And I know one day,
I'll look into her eyes and say,
"I love you"
With body language, with touch,
When the way she laughs becomes too much.

Fingertips like felt rolling over
Stitched feelings of brokenness,
Diamond eyes catch the unraveling
Of confusion into wholesomeness,

I'm mended, I'm alive, and goddamit
I'm swollen with #pride

We had blown through half the ***** and the drugs were nowhere to be found  in this oasis's of debauchery and bad decisions .
Bone had thrown his usual  temper fit and with his spoiled rich boy roots showed his *** in the worst possible way till someone finally shut him the **** up.

And after the ******* dude had knocked my sometimes friend most times pain in my *** sidekick out.
Looking to me in half spent rage and ****** knuckles asking now what the **** are you  going to do?

Well I'm going to have another round and play the jukebox now that someone finally shut that ******* up what you having amigo?
You mean your just going to sit there and let me get away with what I did to your friend that way.

Who that guy in the floor I don't know him.
But you came in here together **** you been sitting here drinking for at least five hours and your telling me you don't know him?

Oh that guy sleeping in a pool of blood in the floor?
Yeah stupid .
Nope never met him but he 's alright sometime when he's not ******* then he's well less a ***** and more just a regular ******* .

What are you ******* with me ******!?

The burly man asked as pure anger flowed like the Rio grand within his eye's
Some people have to build the rage up like some strange volcano to inflict damage on others and some are just ******* by design.
I wasn't sure of this man's type I just knew it was to dam hot to hit the highway and the cervasa was cold the music was right and I had no intention of leaving before my buzz kicked in.

What's to stop me from just kicking your *** like I did this ******* *******  ****** you tell me what's to stop me from taking your money and  rolling your *** right out of this place?

Mexico still bleeds of the past and it's people still show that passion for a good fight that at it's base is the true nature of man .
Not to be some violent nut but the passion for life at it's sharpest and most dangerous edge .

Well my friend I can think of a few reasons and probably none will be that pleasant.

I'm done with your games ****** .
The man moved forward fists clenched ready for round two I suppose
but his eye's sure were shocked when he found a barrel of a gun placed firmly between his eyes.

Now I told you this wasn't going to be pleasant sure you could have sat your angry *** down on a bar stool had a drink or two but no you had to play the ******* when I was just trying to catch a good buzz I swear some people have no manners .

The room went dead silent like some cheap spaghetti western right before someone was about to get killed minus that weird *** music so I guess it wasn't that silent at all as one old man turned his head then just went back to his drink like I don't give a **** as long as he doesn't bother me or make me stop drinking.


Oh **** ****** don't pull that ******* trigger  the man said his rage had turned more into a look of fear or maybe just a look of he just **** his pants honestly what's the difference well minus the smell.

with a gun in one hand and a beer in another I called the bartender down .
Mix me a mist and coke barkeep please.

No Whiskey just tequila senior .
What ! I replied in a fake sort of shock .
I swear no whiskey No women what kind of bar is this place I swear do I have to shoot somebody to get a bottle of whiskey ?

No no ****** the man at the end of the gun pleaded just get him some ******* whiskey Goddamit  he yelled at the bartender.
Really you don't have to be rude oh I'm sorry what's your name I been to busy holding you at gunpoint you must forgive my manners.

My names Gonzo I enjoy killing my liver hookers but only in moderation  like a good Christian  and ballroom dancing .
The man at the end of the boom stick lost all fear at least for a second.
Really ballroom dancing?

I'm kidding bout that one amigo but I do enjoy watching a good pole dancer  high five to that I mean I would  give you a high five if I wasn't holding a gun to your head and all .

Um you ever going to tell me your name bud?
I looked at this now downright scared shitless man who seemed to have a real issue with sweating from the strange puddle on the floor.

I swear you pull a fully loaded pistol on someone and point it to there head and everyone just acts so serious people are so strange these days.

Bill the man with a sweating problem replied.
Bill ?  Really what Mexican is named Bill ?
I mean I come all the  way down here get into some wild west kickass trouble and I find the only Mexican named Bill .
******* Machete you ruined my whole experience of what this was supposed to be like.

