Smoking is dangerous for your health,
it can't even help you with your wealth,
it burns your organs,
they said it's refreshing but as I can see it it's upsetting.

Smoking,drinking or even taking drugs,
several causes of death,
a day undone just because they can't manage taking them in,
addicted to the things that's bad for them.

Slowly killing,
pain evicting,
that's what they bring,
you'll be attached because it's addicting.

So before trying them,
try to avoid everything about them,
you'll never know the bad consequences,
so avoid and do not try.

i.
unfiltered asiatic plaything seeks
hypoactive cradle technocrat
evicting meaningful poach,
mendacious transcripts of
past events found in his
memoryless playhouse.
poplar crowd scribbles observations
outbound punch of laughter
sighs to the scrambled, ethnic
postgrad nation.
microfiche telegram exploits
meaning to deeper courtesies
current surrendered upon
entry.

ii.
psychotropic sustenance
fizz thru ***** vein corridor
secret mission lifestyle
learning fast in enormous packs of
tiny lies.
spew logic chagrin mediated
bloodstain; cerebus twitching
outside of beingself.

iii.
heart ceases,
sacred whitepaint moans.
o infidel,
strike thrice; a chord
binding us- nasty, *****
beads bleeding rich.
cloaked bushes tasting,
hisses cured human oaks;
tapered horns that sob,
casting waved heels.

iv.
dawn fallen, only concrete
possible now. separated by
thousands of what is not,
shocks disintricate; undwindling
patriots mailing lessness,
laughter sounds fetching
offband pitch.

The silent planet of crystallized dreams

Nebula clouds emitting translucency

Nothing is ever what is seems

With God’s touch and delicacy



The song that remains and forever played

Amongst the promised womb before

The mother goddess loved and swayed

While the child watches from the hallway door



“Mother and father copulating with the door open.”

Read the words on the off-white typewriter paper

The boy tedious and tired, working and hoping

His work be acclaimed before meeting his maker



Telling stories of psychopath magicians in Long Island

Or Chicago lawyers fighting underground matches in drag

“A disturbing, fantastic point-of-view, from a ****** man”

Said one critic before nitpicking as reading a greasy pulp mag



Countless images worth their weight in gold

Majestic ballrooms ravishing supple choirs

Groping masked ballerinas with a urge so bold

Witty fops and serving props aiding proper sires

Sir Xavier proclaiming the night as a celebration

Showing sharpened teeth behind his mask

The shadows merging and demonstrating mutilation

With enough wine to soak, bathe and bask



The man breathed in exhaustion. He cracked his fingers and wrote:



“Circles of Blood, of **** and pain.

    Audacious institutions praising the Goat Head of Fame

                    Vicious clowns of chains and leather sought to cleanse the mind

                             The flesh and struggle that was kindled at the discovery of Gabriel’s find

                                      Stiffening, hardening clay over roots and glands

                                      The skin of earth ravaged from birth

                                      Yes men and polished conveyor belt twins

                                      Nodding, prodding and smirking

                                      Evicting and molesting the commonwealth

                                      The taxpayers and voters

                                      The people, new and old

                             Sewing fishing line into us

                   Like strings to puppets

          Severing wings

Denying us flight

          Expecting us to fight

                   With blank expressions

                             And

                   Collective motives

                             Because we should all think the same

                                      While in the jungles of Vietnam

                                                The cities of Korea

                                                          Deserts of Iraq

                                                                   Caves of Afghanistan

                                                                             Or

                                                                   Anyplace our leaders

                                                          Mispronounce

                                                What is to gain if not

                                      Something profitable?

                                                Thieves condemning thieves  

                                                Murders judging murders

                                                Psychopaths killed for killing

                                      Women ***** and thrown into a

    guilt trip for not keeping a child that

    was forced into them, saying the

    will of God is infallible.

    Children without homes suffer for what they are

              While more populate the world with their own

              Before helping the needy


The names of the world

          The foundations built upon on another

The empires envisioned and dreamt

          Destined for glory and prosperity

Then torn down in the cataclysmic volley of change

          Then the cycle, the circle, is repeated again

          This is how the world functions

In the name of one

Or many

Or God

Or even the Gods

The Circles, the rings and arena.”





The man wrote with the typewriter on top of books and clippings

Watching riots outside his window, bottle of liquid fire exploding

Screams of terror, of revolt and damnation drippings

Calling out for all to see, the fury and loathing



What the man wanted to write was a simply story to tell

But his rising emotions took hold of his fingers

Instead, he told a story of malicious passivity in living hell

Where in his room the fumes of gas lingers



What if on other places in space

Where we’ve discovered other Earth-like planets

God Created different forms of humans

And watched how they grew

In their own way

Eliminating one previous flaw from the next

Till there was no conflict



If he did and kept doing that

Till he had the perfect human

Then there would be no more

And just God again.

