i’m sorry.
that may come as a surprise to you, i know
haven’t really spoken much lately though
haven’t really spoken a lot at all
but hey, that’s okay
i know how hard it is to make a phone call.

that’s probably why i always forget to
oh honey, no, of course it’s not you!
i’ve just been so busy lately
but when i can, i will go to my cellphone straightly

and scroll down; way down
to the numbers of people living outta town
to the numbers i would never admit
i honestly don’t give a ****t.

i wasn’t enough back then.
do you even remember the time when...?
when, you know...
oh...silly me!
you probably not.
the time
when time turned against you and ran out the clock

the time on this fateful november night
you could see everything you didn’t do right
the time sombody decided to send me down here
just so i could feel the vain, and of course the fear
emotions you taught me all to well
when you shouldn’t even have been able to enter my so former fragile shell

a shell i never planned for you to see
let alone sit down there with you and
have a tea

i never understood why you said what you said.
and i probably never will.
wouldnt you give anything now for that abortion-pill?
i know you would, and that with certainty
i heared you say it when dicussing the cost of an university

and although it was that exact moment my heart forever broke
because you were saying it like it was a ******* joke
and although your lawyer sat there giggling
with my mother next to them,
the highest level of patience bringing
i still can’t bring myself to hate you with all my heart
at the end of the day
you and i
are eachothers lost part.
no matter how small
you somehow are
after all.

my mom still adores you, and i guess that’s okay
i can’t blame her for being some way.

what i do blame her for, and that i can’t undo
is that of all the men in the world
she had to chose you.

Love,
me