It's out with the old
And in with the new.

Spring cleaning
Rids my closet of

Bony skeletons
And chests of horrors.

All those times,
All those memories

That were swept
Under the rug,

Shake them out,
Beat the dust,

The feelings until
Last October's filth

Becomes clean again.
Repaint this room.

Refurbish that sofa.
Redo the tile.

Run your hand
Down the banister.

Feel the cinder's from
Last fall's fire,

The remnants, the remains.
Make my building

Like new again,
Untouched, as if

For the first time,
For the first buyer.



*May 11, 2011

Precious complications
The will to be impressed
Has gone away
To far forward
Mindless feeble altercations
The fear of what is left
Is hear to stay
Please refrain from harmony
If you can't see
What is infront of you
I'll be forced to tell a lie
Don't  make me take it to the grave
My left hand sank through a bible
Waiting for the world to burn
Beyond the day
I was waiting for freedom

True freedom travels in a mask
Disguised as tainted oxygen
Breath and believe the true
The abyss is calling you  

I found
Life above
The cannons of bliss
Firing In the dark
We broke
Love below
Untimely cliches
So we could leave a mark
These eyes
Built the gun
Now who is the man
Trying to speak the truth
I found life above
The cannons of bliss
I will remember you

No need toy with stop and go
The will to be alone
Wakes up the day
Unquestionable treason
Crack a smile
and break the bones
The hands of birthright given thrones
Move in the shade
Please keep you distance
I will refrain from here
Where uncertainty is clear
It's a life I'm accustomed to  
Moving through the motions
To save me
If you can change my mind
I ask you do it under wraps
In secret searching for freedom

Now and then
I'll attempt to defend the pain
Refurbish the past
Try to remember why
Now and then
I'll attempt to defend the pain
Prove that I'm insane
And make my way from there
If we can
Let's remember to **** the pain
Revisit the facts
And know that this is why
True freedom travels in a mask disguised as tainted oxygen
Breath and believe the truth
In not allowing cannon fire
To become white noise to you

I found
Life above
The cannons of bliss
Firing In the dark
We broke
Love below
Untimely cliches
So we could leave a mark
These eyes
Built the gun
Now who is the man
Trying to speak the truth
I found life above
The cannons of bliss
I will remember you

A compound
Of exact weight
You need to refurbish
A statue
Releasing the dreams
In senses
Inspired by the travels
Of blunders revolving
By mistakes to find fault
Just in case
Feeling of pleasure is null
As the world weighs hollow
To a ****** manifestation
Upon my very eyes

The American Vision of Abraham Lincoln
AT THIS MOMENT

At this moment

Resting in the comfort of the statue
Of the 16th president of the United States
Missing
An equally impressive representation
Of his friend and advisor
Frederick Douglass

We come

On this day

Recalling the difficult and divisive war
We are compelled
With a prayer in the name
   Of those captured and enslaved
    Who with heart and mind
     Cleared the wilderness
Raised crops
     Brought forth families
Submitted their souls
      Before a merciful and great God
To acknowledge that The Civil War
Was fought not to free the enslaved
     For they knew they were free
But to free the nation
     From a terrible cancer eating at our hearts

At this moment

In which we are embarrassed
By the Governor of our fifth largest state
     Who appoints a man to the United States Senate
     To which both he and his minion agree:
The Letter of the Law
Is more important than
The Spirit of the Law


Now

When we are dismayed that the accidental
Governor of the Empire State can find
Just one more reason to rain pain
And rejection on a family that has offered only
Grace and graciousness

After two hundred years
When we rejoice that another son
Of the Midwest has offered himself
His wife and his two precious daughters
To show us a better way

We gather

In recognition and understanding
That today is always and forever today
Allowing us to offer this plea
For light
And truth
And Goodness
Forgiving as we are forgiven
Being neither tempted nor intolerant of those who are

We come

At this moment
To renew and refurbish
The American vision
Of Abraham Lincoln


©Nikki Giovanni 2009
12 February 2009

Step 1:    It was a marriage of convenience.
                When the bride kissed the Groom,
                The black veil slipped:
                Watch it, Groom's come undone.

Step 2:    The house is a precious gift.
                My husband smiles callously.
                The hypocrisy! He undulates to the sky.
                I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really, really, sorry.

Step 3:    The sidewalk opens up to devour everything.
                Wonder if she'll miss me.
                The sidewalk ***** the color from the night.
                I don't care, I tell the dog.