Mystic moons and puppy dragon tales
Silver oceans with crystal silk sails

Frozen lakes above the stone angel choir

Marble pianos soothed by fingers of fire

who re-marrowed this hollow tree ?
thought themselves of mythology ?
processed death into the dying **** ?
blunt   blackened hope
           buttering up what god ?
                                   what mischief maker ?
: Loki the crow with his promethean nose ?

covering his crooked actions
                          the defiling of a life
  murderer
  a coward of failed coupling
congress    a night down the pub
    the gender polar pair collided
            sottish upon their union
genitals bragging through urgent gaps in clothing
but that urgency deflated
it muttered away
he felt baited
and
  humiliated    
             he committed to ******

crude amateur throttling
  a ***** sogged brick  
an indiscreet botch up
    and a stolen wheelbarrow  
        to ferry her away

'The Mourning Tree'
           despondently sifts for nourishment
its gummy combs of branches
  sashing particles  from the night solution
the tree ; a cavity
too verrucose and fleshy to whittle the winds
                                               or fife a tune
a rubbery craggle     foreign against the landscape
should   rather   make out its' habits
                  off the floor of a deep sea trench

roughing in the corpse
head first   down the gullet thirstily
skirts up and claustro
between spread limbs
to ***** puckle in the hollow tree
evicting the bird of Minerva
      ‘whoing’ into the charged sky
  blooded over
             the night blackens further
               brooding on the event

who re-marrowed this hollow tree ?
married themselves to a mythology ?
force fed life   engorged within deathly seed ?
upended crime     in lieu of a sacrifice
           he offered a glass of woman
               to oder the night
he strummed teasing fingers
      raked them humming
         through the heady resistance of the air
electric creeping warmth   over the skin
                        erecting the hairs
   museum silence
   an arena    as fraught equal    between magnets
       clouds cut the moon
      moon cut the eye
    sinful kiting to mend a link
ramblings kinked
he makes sparking incantations to the gods

one scatting madman
one corpse woman


that same bled night
where the furrowed fields
            meets natures disarray
children approach this woodland border             
children with empty baked bean tins
      that they joined with lengths of string
trying to reach out their ears
    extend their timid range
       to sprites, nymphs, pucks or faeries
an older kid strikes up a cigarette
one of the younger ones squats to ***
         and be mocked

one brave girl of ten years
  runs a tin and the line into the woods  
it jerks taunt after about thirty paces
she wedges it in a tree fork and runs back
the children crowd the receiver tin
spooking themselves
eavesdropping   
        upon the hollow wisdom of small gods
            that mask their shame in the dark

They nickel and dime me
So money can't find me
While debt keeps climbing
With inconvenient timing
A note reading foreclosure
Spells my doom
As a realtor's brochure
Sells my room
Poverty looms
Over my head
As everything is taken
Even the bread
And what I use to bake it

They come with a gun
Demanding that I run
They tell me I can't stay here
Police presence engenders fear
So this place I once held dear
Will no longer be near
And the bank
Maintains rank
Over the poor
Locking the door
So I hit the floor
Hatred in my core
I adopt an attitude
Of eat or be eaten
This simple platitude
Will get me beaten

Money isn't that hard to make
If that's all you're trying to do
Yet they take all they can take
Like they've got something to prove
They don't mind
Separating bees from the hive
Power is control money buys
So the rich are seen as wise
Even if they're destroying the world
Forcing families from their homes
And now the rocks they hurl
Are delivered by drones
From lethality to loans
We're stripped to the bone
And feel all alone
On a planet of exploitation
It's tough to live the full duration
When we're stuck at a bus station
Called placation
Where the wealthy do what they want
Because they have money to flaunt
Giving them status and power
To build their ivory tower
By evicting delinquents
And bombing huts
A dog-like sequence
We're treated like mutts

The cumulus accumulate
Usurping heaven's gate
Creating a second rate
Decrepit estate
For us to deflate
Into a state
Of hate
And wait
For a mate
To feel great
So our slate
Has low weight
But once it gets late
We ask for a rebate

We run for the frivolous
But that fun is insidious
And it's slowly killing us
From emptiness filling us
We withdraw into shells
Of similar mundane hells
Until the bank comes knocking
Then into the streets we're flocking
While they're progress blocking
And pistol cocking
We kneel and worship them
Begging for mercy
They're the problem's stem
Yet we wear their jersey
Which is absolute insanity
But money controls humanity

and floating feels like an understatement now, as water levels drop instead of rise and the clouds are closer than ever. i spend every night wishing on stars that soon we will be standing on those clouds, the moon our next stop. i guess you never really anticipate the heaviness that can be presented to you so suddenly and i am floating on rain clouds back down to earth. somewhere on my journey down a familiar light stops me like an old friend and i stay, hovering above the lake i so often wished to be apart of. the darkness that surrounds me chuckles in time with the pounding in my chest, the kind of alarm that rings only at 3am. those dreams of thunderstorms have overstayed their welcome and i am the one doing the evicting this time.

but this is not the end. suspended by newly sewn strings i see a countdown forming above the glowing city, a reminder that nothing has ever stopped us before. we conquered the funeral and flowers grow from my fading graves. we've climbed hills that feel like
mountains to sit on the moon. we are still roughly 581 days away from the beginning and i have come to accept that maybe the stars were never spelling out "closed" but rather "not open yet". the grey mass that fills the air is the last curtain before the grand opening.

and that glowing city is as clear as ever and for the first time ever the end credits are rolling backwards.

