So there is this pyramid.
We learned about it last week
This guy, his name was Maslow...is Maslow
maybe he is still alive. I'm not sure.
I don't even know his full name....I''ll probably do really well in this class, by the way.
So, Maslow, he came up with this pyramid.
A pyramid of physiological need. Ineresting right?
I think it is pretty interesting.
The bottom of the pyramid, the biggest part, contains the things you need the most.
Air, water, food, sleep...you get the idea.
The next part says saftey and security.
In order to live a fufilling life you need...
air, water, food, sleep, saftey and security.
Pretty simple
Then, this guy Maslow, he throws this ******* into the mix...
on the next level of the pyramid he puts love and belonging.
Love and belonging?
A necessity?
I have only lived about 19 years of my life
and I think it is safe to say that I have never loved.
Not really loved anyone.
I love my mom, I love my dog.
I hope that is the kind of love that Maslow is talking about or else
....I am not fufilling my physiological needs.
So I'm a little ****** up, yeah I could belive that.
To top this **** off.
Maslow throws Esteem and Self-esteem on the tip top of this pyramid.
Well now Maslow...hes really making my day
I got none of that either.
So here I am taking some notes in class and
Maslow makes me realized that I'm a pretty incomplete person.
Right here, in the middle of my Psychology lecture
surounded by at least 300 other incomplete people.

I want to live in a world
where I can be proud
of my body
And not fear that I’m a 12, not a 2
and accept myself.

I want to live in a world
where men are valued
on television
And women are not always supreme
in their tiny dresses.

I want to live in a world
where I do not have to fear
for my saftey
And not have to tell a friend I’m going
for a walk.

I want to live in a world
where I can walk home alone
at night
And not have every creak, every thud
set me on edge.

I want to live in a world
where gender equality
is real
And is not split through medial portrayal
and unsafe reality.

hotels are casually destroying the enviornment
i love the feeling i get when
you accept that i'm
getting closer to you
I have so much to do but
let's get taco bell and
play minecraft all day
we can build a quiet town
while the world around ours
falls apart
snuggle baby, comfy love
baby talk, my sweet bliss
rotting me from the inside out, emotional decay
just one more
******* day i cannot handle
looking at your face
and i'm gone forever
I spend most nights suffering
but failing miserably
at relationships
babe if you only ******* knew
you were the closest thing to a soulmate
but the furthest away from true love
i still bang my head against the wall
I cover my ears and scream
when I can't handle the sound of this world's destruction
it's all louder and more apparent
without the saftey you granted me
you're probably happy as i'm being
tortured and devoured my soul
**** out and thrown away into a pit of
******* useless torment corprate casual slave hell but
we all die alone and that's what matters most so who rly cares

vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me

im always so vulnerable with you

you told me you only let yourself be touched when you cant feel
when the alcohol
when the drugs
when the substance has mutilated your insides so that when they are inside they do not touch you vulnerable

but you touched me vulnerable
would you not let me kiss your neck because its outside?
because that intimacy is closer than all the men, all the women, that have been inside you
because you would feel the spasm of every one of my lips muscles contracting and convulsing against your skin.
because my kiss on your neck would demand to be felt,
like a knock, like a doorbell wanting to be inside, an echo that you can't ignore.
breaking the blood vessels just on the surface of a cavity holding your air to existence...
would i break your existence?

a bruise for you to feel on the surface
a bruise for you to feel the exposure
a bruise for you to feel what can be lost in memory with every heavy sigh you take in
a bruise reminding you that you took my breath away
that you took my innocence away
that you took my virginity away
that you touched me vulnerable...

you made me stop...
in your taunting saftey word phrases, in your pauses, in your avoided eye contact
i felt your vulnerability most

i confessed once that i love when youre vulnerable

you said youd walk around later hearing "let me let me let me" as i whispered at your throat
begging for you to let me into something more than your mouth, something more than your body
does it haunt you like the doorbell?
does it haunt you like the echo?
do my words stay at your throat like the kiss that never made it there...like an invisible threat or torment to your vulnerability?
do my words strangle you and suffocate your air?
are my words grasping prsion bars from the outside?
trying to touch something locked away...
would my kiss have broken your existence?

would my kiss on the outside awaken something inside you, that if i touched, would hurt you more than the bruise at your neck
because a kiss that hard is somewhere inbetween pleasure and pain
and we both know how both,when felt together, weaken your mind, your body, and soul to be stripped down, naked, VULNERABLE, shards of self not inside or outside
and that feeling of inbetween is more vulnerable than the definite evidence of a hickey left on your outside, or the definite reaction of your body to the sensations when fingers are inside
because the phsycial cannot touch your soul
because no matter how many ******* or hickeys penetrate your body,inside and out,they cannot touch your existence

i wanted to touch your existence

i didn't want to make love
i didn't want to have ***
i didn't want to have pleasure or pain
and thats why i also confessed that when you touched me vulnerable i felt nothing
because i was waiting

waiting like the doorbell that you never came to the door to answer
waiting like the knock that you never came to the door to answer
waiting like the echo i whispered that screamed for you to "let me" in
waiting to feel your existence

to exist with you inbetween;inside out outside in

i told you once before that you felt like a soul mate to me
and you touched me vulnerable
you touched me vulnerable
you touched me vulnerable
but you did not feel me

so now when i slip my fingers inside myself i feel to see if my innocence is still there
i feel to see if my virginity is still there
and this bruise that you left on my throat i press my fingers against to feel the throb of pain so i can feel if my vulnerability is still there
and they are...
they are because i kept those when i left my existence on a tongue thats tasted many souls but never swallowed
on the fingers of hands that touched many bodies but only felt the wet that washes away with the soap...clean of something permanent
a temporary high
would you let me touch you without being high? no.

you didnt care to be my first, said it was a weapon, that the only thing you wanted was for me not to regret
i dont regret. i dont regret at all.
but i hope my existence that i left to you is a weapon that you can't fight off with the drugs or the alcohol
i hope my existence that i left to you stained your hands and is holding onto your teeth like those prison bars
so that when we ****
**** because ******* has no love and is a pitiful attempt to be ***
when we **** again
i hope that if not my existence, you at least feel my presence
my presence that will be your echo, your knock, your doorbell for the ignored and dismissed love i feel in the depths of my soul for you...

the love that you will never desire to feel more than my body (outside)
that i, more than your body, desire to feel your love-not for me or for anybody else but the love you feel for yourself (inside)
and we will never be what's inbetween

we will never be more than you touching me vulnerable but not feeling my vulnerability

vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me
vulnerable you touched me...

When the world is in trouble and theres nowhere left to turn.
Well your **** outta luck till then theres the Gonzo report.

Live from hidden location in a Florida basment broadcasting
now it's time for the Gonzo report.
With your team of in depth and seldom sane news team.

Your anchor man Gonzo   co Anchor that Batsheba
weather chick Neva finally gotta mention Flores.
Sports with your favorite ****** Richard Shepard.

And then theres Paula Swanson  who's sitting on my other side
I dont really know why  but eveyone likes Paula so who gives a *****.
Who wants a sandwhich im just saying.
And are field reporters Jeremy Wyatt,Chris Smith,And Mr E,

This just in.
A old man lost control of his car running over 17 people
and seriously ******* off one dwarf.
And if your keeping track at home kids it's old farts 20 crazy texting while driving teen *****   15.

