All my life I've always thought of happiness as a destination.
Most are familiar with the old adage "oh someday I'll be happy."
I myself have been guilty of saying the same thing when I've been sad.

One thing I've learned about getting over heartache and sad moments is to not dwell on the moment itself and to let yourself be sad and not force yourself to move on right away.

Happiness is not a destination; rather, it's a mood and not exactly a feeling or an emotion.

I encourage all of you to rethink the idea and concept of being happy.

Changing my own mindset around this entire concept shifted my perspective on moving forward after the loss of a loved one or intense heartbreak.

.
pardon my ignorance
i should've known better
but i thought i should at least try

but people always fail me
and it's made it harder to get out
of my shell each time

im damaged
and it ***** that i doubt
eveything in my life

but its not exactly my fault
its just that once i lose my focus
i can't just fall back into line

i can't go back
to how the way things were
i cant pretend i'm fine

i can't justify
ghosting you with out explaining
but i'm not ready to speak my mind

how do you tell someone
that being around them
is like feeling second best all the time

i love you to death
but i can't be you're sometimes friend
not this time

i feel like im lying
not only to you
but like whole relationship is a lie

i womder if i asked you about me
what you'd say
like you even listened or tried

it's wrong to just doubt you
but i feel it in my gut
i'm insignificant in your life
.
.
but i made you my whole world
my sun and my stars
i laid out a path
made of shards
from each time
it broke my heart
to make you smile
i tore my self apart
but that is
the way things are
you never wanted me
not from the start
you won't even miss me
but i'll reminisce from afar
trying to be your light
left me alone in the dark
.
.
but does it really matter
at all in the end
peace of mind
in exchange for a lousy friend
i cant decide
i hate to do this again
i cant believe i let you
get under my skin
i give up on trying
its too much work to put in
.
.
i hate you for making me feel this way
but you'll never know because you're indifferent to my pain

Nothing is impossible
All you have to do is believe
Have a great mindset
In order for you to achieve
Just put your mind to everything
Always stay motivated
Be fierce with determination
Have a strong will and be dedicated

I should have you know,
I'm absolutely petrified.
Even the slightest movement,
In this mindset,
Could result in another
Scathing burn to the
Raw flesh
Of my heart.

But I should have you know
I don't give a **** anymore.
I will walk through
Ice or Fire
To see you smile,
To make you laugh.

I will sprint through fire,
Let it burn me,
I will dance through the ice,
Let it freeze me, let it numb me
I will be defiant
And I will feel.

I should have you know,
I love you with all that I am.

And I should have you know,
I know you love me,
And I know you want to stay,
So stay
So stay
So stay.

I know you're going to stay,
So just tell me
Just tell me
You'll stay.

"the witch is always to be blamed
if those who record what had taken place
happen, all of them, to be men.
maybe they own selfish hearts,
destined to wither and break.
true strengh can only be gained
from standing up, from facing them.
head on, fearless.
alas, my daughter,
you must never forget
that women are cunning and selfless,
powerful in their mindset
and able to outrun, to outfly men
who's only wish is to stick their ****
into someone, perhaps something else."

Everyone wants to be your
Friend
When they need you.

And everyone wants to be your
Enemy
When the lies that are told
Are just enough juicy gossip
To fill that void in their heart.

And everyone wants to be part of your life
When you're about to call it quits,
And just say "**** this,"
And give up on them.

Everyone wants to get involved,
When you're ready to give up on them
Like how they gave up on you.

Understanding is fine,
But you made no obligation
To chase those
Who never intended to stay.

I'll pack up my bags,
And leave accordingly,
Off to bigger and better things
Than your mindset.

You'd be proud of me,
If you could feel pride for anyone but yourself.

I'm in love,
And I'm healthy and happy.

I am slowly getting better.

I am slowly becoming more sure and more certain that I am safe with you.

logically I know I am, it's convincing myself of it.

I feel like a kitten
with my belly exposed.
you could choose to rake your claws over my stomach, puncturing through to the inside,
or you could carefully lift me up beside you,
with warm pets and hushed cooing.

but with every crashing noise
and sounds that are much too familiar,
I can feel myself flinching away
and towards a feral mindset.

you have to understand,
I'm used to being attacked,
to always being on the defensive.

the fact that you're willing
to calm my storm of a soul
is astounding.
the fact that you want to,
astounds me more.

I'm used to being controlled,
made to feel bad for feeling and wanting.
I am still adjusting
to being understood.

I hope you can understand,
this is all very new to me,
being treated with kindness
and respect.