Step 4:    They refurbish the house,
                To refurbish their souls.
                Wild reds and luscious greens
                Are replaced with a conservative blue.

Step 5:    Shall I tell you a story?
                It's about a suitcase and a lunatic,
                And how everything turned into a conservative blue.
                The sidewalk swallows everything.

Alleviate the cold in one
Refurbish blood in the vein

Darling, you're confusing. Like a puzzle that can't be solved.
You remind me of a book that hasn't been read. The pages only skimmed, touched by rough fingers, sometimes tearing your fragile pages.
I want to immerse myself in your words. I want to tear them apart, dissect them so I can see what's underneath. I want to be a part of the story you have yet to finish.
Im drawn to you like the morning tide.
I would love to explore the depths of your existence, if only you were to let me. Even just for a quick moment.
I can feel your insecurities, the ones hidden in the depths of your pages. I know them all too well, like they are my own.
Won't you let me break down your walls, explore the world of your subconscious thoughts.
Let me in, please?
I showed you the heart I wear on my sleeve. I gave you the pen, invited you to help finish the novel that hasn't been published.
I want to show you what its like, show you that you aren't alone.
Let me be the one to help knock down the temple walls you cling to so dearly.
If you could only see what I do.
I want to become a part of your world. Immerse myself in the depths of your existence.
Are you ready?
I want to break you down, rip apart the images you have created. I want to see you totally exposed. I'll stand with you, I'll show you my skeleton. Let me be the one that helps paint the walls of your psyche.
Do the same for me.
Tear me down, rip me to shreds. Shine a light in the darkest corners of my being.
We will rebuild ourselves. Refurbish  old images. Bit by bit, using scrapes from our ruble. We can create a world that is for us. Parts of us, mixed together, securing the infrastructure.
Let me be the only light to shine in your temple. Let me mend the pages that were torn by careless fingers.
I want to melt, my colors bleeding into yours. Illuminate our souls with the fire we sparked together.
Do you trust me?
Will you take my hand? Will you allow me to catch you incase you slip? I won't let you trip over the liter left behind by our pasts.
Leap with me, dive into the world we create. We can fall together.
What do you say?
I've given you the key to my pages, the pen to write your words down.
Will you do the same?
Hand me your key, I'll show you what its like. Remind you how it feels when my pen touches the pages of your soul.
Give me your love, your heart, your life.
I'll handle it with care.

This
    This strange individual
    Named
        Named myself
Longs for
    Longs for something
        something this myself
        hasn't first-handed
        in what seems to be
            The duration of an epic tale.
In those, however, the hero
    always finds,
        against all odds,
    his ******.
    His soul
        disguised as one separate
            from his own.
Don't blame me
    Please don't blame me
    For such things as this are
    Apparently
        Out of the control
        Of such a control maniac
        As God
            and myself.

God and I share a peace treaty.
    The roses and violins –
    They give me hope.
    They are the substances
        the only substances
        with the power to refurbish my soul.

Even now, the gardens of our past refurbish themselves in the heat of my ongoing halt against time. Perhaps for someone like me, idyll glimpses of love reside only in the solitude of lyricism, open windows, those comatose streetlights, and the interstate of dreams.

                                           —

It was a 1905 steam engine passenger train ride
Through the vase landscape being wide
Old Marilyn who ran from West Virginia into the Ozarks
The train that took the name Marilyn from celebrity Marilyn Monroe
Old Marilyn who would run through Overlook Peak and refurbish at Thunder’s Retreat
Everyone from one community to another would see Old Marilyn’s puff of smoke and hear her horn
It would be a signal that “Old Marilyn is coming through”
The passengers enjoyed the scenery ride
It was sit back, and take it in your stride
Old Marilyn had even more history of its own
No one really would have known
Many Celebrities and even one President travelled on Old Marilyn
But Old Marilyn was history when she took the name
As train design changed, Old Marilyn was a name that didn’t remain
The changing of the times
The memory of Old Marilyn steaming around
One could still hear “All Aboard in anywhere bound”
Puff of smoke with the horn sound
Old Marilyn, you captured my heart
Your name will always be written on the chart
It was your history from the very start.