Theres big trouble in Cairo kiddies  with more  no the situation
are own version  of snooky Bathsheba   take it away.
the camera zooms into  the   queen of Hello.
I swear to God Gonzo if  dont back the **** up i will knife you
you crazy *******  and put some ****** pants on you ******.

Yes Bathsheba ******* the outside  and  kinda ****** all around as well
but enough with the foreplay children.
Oh look Paula made cookies!
Baths began here report on troubles that had befallen this country
And as i mixed a drink it made me wonder.
Were the **** is Eygpt.

Opps looks like i dropped my cookie.
Like a mighty ninja with a hot flash I was met with a searing
pain to my nose.
In the name of Cindy Crawford what was that for?

Thats for even thinking bout going under that table.
But .
No Baths replyed  then hit me again.
The pain the agony my modeling carear.

Now with coverage from the World Series  heres Richard Shepard
Richard Can you here us.
The cam camera  cut  to a shot of a monkey masterbaiting in the Bronx zoo.

Yes the production team of Goldie and Joel M Frye
when not watching hot oil dwarf  varsity wrestling death match
there top notch.

Richard  dear lord man were on air it's no time for that now.
This isnt Chris's  bachelor party.
That isnt Richard you ****** Baths  spoke in that charming yet
Voice that told me if i didnt stop I might get a free *** change
voice of her's.

And it's not the world Series you half wit it's the Superbowl.
No  wonder  there was no mention of the stanley cup.
Baths what do you not know.
So after i mixed another wild turkey and put a mirror under
Paula's nose to make sure she was still breathing.
I told her  the roofies really help with the nerves.

Finally The artist formely known as Jack Horner   was live on the screen  from some cult meeeting it appeared.
*** they've captured Fergie.
Richard take it away.

Well these ***** keeping fighting over this ball.    
Runnin back  and ****** forth its driving me ****** bonkers.
Oh yeah amigo I these knickers ya asked for.
Richard held a pair of black *******  to the camera yeah
smell of  no talent  and overproduced songs.
dam you slash.

Back in the studio.
Ummm haha well i didnt ask him to steal anyones *******.
Paula broke the awkward silence i dont wanna go to school.
Paula you alright?
***** you John Travolta.

Ok well also at the world series of poker Jeremy Wyatt and he's got a special guest Taylor Swift.
Great god of the traveling  flying squirrell monkeys pants.
anything but her.

Screaming like a naughty little school girl with a  bad texting  habit
on a unlimted plan i dove underneath the news desk for it's better
die at the heels of Baths and a tap dancing kinda drugged Paula than   face a evil more sinister than Drew Dillegence or Ghandi  combined.

Jeremy was in the danger zone note even knowing it for beneath that
yummy little body layed the soul of satan  himself.

It was Nashvile  a few whiskey laced years ago  I was a drummer
for local sessions  she was 16 I.
well I wasnt.
you mix in some drugs s0me cars crashes knocking over a liquor store or two.  
That little hell cat had a thirst for danger  and some  lets just say
weird habbits   okay it was more like a curse.

Strange things happend to here past lovers.
John Mayer,  The gay cowboy from Broke Back Mountain  you know
that movie about the sinking ship, and that lesbian  from the Jonas Brothers.

Yes just as soon as she wrote a song you were good as dead.
You'd vanish to here secret torture chamber were her music played
non stop   and your blood was drained slowley so she could feed
her own talent or lack there of.

Jermy puzzled  hey Gonz you there Baths umm Paula ?
Underneath the saftey of are second hand news desk hey look gum.
huddled togather like three okay one drunk monkey and a passed out frat sister and a very ******* Baths please dont stab me im
fragile   like a aged bottle of good whiskey im just saying.

We gotta make a brake for it look Baths  you distract her im blowing this joint  like a long winded madman  on a five day binge
let loose on old country buffet.

Baths   spoke   in a  language  that was always a challenge  for me
called sanity.
Gonz if you dont let me out from under this desk.
Im going to rip your heart out and feed it to the  homless dwarfs.
And heres a napkin Paula's drooling on you.

I have a heart?

After a brief break.
And another check to make sure Paula was still breathing we
returned.
Dear lord where's Jeremy!

Screams could be herd Jesus Richard   it's no time for killing hookers
But 10 dollar beers  are a real kick in the ***.
Oh well Wyatts  gone he'll be missed.
this just in Taylor Swift to release her new single Why  Not  Jeremy!

Dear lord sweet sallys *** it was code she had taken him hostage
in the love of all things lady gaga  someone had to save my amigo.
except me  cause that ***** was crazy  and she's got a hell of a bite
im just saying  stay  strong   Jeremy  and think happy thought's

I could feel the ****** clamps and smell the burning flesh
from the car battery as we speak but enough  bout me and skeeters
personal life.

now its time for the weather with finally she's gotta mention Neva voice like a angel  Flores.
thanks Gonz that southern bombshell replyed okay in the south.

Alright Neva that was great  like i need to hear the weather.
I havent been outside in  seven years.

This just in Mr E  has been taken hostage in Cairo.
Well kids all i can say is as much as this hurts
we dont deal with terrorist  like we could raise a hundred bucks.

The bulletin came across the wire Raitch with a look of dont **** with me   Gonzo  although Pepples  thinks your okay in a ***** kinda pervert way.

All hells breaking loose  a all girls school for hot super models    
in trainng.
Baths  in shock and mock concern replyed oh dear lord.
I dont who has chops to cover such a story in short notice.
Raitch  Oh Baths I dont know either   ive herd  there ripping  each others clothes off   hair pulling its worse than a prison riot with
hot half naked strippers.

Baths kept speaking but in the name of chain gang women
i was lost deep in thought over ******* and world events
while downloading  pictures of Fergie eating a banana
what im a health nut okay.

Yeah I dont know who should go cover such a story right now hint.
Gonzo Baths and Ratich spoke like a tag team of terror hint!
Hey I should go shouldnt  I  ?

Yeah Gonz  ya think ?

With some ***** looks from the people who much like my family
wish id forget there names.
So they wouldnt have to join the witnness relocation program
i love it when they play hard to get.

Finally i was off the trusty Gonzo Report news van  waitting for me a bottle of wild turkey and some fine reading materials by that thinkers mag hustler waitting in the back.

There my amigos stood standing togather waving goodbye.
crying tears of joy hey is that a keg?
Chris on the turntables im beginnning to think it was a party.

But if Chris  was there just who was driving the Gonzo van!

The little dwarf laughed in glee as we flew threw town
like Charlie Sheen on a coke binge.
I was tossed around  like a beach ball at greatful dead concert
as finally   over the cliff the van flew.

There was a explosion that could be herd for at least a half a mile
course that was drowned out by the party.

The party was in full swing  finally Paula awoke.
Hey what the  hell happend and why is Trimman
******* my leg?

                                  
                                  Is Gonzo really Dead?  
    
    Will Jeremy Wyatt ever escape the *** dungeon of Taylor Swift.
                    
                        Will Richard Shepard ever put out a book
                        how kick lots of **** yet win the hearts of millions
                        and do a co write with lady GaGa and Mel Gibson?


