i was going to write you a poem listing
all of the things i wasn't for you; things
that i know you'll find in some other girl.
but i couldn't find the words.

i hope the next girl you love is someone
you can't begin to describe because she is
everything you never knew you wanted.

i hope she's everything and more.

Jee aur aieee k sadme k mare ** jte h anjne anokhe unvrsts k hawale,nya clg nya jgh nye dost sb kch hta h nw nw,clg k strtng s hr ksi k dil m hta h rgng ka dar....2nd yr m cnr bnne ka hta h sbko gurur,frnds kai grp m bat jte h,hr koi dkhte h nye luks m,3rd yr m sbko ati h apni jimedari ka ahsas aur fnl yr ata h dston m fasle bdhte h...rah dkhe the is din k kbse,age k sapne saja rkhe the njane kbse,sb bde utavle the yhn se jne ko,zndgi ko dusre trke se dkhne ko....pr njane aj dil m kch aur he ata h,piche ja k waqt ko rok k apne andr sare lmhe ko samet lne ka jee krta h....at d strtng f btech kha krte the bdi muskil s y 4 sal bitenge lkn kse pta tha y sb chd k jne ka mn ni krga...na vulne wali kch yadein reh *** o yadein jo ab jine ka sahara bn ***...na jne aj q un palon k yad bht ati h jin baton ko lekar tab rote the ,aj un palon ko yad kar bht hsi ati h....y sch k ankhein nam ** jte h k mri tang ab kn kncha krga,m apne bton s kska sar khaungi,pranks ksk 7 krngi,ab mjhe kn itna jhlga,ksk smne ntnki krngi,jin dst p lakh kurban whn 1 rupye k ly  kn ldhnge,kaun rat vr bina soye bt krga,kaun bina pche 1 dusre ka chj istml krga,kaun nya nm rkhga,bina ksi bt k m ab ksse ldhungi,bina ks tpc k fal2 bt kn krga,bkws q kn krga,xam k ek din phle o tyri o rate,kn rat var 7 jag kr pdhga,kn fail hne p dilasa dlyga,y hasin pal ab ksk 7 jiungi....yad ati h o rec k choti si cntn bar bar jhn kch v ni mlta mre yar fr v na jane q hum gye hnge so bar...tum jse kmine dost khn mlnge jo khai m v dhaka de ayen sale srs mtr ko v joke m cnvrt kr de,par fr tmhe bachane khud v kud jye....mre hrkton se nakhro se jid s prsan kn hga ,ksk 7 brng lctrs jhlngi..bina mtlb k ksko v dkh kr pglon k trh hsna,na jne y fr kb hga....ky hm y sb fr krpaenge....bdy clbrt,ek h rm p bth k 1 dusre s wtsap p bt krna...rat k 3-4 bje khna pkana....bina ksi mtlb k rat ko chilana....mlk pina...pgl jse hrkt krna..mlk ghumna....kaun mjhe apni kabiliat pr vrosa aur jyda hawa m udne pr zamin p lyga....mre khusi m sch m khus kn hga,mre gam m mjhse jyda dukhi kn hga....keh do doston y dubara kb hga....dil m ek kasak hoti h jb hr ankhein nam hti h,fir mlne k wade se hm ek dusre se juda hte h,kv na akle rhne wle dost bas yadon k sahare zndgi bitate h....lkn jb v y clg k din yad ate h ankhon m hasin aur ansu ek 7 late h...engnr bnne k khusi v ansu rok na pai ,q k njr aa rai t doston s judai...ab jo hna tha o ** gya akhir m sbse juda ** h gye....aj v un palon ko yad kr k ansun rok ni pte h ....nkl he jte h...aur yuhi lkh lkh k apko pka rai hn....char sal yu he gye hmri beet..ab khn mlnge wo dost wo mit...dua krt hn sb k ly race y zndgi k jao tm jit....

Ek ldki apne pure jeevan Me kya kya sehti hai ish kavita ke madhyam se batana cahti hu....

Waise to Laxmi, durga, saraswati kaha jata hai ladkiyo ko..
To kyu uske janm par mara jata hai ush masum ko....
Ladka hai to hamara chirag hamara vans aur ladki hai to sir ka bojh...
Jara yaad kro aise soch walo ladki na rahe to kahan se laao tum apna vans apna chirag...
Jo tmhe har khusiya De uski jra izzat ni krte....
Samjhte pair ki jutti **...
Are suno bewakufo...
Bina aurat aage ni badh sakte **....

