Every moment, minute or day,
we spend our waking life breathing in life
enjoying memories and cherished people around
making love and making laughs

the sweet sweet breeze, and the peach colored skies
All of it so sweet it makes our teeth hurt thinking of it
like so many photographs and records we shared
All of it in a single breath and a blink of an eye

Isn't it fun and happy?
Isn't it so perfect and so simple?
Isn't it what we wanted to all have?
Isn't it what we long for and did have?

Until we turn dark, and all the colors turn grey
until we see what we were and see what we are now
Until we crumble in each and every word we hear
until we succumb to the arms of Depression itself

Until we grab that **** bag and stuck our puny heads in
Until we reach for that medicine cabinet for the pills we need
Until we take some drugs and ease our pains
Until we reach the moment darkest in our darkest days

Breathe child, my momma would say
breathe it all out and breathe it all in again
I keep breathing and breathing and breathing
until it becomes a routine that my muscles have mastered

Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in
Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in

Day by day, it cycles, an endless horror show
Night by night my hands tingle like shaking jello
I can't seem to remember what my momma told me
Help! somebody please, help me breathe

The relentless hands of anxiety and depression
The unforgiving laughs of insomnia and ADD
the same sh*t that I go through, night after night
Caging me in like a tiger  in a circus show

Until we see the calm and grasp it like a baby holding a rattle
Ever so tight, yet ever so clumsy
The light shines and we see clearly
What we have become and start breathing in rhythm

My lungs fill with air every time I breathe
Yes, but as I fill my chest with life...
When I exhale, am I breathing out my life?
So tell me, Am I both living and dying with every breath?

Am I already dead but my body denies it?
Am I a walking corpse living in an empty shell?
Am I a machine destined to be one so lonely, so shattered
That I cannot anymore---I cannot anymore, breathe.

When alone, we think
About people, things and topic
Gossips and rumors
Possible truths and murmurs

In the deafening silence,
We sit and ponder beyond
Of tomorrow with our grievance
Until in worries we but bond

The anxiety and endless choices
Possibilities and countless voices
Of guilt shouting over conscience
Of our doubts, we worry nonsense

The darkest thoughts and desires
About people we love and admire
Of things we lost in the fire
Of ****** choices we made full of ire

As social as we are
We find comfort in groups
Alone as we were
In Danger's hand our life droops

So never be Alone
In such a ***** fit
As we tend to step on sleet
In the throes of  depression and worry...
We have all but gone.

I am transient
I am ephemeral
I am but a blink
I am but a speck

Born Today
I will Die Tomorrow
Warm one moment
Cold the other

Celebrated my omens
Now I am forgotten
Once risen to fame
Now nobody knows my name...

I am Ephemeral
In the eyes of the celestial
As we all are
You are also Ephemeral

Strip, strip, strip
My shirt on the floor
Strip,strip,strip
My body on the door

Strip,strip,strip
Red stripes on my skin
Strip,strip,strip
Strip me bare within

Strip,strip,strip
The drip of deep red blood
Strip,strip,strip
My body bathes in blood

Shatter, shatter, shatter
In my mind I dumbly wonder
Shatter, shatter, shatter
Is my heart torn asunder?

Like the broken window
My panes are cracked
My billowing sorrows
In a corner I stacked

Till someone comes
I wait in the twilight
To warm my heart so numb
My heart of glass, in the darkest night

As I suffer and bleed
To the never ending pain
To which once, I cried "yield"
All things in vain, all in vain

I hear them speak
Whispers in the harsh winds
Like a snowstorm at it's peak
The Humans' unmerciful fiends

I bleed once more
My weary, troubled mind
My heavy burned core
In myself thorns I did bind

Thorns of unending Agony
Of Anguish and Despair
Like the endless sea
The deeper it is, the less I care

But for all this Pain and Trials
I stand at Fate's own door
Happiness to myself is in denial
I begged to make all this no more

So once more, we rise
We fall and stand high
Toppling in our own demise
Until we learn to try and try

Deep into ourselves we scarred
For all of this, we alone bore
Even when our faces with grief, marred
There's still Plenty More To Suffer For

Here lies my last poem
A sorrowful song indeed
In this unjustly world we heed
As I separate from thine harem

I cooked thee thy last meal
For I am afraid you are hungry still
And with ye I share smiles of coy
For my soul tonight goes with the envoy

The never sleeping envoy of the void
The never winking master of DEATH
To him my life, shall he be overjoyed
For he awaits me in his lowest PIT

For tonight I fill my "patience cup"
And this suffering I can't stop
For the sons of Shame hath given
With Depression and Anxiety I was stricken

With the last drop in full
My heart sank low and turned cruel
My mind swimming in despair
My final cut I make in my skin so bare

To all who hears this song
Heed my words and join the throng
Help a friend who needs faith
For if not, he shall suffer my tragic FATE

What makes a perfect poem?
Is it the right words?
Or the right rhyme?
Or is it the way it is written?