                    Will Neva Flores  get ****** over her five second
                     mention hunt me down  and torture me for hours
                     im just saying  a girls got needs.


                    Will Paula Swanson  kick Trimman like a field goal
                                                    or just pass back out?

               Find out in the next action packed trillogy  called
                                          The Death Of Gonzo  

                       Untill  Next Time Stay Crazy Kids

Here I was, wonder how to get to work?
When a blessing came my way.
From out of nowhere I was blessed.
I learn, we should always be a blessing to another.

There I was at a service station.
Then someone asked for assistance.
Without thinking.
Which I should have.
I became a blessing to another.

God lead us.
God guide us with saftey and confidence.
To be a blessing to another.

Some of us have gave our last dime.
When we was hurting.
We could have stayed selfish.
Or offer our own reason's to why not?

But for some reason we reached out.
To be a blessing to another.
Childrens do it.
Adults do it.
Unselfish churches does it.

We all is a blessing to another.

Knotts Island  10:oo pm wedsday Feb  9   2011

It was like any other night spent at the doctors office slash
Dr Jerry's trailer.
Drink fine deep conversation about world events and *******.

I had went to the porch for some  introspection  and to take a ****.
Dear Lord Man!
What I saw was proof i had done way to many drugs and slipped yet into another rambling state of Gonzo.

White  powder covered the ground  it was a gift from Jesus or Elvis really   whats the diffrence?
Hunk a hunk burning  clap  it was pouring ******* from the sky !
I burst through the door like Lindsy Lohan fresh outta rehab

Jerry !  
Gonzo!  
Jerry!
Gonzo!
What are we yelling about Jerry?

I dont know but zip your pants up.
I know your a **** but I dont need to see it as proof.
Jerry a doctor a fellow brother of Gonzo
and true deep thinker.

****** man what was i gonna say i really need to lay off
the drink *******  Dr Pepper.
Well smack my **** and paint me purple and sell me to the Canadians.
dont ask.

Jerry good lord man look  outside its a true miricle.
Now only if it would rain strippers and wild turkey.
That would really be proof the easter bunny existed!

Jerry shaking his head for he knew his drugged out mental asylum bound  friend with a heart of gold or at least bronz  needed some alone
time in a padded cell looked out the window.

See i told you !
It's ******* snow Gonz ya *****.
snow what the hell's that I thought to myself while speaking
out load on a poetry site   where people think what the **** is wrong with him.

****** I should go outside more than once a year.
these seasons really throw me off like Skeeter  on
a cold night.
****** i told you  not untill you pay for last time ******!

She was a true lady just wish she took credit.
After a breif explanation time travel and where babies come from.
Dr Jerry returned to his favorite hobby surffing facebook
for underage *****  hey dont judge  how do ya think i met my wife?

Yeah man look at this one amigo sent me a friends request.
Jerry showed me a pic of a hot looking chick
and being she was good looking and talking to Jerry ment either
two things.

One the Gonzo On facebook page was down due to such high traffic
cause im super awsome.
Dork  you got like 14 friends.
Jerry went back to looking at the computer screen.
ha ha ha ha ha *** not funny.
Cyberperve!
I know you are but what am I?!

****** man he always get's me with his mature 40 something living
in his grandmas back yard  logic oh snap girlfriend.

Or Two  this little monkey  was really a ****** or a mormon
whats  the diffrence but enough with the foreplay children.
Jerry sat deep in thought and four **** hits and ten shots of turkey later sat the puzzled.

Amigo what do i say to break the ice?

The lights dimmed  a voice from the heavens spoke or New Jersy
John Tesh  apeared from the closet  ****** man i thought i herd really boring music from there i thought the rat poisen would get him for sure.      
    
When thought's are blured and both hands are busy.
When you just cant seem to find the words to break the
ice to that hot little hamster across the net,

Take that extension cord from around your neck and get
head out the oven dam you Slyvia Plath.
Just call dah da da dah da or however it ****** goes
sorry i dont watch   super hero movies although
I need a pair of thoose tights.
IT'S A JOB FOR GONZO.

Move aside silly girl I'll break the ice for you!
Umm  no Gonz thats okay Jerry replyed in that no
but it means  yes seductive five packs of cigs a day
sandpaper voice of his.

Trust me Jerry  Im a writer and i know how to
talk to the ladies  yes my friend how they do love Gonzo
Oh they pull out there pepper spray fire there guns
but inside they have a thirst for crazy.

No Gonz it's okay.
Dont mention it Jerry.
Gonz !
Jerry !
Gonz!
Jerry!
What the **** were we talking about and why the ****
are you in my lap!
Good question my friend but least your happy to see me.

At the keys the master or insane half wit began his
works of geinus this would break the ice for sure!

Dear Sarah

Wow all I can say is me likey.
And may I say that sweater really brings out your *******.
We should get togather and  talk  bout  things
while naked in bed to bare are souls.

Something about me.
My name is Jerry im  superbadass hells yeah.
I like drinking other peoples beer i can bench like a
thousand pounds.

I have a big   tv. What get your mind outta the gutter!
Lets drop the small talk you know ya want it why fight it.
Let that inner tigress out meow kitty  
Lets get naugthy and do things to make us both
purr in the litter box.

Kisses Dr Jerry   giggles and a gay *** emicon,
xoxoxo.

Yeah I know what your saying no wonder im such a ****.
And no wonder i have to pay for *** and im always alone.

After some mock tears and a snuggle   we waited for I know a
turned on little nymphs  reply.

Hey Kids it's  time to play are favorite snow game.
car surffing  in the blizzard cause im a drunken idiot
okay that kinda hurt.

Driving around the mean streets of KI  hopping officer
Rutherford was off duty or searching some drunk woman
looking for  some goodies hey I wonder where my sister is?

We at the rip roaring speed of 10 miles a hour What ?!
Hey saftey first that and the snow made it really hard for Jerry to hold onto the roof and pass the bottle.

We laughed we cried we lit are farts and made a beautiful
snow sculpture of two snow people getting freaky right in the middle of the road  hey kids blame it on the Beatles.

After we took out a few mail boxes stole a few garden gnomes
And taught a jaded soul how to love agian  we were
back at the office slash trailer in jerry's grandmas backyard
yes to think he's really come a long way since the tent.

By the warmth of the fire  music and fine drink to
match are deep conversation.

Hey dude ya think think that extenze stuff really works?
And if so if you took a lifetime supply  could you answer the door without getting outta bed?.      
        
The knock at the door was sudden.
****** man I knew it! Snow monkeys hide the
penut butter  and  put on some Kenny G!
Hey **** Kenny G  
Dam you John Tesh Go back into the closet where you belong!

Jerry looked at me as he usally does.
Like this ******* really needs some shock treatment.
Talk about a charge.

After Jerry assured me it wasnt the artic monkey's come to take there revenge   and promised to read me a bed time story what!
I have a inner child oh was starved of kickass stories.
Like Jack And The Beanstalk ,Catcher And The Rye,Or Debbie Does Dallas.

I opened the door to see a  large angry looking man
with a axe in his hand hmm dam lumber jacks  there always
on the job.

Are you the perve that wrote my 13 year old daughter that perverted
email on facebook?