Toil and trouble
He went through it all
Just a man yet so much more
He was the seal of prophet hood

Orphan child
Never knew his mother
But brought with him all parents rights
And love for children alike

Illiterate and uneducated
Yet not a word was taken for granted
Read in the name of Your Lord
A duty upon believers to seek knowledge

A noble and trustworthy tradesman
His character and personality spoke for him
Can you imagine in those times
A woman proposed to him

Committed to his mission
Peace treaties and alliances
Evicting racism and hatred
He even fought with rules and principles

He preached for the sake of brother hood
Humanity and love
We were all one
No nationality, no patriotism

Such responsibility
Yet never a burden
Beaten and exiled he lost his wife and kids
Still he carried on for us

Courageous and fearless
Never judged anyone by their past or looks
Open minded and tolerant
Even when he was helpless

Jewish neighbours
And Christian cousin in laws
He believed in good relations
And practised what was preached

He spoke of a time riddled with strife
Temptations with every breath
Those people would be tested the most
And he prayed for people he never met

Yes we love him
Because he guided us to right
Showed us a perfect example
The role model we all aspire to

i found out the meaning of home somewhere along the broken highways of new mexico, red sands chock full of iron and cars carrying tumbleweeds on the underside of their exhaust pipes. i found life out in the desert, spinning off road and out of control until the crash, totalled, broken bones and putting the pieces together again. sometimes it’s hard to love someone when you’re always with them, like how looking at the same side of the moon never gets old because it hides in the daylight, like how eleven-hour car rides can turn into tense late hotel nights.

i found out the meaning of home in a kaleidoscope, neon street signs in a language i’ve never been able to speak, looking for eyes looking for me. there’s something unnerving about the dead of night in kansas city, like a piece of me that no one else has ever been supposed to see, old marks and places where bones were forced to regrow, old sunburns that just live under the skin instead of on display again. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but i’m not sure when the first one fell in the first place, like i’ve been waiting to figure out if i’ve ever belonged in a single solitary place, like how every single star that i’ve ever seen sounds like it could hold a home in its heart for me.

i found out the meaning of home in the decay, the falling apart at the seams, plucked out by a compulsive need, snapping loose strings from the sleeves of hoodies until there’s nothing left of me except for the unravelling. the southwest is scattered with the rubble of long-abandoned twice-owned properties, old lots where children never played because the tar has always been melting, liquidating, capitalizing on the collapse of what used to be.

i found the meaning of home but i lost the memory. every word i’ve ever spoken is rotten poetry because i can’t remember what i’ve said or who i’ve claimed to be. i feel most at home when i’m lost, when i’m wandering, and now i’ve been far enough to know that the twisting highways of the midwest will never be confusing again for me. i need to go further, farther away from the mess of puzzle pieces that i’ve been handing out to anyone who wants a part of me. i’ve always been disjointed, like since july i’ve been popping my jaw into place every time i have something to say because it doesn’t want to stay the way that it should be, like i don’t want to stay the way that i am but i have to because it’s expected of me.

i lose myself every time someone asks me who i want to be: lost until i know everything, then pushing and going and moving and never ever staying, making a home in the bones of the sun before she ejects me, evicting me from the ghost town of what her heart used to be. why has everything become arizona to me? like the edge of the grand canyon promising something better than a downfall, a mile down of feeling like flying, like standing on the edge gets my heart racing. maybe the only reason i ever wanted to be dead was because everyone stopped listening, and i’ve always been a performer before anything.

i wish i could find answers from highway signs, in the songs my friends sing in my car as we speed, five ten fifteen eighty, integrity. i wish i had more words after eighteen years of spewing things that don’t have meanings. i wish things were easy, like the rocky mountain breeze coming down from the north and infecting the humidity in a way that makes the sky feel more free. i wish that i could find something that made me feel that free, something besides the seconds before the fall, the anticipation of the drop, the sensation of weightlessness that only comes with being bound or released from gravity. maybe someday i’ll grow wings, fly faster than this toyota ever drove me. maybe home is in the shapes of the clouds, a castle in the sky blinded by the sunrise. maybe home is in the memories, and maybe that’s why i always feel like i’m chasing things.

Evicting ideas must be done in earnest
For the vultures of radio-static thought will feast on anything
So purge! Purge your consciousness!
The tempest nears! brace yourselves
or be thrown into a sea of cognitive confusion!

vacuum up those pesky anxious fears
the dust-mites of uncertainty, crumbs of confusion
but never, ever open up that "Pandora's box" of a vacuum bag
the dust gets everywhere
–– I'm allergic

shove them in a bulletproof aquarium
maybe fog up the glass a little
obfuscating them behind a breath or two
they'll slither around in there
you can just make out their silhouettes if you tap the glass
careful
it makes them angry
trapped within their own misfortune

With or without them, time ticks to a new era
our darkness shall not cover laughter. hope.
overlap? possibly
like a kaleidoscope
simply deconstructing beautiful into a tsunami of color
making monotonous moments unique

a peculiar blend of all this world has to offer

I never quite realized the juncture of its occurring,
but as I got older from seed to stalk to flower I
realised that some thing was off, only ever so slightly.
Nuances of memory were enveloped in my deliberation
of actions that were considered unworthy of what I was
saying or doing but I could never quite glimpse over
the horizon of what felt uneasy till that one day.

