So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of my every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...
©Amy Shae 2015

There is something magical
yet frightening
about awakening
to a new day--
on the one hand
I'm alive
and ready to
go in search of a way
to make it through
to live
to survive
until tomorrow
finally comes
but on the other hand
I ache at times
to just hear
the beating, the rhythm
of the death toll drums--

why am I here?
keeps droning on and on
through my soul
and everywhere I look
I search others' eyes
hoping that if they know
they will fill me in,
give me a clue
so that perhaps one day
something will come through
instead of dread and fear
whenever I look off in the distance
or even gaze at what's near--
perhaps today life will give to me
a brand new way
to open my eyes and really see?
by Ami Shae

A girl full of promise and wonder
but she was hit by malice and fell under

You blame her for falling
but how could you shame her for she was only forestalling

You care about her and you don't want her to give in
yet you don't bare with her and that is unforgiven
.

How did it happen?
How did every human being
on the planet
become so broken,
so ill equipped to deal
with the realities of life?
How did it happen?
What turned me into one
who cannot fathom bliss
one who cannot see even a sliver of light
on a dark, cloud filled day?
How did it happen?
I look everywhere for just ONE,
just one positive, caring soul
who has FAITH in this world
that mankind will not consume me
and all else that lives
upon this earth of ours.
How did it happen?
No where is there relief
from pain, from fright, from inhumanity
and cruelty of heart--
all I see anymore is hate and fear
and a collected effort
to simply destroy all.
How did it happen?
by Ami Shae

Songs That Are The Story Of My Life



Emotional Movies

"I'm alive!  
Even though a part of me has died!  
Take this heart and bring it back to life.  
I fall into your arms open wide,
the *Hurt and the Healer collide."
~Mercyme


Cooking

"Don't look at me
if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me,
I will only let you down.
I'll do my best
to point you in the right directon,
But don't look at me
No, no, no,
Don't look at me,
Look at him."
~Stacie Orrico


School

"I've been housing all this doubt
And insecurity,
And I've been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key,
And I've been *dying to get out,
And that might be the death of me,
And even though
There's no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I'm going because
Oh, I gotta get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rutt that I fell into by mistake
Oh, gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you,
Begging you,
Begging you to be my escape."
~Relient K


Driving

"Heeeelpp!
Heeeeelpp!
I need you!
Oh oh I need you!
Please heeeeelp,
Give me your help!
I need you!
Oh oh I neeeeed you!
I need your heeeeeeelpp!"
~Abandon


Cleaning My Room

"I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams,
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe,
So I'm letting go!"
~Francesca Battistelli


Computers

"Won't you tell me it's not over?
Can we work it out?
Can we talk about
Getting through the hard
Getting through these trying times
I need an answer, tonight:
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need in my life,
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need to survive."
~Capital Kings


Food

"Well, You could take a cup and fill it up
And just keep on filling till
It all comes spilling down the sides
That's what You do in my life
...Never mind moderation,
You exceed my expectations:
I have never loved You more
'Cause You have never loved me less
Than the day before, or the day before
I have never loved You more."
~Nichole Nordeman


Air Conditioning

"Haaalleluuujaaaaaah!
Haaalleluuujaaaaaaah!
Ha­aalleluuujaaaaaaaaah!
Your love makes me sing!"
~Brenton Brown


All-Nighters

"Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eeeeyyeees
Open, my love
So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see
I need to hear it, can you promise me to
Keep your eeeyyeees,
Keep your eyes open."
~NEEDTOBREATHE

Spicy Food

"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding
Where were you? It all crashed down
Never thought that you'd deceive me
Where are you now?
How long can you stand the pain?
How long will you hide your face?
How long will you be afraid?
Are you afraid?
How long will you play this game?
Will you fight or will you walk away?
How long will you let it burn?
Let it burn?
Let it burn."
~RED


Popcorn

"Where is the hope?
Where is the peace
That will make this life complete?
For every man, woman, boy, and girl
Looking for heaven in the real world."
~Steven Curtis Chapman


Too Many People In Here

"Get off my back
And into my game
Get out of my way
And out of my brain
Get outta my face
Or give it you best shot
I think it's time you better face the fact,
Get off my back."
~Bryan Adams


Younger Kids' (My Little Brother's) Criticism

"Get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down
I say, get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down!"
~Third Day


Music

"You can feel it in your soul,
That beat drops and you find yourself just wanting more.
Music, music
You're at its mercy, soon as your feet touch the floor.
And the rhythm is moving you,
As the wisdom's fine tunin' you.
Ain't nothing better than a real hot track
With those lyrics that bring us back."
~Beckah Shae

Contemplating marriage,
Among other things.
The thought of having someone beside me
Whose completely, consistently, confidently
By my side for the majority of the day
Is exciting.

Especially one such as myself,
One whose mind is filled with consternation
And an inability to assauge inaction.

Something as simple as holding hands
And introducing her to several of my favourite bands;
Strolling along the sands,
Traveling the world and all its lands.

Boys around me complain at the thought of being cuffed,
But I'd consider myself chuffed --
Seeing a mutual love that wasn't bluffed,
Teasing her with little jokes as she huffed and puffed.