Sir. the man tried to speak up behind the  bar.
Don't interrupt me barkeep I'm on a dam roll here duh who you thinks writing this story imaginary person I created within my own demented mind.

You see Bill when I come across the border I expect a few simple things kick *** ****** cheap drinks and badass people like yourself named Razor or Spider  Or  El Nino or some sort of **** is that raciest sure put labels on what we have here amigo but I come for a kickass time in Mexico  and you really well you just killed it so I hope your happy.

I'm so sorry but please don't **** me Bill Replied .
Sir the barkeep spoke up again.

Okay what bartender being my whole trip has been ruined by Mexican Bill who honestly I feel if not for all this gun and life or death **** we could have a true connection but not like in a gone fishing on that mountain **** were those two cowboys corn hole each other  or maybe they just played corn hole once is fine I mean its not like I saw that movie and cried at the end cause duh I would never go see that in some cheap attempt to get laid by my teenage stripper girlfriend yeah don't ask.

Okay barkeep what the hell is it.
Well sir were not in Mexico.
This man was clearly more drunk than I for he didn't know what dam country he was in.

Amigo are you sure you know what your talking about.
Well yeah the barkeep replied your in Busch gardens theme park .
Well that certainly explains the ******* roller coaster and why that woman near it slapped me when I asked how much for a ******* boy do I feel embarrassed.

I knew I shouldn't have had that acid before leaving the house .
I did think it was strange that Germany was within walking distance.

So after nearly giving Mexican Bill a heart attack who was actually was Canada Bill once made me feel a little better because  honestly just for Nickleback and Justin Bieber  was grounds enough to pull a gun on him .

We sat  enjoyed some drinks as Bone laid passed out in the floor and said I don't want to go to school every time I kicked him cause I'm a true **** for a friend duh like you hadn't figured that out.

We laughed we rode rides we beat some dude up in France just because he was French .

And in the parking lot as we said are goodbyes.
I stood there and said you know Bill it's been great sorry bout the whole thinking I was in a foreign country and pulling a gun on you and stuff.

It's cool Gonz sorry about all my ****** music we pollute your airwaves with I know it's like being prison ****** by some dude called Harley .

Well I got to go and Bill  you stay crazy and by the way go take a ******* bath cause you **** your pants and it smells worse than Taylor swifts crouch okay .

Yeah the city landfill doesn't have **** on her .

We parted  are ways drunk and behind the wheel like good Americans .
And if that ****** you off just wait till my next write.

Duh it's just a story *******.
Stay crazy hamsters .

Your captain  

Gonzo

There we stood falsly charged   of crimes  we had not commited
or at least  thought  no one had seen.

Jack Horner.
acussed of  lewd acts with a horse   well least he had a ride home afterwards
also acussed  ******  insanity   arson   petty theft   double dipping  
car jacking hey if the cars into it i see no harm in it.
truelley  he's a all around good guy.

Chris Smith.
For being a well okay  he's probaly the innocent one

Gary la Budha.
For selling to many books and drinking my last beer
and  for  ******* on thee toilet seat.

John Patrick Robbins AKA  Gonzo
For serving minors inciting a riot  farting in church  spiking the punch and creating a mess at the highschool prom.
200 drunken publics   3000 dui's    public ******   dam sports event's do it every time  ******* chess matches.

Breaking and entering **** i wondred why my house was locked
and some man was sleeping with my wife hell
here i find i have one and she's already cheating on me.
no woder thoose kids look nothing like me.

And for being such a good looking crazy *******  I added that one.


We were some fine upstanding  kinda ****** up guys.
The trial was a joke thr key witness Drew .D  glared at us
I felt violated as i knew mentally she undressed me  with her eye's

The video was the real kicker  ****** I told you Jack that
wasnt  Mr Es  barn we broke into  hippos dont wear  dresses .
Yes mate but there so dam **** he replied.

what do you have to say for yourselfs the man in his black Pajamas asked.
Once was kinda strange i had to get dressed up yet this senile old man thought we  were at a pajama party.

Order in the court yes your honor i'll have a martini.
We were found guilty but even a courts wall cant contain crazy.
  
With a spark of unplanned drunken brillance  like a **** between friends  we sprang into action Jack taking on the  officers  
Chris you take the judge   I'll handle the she devil  Drew.