Ladki ka to pura jeevan hi aisa hota hai... Ladki kabhi apna nahi soch sakti suru se maa baap Ka kaha manana aur fhir pati aur saas sasur ka... Apni khusiyo se jada pariwar ka sochna khud ki khwahiso ka Gala ghot sabki baat Manana....girls don't have life of there own... Chaliy aage dekhte hai.... Jb ldki ki saadi ** jati hai...

Ladki ko to suru se paraya dhan samjha jata hai....
Kyuki ushe vida hokr dusre ka ghar swarana hota hai...
Apni maa ka anchal chod...
Kai nae rista nibhana hota hai...
Kisi ki bahu kisi ki biwi kisi ki cachi 1000 riste bn jate hai...
Un sbko pyar se nibhana hota hai...
Ladki ka to naam hi tyag hai...
Kyuki suru se usne apni khusiyo ko tyagna sikha hai...
Kabhi maa baap ke majburi ke karan..
Kabhi society ke karan...
Aur fhir apne maa baap ko chod sasural jana hota hai...

Jara puchna cahti hu un ldko se... Kya tum apne maa ka saya chod reh skte **... Nahi na... To socho ek ldki kaise rehti hogi.... Wo tumhare liy apna har kuch chod skti hai... To kya tumhara farz ni ki uske khusiyo ka khyal rkho... Itna hi to ek ldki mangti hai.. Aur afsos tum log ushe wo bhi Ni de skte... Ldke bus apni jimmedari saupte hai apne faisle thopte hai... Ldki ke saadi ke baad to ushe apne mayke tk jane ka haq ni hota jbtk pati raazi na **... Kya ldki ki koi life hi  nahi...
Hum niyam to nahi badal sakte par itna to kar sakte hai na ki uske khusiyo ka bhi dhyan rakh ske...Kabhi socha hai ek ldki ke andar kitna kuch chlta hai par itne risto Me wo bandh kar kuch nahi keh pati.... Jara samjho ushe jo tumhe ache se samjh jati hai...
Tum kya khate **... Kya pasand hai... Kya kaam kb krte **... Tumhare kapde se lekar jutte tk har cheez ka khyal rkhti hai... Aur tum uska bhi khyal nahi rakh Pate...

Waqt chlta hai ldki maa banti hai....
9 mahine kya kuch seh ke ek bache ko janam deti hai....
Ush 9 mahine wo kis daur se gujarti hai wo wahi janti hai...
Sb kuch Sehti hai par chu tk ki aawaz nahi nikalti...
Aur ladki ka dard koi samjh ni pata...
Ek bache ko achi parwaris deti hai ushe Bada karti hai...
Ek ladki ki puri lyf ek battle field se kam nahi hoti...
Ladki janam se maut tak bahut kuch jhelti hai...
To apka bhi farz banta hai ushe samjhna....
Uski khusiyo ka khyal rkhna...
Ajj jada nahi ek baar Akele baith kr socha what a Girl do for uhh...
As a mother, sister, wife even ur girlfriend...just think ND try to understand her....
Ek khusi ushe bhi dekr dekhiy... Sach Me ldki ishse jada kuch nahi cahti...

Last Me itna hi kahungi...ladki dusro ke liy jeete jeete apna antim saans leti hai....

title: criesofashatteredheart.pdf
file size: 143 kb
date modified: 28/06/2022

introduction:

the idea of love lingers on my running maze of thoughts. the concept of my love is comparable to music that is exquisitely performed while staying in perfect harmony. but love itself is not perfect the way it is. my feelings for someone come and go like the tide. but at the very least, it's not lovely whitecaps dancing on my feet when i least expect them. they emerge to cause chaos just when life has a way of appearing to be a calm stream of consistency. they drag me under with such power that i feel like i'm going to drown all over again, to the point that i can't even take a breath in between endeavors.

methods:

he appeared in my life suddenly and unexpectedly, like a warm summer wind. in a single moment, my heart was captivated from my chest in a split second, and i was unable to stand. when he'd look me in the eyes and say the words i'd been waiting to hear my entire life, he appeared so honest. the things he'd say to me were so heartfelt and genuine as he looked into my face and spoke from the depths of his heart.

never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that i would be able to experience what he showed me. little did i know i’d expect the most unforeseen events in my life. in your absence, i was left to fend for myself on the edge of the universe. i'm on my own in the vastness of space because you deserted me. in between what i've buried and what i loathe is the emptiness, and it rang true. forever and always, a constant and ever-present reflection that there is no one else to trust and follow.