It wasn't what I had expected I was walking as I always
did in the woods near my home, I loved nature the aromas
of either summer when everything was vibrant and I would
just slumber under the shade of my favourite tree.
"I used to tell that tree my problems from an early age,
I always envisioned that when I told it of my woes that
when it became winter that each spoken word was a leaf and
when it feel then my mind was free of those burdens.

Ridiculous I know, now I just watch the leafs do there
dance of the falling as I like to call it. Some elegantly waltz
to there beckoning below while others just mosh-pit it
to the floor like bungee jumping with no cork. I wish I felt
that free to just let go of it all. But alas I am me and I cant
change the evolution of myself, I can only channel my energies
in to trying to be better than what my family think and expect
I will undoubtedly be, worthless in there expectations, never.

It occurred that day, I never understood why? but it changed
everything. I was diagnosed with ice-pick migraines if you
have never had them...

"Lets just say it like a full blown migraine in a cluster of seconds
or minutes and the pain is like being shot or my vision of the
pain that expels from my thought,
"Then as soon as it hits like a numbness expels itself on the
area and light headedness not the nicest of experiences specially
when like a earthquake I have aftershocks all day,

This one was intense I stumbled and eyes fastened to each
other and then I was up and about again. that numb feeling
has got a, "Like feeling I had lost some part of me, but after
a while I was back to myself. Entering through the backdoor
I hollered to my parent that I was back, and they came down
stairs smiling and I was uneasy at the show of affection?
"Why the smiles you evicting me or something?
They just laughed and said cant we just smile when we see you.

This was the start of it, every time I had that ****** pain
noticeably cracks were seen. I would be saying about something
and then they'd ask if I was ok, and after my university results
came I was despondent, Scoring a B+ when I needed an A+.
Beside myself I wallowed in negativity, I couldn't be a teacher
of science. Those days in the woods channelled my curiosity to the
makings of the world around me.

But then I had a lingering pain, locking my eyes as if they were
unattainable for my vision to peer through the cracks. But as
always panic wasn't justified and the numbness passed.
I walked into the sitting room slightly groggy of the passing
"Surprise, congratulations our teacher in training.
"What this is cruel, is this a joke,

A+ you were jumping up and down yesterday like you
were on a pogo stick, I thought for a moment lingering on
the subtle change of what had perspired. I'm sorry its been
a lot to take in the last few days.
"I think for Halloween ill  dress up like Einstein,
everyone laughs out loud E=mc2 player........

I cant quite grasp what else had changed, niggling
at me through out the years that past an uneasy
trepidation lingered. But at the back of my mind
it fell as I was with love in my heart, and I was honoured
to have not one but three children. all  luckily had her looks
not mine, I always gave them a kiss on the head goodnight.

But then I got a feeling within that I wasn't really thinking
straight, and I knew then. It was to late it was like a tsunami
cresting over my mind and I realized it was one of them.......
Before I could fight it, I know I couldn't stop it.
Then the pain faded I didn't see anything different and
sighed with relief maybe it was just a headache? no worries then.

I walked in the house I could smell her cooking, god I loved
her cooking, she was like a Picasso in the kitchen and my
mouth watered at what creativity had been created.
"Hi baby, Matthew, Sarah, where is your sister?
perplexed looks fell over their faces.

"Who Daddy!

"Maddie, your little sister,

Sarah spoke asking the obvious thought of who is Maddie,
I was getting agitated at the thought they would be playing
a game when I hadn't seen there sister.
"Baby where is Maddie, "is she a friend of the little ones,
I thought by her voice that she was humouring me, and as I
looked around every photo was vacant of her beautiful features.

My mind went it to overdrive, it couldn't, wouldn't be that
cruel... I had turned white and became dizzy, I don't feel so
g.......... I threw up in the kitchen bin as tears of realization
swept over my like a rock slide. I was vacant and untethered
at this point and voices were a blur. "Baby you ok, I heard
her through the haze of confusion. "Do you remember what
I told you about what used to happen to me? confusion in
her eyes answered my fears that more than one thing had changed.

Hand were over my eyes as I didn't want the children to see me
like this. Were they even mine? of course they were, how could
I have even thought that for a moment.. "I'm sorry baby,
Then the inevitable conspired on me, and I felt my mind succumbing
to that crest of pain, I lost my balance as I was already leaning and
as I blinked I was the table edge greeting me then darkness enveloped
my conciseness. I heard voices in this sea of confusing moments.


Awakening in a hospital bed I blinked as if It felt that I was erratically
becoming conscious then being swept into the void of silence.
"Baby I love you please wake up,
Her voice was like a choir of classic music gracing my mind.
I awoke suddenly, her smile greeted me. My head that was a pretty
hard head you have, two days you been lazing in bed, she smiled
I think mostly because I had greeted her with a groggy smile.