In a battle fitting for saturday night pro wrestiling we
faught like  wild animals and drunk women chairs flew
ears  were bitten  body parts fonddled  
Drew screamed hey pervert get your hands off my ***.

No time for foreplay now satan  and i sure hope  you smuggled
a gun or salami in here thats just wrong.

Grabbing the curtian and  that hot court lady who insisted on typing through the whole dam trial  like a drunken pirate  who shops at walmart  a called to my brothers were blowing this popstand  slash pajama party.

Through the window we flew crashing through the roof of  a well placed mini van below  we could hear the pixie like screams above As Mr E
screamed goddamit thats my ******* van.

Into the sunset like mighty drunken legends we rode
hey you guys ever been to Atlantic City?
bound for trouble and and a few rest stops inbetween
hey were drinkers   and nobody likes to smell like ***.

Untill next time were the always guilty
Were the G team.

I know I'm crazy..
Cuz, so said the doc
I'm sure, I'm crazy.
I love you and here's my ****.
But first, the daisies.
They're, I am, only for thee.

Said I was sweet
But no way in hell.
Slammed the door
What was I thinking?
Why'd I ring the bell?

Oh, the heartache, the agony.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Billy..

What'd I do? Can't go on living..
Think! For once... For once.
Razors! Yes!! Get 'em. Cut 'em.
Wrists lay limp and bleeding.

I tried to fly, far far away..
Landed where the cuckoos lay..

We sit in a circle. We're expected to talk.
Nurse in tight uniform, can't help but gawk.

Billy? Start the discussion, today?
N-no Mam. Got n- nothing to say.
Day after day after day after day.

In comes, the crook Murphy.
Nurse Ratched hates him..
Born a miscarriage, he liked to say.
Been away, said he, for a long time.
Girl he ******* was 15, going on 35.

Stole our cigarettes, turned the music down.
There's a game tonight, n I'm going to town.
Course, he didn't.. Fountain's too heavy.
Least I tried.. Did that much, I tried, didn't I?

They all hated him.
Envied him, but wouldn't say.
See, they'd all volunteered.
While Murphy, he really was crazy.

He became my mentor and i his protégé..
I laughed. I played. Had fun. I gambled.
I even stood up to Nurse Ratched.
That was the first time. **** it felt good.

Murphy knew. And told me too..
I wasn't crazy, don't need to stay
I didn't need doctors, nor lil pill gray.
I needed, a warm body, to make love to..

But how? And Nurse Ratched?
Why bother her? Why tell her?
She'll call a friend.. She'll call my mother..
She won't get it, Murph. She never does.
Billy, my boy, has she ever, the Big Nurse?

My friend was leaving. Party ensues in the cuckoo's nest.
Drinks, music, pretty ladies.. Crazies were in wild wild west.
Murphy whispers, she laughs. Heads my way, takes my hand.
I look back. Thank him silently. Craziest, kindest soul in all the land.

I wake up naked.. I'd made love. It was a new day.
Nurse Ratched looks at me. Like embers, her eyes were lit.
Aren't you ashamed, Billy? I was happy.. No, I say.
She says she's worried, how my mother would take it..

Emotions hit me from all directions.
Fear, guilt, shame all at once....
I beg her, Please don't call my mom
Have mercy please, won't you, Big Nurse?

All these days, I thought I was crazy..
In comes Murphy, makes me happy..
I wasn't crazy. I needed love, I was hungry.
Murph, was going out. He was a free bird.
He saw the whole thing. He didn't. Heard me cry.

It was kind of him to try on my behalf.
He's just a kid, he said, to all the staff..
But, I knew no one would cut me some slack.
Ratched wouldn't budge n I'd face the flack..

I'd had enough of this ****...
This life, this ****** pursuit.
I ain't crazy. Cuz Murphy said so, goddamit.
I lived, blissful, ecstatic. For just one night..
Wasn't that enough? Wasn't it alright?

I cut my wrists again, deeper this time..
No more drama, no pantomime..
I lived n I loved. Tis time for me to die.
I'm not crazy.. Not crazy. Or am I....??