Aaran: Let sleeping lilies lie, come what may
Each season has its time
In a field of gold blossoming, promises of spring
Of quality delights, yet but one is mine
Selected at their prime
Time is of such essence, render my heart s-t-i-l-l
Enamoured by this quest
O’er craggy hills, set on high
A myriad of mountains, piercing the sky
Through valleys of low, sifting through the land
A humble search within, of untold promises
Of whom is it I seek?
With the choicest picks of many
A fresh vineyard of plenty
Of room for such bold gallantry

Pearl: If nature tells a tale, is it such truth that I will seek
Of incomparable promises, adoration from above
A sacred lavished love, freely unconditional
Let righteousness prevail
A redirected ship sets sail
To steer towards his ways
Lest I avert love’s true course
A freewill field of freedom
With the choicest picks of many
A fresh vineyard of plenty
Yet a tarnished trail, leads to solemn ruin

Aaran: With renewed clarity, I’ll endeavour to please
Yet only one can appease, unwholesome ways
Bless my earnest days
In seeking you
Of desiring truth
Draw me back to you
Present wonders and clues
Yet of whom could fathom
Of my own understanding
Dare I leaneth not
To acknowledge truly the king of kings
Yet will my offering be pleasing to thee?
With a patchwork of progress
Yet to digress!
Misguided in the mix
Would thou now fix
To so fill a void
Of actions mistimed
Such an opportune time
Yet in this vineyard of plenty
I have selected not

Pearl: With vivid retrospection, beyond a quick glance
To recapture redirection
Choices not to my betterment
Such steps lead to a
F
A
L
L
A calling forth to consciousness
A gentle quiet voice
To hasten towards unfolding arms
Re-establish the connection
My Sovereign protection
My keeper, my guide
Of unharnessed energy
Be rechannelled set me free
No longer captive, twas lost – now found
Now replanted on solid ground
Such land is lush, fertile for growth
The gift of grace, bestowed on me
Yet interlaced with love for me
Search my heart
Explore the depths of my soul
Of a contrite spirit, a new heart in me
A catalyst for change, rearrange my compartments
Renovate from within
With purposeful living
Let it be so declared
Replanted in the vineyard
Encircled in care

Aaran: Where is my equal, of mirrored completeness?
Rare unwinding roads, let me venture to find
With cascades of choice
Yet a still small voice
Calls me back to thee
To search so diligently
Of the selection
Beyond our protection
A compromised yield – from a field of choice
Of qualities unqualified
A diminished light
Yet captured in your sight
I could run ahead, but a thousand miles
With aims to hide
Strayed from the path
Yet you would find me!
Like whispering leaves – you follow me!
I am your child
“Draw back to me”
Such energy spent
A tent of retreat

Pearl: If I am yours and you are mine
Here engrafted into the vine
With offers of replenishment
Drawn towards a living well
In essence to thirst, for a fragrant spring
From the wilderness, lest I return
With all that I yearn
I give to you!
There are no secrets hidden from view
You know my thoughts
You know my ways
You have carried me through all of my days
Sunlit rays of hope shines through
A maker of all things new
Apart from you – bereft of truth
Of magnitude
In wondrous awe of all you do
I surrender all to you



Aaran: Let their be none of me, but all of you
Without your workmanship – I build in vain
No substance of change
Effort exhaustion
To bear no truth
Outside of your will, no perfection of peace
Fruitful production will cease
Of majestic wonders, your sovereignty reigns
Your craftsmanship unparalleled
Emboldened tower of excellence
Such is your wisdom, of invested time
Creations of the divine
On the heights of love
Exceedingly above
All created things
Exhibited signs of majesty
Concerning me, you tend to my case
Casting all of my cares
Of honourable justice
Cocooned in compassion
Love unending
Continually the same
You reign on high
There is power in the name

Pearl: Soulfully renewed, with a sound mind
Confine the spirit of fear
Wash me with blessedness assured
Cloth me with sacred strength
Direct thy paths
Of intrinsic value placed in me
Keep me hidden and close to thee
Blossomed fruits of maturity
As a living vessel
Radiate your royalty
Of such a season as this
Rested beneath your wings
Guard my heart
A time of preparation
Be formed and refined
Yielded to the master’s plan
I shall seek your face
Of sovereign splendour
A veil of grace
In the midst of your shadow
For your appointed to find
Of your perfect timing
Of your perfect will
A laid foundation
A covering of silk
A precious pearl
A virtuous call
Of standards to surpass
With favour from high