Oh no im Gonzo im the other pervert who writes really long rambling stories on a a poetry website that arent really poetry
or very good,And drinks alot and doesnt make much sense

Yet always bring a laugh to demented people across the globe
cause yeah im super bad ***...

The man stood unfazed gritting his teeeth *******
me with his eyes hey it's cold okay.

Uhh no sir that's the perve your looking for over there
looking at your daughters pics hey ****** man we have
company  stop that.

I made my exit to the sound of screams it was like
a pit bull was latched onto a girl scout the agony    
Well looks like things were off to a good start Jerry was already meeting Sarahs  parent.

No need to thank me  Jerry
Remember kids if ya need a little help in time of need.
Look no further than Gonzo.

Slower than a fast moving virus.
He can leap small dwarfs and some short big girls in a single bound
kinda.

Gonzo fly's  of into the night in a epic soon to be forgotten.
B movie moment.
Stay Crazy.

Look Im flying.  **** tree!

Splat , Crash, Boom  Ouch Shitfire And Flying Monkeys
Next time I'll take a cab.

Adios Amigo's

With each step, as you near,
You may find an unbreachable outskirt.
It floats and carries on for miles upon miles.
Were a man immortal
He would find no end still.
It rises to the clouds,
It extends into the earth.
It may be found to hold a key,
One of which is not known to me.
A concealed weapon against this passive aggressive beast.
As haunting to both sides,
It ruins left and right.
Leaving mess in wake,
It will continue and savage on

Just walk away
Just leave it be,
Many have not,
And seemingly will not,
Find the door;
They won't walk through.

The Princebles Office better known  as the Dragg queens lair.

This time it's it!
You demented twisted drunken *******.
from the veins that shown so easily from Sir Eltons  neck i could
tell it must be a bad hair day.
That and  he was trying to butter me up with all the compliments

****** harassment,Encouraged drug use,Public displays of insanity,
******* indecent act's with a animal oh wait that's the artist formely known as jack horner.

As this sad little dwarf from a strange planet called London ranted and rubbed the fact in my face that yet there was one rule i hadnt broken
****** man whats a girl gotta do to get some attention?

It's it ive gotta list of angry sensitive people who are friends with benfits  who  want you gone!
How could this be?
Had the world gone insane or caught some std that slowley eats away  
your brain slowley making you think that Justin Bieber had talent?

Dear lord it was reffer madness all over again.
Well Frodo theres only one solution I exclaimed.
His face red eyes mentally ******* me jesus man must have been
missing happy hour at the shire.

Well pippy  they'll all just have to go  im mean what would
funhouse be without a ***** old pervert  to feel up the costumers?
Dam you  Francis Ford Copela
What the hells wrong with you?

The question hung in the air like a **** in church
So many things made one Gonzo.
Not enough hugs  to little wild turkey.
And not using protection.
Remember kids always fasten your saftey belts get your heads outta the gutter.

The list read like a who's who of people who really needed
to get a life  or laid maybe even by there wife.
After hours okay maybe the rest of my bottle of wild turkey
it was decided  once again  i was the black sheep and no one
wanted to play anymore oh well i'll just do what the staff of the drag queens lair does and play with myself.

But enough with the foreplay children.
so many things i had learned  like  well ummm?
Okay maybe nothing at all  i knew i should have tuffed it out and
got through   kinder garden.

As I cleaned out my desk I reflected apon old times.
The laughter  the time i set fire to grandma's cat  and blamed it on my
little brother eventhough i didnt  have one.
Wait wrong memory.
  
The road ahead uncertin my mind unclear.
My inner child hurting in need of a really hot comfort cuddle maybe
from someone with a inner ****.

As I began my long walk of shame much like a woman who relized
she made a big mistake with her boss lastnight.
It's hell working in the family  business.

I passed old faces  all  pretty much thinking i was full of it as usal
turned and in my grown up ****** with a heart of gold voice said.

No one puts baby in a corner!
Sometimes you gotta  stand up for things  or do like me and blame it on others   and I cant belive  not even a single  free bottle of ***** or a concert  or maybe a lap dance  yeah  it's really went down hill
girlfriend oh snap.

Guess i'll just go  dont try to stop me.
Hmm tuff crowd   well  stay crazy amigos.
And as i closed the door i could feel the sadness.
There was a great racket coming from inside.

I knew it the heartbreak was so terrible these people were destroyed.
Why even as i opened   the door and saw them swingin from the hey what the ****?

All eye's turned  the music died.
Dear lord people  really?
Even my 50 pen names?

Im okay  well  the cake saying good riddance hurts a bit
But it taste great and the margarita's nice touch.
After such a outrage I was left with only one choice
steal as much **** as could  flip frodo the bird.
spike the punch   okay maybe  do a little dance make a  little
Gonzo once later  id demand  a blood test for and shut the hell up for good tonight.

The door slammed shut like my wifes legs after she relized her sisters baby  really had a strange fondness for wild turkey.
All sat around wondering will this long *** write ever end ?

Chris looked at the artist formely known as Jack Horner.
Speaking in that slow **** seductive  voice of his.
Ya think the crazy ******* is really gone.
To which my crazy amigo across the pond replyed.

**** no he does that every other week.
And besides  thats the door to the janitors closet.

You provide security,
Like a baby blanket to a child,
The stuffie I can't let go of.
You keep me safe of a night,
Allowing me to sleep sound in your arms.
Knowing I am safe from the harm of the world
The harm of my own mind.

There's a point when the welfare of others begins to take its toll on you
When the wellbeing of someone is more important than yourself

You have to love yourself enough to stop
You have to love yourself enough to say no
You have to love yourself enough to realize
It was hurting you, and the whole time it wasn't okay
You have to love yourself enough to move on

The safest day
and the sanest way
are almost never the same
i could spend
everything
trying to prevent
losing all i have
but then i'd face
missing out
on all the scrapes and bruises
interaction never loses
you could take everyone
that you know
and push them all away
but would that make
them think any more or less of you?
or leave you feeling blue
my forte and the easy way
don't ever see eye to eye
sometimes i just want to cry
are our feelings just a lie?

I have been hard-pressed for words
An adverb modifiying a verb
So I threw in a
Hyphen
For good measure
In bad taste

Work was hard
And my bones ached
They said
"Come to dinner with us down off the highway"
Seems fine to me






Wait
Stop
Pause
Hold on a minute-
Tick Tick Tick Tick

"Where did y'all say we were goin'?"

