Fingers trickle down my spine.
They stop and linger on my thigh.
Push me hard against the wall
up and down
they rise and fall.

Tempting you with cherry lips
soft and supple
ready to be kissed.
Am I hard to resist?
Draw me closer
I have one wish.

The truth is-
I'm saddened by your absence.
My eyes swell with grief.
I count each exhale
you're not here with me.

Every minute that passes
drags its feet through the mud.
I miss you and that's the issue.
I can't sleep when I'm in love.

pink comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on
i look around, picking a random boy and say “him.”
by tomorrow, everyone will know.
but i don’t actually like him.

yellow comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on
i’ve grown, matured, and yet i still look around, pick a girl from my friend group and say “her.”
by tomorrow, all my friends but her will know
but i don’t actually like her.

“her.” “him.” “them.”
“him.” “them.” “her.”
“them.” “her.” “him.”
“him.” “her. “them.”

purple comes up to me and asks who i have a crush on.
i look around
no one.
i guess my heart is green and grey.

but darling, just
what is love
but another word
for the feeling
i could never have?

sometimes i worry because i am nothing
i am nothing at all
agender and aromantic and asexual and sometimes i feel almost ahuman
but then i remember that some of the most beautiful things are nothing
the space and the night and what i like to hear is in the bad part of your mind
sometimes you dont have to be anything at all

i tried to write about you today
i thought of your lips, your skin, your scent
but i couldn’t find words to describe them
how funny things have changed
wake up one day and realize that your dreams are not random
coincidences are foolish
the universe is rarely so clumsy

It is everywhere
On the radio
In my friends' eyes
Right in front of me

It is part of life
The happy ending to every book
Part of life’s plan
What makes us human

It is a milestone
The progression of dating
Then marriage
And children

It is society’s solution
The one for sadness
For mental illness
To keep going when the world falls apart

It is why I am different
Unable to relate to the subplots in movies
To my friends' love lives
And will not ever have the option to

It is what the world will not understand
Why it calls me heartless
Unloving
And vile

It is inescapable
In the name of who I am
The name of my community
Aromantic

It is the reason I feel alienated
Because love is love
But I cannot love
At least not in the way the world wants me too

maybe you put too much faith in me

i'm agnostic, apathetic, aromantic
and too much of an antagonist to never let you down

you could drown me,
make me suffer for my attitude;
but i'll not atone for my sins

remorse is for the empathetic
and i am just

empathetic minus the em

For some of us it was Valentine’s,
for some of us it was the first day of lent.

So what are you going to give up?
She was sulking on the couch,
he was doing coke in my living room,
and there were strangers in my home,    
I’d let them in.
I was just sipping lime and gin.
They wrecked my house,
and I let them.

I said, I’m serious
what are you going to give up?
And we went around the circle,
one by one:
I told him to
stop doing coke,
I told her to
stop dating older men.
They both said no,
they tell me to stop being a buzzkill.

The room swelled. We moved downstairs
and she was
dancing on a pole,
and he was talking business
with people I didn’t know.
And I was taking shots of ***** then
because
I wanted to feel like
a swing set.

I was swaying and
he was holding me upright
and he was
placing his jacket on my shoulders,
I have always been the coldest.

His arms cinched around my waist
and he was like a life vest.
And for a moment
I was above water,
or at least not drowning.

On the counter,
there were wilting roses and
chocolate covered strawberries.
In the mirror the word LOVE
spelled out EVOL.
There was pink on all the walls,
a bowl of candy hearts that said,
I don’t know how to be sweet
I don’t know how to be soft

He was playing with my hands
and tracing circles in my palms
and I was letting him.
I was getting drunk,
and he was begging me to
take another shot, and to
take another shot, and to
take another shot,
to break my will.

He found a way into my bed,
he asked if he could stay
and I don’t know why I let him in.
He was not special and
I was not that drunk anymore.