results and discussions:

you took everything you could get away with, but you were kind enough to leave the suffering behind. it is shameful of you to attempt to make amends for me as if i didn't have enough to deal with already. a roaring storm is howling here, and it continues to be there, raging deep within my head that refuses to subside. the very least you can do is let it be.

now i can now cut you as deeply as you have wounded me. i am tormented by the treachery of knowing the truth and never escaping the past. you took me up in the air, then let me fall to my knees and scream. yet i yearn to blossom like the sunflower even when the sunlight passes more dimly than the uncertainty of the promise of love. the dilemma of instruments may be found with thy beauty, and the betrayal of melody can be watch in the eyes when seen through incense. hence, that is the deception performed by the heart.

at some time in the far future, you will find yourselves wishing to the heavens that you had never turned away in our own little corner of the universe.

after all, it's the nature of love, and it crushes my heart that it had to stop before it could begin.

Maa,  kya tj pta h
Tri beti ko yha kse jeena pdta h
Ghrpe tu jse mj jgati thi
To koi b chinta mj na satati thi
Yha tri bht yaad aati h
Pr phr b tri beti khud ko smjhati h
Sone k phle aakho se aasu aa HI jaata h
Kuki yha ka akelapan mj bht satata h
Bht jhoota h ye jha
Aasan ni rhna yha
Hr Mod pe ek nayi chunauti aa jati h
Mgr tu preshan mt **
Tri beti tjhko HI yaad krke sbka saamna kr paati h
Maa ku ni h tre jse sb
Kuki pta ni chlta kon yha dhoka DE jaaye kb
Or papa.. Tumhari pari tumko b bht yad krti h
Jb b tumhari yaad aati h.. Ye aakhe ro pdti h
Me tumko dikhati ni ki  akeli hn ME yha
Plz tum mj le jaao na aap sbka saath mil ske jha
Ku wapus ni aa jaate vo din
Jb b tumahri pari preshan hoti thi
Uske saath uske Papa ki himmt hoti thi
Yha to bs roti rh jaati hn
Tumhara intezaar krti rh jaati hn
Koi b mere paas ni aata
Isliye kai baar dil sehem sa h jaata
Bhai..  Tri vo ladai yaad aati h
Jo mj rote wqt b hsa jati h
Or jb Tra, mera US trha dhyan rkhna yaad aata h
Vo hste wqt b mj rula jaata h
Is Hostel ki zindgi ne sbko door kr dia hai
Or Bs hr mode pe akela krke cchod dia hai
Kaash bdi HI na hoti ME
To ab b PAPA ki vhi pari HOTI ME
Maa ki vhi laado hoti ME
Bhai ki vhi shararti bhn hoti ME ..

Pyaar to kai trha k hote h
Mgr na jaane hmara ye ksa pyaar h
Pyaar k to kai naamo ko ME btadu
Magar smjh NH aata ki hmare is pyaar ko ME kya naam du
Jo kbhi hsata h  to kbhi rulata h
Kabhi naraj krta h to kbhi mnata h
Or jb shk krta h to uske agle hi Pal khud se jyada ykin krne lgta h
Agr khuda b aa kr hmare is pyaar ko byaan krne ki koshish kre  to shyd vo b nakamyab **
Kuki hmara pyaar vo nhi jo lfzo ME byaan **
Pta h mera dil bht ziddi h..  Hmesha ek hi zid krta h
Khta h ki vo tumse milna chahta h.
Tumhare kareeb hone ka ahsas mhsus krna chahta h
tumhari baaho ME jo sukoon milta h vo sukoon mhsus krna chahta h
Tmhari aakho ME aakhe daal k tumse bt krna chahta h
Tumhara haath thamna chahta h
Lekin me usko daat k chup kra deti hn
Mgr kya kru yr apne aasu rok NH paati hn
** ske to Mj cchor k kbhi mt jana
Kuki agr tum mj cchor k chle gye to me apni rooh ko NH smjha paungi ki ab b  **** ME ruk jana
Agr Tmko mjse door jaana b pde to khud ko kbhi akela mt smjhna
Me US lmha tmhare aas paas hi hongi mj mhsus kr k dkhna
Hr Pal dr lgta h tmhe kho dene se
Mgr phr khudko smjhati hn ki is janam nhi to kya hua, agle janam kon rok skta h tmhe mera ** dene Se
Me nh janti ki hmara saath kb tk h
Mgr itna jaanti hn ki hmari rooh ek tb tk h suraj chand jb tk h..