"Deenos"

All could think was **** **** ****
I know you work on Saturday nights
I looked down at my watch

And I knew right then
Tock Tock Tock
I would be seeing you again

The car ride seemed gigantic
All tires wheels highway
Saftey glass peppered the cross lights
From an accident the other day

Broken bottles poking in the grass
Dirt road and trees
I was looking but not seeing all of that

The parking was almost empty
...if it had not been for your car
I remember when I replaced the radiator in that thing
I remember how it had'nt felt like work
Fixing your car under a blazing sun

But you just hugged me and said thank you
Well at least I got the hug

Its been a little bit since then
I rember as I washed the grease from my hands
I wanted to wash off your hug

Touchdown
You put me in the Friendzone
You would probably laugh at me
For thinking I was the only one

I rember how I followed the boys into Deenos
I felt like a zombie
A prisioner led to the block

and just
My
******* luck
you look up
and smile the biggest smile I have ever seen

You seemed to talk so fast
I tried to keep up
Listening intently for single syllable words
My mind might comprehend
And your soft gentle palms
And a desk fan
blowing a strand of your hair
I felt like I was at the fair
Riding the FIREBALL
You talked in your embarrassed voice
And your soft pink lips
Smiled a song right through me

So we sit down
Eat
Well I pretended to eat
Whenever I wasn't trying to chance a peak at you

The guys were getting drunk
Because your uncle Oscar came out and was giving us
free beers
soon he locked the door
and pulled out a deck of cards
I pretended to play
When I wasn't busy, looking at you
And uncle Oscar brought out clear Russian
Liquor and in between jokes and shots
I pretended not to notice you
Being beautiful as you counted down the till

I had to pretend to ****
It was just an excuse to talk to you
"Hey, I'm about to have my break in a minute meet me outside"
I walked to the bathroom
Staring at myself in mirror
My heart tick tocks tick tocks
Shaking my head at this stupid shirt



Outside you were sitting cross-legged leaning your back against the wall
Nursing a coffin nail
I wanted to hold you
I wanted to tell you
I wanted to write some story
Where me and you talk all night


Sitting only a subtle reach away
I sat and smoked and watched you talk
Under the 75watt lamp

The pitter patter of rain fell onto the cracked cement,
as it mockingly aplauded our attempts to mend our selves again.
Outside of the coffee shop where the lovers go to cry,
a strong headed velvet stranger wiped the memories from my eyes.
While puddles formed and dams broke I found saftey in the unknown,
while storms raged and hurricanes sang I saw that I wasn't alone.
The street was a winding river that carried me miles and miles from saftey,
but this rainy coffee shop day dream made me feel a lot less empty.

One
No need for an introduction,
She was ****** incarnate, volatile pandemonium.
She was always gone by the morning’s pale light,
No pins could stick her, pretty glass doll.
She was his tangible addiction,
Sweeter than any pixie sugar,
Yet poisonous as a viper.

“Phantasmagoria,” she’d breathe,
Her words freezing and falling, broken diamonds.

“What?” his confusion so sweet.

She cackled then,
Chaotic grins folding over gossamer silk.
He just shook his head,
Knowing she was a tragedy.

He could never hold her,
Thorns tore ragged lines into him every time he tried.
She was his to have, to gaze at,
But never to touch.
She was intransigent, lying eyes and battered lips,
Scars tugged at his heart whenever he looked,
Bleeding masquerades of perfection in her curves.

Porcelain masks adorned with crimson feathers,
So shocking against the ebony walls.
The masks were like her smile, he had decided so long ago,
Hanging a new one every six months.

He saw right through her.

Two
Malignant words bubbled from her lips,
She blew him EXPLOSIVE kisses,
Her eyes full of iridescent splendor and charm.

She gave herself to him completely,
Tired of running on the fuel of a thousand shattered hearts.


Pale like winter,
He was fierce like autumn leaves in a fiery glow.
His eyes were a swirl of blue,
So deep, hypnotic and entrancing.
His hair was black as a crow,
Soft as velvet against bare flesh.

He was beauty in a terrible splendor,
Pale, carved marble, breath-taking and alive.
His kisses were spider-silk,
Dripping venom down her throat.

“Extemporaneous,” he’d sigh,
His words left behind the after taste of chocolate.

“Everything is,” echoed her bittersweet reply.

Chemical smoke poured from his mouth,
When he parted his lips to speak.
She loved the way it danced in the glow of the fire.

Three
The curve of her smile let you see the whole asylum.
Oh how she’d laugh, broken glass in her eyes,
When he’d nibble her flesh so softly.
Her eyes flashed red,
A brief shutter speed of a moment.

He’d saunter up to her,
Leather pants worn as a second skin.
His eyes glittered in the dark,
The ocean by moonlight.
He spun her in dizzy circles.

“Vertigo baby, you spin me high with vertigo,”
He’d laugh, watching her stumble.

They were psychotic lovers in a masquerade of midnight frenzies,
Graveyard picnics and ballroom dancing the mausoleum.
They were a Gothic fairytale without the ever-after,
Kings fighting for their queens,
That and the dragon ate the kNight.

Moonlight tans and wrought-iron fences,
They kept the world at bay.

“No one needs to know,” she whispered beneath the crying tree,
“Let them wonder in solitude,” her voice soft as a feather.

The zephyr smelled of ice and heartbreak.

Four
Silver needles with glitter tips,
Pulled star-studded thread through her lips,
Anything to keep the lies from spilling out.

“Desperate hours call for drastic measures,”
Barbed-wire bled from familiar tongues.

Tiny symbols on her lover’s face,
A black mask stitched with silver Zodiac charms.
He was her hero in Venetian adornments,
If you ignored the combat boots.

SAFTEY,
An over-rated opinion.
(Throw away the key.)

The pond froze over,
Reflecting dark-eyed ghosts of glass.
The paint on the masks cracked,
The feathers faded long ago.

He held her close,
Feeling her thorns tear him o p e n.
He bled sweet metallic candy for her.

She’d be gone again in the morning.

Five
She sighed, keeping perfect rhythm with the visions in her eyes.
The cold seeping slowly into every pore,
Electrifying ever nerve and fiber.
Haunting whispers on the wind,
Reminders of another life.

I’ll love you forever; I miss you already,
She scrawled in black ink on the bathroom mirror.

He scrubbed for weeks,
But the message never faded.

Then you shouldn’t have left,
He painted in slow red cursive beneath it.

He’d always wait for her.

Six
So innocent when she pouted,
Lying little girl with a cracked doll’s mask,
Just like the faces he hung on the wall.
When she smiles, the truth comes out,
The perfect killer with the perfect guise.

She’d blow chemical rings to your heart,
Knowing how deep they’d cut.
She savored the taste so bitter and sweet,
Liquid candy, deep red cherries.

He relished the glitter in her eyes,
When she was off on another “Suicide Mission”,
As her friends so poetically dubbed them.

He bound himself to her,
With black lace chords and red wrist ribbons.
They lusted for a never-ending destruction,
No amount of chaos could sate their desire.

“You are a tragedy,” he once told her,
“A million deaths in the making.”

She always laughed at those words,
Tears stinging her face when she was away.
“I’m your tragedy, my love,” she called sweetly to the wind.

Tie the mask tight,
Check the powder around your eyes,
Lace up that corset,
This job is just a masquerade.
Shade is not your name,
And the Emancipator knows it.
He’ll keep your secret as long as you work,
Pretty little ****** doll.

“I miss him,” she whispered,
Her eyes so full of sorrow.

“Then go home,” he told her.

Simple phrases break hearts the fastest.

Seven
Her hand trembled, eyes wide, so fearful,
This homecoming no different than the dozens before it.

He opened the door before she could even caress its silver handle.

Startled, he stood there and gaped,
Trying to convince himself that she had actually come back.
“Five years is a long time to be gone without calling,” he whispered,
A shaking hand brushed the hair from her eyes.

She caught his hand,
Pressed it hard against her face,
Her tears carved shallow channels down her cheeks.

“I missed you.”

He glanced away,
His hand dropped to his side like a stone,
“Then you shouldn’t have left.”

She knew he was right when she turned to leave again,
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, almost choking on her words.