It was lent and I was
going to give it up,
give it all away,
give in.

It was lent and
I was going to
give up.

For all the smoke we put up, I’ll admit it was never much,
Not the flames it should have been, just a small, coveted spark
And for all my fanning, blowing, tending, it was yet too hot to touch,
But I swear this was never meant to be such a farce.
What’s oh-so-hilarious is that you’ve never realized the game
That I played like a mean-spirited child with a false set of voodoo dolls
And how high the stakes were for me, but you can no longer claim
To be the one Joshua who crumbles my dark stony walls.
Still, I promise to never blame you for this, my dear,
Because for all of your unmeasurable, ineffable strength and charms,
Qualities beyond compare, I review my praises to you and sense nothing but fear.
You deserve much higher elegies than I can lift with these weakened arms.
But I digress; it appears that an “Aromantic Asexual” is nothing you’d choose;
Yet I’ll never renounce the time I was given to love my Muse.

When you pushed me away I really felt it.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

You were nice to everyone else but me.

I couldn't understand!

How could you be mad at me for being myself?

I'm asexual and aromantic.

You're ****** and romantic.

How can we be together?

Easy, we just weren't
©

I'm a little messy
I tend to have big dreams
That seem cliche
And I like the smell
Of old gas stations
And strawberry milk
And green tea
And my laugh is obnoxious
My smile is crooked
And I've grown
From asexual aromantic
To maybe the most romantic
Person you'll know
(If you coax me to say)
I like love movies
(Who knew)
And roses and kisses
I like touching,
(I used to not)
I like being in love
I like laughing til I ***
I love singing
(Even though I can't)
And I love dancing
(Even though I'm awkward)
I like sunrise. Early.
I like hats (stupid ones)
I like simple moments
And I love people
I love love
I love love so much
I love you
I love this world
And I know.
That one day.
Someone will notice all these things.

I’ll write you song with words you’ve never heard before,
But I promise it’s a love song if you just listen to the chords.
I’ll love you in a way entirely my own design;
I’m nothing if not yours, even if you’ll never quite
be mine.

I'm Aromantic
thats okay
I can never
And will never
Fall in love

My partner is not
He loves-
He loves me
He can fall
And has
Fallen

But i cannot replicate
What he feels--
I try to give him affection
But it makes me feel sick
I really am trying
But i just cant do it
I can never
And will never

I can never love him
And he knows this
Yet he loves me anyways
I will never love him
Yet he cares not--
I try to appease his romantic needs
But i guess its harder than i thought

When you can never
And will never
Fall in love

You are clawed at him like a

Red hot
Las Vegas Jack-***
Lobster
"Persuasive Mentor"
Sling-shot
Underlie Supervisor
Skin softer He's Mr.
Softee

He molded me
to build me
Not to love me
So planned to
Deceive me
Fish desires
Mermaids
Flirt their tails
underwater
emails

Like the Greek word

"Synecdoche" we call

French hot bread
Brioche
His mustache
Underlie
Attache case

You're over his
Head

"Now" face to face

Fly••• First- Love- Yourself

Why? W- wait like H 4 hell
Y- Yell!!

Who's going to tell

I was head clicked
heels
Watered down
my shrimp

Enjoy your now
"Big Gulp'
Help wanted

He got me under

his skin
Pulp Fiction
The rain in Spain
stays
manly
in the lie diction

Wha?ever he got to me

So erotically smooth skin

The next of kin

Aromantic overly
romantic
Like the
Interstellar

It felt like
Marlon Brando
Ditto
Hello!

