Back
         when       we still saw things
through Incandescent eyes &
undiscovered memories
                        waited for us
like
             a first snow in January
She showed me the midnight sky &
                      All the blinding pinholes in it
     where
                     angels peeked at us
The
watercolor sunrises
        while lying on the hood of her car
                         How
kisses                on the forehead
              could mend shattered hearts &
    scattered                         thoughts
         & chasing each other
through art galleries
        out         into droplets of rain
                brought us
closer        
               to
                          god
Those days when
riding on trolleys or
         drifting off to sleep    next to each other
Meant believing in love
           because
                            we wanted to
Furthest from my mind was
              the simple fact,
                        That she
        could make my entire     atmosphere
Collapse into nothingness
                &                        She did
She introduced me
                        to the stars & the sky
&
              willfully brought them down
         on top of me

Our bodies
Made of clay
On this land
Do we play
Full of cheap parlor tricks
And frosty moon beam strips
Dark and light prevail
Our souls soon set sail
Lovers beckon
Every second
These gateway drugs
To eden or above
Awaken such demons
Belong to the seasons
The horizon brings peace
Some sort of release
To our mortality
Vague intricacies
Histories and
Mysteries
Of this cage containing us
This plain feels delirious
And soothing
When least expecting it
We carve a delicate
Understanding demeanor
Heighten our fever
Blasphemed to not know
Placed here to grow
Of whom we originate
A collective subjugate
Gruesome and holy still
It's almost unreal
What we walked into
From our crust anew
Believe me
& stomach the truth

I find
             Myself
      Among common folk
              Amidst the real deal
                            Throwing beers back
                   Gulping shots
                Admitting false guilts
      Believing hateful ideals
   Bad things
                       Happen when not
     In the right mind
                 You can't remember
     What went wrong
Or
                 What went perfectly right
But                   she remains
Beautiful in my memories
           Absolutely breathtaking
              In my
                                 Lucid dreams
          As gorgeous as
                             a Leonid Afremov painting
            Like a hailstorm in august
Unexpected              but
             Gorgeous
Like you
                               My dear

Life
          Happens so quickly
                                         You must divide it
Into                         sections
         Almost like a
                         Different fragrance in the air
              Another perfume or
         Like re seeing
everything you saw before
                               Through technicolor eyes
Only                   there's a new color
             A      fresh shade
                              of spatial light fragments
        Consuming your being
And                   warping you into
                     A new stage
                                   Hitting you with
        Intensities
                              Of our so called journey
            Turning
                       the dial on your radio
                     So
          the frequencies align
                    In a continuity of waves
                               Colliding
            amongst pink matter
              The insensitive intensities
               Present to me
                               A mystery
                    Or so it seems
                    A new light
                A dawn to the dusk
               Of my fragile fifth stage
                         But I lost count
                   And forgot the feeling
      
                          You'll know when it happens
                     It'll flow through you
          And you'll realize
                    You've felt it before too

I'm losing grasp
I'm losing sleep
Make promises
I cannot keep
         Reality
         is setting in
         I should not fight
         I cannot win
Reminders of
Your simple ways
Make me lose track
Of all the days
         But glancing up
         Can't help but hope
         For better times
         It's hard to cope
Maybe I'll stop
Trying to feel
Reality
I'm standing still
         Fate transpires
         Illusions show
         Taking long walks
         Out in the snow
It's this utter
Inability
To convince myself
How I should be
         Pushing further
         Into the void
         This whole world
         It's paranoid
Not losing grasp
Not losing sleep
We're all mad here
At least I think

my moral metabolism escapes me
trapped in decaying flesh
these combustible meanings
and disarming thoughts
it's like seeing the word in greyscale
through canine eyes
translating the future into wet dreams
and false disciplines
we move mountains but see only jewels
brainwashed societies block out sun rays
and trap beasts within walls

eat my heart
I no longer want it
make me a tin can
program me
create an automaton
I'd rather see in greyscale
it's pale I know
but it doesn't hurt
to lack feelings when they should be present
depend only on my metallic casings
become indifferent to this worlds meaningless agony
my notions and emotions
these eyes will be void of consciousness
lost in unoccupied nothingness
believe me
delete me
reformat my existence
I want to see in greyscale

Morning lights wake me
Evening drives take me
That girl doesn't have a soul
The mechanics of her body
Twisted & droll
But falling for her I can't help
It's a magnetic, atomic kind of bond
So long lonely
You forget what you came here for
But the clouds seem to radiate
With a dreary tune
& the brisk waves seem shaky
Pulled by a silk moon
The seasons change as we do
Warm in the soul
In love with their warmth
Falling out of love & into gloom
& back to feeling the coldest you've ever been

It's never a win win
We're entirely too selfish
But for you,
My dear
I would eviscerate worlds
Cross freezing rivers
Travel the darkest forests
Fall into the core of this planet
Or maybe it won't take that much

& you'll love me
For who I am
Not what I do