He was against the grain
he faced head on what everyone else was scared to see
He embraced and smiled over
Violence explosions and everything grotesque
He filled the gaps between our comfort
He came to embody the uncomfortable
The ugly and sharp the harsh
And just like that classmates shied away
And just like that we assigned him
Traits he maybe deserved and we wrote him off
We wrote him off
Goddamit we wrote him off the script
Because he was uncomfortable
He made us uncomfortable because he loved
He embraces the things we were told not to
He sought the things and experiences in life
We had taught ourselves to fear
We wrote him off the script because he was
An easy character to scratch
It made everyone feel more cozy
Knowing he wouldn't come that day
Because we want to distance ourselves from such
Disarray and destruction
We want to believe that that can't touch us
But the play won't feel right without him there
I'm telling you the story is flat without him
Because we need him.
Write him back in the ****** script
I swear I'm finally writing him in
I will not distance him anymore
I will not shy away
Because we are in the same script, goddamit,
And I'm about to enjoy this play.

I’ve always felt it’s a copout
To say there just aren’t words-
The words are never too far away,
But don’t they take their sweet time
Coming home.
If words could talk they’d often say-
Don’t wait up.

I’d like to think I have many friends in words,
But then I remember every time **** went down,
And ****! they skipped town.
I wonder where they are now,
Since my friend,
(insert here your beautiful name)...

I knew him well enough to know
There just aren’t words right now.

He just-
Killed himself.
He did- just **** himself- didn’t he.
Quietly excused himself from this life,
Committed to his side of paradise.

Keep repeating any set of words-
Eventually they’ll mean nothing.

I can’t say, of all the brilliant minds I’ve met,
Any words to do justice to his.
Because my words, whenever they decide to come around,
Will only layer so much saccharine frosting
On the fun fact that he just knew
Everything there was to know about everything.

I can say, I had, a friend
Who was on Jeopardy,
Who always managed to make me realize
How little I knew about everything,
And make me smile the whole time.
What more could you ask for?

Goddamit, you ******* brilliant coward *******.
I’m writing a poem about the fallacy of words
Instead of talking with you.
Because I knew you drank,
I knew you raged and resigned so many nights.
But didn’t I have my head further up my ***
The more I knew you were suffering.

I could never remember a friend
Getting me thrown out of a club in Prague,
Wandering with me through snow-covered Krakow
Searching for Schindler’s factory-
None of it- with more endearment now.

But, right now, I don’t care to remember
Any such endearing moments.
Because you took off and all the good words followed.
So to you, my dear friend, with all my love and regrets-
Here’s a drink, rage, and resignation,
Should you want it that way.

She passed by last night but ended up sleeping over.
*******, the sheets smell of her,
And of ***.

She's gone now, and he's hungover from her loving.
He sits up on the bed,
Downs the half-empty glass of whiskey
And grabs the packet of cigarettes on the night stand, pulls one out, lights up, takes a long pull,
And thinks about her.
Her pretty little ankles,
Her legs. Oh, her legs.
Her small waist,
Her long curly hair.
Her pretty little fingers.
When he closes his eyes he can still feel them upon his fingertips.

He pours a full glass of whiskey
And drinks half of it in one go, wincing in the process.
He thinks of last summer,
And of the times they had.
It's all memories now. Just memories.
Shelved and forgotten somewhere
As if they were an old dusty record.

He downs the other half of the glass, this time without wincing.
He thinks of the places they made love.
The shower,
The bedroom and even the patio.
The kitchen- that was the best.
They were too busy having ***, he thinks,
While their love died of neglect somewhere in the living room.

He wrote her a letter a while back
And when she read it she got angry.
Said she'd write one back but she didn't know how to express how angry she felt
So he wrote her a note saying; Why not ink it in red, baby?
She laughed,
He was glad to know that sometimes he still made her happy.

She left because she didn't want the pain anymore.
The pain of knowing she shared him with another,
So she left that night, under the 1 o'clock moon,
Carrying her broken heart,
And wearing a sad smile.

He watched her leave
And smiled ruefully,
Thinking that she gave him all her trust, and he misused it,
He abused it,
Until he broke it.
Not because he wanted to, but because he was careless.
But he knows that hardly justifies anything.

People used to say they make a good pair, they work well together.
But so does pain and drugs.
And that's a deadly combination.

Things unsaid,
Empty bed,
Pillowcase soaked in tears-
This is what she's reduced to.