Sarah was there holding, no more like squeezing the blood
from my hand, but I didn't mind even though the pins and
needles were not a delightful pain to wake up too.
Where is your brother? "Brother daddy, I knew that look
and my wife just nodded, in a panicked look. I was exhausted
even though knowing what had accrued and tears fell like
glass shards cutting on my features as I was dragged to slumber.

I awoke to see my wife, holding my hand gently, in panic I
asked where is Sarah? She is with my mother, why did you
ask about Matthew, you know he was still born, and the pain
this causes us both. I'm sorry my baby I was confused.
I uncontrollably cried, the dam of emotions had broken through
and in a matter of hours I had lost two of my children those
memories were still and forever chiselled in my thoughts...

After my release I went to see a therapist as I became solace
in my grief that my wife couldn't comprehend to her it had
happened years ago. But in my eyes I had lost there breath
on my face as they kissed me on the cheek goodnight.
Now I only have the most recent memories and not even
pictures of them to console my heart  with.

I had spoken in detail, of what had happened and
with vacant expressions he just looked and smiled.
I knew what was next either prescriptions to dull my
mind of these imagining that he perceived I has had
or the worst case I would be greeted with that inevitable
white coat and padded thoughts drugged to my eyes *****.

I left feeling lighter in myself even though he gave me enough
meds to sedate a horse, a really, really big horse. I walked home
thinking how would I cope knowing the memories that were
bleeding out of consciousness. I had to do everything to not
crack like a glass snowflake falling from the blue skies.
I smiled as I walked through the door seeing her run towards me.

My arms were open to have my only other reason for living
embrace me, I knew it would eventually happen, but not as
I had only grasped her in my momentary needing. Then it
took me, eyes were saturated in nothing and when I came
to my grasp was empty my palms only hugging the floor.
Nothing has ever changed this much and dread encompassed me.

My home or was it, neither a picture or flower graced the
surrounding of my once warm home, I walked into the
living room, I couldn't smell the perfume she wore.
"Baby, where are you? no answer maybe she was out..
Then i stared at the fire place a jar, then a smaller one sat
neatly next to it, a shudder cam over me like death whispered.

I walked over, but it was as if my feet were dredging through
tar. I couldn't look up, I wanted to but knew what would
greet me. I was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, and then
all was silence. I read the wording, and tears streamed from
eyes like words screaming into vacant nothingness.
It was my wife's ashes and my 8 month old daughter,
so long had past since there passing but to me it was now.

I sat there just gazing blankly at these precious vessels
she didn't even, i didn't even have a chance to say goodbye
to then either of them. All of them gone, why me, I needed
surrender to the fact that I was no longer within a world
that cared. I held it in my hand it was cold, I knew what
had to be done, I couldn't do this crap anymore.

I wondered what would  hurt the most in the mouth or
to the temple? My frustration at life had climaxed to this
inevitable junction. I didn't know whether to cry or
laugh, I just thought of there images the love of my
life, my three little jumping beans. I smiled momentarily
then normality intruded and I pulled the trigger, then oblivion.

Can you comprehend the time of life and death, it eternal
yet finite. I felt the pain for a moment and all was nothing,
but I awoke in a unknown location. Confused and even more
perplexed at the thought of was I alive or dead? then I happened
upon a slim looking bloke,
"Hello this is going to be a funny question,
"Where am I? and what day is this?

"Are you high mate? "No just a little disoriented stag party,
The date was at least a week from my happening, I needed at
least twenty migraine tablets and a *****, but then again would
this just happen again. I wondered till my feet hurt, I slept at a
homeless shelter. Luckily they had pity on my sorry looking
****. In the morning I phoned to no answer discontinued it played.

It took a few days to get back to my house, and I looked through
the  window my outcry was instant and also more vocal than I
had anticipated. She say me and instead of joy there was horror in
here loving eyes and then she passed out but I was behind a window
and she feel with no arms to catch her she crumpled like paper that
bleed crimson then she was still. I kicked in the door s the children
were screaming.

"Its ok babies daddy is here,

"It cant be we buried you a week ago?
"Mummy said you had a seizure, that you had feel asleep
and never woke up again, now mummy isn't moving,

"I felt her pulse her blood soaking the surrounding areas, she
was already going cold,

Without warning that godforsaken pain eclipsed my eyes, and
then I was alone and where I saw her in life then death was
erased from the surrounding. My poor children had lost me
and her in a week. but I had shifted and they were probably
inconsolable at that point, I cried for hours till I couldn't weep
another tear and then I realized I had to look up myself for
if that was at that point I ended myself had I doomed my others.

I looked up my name, bless she hadn't changed the code,
if my thoughts were true I had caused a fluctuation that
extended beyond my misguided but needed actions.
I penned in my name and where I had just imagined
the thought of what if's. It was as I had feared I was dead
again this was a worrying turn of events.

My obituary was a before, I, he had suffered a aneurysm
on the date that I had ended my life, but it was just another
action of my grief. How many lives were concluded, but
my thought shifted to the noise at the front door. The key
was edging towards the door  opening. I didn't know
what to do as I knew the repercussions of seeing myself.