Aaran: Instil in me, due diligence
To plough the field in solitude
Exuding excellence
In the accomplishment of a purposed will
Restorative rest
From tests and trials
Of requisite skills and character
Create room for special providence
A shadow of insight
Of your wondrous works
Let the vine be preserved
In season, to make the acquaintance of
A significant love
Of help to protect thee
Righteously reserved
To enlighten thee
A time of revealing
At a distance awaits
Preservation of patience
In your image created
Promises belated outside of your will
Of futile attempts to evade your plan
For I am not my own
There is help in you alone
Presented cares at your throne
In your presence may I stay

Pearl: One cannot underestimate motives established
In opposition to
For outsiders of the recognition
Of my true valuation
Let them locate me not
With casted lots they can but ill afford
You know my worth
You have me preserved
In safe keeping
Until an appointed time
True justice is thine
Let your kingdom advance
Counterfeit collectors
Of no business in here
Adorn me with your covering
Glory be to you
With humility and honour
To seek your truth
There is none like you
Blessed be the temple
I have been redeemed
For he is my keeper
Let me return to thee
A prized and treasured purchase
Such gems are rare
As a living sacrifice
Be pleasing to thee
Honour you in worship
With mindfulness take heed

Aaran: There is a ruler in the land
Of covenants and commands
A mighty love
With jealousy, of mercies that endure
He reigns forever more
Of the future and before
Of granted seasons
In spirit to discern
Of faithful steps where I am tested
To stretch established trust
“Will you walk with me, to a place that you know not”
With former ways forgot
A courageous look ahead
In spirit and in truth
Let me follow you
Every facet of my being
Awesome depths of knowledge, wisdom and understanding
Of paths to pursue
On ahead we shall go

Pearl: Do they possess your righteousness?
Were they sent in your name?
They have not your likeness
Conflicting with your plan
They bring no completeness
Disharmony abounds
With such fruitless planting
Upon rocky ground
Yokes of inequality to establish not
Presenting common gifts to exclusivity
Of access unauthorised
Of acts to displease
Claims of validation
Such will be disproved
Of a different team they are
Of their travels from afar
Of which of these can be after your own heart?
To see beyond the shell
Where favour cannot reside
Cast away their pride
Return from whence you came
Patience is a virtue
Let my life exemplify
With your gardening of reason
Of true love amplified

Aaran: To trust in your timing
Let your ways become my ways
Recharge my focus
The potter moulds the clay
A rebirth of integrity
A calling forth to lead
Of due responsibility
Opportunities embraced
So I shall arise
Evolving ever wise
Symbolising service
Blessed to be a blessing
Gracefully equipped
Faithfully serving
With reverence so aligned
Of seasons placed on time
Of suitable design
A man of the divine
A vessel of virtue
A good thing I will find

Pearl: An objective of order
Contemplating eyes
For whatsoever you find, that is unlike you
Be extracted, be removed
Reestablishment be loosed
One appointed master
Of obedience to you
Old ways be overturned
Of varied lessons learnt
Refurbish and restore
Bring your authority
Be the head about the door
Brought beyond brokenness
Restorer of joyfulness
Complement contentedness
Companion incomparable
Character in confidence
That of transformation
Faith in the intangible
Supernaturally sure
Intentional living
All of which I strive
No desire to arrive
Countering complacency
His bold divinity, will enhance my days
Divine provider of wealth
Of spiritual health
He stands in the gap
A bringer of true balance
His care is unabridged

Aaran: At such an appointed time
A climate of change
I will recognise my dearest
With opened eyes
Like the dawn of sunrise
I will be drawn to thee
Of natural beauty
He will spiritually advise
To have found the one
In accordance with your blueprint
Of events orchestrated
Of joyfulness elated
How precious is thee!
Seemingly hidden from view
With devotion to development
That our paths would cross
To begin our journey
In one accord
Of such blessings to afford
To one day so stand before
Our maker
Declarations of love and commitment to thee
Of such a blessed vision
One day realised
For until such a time
Let me wait upon the Lord
To seek first his righteousness
Before our holy covenant
I shall wait on thee

Pearl: As events unfold
Let all that you touch upon turn into gold
With wonders of mystery
Bold miraculous signs
Nature’s seasons ever changing
Truly divine
With no division of time
Of cares undivided
Due attention to you
Reveal to me your truths
As I soulfully meditate upon your daily word
Lest I depart from righteous ways
Lead me all of my days
May I cling to you
Love’s loyal devotion
Blissfully lost in your word
You guide me as light
By day and by night
Enlightened watchtower of constancy
Exalt you in your sanctuary
For you have created a work in me
For your word shall not return to you void
In you I shall prosper
Accomplish I will
Of promises spoken
Shall come to pass
Let your divine order take precedence
Let my cup runneth over
Bring wholesomeness
Your blessed investment concerning me
Left not alone
You called me as your own
Selectively sought and set apart
To kneel before you with humility
Your goodness washing over me
How much greater can this be?