The mindset of people makes you ponder?
Makes you say, really?
Some off minded law official jumping on the insane train states, we should **** drug dealers for polluting communities.
Really?

Do, they make customers come to them?
Or their weakness?
Strange when law enforcers speak.

Pedophiles, don't get a mention.
Not even a ******.
Who crimes leave more harm?

We don't get a prosecution of hotshot rogue police officers mostly?
For killing innocent victims.
When facts stand out.
So I say really?

We can't get the crooked judges into a simple penitentiary.
They go to the fed system.
But here this official stating his logic upon drug dealers.

When much more in this world deserving of more.

We talked about those great nights of love
Kinda started believing in a place up above
I went from not wanting to live to being scared to die
Now I’m sitting here writing wiping the tears out my eye
Thinking about how much pain my mom would go through if I finally ended it all
I’m sick and tired of life because all I do is cry, scream, and fall
On to my knees hoping there is a god to take my life away
I can’t keep going through so much pain every single day
I wish I could say I hate you but that’d be a lie
I guess hating you would help numb my pain inside
I just can’t seem to bring myself to do that
I wish I knew I could throw you away like a hat
But I’m just dying because I still love you
I’d do so many things to hear you say it too
Whatever happened to forever and always
Nothing last forever nowadays
I press the knife against my throat
Someone please come sacrifice me like a goat
I told myself I wouldn’t get this hurt
My phone vibrates I check to see if it’s you
But even if it is that **** hurts too
We were supposed to grow old together
Have kids and raise a pig together
Travel around and walk on beaches together
Had each other’s back like Bonnie and Clyde
Said You promise but I guess thats another lie
Broke my heart, my trust, and my soul
I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with this on my own
I want to give a special thanks to my guy Fidel
Without you my body would be found somewhere in a wishing well
I just don’t know if I can take much more
Now I wish you were just some little *****
So I wouldn’t have to be so upset
But you’re so perfect in my mindset
Last night I walked on a bridge and I thought about jumping
But then I thought what If this all blows over like it’s nothing
And we get back together and be happy once again
But now all think about is all this hurtful pain
So hey I know you read this
Don’t worry about me
I’m fine

He loved his family but they don't support him or believe in him. It was hard to cut the cord but he did keep a distance. Pursuing his dreams on the low low playing new roles feeling blessed new mindset for the future. Living in the moment new people and new encounters the right people.
Some looked at him like he mattered they believed in him.
For once they valued him and appreciate his efforts this was all new to him. He felt his growth empowered onto new things and moving forward with life. Not stuck or feeling like life was on pause waiting around. New opportunities and chances.

It's difficult to believe I even have a purpose,
millions of people milling about on this planet,
hungry, dying, hurting, fighting,
all more desperate than I will ever be.
How can I believe I should even have a voice?
I am not one of the beaten down, not really.

Still, I am driven to help, I want to help you.
I want you to be the best version of yourself
and I want you to believe you are better than
what the world says you are.  

I've been poor my whole life. I used to want fame, maybe money,
when I was young. I wanted to be an actress. I was good too.
I had a lot of pain to draw from, but not as much as you.  

I've never wanted money enough to commit a crime to get it.
I don't really understand that mindset.
I've always known there was a better way, and there is.

I want you to believe people are on your side.
I want you to see people on your side.
What is your American Dream?

Preach
Teach

Earn
Learn

Earn by preaching
Learn by teaching

Knowledge is power
Wealth is a mindset

Make it rain
Walk on water

Money can't
Buy happiness

A valuable
Life lesson

There are good people in this world
Amidst the marionettes
Wielding bayonets
Destroyers of sunset
Consequences that cannot be offset
Amidst a cold sweat
Pacing around a threat
Easy to forget
The world burning like a cigarette
Amidst all our debt
A duet, ancient and unfurled

I used to never Fear
For I knew, God was near.

I began to grow, I experienced
With each age I gained, I saw the clearance.

Fear is not a mindset, it is a spirit
Only looking for those to inhabit

Learn to fight it
Never let it ignite it's fit

What do I fear? I Fear letting it near
Though I cannot lie, it is always here.

Looking over my shoulder
Waiting to drop it's boulder

Fear doesn't wait
It wants to clean your slate

Erasing your goals
Focusing only on your damaging life tolls

Waiting to pursue your dreams is Fear
Remember that when you start to pursue a career

I guess loving someone is easy,
When the laughter doesn't stop
And you're lying awake because
Of something they said
And it keeps making you laugh or smile.