Chle aao jana tumhara intzar abhi baki hai...tum aaoge jarur yeh aas abhi baki hai...rooth gyi nindiya jin aankhon se vo adhura sa khwav abhi baki hai...kah n payi jise un uljhe halat me us khasm-kash ka ejhaar abhi baki hai...bah chle sb aansu tanhai me un aankhon ki pyas abhi baki hai...ruk gye lfz jubaa..n pr aate-aate sunle ei musafir mere alfaz abhi baki hai...chaha tumhe shiddat se...mamga tumhe minnat se...miloge jis dua se vo ardaas abhi baki hai...nahi pta kb aaoge tum tumhare aane ka #ehsaas hi mere liy kafi hai....   Chle aao jana....intzaar abhi baki hai....
#sagat

Head a hostile environment again
Emotion overthrows intelligence
Fragile skull accepts another beating
and indecency becomes preference

Absorbing black into gray matter
Meticulous infiltration;
Makes death a desire
and living a fear

Friendly fire
Mind battles disease, disease
obliterates mind to violence
collided with sharpened corners of myself
****** mess, wrong message

Swallowing hostile heavy medications,
contain my elation so that overjoy
doesn't morph into mania, or joy
Mass of electrons now inside
find nothing positive; thought paralyzed

Deviating cells that scare themselves
from the darkened sanguinary state.
wide eyed faces searching for a homeostasis
Far from stable since demon's rule

Constant epiphanies with no execution
turn to facts filed in brain catalogs
Fully aware solutions are there,
but the drawers are glued shut

~kb

As a child I learned how to bring light to the sky
Then I grew and the light twinkled hopelessly by
Goodnight sky, I will try, maybe learn how to fly

Not yet a poet familiar
But so far I'm impressed
So lets give him our full support
Just as we support the best
All I ask is this of you
Read what he displays
After all its up to us
To make new poets days

Anong nilalang
Ang kahit saktan
‘Di ikaw kayang iwanan?
Sagot: Matatag na kaibigan

Sino sa mga kasama mo
Ang kakapit sa’yo
Umulan, umaraw, lumindol, bumagyo?
Sagot: Kaibigang totoo.

-03/30/2012
(Dumarao)
*Walong Maiikling Tula ng Kahapon, Ngayon at Bukas

You need time on your own
You are going through some ****
I just wanted to help
But I really just make it worst it seems
And it's OK it is not wrong
We all go through things
Sometimes on our own
But please be sure
And forever know
I will be there cuz love is strong

So much we've been
Now we've dissolved
But I won't forget
You are still my all

Fulfil my heart my destiny
Please dont cry
I am not redeemed

I've fallen low and it hurts you too
But I am in peace
I am glad I'm fulfilled

Don't worry about me
I will do fine

Sentimental *******
I found myself
In love with everything
Forever in pain
But all in all the joy fulfils
One with myself one with the universe
One with your love
I dont get you I don't deserve

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Ek arsa ** gaya mann se soye hue..
Woh bachpan wali gehri neend ab kahan ..!
Din bhar yahan wahan ki bhag daud me..
Rat me 'kal kya karna hai' ki jod tod me..
Kb fresher se experienced ** gaye,
Pata hi ni chala...
Woh beparwahi .. woh masti ab kahan..
Woh bachpan wali gehri neend ab kahan..!!

Sometimes
when I’m talking to someone
I ask them if they like
music
They say yes, and maybe
name a few artists
Then I ask them
if they like
poetry
and they say
not really
never got into it
And I silently laugh to myself
yet break a little, too

~kb

Hair catches light and shines
a violet prism on pages
Sage bushes push their scent from
the edge of the garden
Watch hummingbirds
sip through small straws
Dogs sing songs
of annoyance while wind chimes
fight to be louder
And only a few orange ornaments
remain on once flowered foliage
Life and death grace the same soil
and have everything
and nothing to do with one another
Shift from relaxation with nature
to thoughts of the nature of life
Been set aside in that regard and
in the survival of the fittest I’d lose
Pen warmed to overflow
Start writing a
survivor’s guide to a poet’s mind

~kb

Boy
You better throw
Me over your shoulder
And lay it on me so thick
Tell me all the ways that I glow
Because I’m slipping
Even JD and KB are starting
To laugh at me

A digitalized **** has been put in a toaster
Transported through pipes
Send off as holy grail bananas incorporated
Stamped 70 cents
Whipped out the door as hot air
The receiver the receiver guess who
300 watts or more
Kb's amplified to Z
The clerk awaits it with both hands
But that's just **** guessing
Or **** gassing if you like
'You like the smell?' will be a statement made with Royal grace
Pancakes will be served too
& by the way
Who said Bob Dylan was a country singer?