I just hid in the closet, I saw her face as she entered and I
had to keep my emotions in check. I was only thinking,
"Don't open the door don't open the door, she walked
up the stairs and I took to the front door, creaking as it
opened. I really need to oil this when this chaos doesn't
interrupt my existence anymore, "Who's there, echoes from
upstairs and I exit with my bank card. ill only use a bit.

The cashpoint was in front of me I had borrowed a hoodie
from a neighbours washing line, I didn't like them anyway
so no lose there then. I only took a few hundred to keep me
going in food, I was homeless for months as I couldn't really
get a home or a job as I was dead and buried. Visiting ones
own grave is a very peculiar feeling nice head stone though.

Thoughts flurried through out my waking days to what I
would do as this wasn't really what I had planned with my
life. The thought of wanting to move on seemed to fit
my predicament, as  neither a headache or migraine of
any sort.. Lucky me.. I was awoken by a voice, not one I
recognized and as stumbled to my feet dazed but awake.

"It is you?

I had no time for these games of twenty questions and told
then to politely "jog on, but they just stood there and I
thought I was incoherent. I put my glasses on and looked
again? my brother well his brother! "why did you run,
"From the grave bro, you were dead I saw you with my
own to eyes. I just looked as a tear escaped my ***** exterior
and a crocked line of cleanliness dripped off my face to the
floor below, and the only words I could muster was "I'm sorry,

You see I never had a brother, I was a lonely child, cradled under
that tree wishing my troubled days away always wishing that
when the leafs fell so would my troubles. Yet there he was, it
was nice to see I had a sibling. He was hugging me like I he
was holding me above water fearful to let me go encase I
drowned out into this nest of unkempt persons and he held on tightly.
I just stared and there was a momentary silence in-between the noise.

"How could you leave her like that she was your wife,
"She would have understood man.

I saw where this was going, thinking I had a break down, some
how faked my death. Laughable really I couldn't escape it but I
was really good at delivering it to myself in others ways...
Let me explain, "How the hell am I going to explain this rationally,
my thought speaking out in my mind, seconds seemed cemented
in place. "I will tell you, but not here, and as I began to walk away
I just thought of his face the moment I tell him, I so going to the
padded room when he hears my explanation.

But i didn't have time i was accosted by two rather large gentlemen,
"What the hell? let go off me, that was a far as I got as I felt that
flaming burning sensation in my neck. Darkness ensued then a blurry
light, everywhere was white, had it snowed? was that a dream?
No I was in a padded cell my wife and brother looking on, sadness
painted on eyes as if they were looking at some sick animal about to
be put out of its misery. "Its not me, I shouted to no avail as the eye piece closed and I was alone with my fluffy white clouds wow what
ever they had given me it was awesome..

So many years had past i hadn't told a soul of my misfortune, till
that moment when i felt my heart stutter like an engine... then the
pain came and i was neither here or there but freeze framed in two
instances, the now and the moment before i pulled the trigger...
my eyes were open in death but closed with the gun so I reached
out and took it, and I left a note, a brief scribbling,

To many leafs have fallen and the troubles they just became a
pile of problems building rotting upon the other, this isn't the
truth but a leaf that shall never fall....

"Whisper in her ear every night, for a whisper is louder than
and word.....

And with that I opened my eyes and I had shifted once again
and the gun luckily was in that other place.  I looked down at
the piece of crumpled paper and a

Forgiven at last perhaps.
The morning after the night before.
Tried to even up the score.
Cold.
Could the chill be breached?

Of course it could.
Mornings are for making up.

Flashing passion.
Together quiver.
Bodies snuggle tight evicting anger's raging shiver.
Close in body held well.
Cheek touched softly.
In scarlet passion.
Pair of hearts no longer bled.
The sucker's love is not dead.

Bodies roll and writhe as anger stripped.
Overtaken in moments of melting moulding together.
In ecstatic moments.
Leading to heavens' afterglow.
As love cried tears of pure joy.
Atonement for last nights passed storm.

Follow on from Morning Glory 17/11/2013.
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

7/28/08

6:28 PM


my bad luck is broken
with words barely spoken
admittance
and penance
evicting the tenants
who left shattered bottles all over the floor

i knock with a sigh
to give it a try
and listen for the dull note
of an unlocking deadbolt
hoping to god that you'll open the door

silver metal and skin
my favorite flavor of sin
is now on the menu
knowing that when you
invite me in i will stay for a while

with a shrug of my shoulders
you took off the boulders
that were holding me down
so I'll keep you around
and with every new address you reveal a smile

The wind swallowed the warning of blood red skies
Sunsets are shifted into nightmares about days evicting themselves before our arrival
Pretty
All balled up in herself
Earth delicately ballets around the sun
Lacking all modesty and full of beauty
All eyes have been on her
God writes stories on her existence

Insecurities
I know I am blinded
Each insult you throw at me pierces straight through me
But still I laugh it off
It’s just a joke, right?

You claim it’s something to take lightly
But what about when you’re picking apart my every flaw
Making me feel more and more insecure every day
A never ending spiral of insecurity and sadness

You claim you’re a good friend, the best one I’ll ever have
But would good friends listen to my problems and pretend to be sympathetic
Then threaten to tell other people like its everyday gossip?
Causing me to constantly live in fear at waking up one day with nothing left to myself.