A= hot brandy with

Stella
waterfront

Being upfront skin kissed

The espresso I got you intense
dark under the mood weather
Cold-Hot-Mood swings she got

what life can bring better
Menopause or Men on pause

Am I hooked?
Another eye
full look
The more
four more

I got to you I see
It comes in three's to
die for the need
I say more

That part of you
bare-mitten
So smitten

The skin chilled fire fit


Moms scent and you felt her

touching you her mind
and yours

Cut out hearts
Red Riding hood
Grandmas out of bed
What was said
Tough skin what
big brown eyes
Looking mad
That's what U got blowing
in the wind
on her skin to begone
Girl is gone
One call Jailbird


Our eyes leave the world
blind but speak more words

you opened up the blinds

Hot desired I got you, babe,

How in a spiritual sense

Was this in your character

by the quintessence


Or always a coincidence

You were being raised

Why is life so much to crave

Like your the side order
and he she and fee fi fun


The main entrance
Starfish dish the
Goddess sun
Undertaste
The dinner mint
gave her refreshing
rush

Fifty times being burned

Over just a bite on my neck

of French fries

Not so overly touched by your lies

But you do have amazing eyes

Traveling through a skin-tight

maze the light fixture retracing

How tough skinned you are

I got to give you some credit

This is not the website

How you read into me

Like "Reddit"
I got it

So many time you have

done it lies

I never planned to get

you under my skin
Who wants to die

*** rebound always
Goodbye

Those fifties those dames

hot club smoking and
jamming

But feeling the tightrope
Fishnet
hooked
Supernatural spooked

I don't see you smiling

I couldn't breathe I felt

like choking

The devil own scripture

Our eyes perceive as the spies of

Boom explosion the hunger gets

intense face to face

Like we are the
TV on a binge

You cannot tune us but the
hot flame

can never tame us

Embedded by what we see

And touch-Oh! Me
U-C who would want to
go through this
2 B Me
Waiting for something
Like the Freebird I am
the Robin

How the earth confines us

Who is the one who

got something on us

Somes deep feelings

The Cole Porter

I got you under my skin

Someone on the pull
arouses

But he knows your
pleasure but where is the
promises
On the premises
He stacked her roses

One smell he got
The words spelled on U

He said with an
Under__line

" My Rose"
  Underlie
  My skin
  Smells brilliantly
  Like the eye of an
  Apple pie

Dear slender Aphrodite,
I have ne’er been overcome
With passionate, ****** longing
But I have felt the pursuit of the hunt
By Aries in Venus;
The child playing all is fair in love and war
But not a longing to disrupt
The weaving of thine words

“Do people really fall in love?”
Crooned the eccentric philosopher
David Byrne in hypnotic hymn
And in prismatic, psychedelic psalm
Avant-garde, aromantic heart
Expressions and impressions
That have etched upon my body
And become the truth that I accept

I have tasted the sweet of peaches
And I have felt the scalding of the sea
Lost in thought; all alone, but content
Yet the conclusions all draw back
To dulcet childhoods unfettered
By the snickering and abnormalities
That is infatuation ****** upon thee

“Raise boys and girls the same way”,
Jenny Holzer informed those in her bold dialogues
From commercial, photographic anonymity
But it is I, in gentle and embarrassed whimper,
Who would like to beseech of you
In sunny, platonic gesture
Tell boys and girls
They can be friends
Without it turning to wretched love

I know I'm not aromantic
I know I'm not experienced in love
but I know someone
that made me certain of
I know the sunrise
brings a new day
but I want to tell you
whatever you feel
that I feel the same way
I'm not that good at love songs
I can never get them right
but I can try for you
we can try tonight

Dreamer, once I was called
Hopeful and naive, all those labels,
They soon vanished
Like cigarette smoke
As a second-hand smoker
But lately, creativity I am devoid of,
Even wisdom, my true and last friend,
Fled as I lose myself.
Yet, the odd thing is,
I was never myself,
For there was never me in the first place,
I existed for myself never once,
Me whom I thought familiar,
Was never the me I knew.
In search of perhaps, light
Or darkness, or anything really,
I resign this me to typing,
Horribly structured and aromantic,
Broken sentences,
Broken self reflected,
Until I find once again who I must be.