Sometimes I feel like
I take others’ pain
The things they can’t handle
I take the remains
I want to believe this
As my pain is so deep
But if one who suffers like me
Can get a night’s sleep
Then I’ll take their pain all night
And stay up to the sun
And if it works
I’ll take suffering from everyone
Because I’m far too gone
Suffering is my norm
Give me all of your rain
And I’ll weather your storm.

~kb

Falling over this
made up line
one way or the other has our truth covered
and smothers
the humans we were meant to be
the intelligent
the artists
the teachers and preachers
all run from the projectors
in our brains showing features
subliminally telling us we need to change
we have to fit in
normally some way
while the universe keeps sending us signals
telling us to stay the exact same way
that your cells made you
they were made to create you
the you that comes through
when you let peace preside
over your abnormal life
Society is an oblivious liar
Normal is simply
a setting on a dryer

~kb

I’m almost invisible
like a blind hem stitch.
Like the world is deaf
but I sing in perfect pitch.
A girl without arms
yet I hold on to everything.
A lover for a lifetime
with no wedding ring.
An exquisite ballerina
without any toes.
A runway model
without any clothes.
I’m standing in front of you
but you move right through me.
A tormented ghost
with no haunting ability.
Undetectable, unseen,
like ultraviolet light.
In daytime I sleep
and appear in twilight.
The only person able
to create shadows at night.
Silently choking on black,
face a sickly pale white.
With the thinnest of instruments
I thicken the plot.
A partial lobotomy
and I’m full of free thought.
My darkened grey matter gone,
color returns to my face.
The invisible girl
has been visibly erased.

~kb

Carry me gently to the moon
My heart hurts darkness makes me swoon
I need to be rid of this intense guilt
Let me curve like a cat on the moon’s tilt
Let me touch tips of stars
Feel their heat heal my scars
When shadow comes I’ll travel home
A new energy fills my bones
I tingle with stars the moon on my back
And no longer feel dark’s vicious attack

~kb

I was nothing.
I was not relevant nor did I exists.
Not sure if i ever did.
I am when you see something from a far on a hot sunny day but not sure what to make of it.
So you just assume it exist because your thoughts hate fearing "what ifs."
I'm not sure I was living in the first place , except when I looked at the tropical sunset in her eyes.
For it was her who made me live when I only existed.
She was life support and for me? I was just glad to be in paradise.
All of this, every piece, every scrap turned art was for her.
I know I'm horrible in school and her heart was math but i swear my intentions were never divided.
-KB.

Mother, you were good to me. You loved me in your own way that I didn't always understand. Don't blame yourself.
Father, you loved me, I suppose. I can't say that you cared though, at least, not about me.
Brother, don't turn out like me, make something of yourself. Don't try to become anyone else, to impress people, to fit in, just be yourself. Stop being so violent, it will get you into trouble.
KB, I know you never really picked me and I didn't quite pick you, but I think maybe God did, picked us for each other. You were the best friend I could have ever hoped for. Thank you for everything. I wish I could have shown you what you meant to me.
EK and EC, you were the best friends who could be depended on even though you weren't properly appreciated. I'm sorry.
AJ, God, you re-instilled in me the hope that people can change, that people can be beautiful. Thank you for Fridays, for my birthday, for Brazil, and for picking up at 2 a.m.
AK and DF, you were the most inspiring and genuine friends I've ever known. Thank you for showing me friendship.
JW, don't stop singing, playing, and laughing- you are music people should dance to.
KJ and MG, my oldest friends, thank you for never leaving me long. You are both so lovely, only accept what you truly deserve, please, okay?
MO, try not to be too naive or too much of a smart ***, alright? And thank you, for being part of my 'theme' and proving a point.
Finally, AM, I haven't known you long, but thank you for letting me need you.

Don't miss me, but don't forget me.
I love you all.

My love for you lasted 7 years, and more,
Though I can’t say the same on your side.
I saw a picture today
Hit my gut
Put a peach pit lump in my throat
Of you
With her.
Kissing passionately
Putting love on display
Even though you told me you hate PDA.
And then I realized what our “love” was for:
Even if I wasn’t who you wanted,
I helped you find who you do,
And now you can love her more.
And I’m grateful for that.
Truly, I am.
Your new love wouldn’t be so good
If you were never my man.
And as for my love?
Now I’m sure I can.
We were meant to be
Meant to teach each other
the wild love we wanted
But could never tether together.

~kb

The world can get so dark.
And then a stranger tells you
you’re beautiful,
and you realize
they meant it.

And for a brief moment,
I actually felt a part of this world.

~kb