You claimed insulting me was something everyone does
But how have I now found someone who makes me feel beautiful without the need to pick me apart?
You claim I’ll never get anywhere in life, I’m not smart or pretty enough
But how am I now working my way towards a successful career

You claim I’ll never be happy, that I’m stuck this way forever
But how is that true when most days since leaving you have left me feeling lighter

My insecurities becoming smaller
Happiness is making itself home again
Evicting the sadness from its home.

You can't see depression
Only feel it
Haunting you for a lifetime
Infecting everything that you love
Friends
Family
Significant others
It's a parasite that never stops feeding
Draining you of energy
And evicting your former self
Sustaining life through a new vessel
Barely holding on to the life you once lived

She says, "Meet me at Saffron but you pay for dinner."
I only go dutch these days until I know the investment isn't a loss.

Deep down south, way past the imaginary boundaries of nation-state they've existed before 1492.  Today they still run for days to see their neighbor.  This gives a whole new definition to friendly.  Imagine Mr. Rogers striding for 48 hours.

I can't.  

My neighbor's son was tied to a chair and set on fire.  
A year later patrol officers were parked outside the house,
standing behind their black and whites, gripping their glocks
as he hollered from the living room he was going to blow his head off
with a shotgun because his girlfriend was evicting him.
He once told me that he used to be a cop and would sleep on duty,
right before passing me a blunt and offering me some fried fish.
His daughter was drinking and then her crying got loud.
She was trying to pace with the rhythm of the blues,
Nina's voice carried the weight.  The sway of the *****
made me talk.  My drawl seeking to comfort the tension in the air.
White boy can't make black girl proud.
Best put it to rest for another day.
When she whispered in my ear she had a kid and her boyfriend didn't show I knew I was too far gone.  The night became a blur.  The next morning my face was buried deep between her thighs.  My back arching again, a quick culmination.  There were sirens everywhere.  She cooked me stew and walked me home.

Pressure,
It interrupts my sleep
And hides diamonds
Deep in it's womb

Only darkness
Like the quaint
Colonial home
My anxiety squats in

Pressure
Washing the walls
Opening the windows
Evicting this despair

There is a whole of an old world out there
It is a lemon
Growing on a lime tree
The color of a done deal
Swimming in low spirits
Each peaty drop
A moment
To forget
That which brings tidings
Tidily
Zipper undone
Shoes unwound
Stumbling for infinite
De-frocked of
Protection
Masculinity
Fumbling for Braille
A shuffling of Ativan'd feet
On a rent controlled corner
Cosigned to a binding lease

There is a half of a clasp
One side
Of a broken heart neckless
Cue misinterpretation
Of what is said
Supposedly
Saying something
Reminiscent of the time
She left us
Or left with us
Without saying anything
Words became twisted
Knotted the academic scarves
Infinitely
Interrupting
Breathless
Evicting another tenant
From the tenement's
Of her breast

A wide birth
A wisp of humidity
A will
To want
A want
To won't
A starry night
Presented
In a down pour
A downfall
A magpie consuming the fruit
Of a forever feeling
She hopes you understand

best wishes

Today I’m feeling kinda low
Today I’m bottling my emotions
They’re not important right now
Today it’s all about moving forward
I’m not content
I’m not happy here
I’m not welcomed here
I need my own
I’m not resting until I see whaf I want
I’m not resting until I’m laying next to you
I made up my mind
I made up my road
These fake scenarios are not home no more
I’m evicting my own self
Im not going to rest until you are by me.

Her love left home today
evicting our happy place along with me
so my heart closed its door
and threw away the key

It’s hollowness overflows
filling the abandoned spaces
as the sorrow of this aching heart
repeats in resounding echoes

Only remnants remain of a blissful life
soaked into creaking floorboards
this home now barren
mirrors my broken heart tonight

(Right Hand Red, Left Foot Blue, Free Foot Yellow And Your Other Hand Too)- While I Have You *******..... I Love You.-
----------------------------------

Sounds about right
Poetic justice

-You Provoke Cliche Mediocrity-

Orator sent to stuttering in the shadow of the Colossus
Singing sonnets to the bottom oven rack

The ocean dried up
Leaving my vessel moored upon your peak
Comfy with lofty notions; but how will we ever feed these mouths a plenty

Squaking!, screeching!, screaming!

-See-

This is exactly what im talking about
What the **** am I going on about?

I can't verbalize fantasy
I sleep flat back on concrete
No matinees play behind these hibernating lids

Like..... Like.....
This is a ******* baby right?
Filling one of the many vacancies in Bryant's home for wayward SIDS kids

Like.... Like......
This is ******* love right?
A cloak rebounding every wave length of light

-Hidding In My Text Message Window-

Shaking; waiting
For your generous thumbs
Erecting Pagoda towers; chasing the sun
Evicting the heavenly bodies
Rendering all the celestial space cold and secluded with ****** loneliness

-I Have Never ****** Off In Mix Company-

That's why you condemned me to this
You find pleasure in my clinched fist beating myself

This how you would have me?