His heart's not broken though, he thinks.
He's been here before,
He knows this feeling;
The wound turns to a scar, and eventually
The scar disappears.
And he knows it's just a matter of time 'fore it all goes,
This heart problem is only temporary.
But in some years it'll be his lungs- he wonders if they've gone black already.

He flips the cigarette-**** while aiming for the ashtray
And misses.
So he picks it up from the carpet and places it there.
Then he bums a new one and lights it
And falls back on his bed-
Goddamit, these sheets smell of her, he thinks,
And of ***.

You got me power tripping.
Mind switching.
In a phase.
Lost in a maze.
My hearts a haze.
Woop!

You got my heart drowning.
Lips frowning.
Mind pounding.
Woop!

You left me in a world caught.
star struck, I'm in love punk.
I felt like I just hit a slam dunk.
Till I saw you with them, then my heart sunk.

****...
I thought I hit it real good tonight.
Thought what we had was beyond right.
I guess I was wrong, I lost the fight.
I got to walk away this ain't a good sight.  
This is real pain, I can't see the light.

I can't believe this.
Loving you was my greatest habit.
My hearts clenched, goddamit!
I lost my rabbit.

I want something
burning. teeth
        \/\/
give me sharp teeth.

make me a *******
panther. lying
is the only way
to say how you feel.

give me a punch
goddamit,
so i can punch you back
with my ******* forehead.
give me something that smashes.

give me drums baby,
electric guitar.
give me blue, the color and the sound.

give me calm
only
after i make

a ******* ruckus.

The sky is electric blue
And though it's getting lighter,
It feels like it's getting dimmer.

I can't remember what I said to you the last time we spoke,
But I remember the way your sky blue eyes contrasted my own
which were stained red with rage.
I had never seen you angry and I think that's why I hated you.
Because you were everything I wanted to be but couldn't.
I wanted you to despise me,
Because you were perfect and I was inconceivably flawed,
And the thought of something so pure admiring my tainted soul tasted like shards.
I wanted to crack your glass eyes,
Slit my wrists with the remnants,
Make you understand what happens when you give your heart to someone who doesn't want it.
and though I didn't want you I needed you.
And I know that's a cliche,
But that writer you made me love embraced his so why shouldn't I embrace
Ours?

The trees are black against the now pale sky,
Their silhouettes look the way the tiger stripes of your irises did,
The way your faded scars did against your olive branch skin .
And goddamit why did you have to ruin the sky too?
I'm sick of everything becoming yours
You told me to stop giving myself away to everyone but you just keep taking
Take.
Take it all. 
I don't want it without you.
The electrons in the clouds are sleeping again
They're too tired to keep shocking me with images of your now permanently closed eyes .
And I can't help but wonder if when they sealed your eyes shut
If you were relieved because you had grown tired of trying to light up my permanently dark sky.

look at me ******
i am the festering wound
of an abused child
forced to grow up too soon
thrown into adulthood
with nothing but the scars on my arms
and the mean words that you
drilled into my brain
bouncing around the walls of my skull
maybe a drill-bit to the temple
would make them cut it
the **** out
but it would probably be easier
to muster up the guts
to ask my mother
why she resents me so

and my ribs are nothing
but another cage
keeping my heart from leaping out
of my chest
of exploding into a better life
a life without you in it
because *******
twelve years old is way too young
to start cutting myself
i was too naive to even know
or understand that death was
the end of all ends
but now i understand it
all too well
spend my nights
restless in my sweat and blood stained sheets
blankets kicked to the floor
the want to die
the need to feel
those clammy hands wrapped around your throat
long fingers digging into scarred flesh
pulling you into the dirt
with the promise that you will never
have to open your eyes into this nightmare
again

and can you really blame
me for wanting it to
end this way
i always said that i was going to
go out with a bang
but ******
i clipped my wings for you
pushed the fishhooks of your
hugs and goodnight kisses
deep into my feet
through my wiggling toes
rooted myself to the ground
endured it so that you would
leave my little sister alone

what i had was no
childhood it was a ****-poor
excuse for a place to call home
and ****** it still is
but when you look at me
all you see are my flaws
but have you ever stopped to
look in a mirror
because i can assure you
it is not my face that you will find
staring out at you

