lot at all
but hey, that’s okay
i know how hard it is to make a phone call.

that’s probably why i always forget to
oh honey, no, of course it’s not you!
i’ve just been so busy lately
but when i can, i will go to my cellphone straightly

and scroll down; way down
to the numbers of people living outta town
to the numbers i would never admit
i honestly don’t give a ****t.

i wasn’t enough back then.
do you even remember the time when...?
when, you know...
oh...silly me!
you probably not.
the time
when time turned against you and ran out the clock

the time on this fateful november night
you could see everything you didn’t do right
the time sombody decided to send me down here
just so i could feel the vain, and of course the fear
emotions you taught me all to well
when you shouldn’t even have been able to enter my so former fragile shell

a shell i never planned for you to see
let alone sit down there with you and
have a tea

i never understood why you said what you said.
and i probably never will.
wouldnt you give anything now for that abortion-pill?
i know you would, and that with certainty
i heared you say it when dicussing the cost of an university

and although it was that exact moment my heart forever broke
because you were saying it like it was a ******* joke
and although your lawyer sat there giggling
with my mother next to them,
the highest level of patience bringing
i still can’t bring myself to hate you with all my heart
at the end of the day
you and i
are eachothers lost part.
no matter how small
you somehow are
after all.

my mom still adores you, and i guess that’s okay
i can’t blame her for being some way.

what i do blame her for, and that i can’t undo
is that of all the men in the world
she had to chose you.

Love,
me

I just want somebody to call my own
Somebody who's not afraid of the darker side
Somebody who can take a shortage of breath, and loss of movement
Somebody who is not afraid to have their skin crawl
I want to learn somebody
Be able to pick apart their mind and body
Understand them as if they were my own
Memorize them
Understand them
Push them to their limits
Use them
Ruin them
Hold them
Love them

caught up in a sa of altrd imags
alcohol flowing
   rd pupils
from all th slfis
   ****
scroll up /// scroll down
m8 u waz wastd
   vryon at ach othr
voics scrambl;ing
for pol position
#popularity laddr
a flck of jalousy
   slic of malic
   *fyi
grn lights signal
sombody cars rite??
hr bgins th dz-dss-
   the dscnt into pixls
primary colours
   '*** **'
night grows old
   plot unravls lik a ball of string
coagulats thick and bad
let fingrs do the talkin' 4 u
  nams bcom strangrs
bcom nams bcom strangrs
TTYL
:)

I spend my life as we all seem to do,
Waiting for it to decide,
Counting my blessings, and watching for people,
With too many secrets to hide.

Hidden in lies, shrouded in mystery,
The secrets they will never yield,
It would be disastrous, events would come crashing,
If those secrets were to be revealed.

So I count the days as they go by,
Watching the hummingbird fly,
Staring at waves as they're rolling,
Seeing young hearts being stolen,
Looking for sombody,
Just happy to be alive.

There's a great many things, to see in this world,
A great many thoughts to be had,
A whole lot of reasons to sit on your own,
And people who will make you sad.

Find the people who brighten your day,
And go a little insane,
Lookout for love, be wary of heartbreak,
And learn to dance in the rain.

So I count the days as they go by,
Watching the hummingbird fly,
Staring at waves as they're rolling,
Seeing young hearts being stolen,
Looking for somebody,
Just happy to be alive.

unable to think
unable to focus
all to aware that you're there
unforced and undeniable
the connection between us is eleteric
or maybe its just my attraction to you that paulsing
maybe my interest,
maybe this electricity,
is one sided
making my desion to just play it cool, relax, fight it
fight the overwhelming yearn to talk to you
fight the titlewave of over exagerated feelings
every erg
every thought thats telling me to spill my guts
play it cool
i dont even really know you
but as bad as it may be,
in my head i already do
your quiet and to yourself
and i want to know if theres sombody els
that youre hidding beneith the surface
tell me
spill your guts
im not afraid
be that titlewave
let everything youve never said wash over me
and know ill still be there in the end
When the wave has cleared
And debre is scattered
I'll help you pick up the peices

You left your hair in the sink
I kept it there as a reminder
we were growing old,
that things fall out of place
and take awhile to rebirth themselves

You left your scent lingering
between my sheets
the familiar mixture of body heat, sly smiles
I left it there as a reminder
of our conversations,
the ones where our paper hearts
wrote tin can telephone conversations
through our arteries

You left every single ******* sock of yours
on the floor
tossed aside,
claiming they trapped too many feelings
inside them at night

Sleeping with feelings wedged between your toes
is the equivalent to walking between whispers

It never works.