But loving someone is harder
When it's 3:45 AM and you're crying on the bathroom floor,
Because the nightmares won't stop,
And neither will the flashbacks,
And everything good has come to a halt
Because you're so scared of ******* this up to.

Loving someone is hard,
No one ever said it was supposed to be easy.

Loving someone is easy,
When it's noon the next day,
And you're trying so hard to be brave
And not think about the night before.
When you're making chocolate chip cookies
And blueberry muffins,
And they're on your mind.

Loving someone is hard,
When you're mom starts talking to you
About how you have to agree with each other
That divorce just isn't the answer,
And that you'll work through anything that comes your way.
But it's hard to hear
Because you've been left behind so many times before
Because you agreed to that mindset
And no one else did.

Loving someone is easy
When they'll touch you and hold your hand and protect you.
When they promise up and down that it's different
That they mean what they're saying.
When you can see that they're telling the truth
Within their eyes and their colors.

Loving someone is hard
When all your life you struggled to love yourself.
But loving someone will never be easy,
Because then it wouldn't be
A worthwhile adventure.

A rival gang killed your mother.
Maybe your son or daughter, or woman.
Think hard and let the reasons creep into your mindset.

Who were the innocent party?
In your ridiculous mess.
There always consequences to create other troubles.

But when it affects your child or mother.
You must search your heart in depth to why?
And the drugs you sold for riches and gains , are temporary.
Cause when the government comes all material things are gone.

This is the story.
Cry not when they fade.
When you never stayed truthfully in trying to change.
All because you wanted to stay connected to your selected gang.

Be about your business
Get at it and write your page
Do great things and find your purpose
This is your time to take the stage
Be a master at your craft
More success awaits you
Put your heart into everything
Have a great mindset and be stellar at what you do

One can sacrifice anything in exchange of what they do desire;
Can overlook what matter'd to them  
And e'en contempt who or what was once by their side

Whereas a nutritious land of joy awaits them, tremendous and bright
They but seest it not:
And attribute it to *******, calling it quite rather boring

But a young one of nutritious land of joy disagrees with them
And o'er the contempt
Returns to where he has a bond with:
To whom with he agrees
To the mindset he loves

Regardless, was he wrong?
Careless and reckless?
Out of hope and will to cope?
Who's to say?, He might shall never know

I’m writing again (even though my thoughts as of late are convoluted)
When life seems bad I must admit I often bluff - what I need is almost in reach, still, I can’t seem to commit to pursuit -
Without some sort of proof my self-abuse has yet to absolutely ruin me - I’m annoyed by me and the way I keep trying to **** the time I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy
Self-sabotage & procrastination have taken a toll that weighs heavily on my family, heart, soul and my mindset’s always secretly tragic -
love ones I have left lately all say I owe them now, like they can tell I’m on a spiral down with no faith I can change only hopes they’ll collect before I meet my casket
I can’t even bring myself to ask that they bare with me, please -
I know it seems at times I’m not even trying, I assure you that’s a misunderstanding
I keep hemorrhaging money same story as last month maybe find some peace in few more weeks (I fear my optimism’s been misplaced and goals I’ve set are too demanding)

When I was young

the word 'shame' was loud and strong

in middle-age I began to realise

such mindset was wrong-



now in my 'soon to say goodbye' days

with what my conscience says I can easily go along

life might not be all joys and grace

yet to myself I've every right to belong

Life is a blessing with growth
Change your mindset new perspective
Leave old ideas behind open to new
Emotional bankrupt bad investments
Feelings burglarized by imposters
True colors shined through
Causing friendships to fade away
Failed relationship to shattered dreams
Hit rock bottom a steady foundation
Buried by family slanderous talk
Hurts the most still love them
Still living life to the fullest
Made up rules in their favor
Once you spoke up or disagreed
They tried to make others hate you
Trying excommunicate your existence

Desperate to feel like you really don't care,
Needing to feel life that's really not there,
It scares you, and wears you, and you cannot bare,
Feeling your feelings when nobody cares.

You pick up the bottle, you pop down some pills,
Desperately trying to keep life at standstill.
You know that your life is starting to corrupt,
And sometimes you're hoping you'll never get up.

When sadness and madness swirl 'round in your mind,
you care less 'bout the mess that you left behind
Not trying to be careless, you're trying to be kind,
But there you are, helpless, you're that Frankenstein.
With blindness to kindness that you're trying to find,
your loved ones can't stay 'cause you show all the signs.
Signs of a kind of a reckless design,
And when you wake up, no one is left behind.