and i think that
choking down the brightly colored tacks
handful by handful
would be less painful
than you telling me what a failure i am
but i don’t know how to make you understand
when you have known nothing
but a mother and father’s love
it is hard to be shunned by your own family
and i just want it to end
but can you really blame me

look at me goddamit
i am nothing but a walking sore
an open and weeping wound
instead of tears
pus and blood drip down my cheeks
still i paint you the same word
over and over
sorry sorry sorry sorry
i just want you to love me
why do you hurt me so

look at me ******
i am a poster-child
for a missing childhood
because cruel words
and the coldness of soap
bars and liquid
the growing amount of cuts
now faded scars
but still there forever
are all that i know
all that my mother gave me
my self-hatred and destruction are
the blanket i wrap myself in at night
cry into my pillow
so you won’t hear my sobs
and find another reason
to bring out your claws

Be hard
Stone temple & iron bars. Wrapped in a cocoon of isolation & fade so deeply into oblivion you will be heard and felt but never seen.

Scream obscenities and shake your fists at the sky because darling it is yours to pull down and when you fall asleep at night, pull it close- engulf yourself in the ethereal and close your eyes so tightly you cant imagine opening them again.

Be tough because all sensitivity ever brought you was pain and i didnt want to say this, i never wanted to say this but goddamit you dont want the suffering that comes from loving too much.

It is a fire from within & the heat of blood on your skin & nights spent walking too long looking at the sky wondering why you exist & why there is so much pain while ice soaks into the soles of your shoes.

Write "You are love" on the steam in your bathroom mirror, but dont expect it to take the aching in your chest away

Yellow streak right up the spine
I am reviled by your architecture of aggression
I can't laugh,
can't turn 'round, and run from it, man

Goddamit, something must've gone wrong
How these          
whirlwinds of pressure
whip and blister
They are oh so terribly
cruel.

Yes; you blacken!
                                                        ­                                     And bully!
                                                          ­                 Why bellow?
                                                         ­                 I'm yellow
                                         This build up
                                                              ­                                           Is making me
                                                              ­                         Blue...
And I don't know whether or not
I can weather or knot this storm anymore
                                                         ­       'cause
                                                   ­      The forecast says,                                                            ­                                                  I'M BLOWIN'
                                                         ­                     MY COOL!
Where's the helping hand?
Roaring through my head, “Survival such a silly whim…”
Forgotten things remembered, these cobwebs make me squint  
Black curtains... never ending
"looking down the cross", my skull beneath the skin
rub it, now offer your death kiss to me
Like a genie in a bottle make a wish - May the past "rest in peace"…

Next thing you know, you'll take my thoughts away
Unable to beg salvation from the empty skies…
and what sanity is left has become my hideout
Forgotten things remembered
I go up into my hideout
One last look at visions in my brain as I tiptoe through its darkness

I've burned from a mental overload
Live and die within my heart is always the quickest way out

by "ooznozz"

Some **** storm
of 2019

News people
*******

this this this
exceptional thing

we are telling
you about

so heroically
comically

I am
watching

stopping watching
writing

out of this
alone
goddamit


Copyright@2019 Dennis Willis

I.


**, ** **!
you sold your soul.
it's christmas, though
so let's celebrate

hey! new mate!
i hate when the fate
go against us all.
but all
we can do
is to
stand tall

and fall.
fall, fall...
until the ground
is no more,
and what is it for?
me?
see,
i cannot be
so brave

so save
your breath;
and maybe
they'll be
so mercyful
that they'll bring
back
the thing i sold.

there is a voice
telling me to be bold,
but maybe i'll sold her too...
boo!
scary?
dare
defy me;




II


i dare!
THIS
ISN'T FAIR!
who stare,
who dare to compair
me
with all this other leads?

THEY LEAD
TO NOTHING!
STOPPING
BEING SO COVARD,
     GODDAMIT!

****!
you are a *****,
there is no doubt about that.
but once, only once
do it for me!

if not for me,
do it!
do it to anyone else;
but do it!
doi it, lure it!
lure
this one
claiming to be
the one.

he is not.
and you know that.