Is it the twisted contents?
Or the emotions overflowing?
The relativity of it?
Or is it the surrealism?

Is it the way it makes people shiver?
Or just a plain smile in the lips?
Is it the fact that it is read a lot?
Or is it the poem at all?

So, what makes a perfect poem?

We came from different Tribes
Children of the great Kabuniyan
We came into being
Children of the Bamboo Forest

We hunt, we gather and fish
Living from Our Mother's gifts
The forest and the mountains
The Cordillera we praise

We chant and sing
The Voices of the Gods
Blessings we bring
and Revelations of Warning

The rituals and offerings
Dances of mystical powers
The humble Rice
and the Great forests

From Apo ni Tulao
To the humble Alan
Unto the God Ini-init
and Apo ni Gwani

We came into being
We children of the forest
Children of the rivers
Children of the ever strong Mountain

Warm amber sunlight creeping slowly
Behind heavy draped windows
Slowly illuminating faces on bed
One with pale white skin
The other sun-kissed and golden
Both sleeping in each other’s embrace

The sun-kissed boy wakes
In his arms he held a beauty of ivory
He smiled, kissed the pale one’s neck
A work of art he truly is
Rich silky auburn hair
Chiseled face and ghostly pale skin

Admiring such a beauty in his arms
Gently traced the outlines of his face
Luscious  cheeks and kissable lips
Both in shades of pale pink roses
Thick eyebrows and sharp nose
He sighed, the pale one wakes

He stared into his eyes
Burning with want and need
Those warm brown eyes
A contrast to his lonely black pools
His Dark hair like coal in the hearth
Burning in the auburn of the other’s embrace

As I look closely on that stone grave
My eyes shed tears of molten pearls
A final wish to me you gave
"Please love me beyond the Grave"...

Like the darkness
we are
evil born
evil to spawn

This one goes to the one who broke my heart,
The one who kept me waiting and kept denying me my joy
While I keep denying myself of all the things around me
While you keep rejecting every reason of truth beyond doubt

Where have you been? Have you been busy? Or have you gone away?
Is your work that hard and restless that you have to cancel my calls?
Is it so hectic you can’t reply me? Or is it that you can’t enjoy my company?
Yes, I know, were together apart, but our hearts were never apart,

How is it that I have endured this thing? Is it you? Or is it me?
Have you decided to break it up to me that you have grown tired?
Or you’re too busy that you can’t text back? Or even call one bit and say Hi.
Has it been too long that you said “Many die on false accusations”.

Your final straw. The final trump card you drew out of my heart.
The trust I have given you, the endurance I have committed.
The time wasted on waiting on you, on courting you.
Because you promised, you promised you’d say YES.

And yes, I did Die on those false accusations. On those false promises you gave me.
I have been true yet you can’t even give me one piece
Not even a crumb of your precious time or company,
Not even a bit to keep my hopes up and me acting all crazy on you.

And yes, my heart did die for you.
Not once, but everytime you didn’t text me back or call me.
I die every moment you deny me of your company or communication
I die every second I have endured on courting you endlessly.

Now tell me, did I not keep my promise?
Did I not endure with you ‘till the  end?
Until all my paper thin hopes have turned into ashes
Until my love for you just burned away.

Burned like the coal in the  fireplace,
The firewood in the pits and candles in the dark
Has it all burned up that I have been spent?
Now tell me, did you keep your promise? Or do you still blame me?

