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Thoughtsonpaper Nov 2021
Depression sticks to be my belly
like it knows I am home.
It covers every surface,
leaving no room to grow.
It slivers and twists
up and down my spine,
like a 80s staircase made in 1985.
I could always evict her,
but she has nowhere to go.
Leaving me vacant,
and also without a home.
Thoughtsonpaper Feb 2021
I rummage through dead leaves,
looking for any excuse to evaporate, like an abrupt mist into nonexistence.

I can justify my actions with one blink of an eye.
Regret does not sit in this mind of mine.
Would ruining my happiness make me complete?
No, it would not.
Yet I still chase it, like a gust of wind.
Thoughtsonpaper Sep 2020
Silence is the complete absence of sound. As I sit in silence a car drives by and I can hear the vibration of their engine, though I am several feet away. The sound of my brother running up the stairs makes my feet unsteady. I can hear the roaring summer bugs gradually crescendo, then decrescendo as they come to a nervous hault. The rushing wind causes the trees to make spirit fingers reaching for the sky. Nature begins to quiet down, and I can hear my pencil tracing a collection of words onto paper. I can hear peppermint tea gliding down my throat and splashing in my stomach. It would drive me absolutely mad to sit in silence; because I adore the natural and artificial sounds this world brings.
Thoughtsonpaper Dec 2019
Fingers trickle down my spine.
They stop and linger on my thigh.
Push me hard against the wall
up and down
they rise and fall.

Tempting you with cherry lips
soft and supple
ready to be kissed.
Am I hard to resist?
Draw me closer
I have one wish.

The truth is-
I'm saddened by your absence.
My eyes swell with grief.
I count each exhale
you're not here with me.

Every minute that passes
drags its feet through the mud.
I miss you and that's the issue.
I can't sleep when I'm in love.
I think I'm in love.
Thoughtsonpaper Dec 2019
I sit in a lukewarm bath
cradling unshaved legs.
Quietly rocking back and forth
as water splashes in my face.

I quickly sink under the surface
holding onto grimey walls.
Choking and resisting
the desire to end it all.

Hands began to shake
with great intensity
liquids flood my lungs
it's getting hard to breathe.

Everyone stands there watching me
laying frozen and still.
My lips turn dark purple.
This ride has been a thrill.
Thoughtsonpaper Dec 2019
You filled me to the brim,
my body gushing with blood.
Tears stained my cheeks
reminding me I'm not enough.

I went to see a baker.
He greeted me with a smile,
turned himself to the right
to hand a sharpened knife.

I'll slowly close my eyes
as I ram it inside my chest,
to end this miserable life,
and finally be at rest.
God, why me?
Thoughtsonpaper Dec 2019
If I could just get a blade
and end my suffering.
This life wasn't meant for me.
I wanna die tragically.

Surround me in your arms
or take the pain away.
My lungs are getting weak
from calling out your name.
I let my guard down and now my heart is broken. Depression decided to give me a visit and I've never felt more suicidal, lost and alone.
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