III.

all this voices,
[all of them
echoing in my head.
[they
led
to destruction,
chaos,
or construction,
and
peace

fix
me,
or let me be
free
to **** myself.
set
and done

the voices come,
they go;
they show
to me
the real way
to be free

and to see
with my own eyes,
and to not be fright
of the might!
almighty god!
that, god,
keeps telling me
to say go
when I want to stop
and say stop
when i want to go

i'll show
them
who really says
the last
         [******* word
in this mother
[******.

Been a while...so, ***, why not...
I am an Elastic Firecracker
not certain exactly what that means
or what it says about me
but I saw it on Spotify...
and it seemed like something I've been
Don't necessarily remember the exact when
or quite recall if I was worth it
but I'm fairly certain it was one of those moments
when I was utterly ******* brilliant
Maybe it was a talented tongue type Tuesday,
just another tingle tune in mid-June around midday
bouncy house with our shoes on
up down in out up to and beyond our very best
*** play on & on & on
Then a chug of wine
a sip of water
and a bit of a rest
Until another tender torrid entwine
boy to Man
and sometimes back again
i have been exiled gone
long ago forgotten
and learned that cancer claimed my 1st Love
an Angel who believed in that ******* above
i done been forgotten by the dead
sometimes sisters can't handle their own head.
I have felt the Agony in her eyes
both Noeing she would someday soon die
the only questions when
and by her hand or her ******
i've worshipped women who didn't want me
except for the laugh and the fake high
and the intense incense glow of my blue eyes
I have stared into her eyes
as deep as I could be
as we expressed our Love
with whoever below and the other above
I married a woman I Loved
no longer married
still Love :)
I've been given a family
and a re-love of Disney
by the woman who taught me more about me
than anything this world ever threw at me
I have arrived too late
to see the light go out
comas come and go
but end with her dead
Or didn't you know
i've lost and found myself in the embrace
of a hot body and a Beautiful face
and a spirit mind which blew me away
in a never before known way
who showed me the new me
then shattered me beyond belief
so when does one trip out
about trippin out?
cuz if intelligence experience emotions wisdom
is just ******* within a ******
and worthless is worth even less
then **** this being born
and let's be all about abortion
(**** the clint before it asserts itself
******* better off without itself)
so the old man
rebuilds himself yet again
sans the Dad who was his rock
and a Mom who's cuckoo clock
but with friends thru every whatever
a wonderful woman I love forever
and a family stronger closer than ever
apparently my spirit still shines bright
and my mind is not yet often a *****
I rarely feel that way inside the light
but I guess the evidence is strong
there's the best
and then all the rest
And I think I've been both
wonder what's next....
well, that flew out, 1st time in a while. not too bad. didn't review or edit so hope not on Sunday morning casual 5k suddenly going goddamit I forgot to mention i thought i could touch the stars and it's all Stephen Hawking's fault and if the apple guy hadn't already been karma killed I meant to say *******....

There is another level
that you do not perceive
where sensibilities beyond yours
register what you do not detect

here at last we find
answers that have eluded us
like just around the corner
flees from our dream pursuit

and i flee from this leaving
of what i have outgrown
or have i out egoed
and its always on Thursday

where the week adds up
not trusting Friday
for keeping it going
we bail and stop

what do i owe you
here in these lines
some explanation of
silliness in time

waves to your passing
time standing in a towel
hands on its hips
waiting for our answer

this is not today
this is not even
foreshadowing
this is a draught

throwing this at you
in your small youth
heart open or corrupt
by soft pain

i don't know
if you learn
if you change
i just write

a step up or down
from passing chunks of dna
passing chunks of
heart

hearts here abandon their day
as hollow leaving them hungry
this is starving this is starving for you
and you starve in another direction

and we all yearn goddamit
elsewhere tilted to do that please
and we  sacrifice
die without

this is left this is right
and the simple
is mystified
and written badly

and i laugh
and i cry
and i left
this moment

looking for assonance
or consonance
or alliteration
or freedom


Copyright@2019 Dennis Willis

making you want to stay and keep talking to me has me chewing on my tongue, filling my mouth with blood.
that is what you taste like, this is what fear tastes like.
i need you to stay.
ask me for my name goddamit.
ask me for something, anything i beg you.
there is so much blood inside my mouth





im scared you are going to see it soon.