You're on your own, all alone, no one to blame,
Trying to own up to all of that shame.
You've got no one to go to who feels all your pain,
Cause everyone's done who still knows your **** name.

You try to find new people you can call friends,
But why do they fly away when you need them?
You cry and decide that this might be the end,
You lie and deny that it's not just pretend.
Cause if you don't die and you keep trying to mend,
then maybe for yourself you won't have to fend,
Maybe there's someone that can comprehend,
someone out there with a hand they can lend.

Then one day a kind soul appears from the dusk,
You want to be mindful and give them your trust.
But all of the times that you've tried to adjust
your mindset, you find that you're 'lone in the dust.
You tell yourself well this is hell I disgust,
But then you just yell and repel 'cause you must.

They might actually light up your darkest of nights,
They might be the brightness to make you alright,
but fright makes you sight all the things that ain't right.
You shun them and run away from them despite,
the thing that you're running from is deep inside.
And you need to do something 'cause you can't hide.
It's who you're used to, but you've got to decide
that who you want to be needs something untried.

If you don't try to trust you'll be alone,
with life passing by while you're sitting at home.
You want to try but you can't summon the fight.
Alone again, forever, saddest of sights.

Clutching onto the wings of life,
His grasp is surely in the reach,
Reminding thus far his strife;
And breathing in retrid peace.

An arrow shot through the heart,
Holding his hand in silent unity,
Crying out the pain, what a lie;
he no longer breathes immunity.

Authors wail in distant slain,
Committing his act as a sin,
Though they don't know his hardships;
As the sky's breathe rain.

A transgression befell upon thee,
And the wicked tears flow,
Understanding his mindset;
So now they know.

Downhill I came, hungry, and yet not starved.
Great lines, something to think about (Edward Thomas)
Woke up to the rain and the wind beating on my window pale,
Yet I thought of getting dressed and going there.
A subway system, so far not yet up to standards,
A job like mine, no one need to hurry too
A mindset like mine, meant for me to lay low
during the northeaster...rain and wind
Poor yet full of pride, I am the servant Queen,
Yesterday, I struggled to maintain my sanity
Due to working conditions: at the workplace
I have been feuding for years. Nothing changes
not even an added penny, before its death,
More work, more stress, no respect  
Night supervisors, penciling  
or rather maneuvering into the darkness
at six am. A street crowded with overturn bins,
Flooded streets, with mudded running water
Mother of Nature, another dangerous disaster?
You meaner than corvid and Alaska,
I am the servant Queen, poor, yet full of pride:
I am fed up with others trying to take me for a ride
Sometimes, you need a break from a bad situation
Never berate yourself for giving expression to your emotions.
Downhill I came, hungry, and yet not starved;(Edward Thomas) line
I planned to stick, to my believes, nothing will change,
I will always be the servant Queen, as longs as them reign:

Now is your chance
To take flight
Enrich your world
And make it bright
Think grand thoughts
Just give it your best
Have a great mindset
Put yourself to the test

Thin and frail,
worn and tired.
When will this end?
When will I finally look in the mirror
and see someone worth loving?
someone whose worth holding the breath in their lungs
and the food in their stomach,
someone who deserves the same amount
of tender attention I dump on others everyday.
I'm afraid that day will never come
because I'm still stuck in this mindset,
falling in and out of this vicious cycle,
fading in and out of existence,
and because all I'll ever see when I look in the mirror
is a monster whose
thin and frail and
worn and tired.

We are controlled by what we create
A vexing tool from a creator?--
I found my death-note in a bottle
Then, silently stabbed at Caligula's sea

Obscurity has founded me
All night, we danced with Death and all their friends
We reserved our table: Misfortune and I
To crawl, ever-lovingly into self-destruction

What fevered, feckless filth are we:
A brood of virulent vipers--
With cordial smiles masking our true nature
We stumble, backwards, into our very own traps

Volition is dead to us
Indulgent indifference will lead to our violent destruction
I have the mindset of 1,000 fools--
And, I deserve this...

So I did it again,
once again I played the victim.
I did it ever so slightly but her eyes are too clear;
as she knows better.

My Character is my greatest fault yet my greatest beauty.
I am working on it, we are working on it,
He is working on me, He is working through me,
yet when I fall, I fall so blatantly that all can see.

I lock myself in my mind.
Replaying moments of:
what if I did; what if I did not.

NO.

I am wrong.
I have come to the conclusion that most times I am wrong.
Growing older I must accept that I am wrong and seek to change
this mindset that causes me to act out of line.