He grasped her wrist,
Pulled her into his arms, clutching her tightly,
His blue eyes deep puddles.

“I thought I’d lost you.”

Eight
She was home for a moment,
Maybe even longer,
To dance upon his paper heart.
(Look at those steep red stilettos.)

He was happy for a moment,
Maybe even longer,
To have her in his arms again.
(No matter how deep the thorns cut.)

“Aniya, my dear, you’ll be the death of me,”
He sighed, holding his lips to hers.

“I’ll be the death of myself,”
She replied sardonically, entwining her fingers in his hair.

They were restless, half crazed in the heat,
The terror mounting passion in fire,
So cold it burned flesh from the bone.
They were the purest form of calamity,
A delicate sense of fatality,
Like lightening through a sea of metal.

“Damien, my love, you are my addiction,”
She purred, her hands caressed his face.


“Likewise, my darling,” he smiled,
He pulled those pale hands to his lips.

Nine
The tension mounted outside those wrought-iron gates,
A war bubbling to the surface,
The first of many, a battle for the ages.

Lace up those ebony heels,
Tie the corset tighter and tighter,
Dizzy from the pressure.
Make sure all the swords are sleek as blood,
Clear as the freshest waters.

Slick back the hair,
Tie the mask tighter and tighter,
He was dizzy from the anticipation.
Make sure all the guns have silver bullets,
And all the spears have jagged edges.

The troops rained in,
The fire arms screamed,
Eagles of flame danced in the sky.
Celebrations started before the dust could even settle.

A 9 year old a future poet. She says she loves everybody.

                         Safety

Safety saves your life
Safety is good for kids
Safety saves people
So look at cancer people
Stay away from cigarettes
Cause it can cause you
To be in the hospital
Safety is a important thing
I wanr all you to know
Safety is good for you
And I love you


And she's only 9 what a great kid

One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi
I first saw you in the desert
Beneath a crescent moon
Where the scorpion and asp
Fight over dust
Stone pillars
In the belly of a dune
Your face half covered
As you ride a white horse

Don't come back
See no evil
It must have been
A dream
Or at least
I awoke to the sound of rain
As it fell in the jungle around me
In the mist of morning
The vines cling and wrap
And monkeys barked like dogs
The snake coiled on the branch
On a log you sit cross-legged
Smiling
Or maybe

You were imagined
When I was stranded at sea
Having fever dreams on the back
Of an orange saftey raft
Until the sun burned the skin
As the fever climbed
Blue cool water beneath me
I fall in
Letting the cold wake me
For a moment
From the terrors
The clear blue water
Sun shining through
I saw you below the waves
Smiling
Turning to kick down into the deep black

I followed you
Watching your white calves kick
Up and down
Following you deeper
Long after my lungs gave way
I descended
Until sunlight couldn't reach me
And your warm fingers
Touched my face
In the frigid deep
And then
You
Became everything

My journey began in a meadow
Where I heard the angels sing
My journey began towards a fellow
My journey began towards a ring
I walked past green bodies of water
Whose hue turned successively black
The sky seemed to grow ever small
I knew there was no turning back
It felt like a valley of shadow
And I knew that I feared evil there
I knew that the scriptures were hollow
I knew that it was everywhere
The first mountain appeared in the distance
Its rocky face wrinkled and drawn
Water poured from its edges
I walked until I felt the dawn
The path laid before me was skinny
Full of marks of missing hikers old trails
I tried not to let it scare me
That there were not returning signs of hikers anywhere
I began the climb every slowly
Careful to place my feet firm
I intended to climb to the top
I wish I knew how much it would burn
The landscape was broken and oily
The slick rocks offered no feeble saftey
I admired the sky and trees
Now all I had to do was keep waiting
The pack on my shoulders grew heavy
And it slipped slowly down my weak arms
But I lifted it up with a grunt
And I continued, in fear I'd be harmed
The silence itself seemed too quiet
It disliked be broken at all
I kept to myself and my walking
Where I found one, I hugged the wall
After days maybe years of this climbing
I could see the sharp top of the hill
Increasing my speed, ever eager
I exerted all of my will
With one last burst of strength I was standing
Looking out over valley and dale
My heart leapt inside me with yearning
While I let my hair blow in a gale
The sky seemed to echo the heavens
The stars in the sky called my name
I had reached the absolute top
I thought I'd never have to climb again

But I was wrong
I suffered in the end

(The warmth of your chest could've melted the ice in my heart)
I always thought
No matter what
I could seek saftey in your arms
But ****
Your arms were not made to be wrapped around me
And the warmth of your chest and the sound of your heartbeat
Were not mine to keep
(Your heartbeat could've started mine)

November 6
this day
Brought me a feeling inside
Of deep depression seeping in
How I witnessed too much
How she cried over the ring
Of her parents broken marriage
Tears forming in her eyes
tilting her head up so they wouldnt fall
To reveal the pain she felt
But it radiated towards me

And how saftey pins and beads
Ment so much to her
An unknown meaning
But I felt her emotions gravitating
Towards me

How the boy
With rebellion tattooed in his mind
Had a quiet face
That showed how angry he was inside
But his smile was something
Rare and special that I had barley seen

how the girls
Could claim
To be my friends
But swiftly leave
And isolate me
Without a care
loneliness was something
That occured each day
more *often
The the day before

How I have to see
you
The being I once deeply cared about
That I gave my all for
With someone else

How that boy
Stared at that girl
In a way I envied
No, not with lust
But with a love
Searching for every
Perfect thing in her

Observing
All day
is a habit
Which I hate
I discover
Things That
I should
Not know

DDK; ***** Dank Kush
I light it up like arson to a bush
I paint the town red just like my eyes
If my mom knew it would be a surprise

I fall down, I don't know why
I see my life before my eyes
I realize that this kush laced with coke
I pray for saftey I pray for hope
Then I realize cokes ******* awesome
I punch a kid, I punch a possum

I go home and **** my *****
Not realizing that it was actually my landlord, what a ****
I think that coke and me will be alright
I ride into the sunset all night.