Aaran: A creator above all
You catch me when I fall
Of whom could match the wondrous treasure I have found in you
The sacred gift of your beloved son
For my salvation
With victory already won
In fellowship with you
So to feast upon the bread of heaven
My daily fill
You are my strength and you are my shield
A fortified fortress that stands on high
There is none like you
No tower could be built, that could surpass you
Of whom could reach you with earthly hands
Or overrule your divine plans
To fathom the works of your mighty hands
Truly appointed before my formation
You laid the foundations
Of which to create
Blessedly ordained
For your holy purpose
Qualified
I will embrace
Thou art is divine......

To read the remainder of the poem please purchase on Amazon

Flora Rose, the new garden hope
In seasons we are tested how much we can hold onto the truth
In reasons we are tested if we can be loyal to the Vedic tooth
It's been a testament how you could be sentimental to be fun to my mental and spend a night on my chest
Because you understand the scribe, others will ask why
Because you write your emotions on pages and care not what others might think
Because your heart is wise and you know how to say hello and follow and disregard your ego

You might wonder why I'm so far even though in spirit you can be next to me
I had to clear my karmatic cycles
Right and clear my wrongs
Refurbish my mistakes
I found the waters that ocean when I had finally paid the final penalty of being a scholar of life
I was held in perdition because I was eager to see another fall into trouble while I laugh
I paid the price and dove in those waters and was always under close investigation
An inhumane error here and there and I would be quickly whipped
Anything that opposed the conscience I was quickly persecuted

By the by I learned to honour and respect life
By the by I learned to honour and respect time
By the by I learned to honour and respect opportunities
By the by I learned that humility transcends pride and breeds higher learning and that's how I ended up being a defender of Cosmic Wisdom at some library of Golden Wisdom

This is how I got to temple 8
Now you probably ask me, since the previous flowers failed dismally because of giving into the material world and lascivious temptation, "how do I succeed?"
Well let me begin by imagining a future son or daughter
You know what has held light workers, care-givers and channelers back for so long?
They have been carrying the wages of their parents for too long a time and it became hereditary
A grandmother would do so much wrong in the world and instead of using the time she has left on Earth to fix her wrongs and clear her karmatic cycles so that the children of tomorrow don't bear the same wages ~ she inversely relaxes and relies on birthing a child who is destined to fix the errors that they should be fixing themselves
So the child is born into spiritual slavery, never mind what the FATHER of Creation had intended for that child's destiny and cause,
No they break Universal Laws and oppose the Cosmic Blueprint
So they get stuck in the Waiting Room until they can reincarnate to expand and stretch in dimensionality so that their soul can sphere at a more heightened divine level
But somebody has to open for them in order for them to incarnate and then you have generational spiritual debt

You know Flora Rose I wait for the day when the children tell the elders and forefathers; "***** you, this is my life, I have to secure and my own future, I am done being a slave to flaws and wages that you should be fixing yourself"
Because see FroRo we never reach the future if we're always waiting for someone to clean up after us
We stay jailed in the darkness of time
Time and time again we will repeat the same mistakes and keep on reincarnating until we get it right
But you can only have so many rewrites
When will you vow to become an eternal entirety?

Now to answer you:
When the man or male paramour is in the shadows she remians his branch
When the man or male paramour is in darkness she remains his hope of kindling light
When the male lover is the **** of the Earth she is the fancy shelter just by giving goodness and housing delight
When he is weak, she reminds him of his strength
When he is quiet she amuses him with conversational muse which if played right is sealed with a kiss of appreciation

She keeps the leaves of the yard at bay
She bathes in the waters he has ministered
She does not invite other men who have a craving for her to the house
She does not steal the wealth and hard works of her man, instead she defends them because it is a conquest and evidence of struggled victory
For this she is not an energy vampire but a coffer of endless treasure
Crystaling love, inviting the man into the love dance
She does not hesitate to follow the inclination that tells her to give him a call, or start a talk or respond to his messages
Because she is a soul Flora Rose
That's the emotion we've been moving and it will continue to pass unless someone grabs it
If you keep on missing this love, this yielding grace - then you will always count what could have been and should have been
And shoulda coulda will not suffice in heaven
It is about the now, are you ready to drive love now and see it through to the bitter end?