Only having met you for several moments yesterday,
The conversation having begun with something similar to a, "Hey."
Your friend Jude seemed to keep you at bay,
A bashfulness overcoming you, something you couldn't allay.

If I may,
You reminded me so much of Shae.

what a parting sea spectated
                                  with: but one word...

            the teutonic ascription
compared to:
          a sword that fits through
a mold of an needle (double) -

or is that: the dull monstrosity
of an unfolded umbrella?

  whichever...

       trailing back with an english
son to the german father:
  plenty of S to Z and Z to S
interchanges: believe me...

     one word: just one word
of "concern"...

           disease...
    dißease...

               ah, but there are two
variant emphasis structures,
      hence the need to deconstruct them
with what the germans might
call: "chinese" optics -

         you bundle a few words together,
but actually can't
            pronounce them when
someone else does a similis,
   e.g. grzegorz brzęczyszczykiewicz -
    gregory buzzingfangpeakfeat
  outliers of the word, dissected:
                     szczy(t) - peak
                           kie(ł) - fank
                     w(i/y)cz(yn) - feat...
i.e. greg buzzed like a fly at ease
   attempting the feat of "climbing"
   fang-peak...
          but there is no technicality
to go over:
             digression hasn't really earned
its place as worth scholarly interpretation:
unlike rhetoric that morphed into
oration...
      it's borrowed from a cult film
that you should go and see:
      how i unfolded the second world war...
by a single rifle shot nearing Danzig...

      how am i to be both poet and surgeon?
you know that there are "doctors"
    who are merely clerks and there
are "butchers" that are also the misters
as surgeons?
           yeah, a clerk can be a dr.
   but a surgeon is a mr.,
                petition for surgeons to
receive christmas cards with a dr. adam smith
(generic address)...

   as you might observe: i'm not trying
to be smart: it's just ******* complicated
in general...

      english as shrapnel in comparison
  to german:

                  dis-ease, as i once explained:
a negation of ease...
               but when you say it
          disease: well: that's worth steering
away from...
       but there are twin emphasis routes
to say that one, but one word...

            if you only know that there is
a latin prefix attached to what could have
been ease: but never really bloomed
into a retirement plan...

                          well...
      the snapping Z in the first tier emphasis
of: and i hope that awaits you too...
   or the curved S of a universal:
   it could meet you to -
   a dis-                                     +ease
             magnets:
                         magnets:
       how could i write it as
         dis-                        -ease
          and: surprise surprise:
                         the words didn't attract
a compound?
                    
     any man would have given up on
language at this point: **** it, let's splash
some colour on a blank and call it a: Kandinsky...

            jaw bone to the elephant tusk
   comparison:
     i've learned that brushing my teeth once
a day, with a minimal amount of toothpaste
makes me wish my dentist was death -
as i already proved: post wake after my
great-grandmother's funeral:
      grinding my teeth to the point where
i chipped a bit of my lower central incisor:
  because i cry when animals die
  and i do the following when a human
dies.

             i also have a cheap tattoo:
   a scar from having a port-wine stain that
hosted the flesh on top of my shoulder-blade
removed...

      and i'm a writer of fiction in my delusion
of actually having inconsistency
   believing the only belief remaining:
   (it's) worth digressing;

but if you had to attach yourself to having
spotted an emphasis with only a single word?
you too would have been
   a(n) edinburgh university chemistry
student: once upon a time...

           (n): is that optional?
   i mean: is there a arm, or is that: an arm?
             magnets:
        how can you have two vowels attract
  and also have two consonants attract
   when: in relation to the stated difference:
  there ought not be a: oo -
                           or how you say: oh -
                 whenever you ooh?
  glee gloat glue...
                          but there is no worthwhile
critique of Kandinsky:
                    splash of colour: **** here,
**** there, a slight at geometry and: boom!
  hey presto let's build an art gallery.

         (i forgot the goat)...

                     because after you don't really
get that much "attention":
   you get to do the ******* like -
   unlike a respectable pardoner of Kraszewski...
                                            (kra-sh­ae-w-ski) -

you know what i really want?
    for a linguist to be given the primitive tools
of language back: and explain
   what's /ɡəʊt/ -
                 apparently it's a thing with
horns, a goatee: and possibly a milk sack...
hairy... lives in mountains:
  or if "domesticated" can survive on
paper: in the form of public posters...

      and to think grass could equal cow...
    or grass = horse...
                 i really don't need to be
a scientist to say: wow!

                       and the masculine in
a poetic format is, what?
        probably something alongside this -
speech, perfection!
        
     it's still going to be a variation when
you don't acknowledge that
             disease is not akin to a pathogen:
a hostile body, a virus, a life from Mars,
when in fact it's just the minus
   aking to: dis-ease:
    a denial of ease better represented by
those atop sky-scrapers: those without
the denail of... whatever even they know
of ease.

      well... all i can say is that
                                i saved an Amazonian
tree just by doing that...
     a lot do about nothing:
            and absolutely nothing to do with a lot.

Your father used to call you “mouse”
When you were wild within his house
Just a mouse, before we kissed
Before our vivisectionist

Used our eyes to test
What tears would make them redden best
Before love made you strip for me
Inside it’s dark laboratory

Stopped me to your hidden shae
And made you re-appear
A super-mouse, wearing the cape
Of a human’s unlistening ear