Alone; so in control; awaiting your orders
Conditioned to drool at the sound of a click and a beep

-But....-

I slept for like 20 minutes the other day
Sagging salvia like second skin
I don't remember a ******* thing

Brutal bliss's purest equivalent
Planes of oblivion
Floating lifeless through the astral field

If I want happiness, I gots to go through you!!!!!!...........

-Or I Don't Remember-

What lies in between is the smokers' closet in the Atlanta Airport
Packed shoulder to shoulder with people you can feel but can't see

Spectors sliding through one another
Synced and severed in an instant
Emerging unchanged
Vapid gas; visceral vessel

-Your Dead Hand Moves Mechanically-

Adjusting position
Compensating for my placement in the pitiful people stock pile

Plunging clutch
Grabbing a gimp
Metal condor claw cradling porcelain shelled embryo
Jostled and dropped by greed's glutinous ******

Souvenir sliding down a memento shoot
Hinged flap; livestock slot

You sought me out
Propped me up and gave me a name

  - Vore-

It's bad practice to give meat title and soul
Most will feel sorrow when sustenance meets need
No cringe in your grin
Regret is absent from your face
Savoring the salt of my flesh

I want to be your banquet

You're insatiable
You're never satisfied

I'm a T.V. dinner
A concession of convenience
Poorly digesting in your intestines

2b or not 2b
what f'ing apartment am i in anyway




she sits with the blade at her wrist
to slice or not to slice
that is the question
            the decision

lives hang in the balance
hers first and foremost
others on the periphery
but only just barely

they die if she dies
just slower
they bleed out thru empty eyes
just takes longer

the razors edge is ambivalent
it cares not what it cuts
i've never known if the blood feels the same
does it wish to remain from whence it came

dead eyes are just that
   dead
extinguished light
  never to be relit
the color is still there
  but dimmed
        dulled
    empty
     eons of empty
      eternities of empty
   do not look overly long into the depths of that well
      Lassie shall not arrive to rescue you
        you and Timmy are just ******
           buh bye *******

the noose is the razor's soul sister
  the missus to an evil mister
we need both blood and breath
  evicting either is equal parts death

the wind is always cold
  when a life's final tale is told
like there's a hole in the river
  when there can't even be a hole in a river
but somewhere in the almost back of your mind
  you remember sensing that sliver
and trying for a moment to focus on it
  but it was gone in an instant

she's not coming back
nobody returns from that hole in the river
not once
not ever

you want to go there yourself
  scream your soul into the face of that hell
explain exactly how it should go **** itself
  in ways they don't even allow in hell

there are memories running rampant in my mind today
  borne of both blood and beauty
all those things which made me me
every single ******* one

very much not okay

eidetic sux when it rears it's ******* head
that's why i tried to make it dead

beyond any ability of mine to control
some of them are hateful hurtful
some are almost okay
  
****

Evicting poison in this chemical. Irrelevance...
I'm a girl.
My many symptoms.
Shine example  lack of genitals
As evidence....
Its medicine. Thats meant to cut.
The confusion.
To a conclusion.
I'm inevitable going to get it cut..
The guy I want...
Will set us up...
Hes got ****. And love.
Lots of fun wont get enough...
If im actually swallowing
The letters spelled
In devils blood
Mom ***** dad. Dad had a ****
I got one that ******* actually settles it...
Its not the devil. Its my heavrns wish.
To solve these gender quips
Like **** boy...
Tuvk your ***** in
You'll scare away the feminists
Or eminem your **** is big
I dont pretend its that big
When I mention it
But staring off to space
Makes me wet and crave
A thought to mention it
If only my left 12 year old brain
Could pleasure it
I'd leave home.
**** my dad. 8 mile road
Us together yep...
******* I'm a boy
I'm confused whst ******* road is this...
Conforming to a stormy pattern
Of ignoring anything
They're ordering...
Smoking grass and bordering
Whats more to me
Than ***** dreams of you in mortal
Wounds with me torn between
Your ******* cranium.
And ghe way
You don't say bless you
Just ignore my sneeze..
Now you buy me presents...
Like I was never going to have you notice me...
Chocolates ugh disgusting they make me hofny so abnormally....
Its performing.. acts I shoulder lean...
I wanted Chris roan to notice me
But he loves something im without
You can perform the scene
Alone and we.
Forget it. I'm sore and sweet
Like **** this hurricane of enormity
And **** these tears form into poetry... im alone. The story seems.
I'm abnormally and disproportionately totally
Utterly and informally...
Requesting your attention...
Dress up. **** once I swsllow this
Cordially extend your mobile flex and text me... ill get a message if I'm meant to see...
Eventually... i guess ill be... left without a purpose....
A turtle for a shell... no cloister. Squirtle. Water pistol.. just my dads
Hand me down... squirt gun... ***** with a perfect circumcision... still no ****** identity or purpose...
This ain't right.. fix it first...
And get you search...
Your so **** worth it...
Morph and you'll be perfect...
Maybe not 8 mile wide but at least you'll scratch the surface