The little life now grew
and all things thought to him
Of things old and things new
the norms and laws laid on him

And long before they know
the little man on his teens
In school and wherever he'd go
his friend and him like wearing same skins

The boy now has feelings inside
of which his parents lack guide
The feeling towards another lad
of butterflies in the stomach he had

Of his pink lips he keeps staring
of the way his eyes can captivate
Of his gentle giggles when laughing
and his smiles all problem alleviate

Of his contoured body figure
chiseled like a statue in park
Temptations he can't endure
it makes his heart spark

Then nobody surely knew
that the boy whom they gave birth to
Had grown and began anew
of his life and his secret TABOO

The precious little thing
deep in the womb
The mother is carrying
of kicks like beating drums

The little life inside her
the little dreams made
Of future set ahead
endless possibilities ended

Expectations the father made
before the child decision could make
Like contracts in the wind that fade
what life and path the child should take

The little seed came
and he was perfect in all ways
Not so perfect to other people
but perfect to the mother anyways

There is always something in the blood
Something fascinating even for a god
The rush of euphoria and high
whenever a blade cut comes nigh

The thick red syrup of life
Like rubies cascading on flesh pipes
The feeling you get when
You have cut your skin open

The act is mildly repulsing
Yet, to watch it is deeply fascinating
As you see your life flow by
And lose it in a blink of an eye

The only question once you go high
When Death is sitting nearby
And all hopes come to die
Is one on your lips so dry

How long will it last?

A message to the people who pretends,
The guy on the bus, and the lady next to me,
Last time I talked about depression,
Do you really know?

How it feels that something nonexisting
Eats you up and fills you with guilt?
How every waking moment is a painful reminder,
Of what have come and gone

Of every rejection and disdain,
Of every scorn and contempt,
Of every single word cutting like knives
The blood inside rolling down bare skin,

Do you really know?
The terrible tragedies my eyes have seen,
The constant rings of dead sounds in my ears,
And the memories replaying over and over,

And over and over and over
Like an endless sea of perpetual agony
Like the putrid breath unable to come off
It sticks like a velcro on glue.

Nowhere near have you seen
Nowhere near have you heard
Nowhere near have you experienced
The metallic taste of depression and the fear...

Of every friend and family dying
Of every rejection and frustration
Of everything in this whole ugly
Twisted and convoluted world

Do you really know?

Which is it?
Have I?
Where is it?
Should I?

Questions... All of them
Bugging me and my life
Harder and harder
It gets worse all the time

Forgetting something?
Depressed over everything
Even the tiniest speck
Even the slightest streak

The doubt
It fills me with guilt
Terror and frustration
Of anxiety and suicidal thoughts

That is...what?
Who am I?
Who are you?
The doubt never stops...

I look into the mirror
I see faces
Perfect copies
Different identities

Some faces
Lined with fear
Regret and love
Of shame and envy

Others with expressions
Of anger and lies
Stone faces
And cold hearts

Everyday I look
Into the mirror
Questions I have
Fogging the glass

Which one?
The real one?
Which of it?
Is it me?

The shadow, behind where darkness lies
A glittering coal flowing with grace,
The robe of a thousand agonies,
The angel who fell from grace;

Behind him is the Chase,
A pack of hellhounds,
Burning eyes and feiry mouths,
Snapping jaws full of fangs;

The luminous girl runs,
Her broken wings tucked,
Her silvery gown ripped,
Her golden sandal missing a pair;

Through the Howling forest,
Where the shadows lie,
A trap she did not expect,
A contraption snapped;

Her foot caught on a jaw,
A steel mouth full of teeth,
Scarlet streams oozing,
Deep pools in the earth;

Now the Agonies come close,
The Chase opening its maw,
The liquid fire bursts,
And Ivy finally burns...

Through the eyes we see,
A woman battered and ******,
A man angry of envy,
And children traumatized and wary;

A boy whose lips are ******,
Bruises in him are many,
A girl scared and shaky,
Who can do nothing but see;

The man tries to hit,
But the boy took it,
Head bashed to the wall,
Everyone screams as he falls;

The father leaves,
The mother hugged his son tight,
The older sister wailed,
The son trembling with fear in his eyes;

Through the eyes we see,
What a gruesome word it is,
To call it a necessity,
This thing called Family....

The world is dark
A perfect twilight
Grey shades and purple hues
My mind screaming for an escape

A lit cigarette on hand
A steel kissed lover on the other
The tingling electricity
Of the cold steel, waiting...

A dab in the flesh
Pressing down hard to the veins
A thin red line runs
Down my wrists and the tub

Euphoric and high
I saw rich velvet red
Flowing like streams
Down the drain my life goes

Now the world is in color....

The scars on my face
your bruises
and my pain
The dark secrets we share
the shame we hide
and the whispers at night

Violet shades
under the lamp
we kiss and touch
hot and cold
collide and fold
until we explode

ragged breathing
moans of pleasure
stiff bodies
colliding with pressure
hurt and be hurt
in Violet's *******