I Flow Sinical,
Huggin A Coat,
Holding This Black Rose,
Oh , I'm So Cold,
All Alone,
Should've,
Known,
Home Don't Feel Like Home,
It's All Because Of Me,
See I Can't Feel A Bone,
Twisted Like Some Dreads,
Mirror Image Snakes On Head,
All Black,
Red Sand,
Ahead Of My Thoughts And,
Checmical Imbalance,
Challenge My Talents,
They Lookin At Me Like They ******* Lost,
I Don't Fight, I Will Protect My Life,
A ******* Boss,
It's On Don,
Time To Box,
Super Smooth Right,
Romance Type,
Rhymes Shine Like,
Middnight Moon Sight,
Lady We Can Hold Hands Tight,
I'ma Vamp,
Jam The Mic,
Out The Amp,
Camper Night,
Crowd Gone Want An Oncore,
Cos They Feel Me When I'm Spillin Beans,
I'm Cold They Want Me On More,
I'm On Tour,
Took A Plane Just To Sit,
What The **** Is This,
Bonjour,
Rituals Closed Doors,
Won't Expose The Ugly Oaths,
If I Hear You Crack An Ugly Joke ,Auidos,
You Got To Go,
Running From My Self This Long,
Blood On Theese Blisterd Toes,
Owl I See You Gold,
I'm Missing You,
How Will I See You Go,
Black Wings On My Back,
Bats Sing,
Ghost Show,
Enities,
Scary Things,
Woah,
Right Now,
I'm Bout,
To Get It In My Whip And Go,
I Hate To Be Alone,
Length Hurts More,
I Feel Like An Earth Warm,
Soul Burns, I'm Sore,
I'm Sore
Perpare For THe Grand Fanaliy,
Sacred Notes Spoken By The Adams Family,
I Tried To Breath,
I Tried To Leave And Succusseed,
Exceed In Cali,
Before I Leave
Cemertary Scene,
Sit On A Grand Paino,
And Begin To Angel Sing,
Wrapped Up ,
In Black Dust,
Intriging Things,
Such Vivid Dreams,
Speak Nice,
I Reancarnated A Fly,
Should Of Been There It Was Hype,
Intrusive Thoughts,
3rd Eye Sharp As Hell,
Some Just Lie,
And Tell
My Ryimng Giant,
Roar Like Sirens,
Silence A Lion Tail,
And If I'm Silenced For Braking Silience,
Violent Tale,
Everythings A Story,
Glimpse Of An Experience,
Illumatied With A Sphere In Him,
Are You Hearing Em,
New Dimensions Put Fear In Em,
I'm Not FearLess,
See And Hear Ghost,
Immense Spirtual,
Deacreses Pieces Beneath Intesity Of Physical,
Pain Reaps Pleasre,
This Might Alarm Some,
Umm, Karma Is Risidual,
Percautious Actions,
Propper Packin,
Excotic Chick,
Cool As This,
Sits With A Napkin,
Poeitc Romantic Majestic,
Captin,
Thanks For Letting My Cats In,
Manners Like I'm Well Be Haved,
Nailed To The Grave,
Verbatim When I Say Demons Know The Game,
I Have Tourettes I Twitch My Neck,
Sensations Anxious Pain,
Channel There's No Train,
Why Do We Some Times Wait,
There's Is No Hopping On A Train,
Right This Way ,
There's No Such Thing,
Every Year Fear Cutting My Wings,
Despriptive Dreams,
Doungion Screams,
Destructive Thoughts Manifest Bad Things,
What If I'm Not Dead,
Just My Head Glimpsing Into An Expeirence That Rings,
Some Times I Picture
Daisy Filled Trees,
Gold Light Right Beside A Swing,
Empty Seat Beautiful Scene,
Poetry Deep,
Tears Scream What Does It Mean,
I Don't Mean To Be Mean,
Inflicted With The Wicked,
Demons Screamin At Me, ,
Alot Is Not What It Seems,
My Thoughts Build The ***,
Sensations Bloomin Seeds,
Frequency From My Belief,
Is Primarily The Feed,
Change Your Thoughts Around 2 Weeks,
Or Reality Becomes The Leaves,
Were Equal With Speech,
Diffrent Ways To Relay Communicate,
Willing To Teach,
You Can Stay When It Rains,
Please Take A Seat,
Are You Thirsty , Are You Hungry,
We Can Eat,
Need An Ear, Help Fighting Fear,
Come Here,
Just Tell Me What You Need,
A Never Ending Hug ,
Or The Deepest Spoken Piece,
I'm Hurting Coping With The Beast Inside Of Me,
Purgotry True Story Burns Like A Priest,
Vampire , Wearwolf,
Hybrid ,
Teeth,
Peter Pan Spirit ,
Spy Like Speech,
Smooth When I Move,
Staright Forward Like Sheets,
Don't Sweat My Technique , Lie Or Be Thief,
Chosen One,Under A Golden Sun,
Master Key,
Craftin Rappin Abbraccaddabra , Master Piece,
I'm Coming At Ya With I Understand,
And Peace,
Dreams Come True,
See,
I Telport To A Cave On Side Of Seas,
Black Sand,
Red Beach,
Gazin At The Waves I'm Amazed,
Today The Rain Didn't Take Me,
I'm Dying I'm Eyeing Save The,
Iron Silence,
Rippin SKin Reachin For Saftey,
White Noise,
It Is Pericing Loud,
Letting Go,
Can Turn It Down,
Don't Walk Away Come On Turn Around,
Out Burst Anger Burns The Ground,
So Confused , Emotinal Bruse,
Right, Wrong ,
Who's To Choose,
Perceptions Immbeded With A Nouse,
Code Infected With Negletic Hectic,
That Was Hard I Said It,
Past All Scars, Regret It,
All Alone Driving Down A Dark Rode,
Oh No, Yo A ****** Nose,
Passion Rose
Magik Nose,
Eyes Know,
Aroua white Snow,
Violet Glow,
Sharp Tone,
Mom You Home,

It was a good night
With cold wind

Until I wrapped my car around a telephone pole
I was in and out at first

upside down

Saftey glass
Refelected on the moonlit road
As I wait in silence



Each breath is ragged beneath my shattered ribs
The rub of the seatbelt on my my clavicle
Snapped like a broken branch

I fight to keep my eyes open



I wake up to a man kneeling in the puddle of diamond windshield pieces
Yelling into a cell phone, and then talking to me calmly

I don't remeber my name

No I don't know what day it is

I'm gonna die


I wake up in the ambulance
The feeling of my lungs pumping themselves
The feeling of blood pooling beneath my hands
The sound of paramedics yelling at each other
Then talking quietly to me

No I don't know where I am

No I don't know how many fingers you are holding up


A neck brace keeps me from looking around
But I can see so clear in my mind



That day at the beach
When we skipped school


The night I snuck to your house
When your mom was out


The time I got bit by a dog
A hot afternoon in April

I remeber pine needles falling from the trees
As you kneel in the clearing
Talking about heaven


The emergency room doors slid open
On their own

Nurses yell back and forth
And speak quietly to me

As they cut away the clothes from my blackened skin
As the needle finds my vein
And I notice the old flamiliar sting
Among so much anguish

I dont smell the sterile smell of the hospital
Or the smell of my own scorched skin

I smell the sea
The sand on your skin
The taste of salt
The after swim kiss

I can't hear the beep of my blood pressure as it begins to rise
Or the yell of the nurse for a crash cart
I heard you sing
As we drove down the road
The moon was orange
And the sky was red
I could have turned down the radio
Just to listen

They yelled around me
It all fell on deaf ears

The last thing I ever told you was
"I never loved you and I never will

Staring at the man
who wishes
for me to
sit down

I will crush it
that spherical demon
high strung with
cotton twine and pleather

Throw at me, bro!
Gaussian function
calculated velocity
ready to strike

Don't cross my domain
this is my house!
my sneer gets sneerier
my grip intensifies

KAPOWzawazzzzA!
the earth quakes
my energy released
Sixty feet to victory!

I move like the wind
of hurricane force
I feel a POP!
Thirty feet to saftey

I limp
back home
I'm too old for
this $hit!