You left your skin on the kitchen counter
between the sink and the stove
a reminder that we are always shedding the excess
that in six months we are sombody new,
something our body
doesn't quite feel comfortable yet

You left too many notes for me to find.
hidden in the crevices of drawers
under the matress
stitched inbetween pillow case threads
even inside the broken toaster
a reminder that anything can catch a flame

You left a lot of things in Oregon,
but you didn't leave your heart.

You took that with you.

I adore sadness
It visits without a reason
It yearns to stay
but I fear to drown to poison

I said go away, on sombody's mind
I’m tired, I want to be happy
It uttered “no”, joy will not come
But if it does, it will eventually leave me

Did not listen
will only heighten desolation
I miss happiness and the old me
Now I’m trapped in isolation

Love came down and rescued me
It embraced me and set me free
It unchained me from melancholy
and released me from the arms of misery

It calmed my seas from raging
It saved me from drowning
It stopped the storm from roaring
Without it, I’d be forever missing

It wiped tears from my eyes
I didn’t speak a word or two
It embraced me tightly and
Yes indeed, a simple hug will do

Maaaan, I ain’t got nothin…
‘cept 3 li’l buns that came outta her oven
Just when ya think everything’s going to be alright
Yer served with papers and sleepin’ in a van at night
Lookin up at the nighttime sky
Sounds in the background of future DWI’s rollin’ by
They ain’t got nothin’ either ‘cept empty promises and broken dreams
No clear direction of what their life means
To a corporate fat cat, they’re just an asset
A tax base, bleeds green, a budget offset
Sombody PAH-LEASE turn off this ****** faucet
They say I make a decent living and STILL I’m living out of boxes
And okay, I’ll be positive, I have a couple nice things
But I paid the price in meals for the joy that they bring
So I sit my broke *** in a corner by the lake
And center my mind, lotus position, atoning mistakes
And I realize there aren’t any, and I retain my ego
Cause when I think about it, we’re all just stuck at a different level of zero
Confused mice in a maze looking for the moved cheese
Moving purpose to purpose like a band of gypsies
Seeking out the lie that is the American Dream
Relax the frustration with pleasure in my bloodstream
I practice my art of being happy for what I’ve received
Instead of the hopes and dreams that from us have been thieved
Yet some other mouse with a weapon demands what I’ve got
Yelling, spittle in my face, from a man that fate forgot
I scream back, fire like a cannon, with pride, with passion
Looking straight in his eye, I laugh, say it with me…
Maaaan, I ain’t got nothin

I hate how I'm
ugly
Stupid
useless
nobody
and yet I'm still
someone who is
living
and talking
and breathing
who should not be
breathing talking or
living
I wish I was nobody
but no matter what
I will still be a sombody who wants to be a nobody cause she
already is useless
and stupid I want to
have friends who
treat me really good
but no
I have a ****** up
group of friends.
that I love so much I can't stay away from
I hate that about me how I love everything I hate  so much sometimes I hear
people say how can someone so perfect
feel so Insecure as to scar her skin with cuts and burns as if her pain isn't haRd enough ... I hate me I hate everything about me I hate it all I'm very very ugly

Look in the mirror what do u see. Do u see your self or sombody els. How many costumes do you have to put on to finde your fit. How many layers of skin must you peel to finde your real skin. Look in the mirror what do you see do you see you or some one els that they wunt you to be.

You there
That woman
whom knows me so well
why did you tell me as you Fked sombody else
that all is all right
I love nobody else.
Woman now you just Fk with me.

Your thin white skin spreads
on the front. The blue
veins have become the strings,
annexing my peninsula.

You had said, it was a
bit of stretch, to cover the
lies of a fading sun,
for a delayed penitence.

Living water will bring clouds
to fill in the lakes of grief.
One day the lilies will grow―
meet in the air, for sombody's sake.

The black moon was still
raw. All the weeds had
become snakes. I start
hating this season of mating.

chasing a size zero
don't eat enough for one
when you look at yourself it's doubled in two
and  at times you think it might be three
but in reality those numbers are far, even farther from four
ignore it, until sombody tells you you've gone down by five
it hurts, it hurts, eat like six
because you starved for seven
chase it down with a diet coke, what's next you'll feel in about eight
because down the hatch goes laxatives, count them out nine
your visions covered in tracers and you think you're at ten
even though everyone else can read "zero"