Well I ask you
  Many women are drawn to the crown of a Queen but they don't understand the responsibilty that comes with being a Queen
So for this they fail to move conversation, they don't know what to say so tell me how will they know what to do
I guess we're just then playing fool
  And it's the glow that's the rule and not the kindness to heart that is flow
They're all about the glow, just like Willie Hutch said
If they aspired to the duties of a princess or Queen beyond
Then they'd be ready for the sacrifices and leaps...
Until ego dies
They will always wonder how beautiful life can fly so young.

Today I will fall inlove
because tomorrow may never come
I’ll pick daisies in the form of your name
I’ll plant the scent of invisible roses in our minds
like eternal gardens created for us before time  
I’ll place a cup of coffee beside our first greeting of ‘hello’

Today I will fall in love
because poetry cannot satisfy
I’ll carry the books of poets you devour
hold them close in the library called my heart
I’ll write the letters you’d never read,
because if you read them you’d fall in love
with my tears not my eyes
Today, I’ll place them beneath your smile
for you to discover

Today I want to fall in love
because you can always refurbish
an old fire place and ashes can be removed
but not the hour nor a day like today
Today I will fall inlove
because I still can and I will
for love never dies, but life may,
before love finds its own place
to exist every day like you and I

I wonder what is the purpose when the same results always resurface.
I am still here, under all of this refurbish.
Who am I really kidding?
A question I ask myself as I sit through this friendly sunday service.
I will not make a pledge and I will not take a vow, to this war machine that our masses allow.
I transpire visions of a free coexistant world.
The freedom to be or the choice to not become.
My freedom to dream was merely a dream.
There isnt a freedom of choice and there isnt a life outside of the machine, but our own will exists to let live or to let die.
I was born of free will and my death shall rest on my own hands.

sometimes i'm afraid people don't like me.
it's my whole problem actually,
that i so desperately want to be liked by people.
i take myself and i scream at it,
i throw plates and vases at myself,
i tell myself to go hide under the bed and stay there,
and all im left with is the rest of me.
i try to pick those bits up,
sew them together
recycle and refurbish, blow the dust off a little,
and i create something that is totally inhuman.
a creature that moves on inorganic beats,
that stumbles and falls right down the
slippery ***** of uncanny valley,
that talks too much,
smiles too much,
apologizes too much.
it's not fake,
it's me,
just, not any of the parts i like.
it's more palatable, i guess,
but it never goes any deeper.
that's really all i try to be.
palatable.
a real people pleaser.
i take all the jagged edges of my person,
and iron them out until it's more
appealing than the next
hottest number one billboard single,
but the critics hark it all the same,
because generic niceties only
really get you so far.
so you either have to push a little,
give the universe a little shove,
remind it you still exist,
or let yourself get folded up
as you cave and cave
and cave again,
never asserting,
always acceding,
because of that
deep-seeded hatred you
harbor, towards the one person
you could never forgive for as long
as tried, towards your oldest friend:
yourself,
the pathetic ******* that looks back at you from every mirror, from every picture, every poem.
so you cant be them,
because no matter how much you try to make amends, befriend
yourself
you always end up
disappointed.
so you burn the bridges
you tried to build
and create a monster,
an amalgamation of every
polite smile and fake laugh
you've seen, gathered,
like youre playing
customer service
your entire life,
and you scare off everyone anyways,
because there's not a script,
there's no rehearsal,
nobody's running their lines,
they're living their lives,
and you parrot back all the
lessons you've learned from the
acting school of social osmosis
and it comes out wrong and ill-timed,
and while they don't hate you
you just don't vibe,
and you repeat this process
for the rest of your life.
and why do you do this?
no really,
why do you do this?
i wish i could be softer,
not ironed around the edges,
all cauterized and raw,
but more blurry,
a gentler sort of person,
fuzzy and less uptight.
it's a me i think i could be,
if i just were able to take a walk with
me,
let him explain himself,
learn to value him
more than i value
people's perceptions of who i am.
he'd tell me to relax, stop being such a
control freak.
but at this point i would uncomfortable
and i'd say
well, you're such a hypocrite
oh look at mister high and mighty,
calling me a freak
listen, i may be miserable
but at least i'm not you.
my pride gets in the way,
(everyone always says i'm stubborn)
and i cant accept
that one pill i won't swallow:
"be less afraid."