Heat and ice
twice thrice
doctor's reason
out for the season

I whisper to you softly in the frozen night
My breath reflects off the empty pipe
You look deeply into my open eyes
And the steal the words I try and find
You put your mouth on mine and breathe in life
Reminding me of the thoughts that got lost inside
I gasp for breath *
You smile as if you'd never seen death 
And suddenly I speak,
The words come out unbareingly softly..
Time slows down and the silence rings
My heart is waiting it wants to scream
And your answer is silenced by the Phone that sings
Back to bed my love, I'll see you in my dreams
Because in my dreams is where we live 
Where we dance and have everything to give
Where worries and struggles don't exist 
And every problem is solved with a kiss
No one is hungry and no one is missed
Just me you and everyone in bliss
My dream is full of the gardens you see
Vibrant colors and redwood trees
Garden nombs and endless ****
Open your mind so we can all be freed
Never Again will I watch your eyes bleed
For my saftey net surrounds you for eternity
But caution my love, don't you forget
It is here where the devil once slept*
Where the seas were angry and the serpents crept
Where the montsers appeared from under my bed
Where the man jumped off the 20ft ledge
The same place I hide all my worries and dread
But If this place is safe and you feel okay,
then take my hand and we can run away

I promised I'd never forget you
It'd be impossible if I tried.
You were my third love.
You will always be the tall thin boy
with silky curls the color of sunset,
eyes of liquid atmosphere,
and crushed coral lips
you'd only kiss me with
when we were shrouded
in the saftey of my blankets.
In the night you taught me to love.

My drought had been long
My thrist severe inside
The desert cold of my loneliness.

Such a pining I felt
And could not describe but
My need was easily understood.

I had a craving for contact
Of warm skin, conditioned hair,
Under the saftey of a comforter.

The Night's cold that chills
May speak of my need, but the
Wounds of my soul held the truth.

I could feel myself withering
In the cold desert of my feelings-
Such a death I wish on no one.

My rewaking arose with the cold
Sting of a blade, feeling warm
against my icy veins.

The blade made a flow of
words into my mind and
bid me to write them here.

Of such reminders I have few,
But I remember this feeling,
Which I asked to wait outside the door.

Upon Her entry I remembered why
I had avoided Her for so long,
Her cold gaze penetrating my heart.

It was not in my strength to
Fain a second defense against
The onslaught of her will.

She held me in her frigid embrace
And I thanked her for it,
For within it was a hint of what I longed.

I knew the blade was Hers,
And bid her again my gratitude,
For I knew this death would let me live.

It is almost morbidly humorous
That Loneliness can take care of
Those enslaved to her so well.

Clasping the wound from the blade
I walked out the Door, wishing to
Turn back and show my rejoice of my freedom.

There was little time however,
And I wished to say goodbye to a
Chosen few, and the journey was harsh.

The wind outside howled and snow
Bit at my face, much like those
I felt necessary to bid my adieu.

While I can scarcely recall
My meetings with both, I know
The burden was lessened by the visit.

The touch of a warm hand lingered
On my cheek, and the taste of a kiss
On my tongue were the only memories I left with.

At the Gateway to the
Relm of the Warm I looked back
quietly on the Land of the Lonely.

I know many despise that Queendom,
But I cultivated a fondness for it
Few can grow, and fewer can explain.

At 2AM I took a longing breath
Of the coldness that surrounded me
And with it I walked out the archway.

I want to thank you.

I want to thank the men
At the bus stop
With smiles and ties
Reminding me that I wasn't a deer
in the headlights of destruction

To my legs
And October 21st
When they carried me home
Strong willed and striking the ground with unwavering steps

For that day I took the bus
By myself
And still felt a small sheet
Of saftey

To Cherry Street and
Pearl Street
For easing my mind when I thought
I was completely lost

For the kids with backpacks
And pink hair
Because their home is mine too.

Hello, its been a while since I've heard from you darling.
Do you not read my poetry anymore?
I write these poems for you
Late at night to the light of a candle
Have you missed me?
I've missed you
Are you happy?
Is your sky still blue?
I'm running out of matches and candles
Its getting cold down here
I don't think that its a waste
I don't. Know
Yo u ar e so far away
it seems like
I can
Reach out to touch you
I miss your bed and your pillows
I miss your smell most of all
Yes, your smell is what I miss the most
When the rocks creep close to me
and try to scare me with their shadows and echoes
I remember your scent
It lingers on each breath
My mind tricks me
I swear it must
For some nights I am awoken out of a dead sleep
And I can smell your skin on the air
I follow you wherever you take me
I have been following you for so long
I know you are leading me to saftey
Although...the paths are smaller
And the rocks squeeze my chest sometimes
When I try to go through
I'm not afraid darling
When I'm stuck
And the candle goes out
And I can feel
The rocks squeeze tighter
Haha and I think its hard to breathe
And it gets so hot in here
And I'm squeezed in
And I'm breathing heavily
But no air seems to get in
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I lie on the stone floor
Screaming until I sleep
You must not hear me darling
It's alright
I forgive you
I don't want you to do anything
You don't feel like
(The candle is almost burned out now
Its quite dim)
If I have learned one thing it is that you must
Learn to release that which you have loved
For that is the way of nature
And time
oh.     I.  Am sorry
The pencil  has broken and I am using the
Burned match to write

I am filling my flask with dripping water
It seems my final
I'm sorry the last candle has gone out





          I.         Am.    



           Quite  hungry
                                      Now
                                               Darling





PLEASE HELP ME I AM LOST IN THIS DARK



I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

*I love you

Your arms around me,
I drift away,
Into blissfull blissful sleep.
Your arms my saftey net,
Holding me tight
Throughout the night.
What would I do without you?

Theres always a excuse not to fail.
Lack of spine is what it all comes down.to.
Many build a callus on there *** waiting for something to land in there lap.

Is it fear or comfort that makes one lazy?

I never knew anything easy two broken feet a few broken ribs a busted knuckle or two the scars of effort i wore them with pride.

People are a nice thought far to often gone astray.
There words lend fools comfort.
And keep the bitter moving without regret.

I was alone with my thoughts and what a place i truly embraced being.
Crazy is just a word to keep others away.

Maybe its why i wore it like a badge.
For its the mad ones that intrest me the most.

There is always a reason not to try.
And never a excuse that doesnt reek of ******* and a normal existance.


Saftey is for signs on the walls and guns in bored fools hands.

Avoid that word at all time's and you will be fine.
As you bask in the solace of your own truths and simple plessures.

Theres never a excuse.

I built a wall around myself
And hid confined inside that wall
And that wall began to shake
Began to quake, began to fall
I built it up with sticks and stones
Though if they fell they'd break my bones
I needed structure, saftey, friends to save me
All I wanted was a home

Boom boom bam! Went the bombs,
and I shreiked with fear,
we were safe in a bomb
saftey place, but that did not
stop the fear creeping,
creeping in, and frightining our
frightend world of fear.


"Boom bam bam!" My little sister
shreiked, and even with our fear
and fright we all giggled just a bit,
but then we heard the bang just
outside our walls, and were once again
consumed by the fear of the frightend
world outside - fighting for our world.


"Be quiet now dear Jennifer,
hold onto marney now!"
cried my dear brother peter over the
noise of bombs falling, falling, the sound
of bombs falling, the sound
of fear death and dying,
"Dye!" they seemed to screech,
outside in the world of fear outside.


The army was fighting people were
dyeing, it was all to much for me,
and the last thing I heard before
I fainted away, was dear little
Rosemary crying "Boom bam bam!
Boom boom bam!"