Out there the world is freezing and you're all alone.
The silent whispers of dying firewood, and the howling of the wolves haunt your troubled sleep.
Eyes blood red, tossing and turning in your bed,
pretty colors and savage voices soaring in your head,
you burn, burn, burn , a salvaged wreck.

With passion no doubt, a flaming torch does reside within, powering through your weakness. Your hungry eyes and starry mind can't keep you from touching suns as bright as white as your soul.
You sacrifice for altruism, nobody cares.
You fight for peace , they all wreak havoc.
They say forget it grow up. They invalidate your pain your suffering.
Yet You still stand. With broken legs and bleeding eyes you stand.
Almighty are the oaks that look to you for answers.
All doubting are the ones that believe your truth.
But you still standing sway.
Because nobody sees your freezing lips and trembling fingers,
nobody hears your screaming heart.
You stand in the midst of great shadows and desperately need a hand.
Te amo te amo it resonates in your ears
te quiero, te odio feeding off of your fears, so you jump, and you skip, and your madness spins, and again, and again,
the Devil wins.

Sweet on my tongue, is the word.
Euphoria an understatement.
I can see again.
I can breathe again.
I can feel the fire again.
Soulless no longer.


I can hear the stars twinkling
I dream of the power of the human brain,
And I feel excited.
I feel excited to live, and to learn.
I am eager for life!
More!
I want more!


It's like waking up from a bad dream.
Like the earthquake has subsided.
The volcanic eruption, catastrophic for being dormant for so long,
So devastating.
But with lava comes new ground, I stand, on new ground.


Pure new beginning.
I've waited all my life for this.
A chance.
A chance to live.


I yearned for life.
I dreamed of a silent heart.
I stumbled and stumbled and fell down.
I fell.
Deep inside the darkest corners of my mind,
I gave up.
I gave up on fighting
And that was tragically beautiful.


Sharp was the thought of insanity.
The cold silver claw thrilling, intoxicating.
The dullness in my eyes, frightening.
I feared for my future.


And so I said "help me".
And she saved me.
When I wanted to drown with intention. My mind said One last stretch till you reach the shore.
Keep fighting just a little longer.
And I saved me.
Thank you.


Welcome whispers life, welcome.
On this new frontier the possibilities, a vast and chaotic ocean.
How fascinating this thing of life.
How exciting.

She parts her lips allowing the smoke to pour in,
It kisses the walls of her hyperventilating lungs whispering "all will be fine"


Her cold gray eyes, tired of they see, set on the ground never to rise .
Her silver gold watch ticking, casting each second into the past, weighs down her wrist, so that she keeps them by her sides forgetting how to wave them in defiance.


The smoke continues to fill her chest.


Her broken fingernails claw at her imaginary frights drawing blood from her skin and strength from her heart.
She shoots every poisonous word ever sung to her into her veins,
Every toxic thought ever swallowed runs down her throat,
And the smoke still enters.


Remembering every ugly slur, her gaze is torn from safety, leaving her fixed on her withering reflection, forever to see only pain she has endured, forever to see my eyes staring  back.


I sing loving melodies to the silver bullets before loading my pistol of strength, I hum tunes for the fallen and bow my head for those brave enough to love her.
I reassure her past the pain will end and condemn every ******* that hurt her.


she smiles  at me as I pull the trigger,
As she descends into the dirt,
all the smoke rises from her lungs whispering "all will be fine"
And she sighs "I know.”

In the beautiful sun I breathe, I breathe in the toxins of this horrid pleasure,
knowing it will **** me. knowing I’m not this person, I inhale.
My lungs curse me, my heart breaks.
I relish in this self destruction.
Im hurting.
Im hurting.
Im hurt.
Why, I ask.
Why have I become this way.
Why have I become this person.
Who suffers in silence but can no longer contain it.
My blood runs down my face for all to see.
No one sees.
In all my life I’ve never felt so low.
How do I climb out?
Will I ever?
Why is it so hard to be happy.
How can I reverse the damage done to my heart.
When will this suffering end.
O the waves crash hard washing away my hard work, obliterating my self confidence.
Why is it that I am trying so hard to fight? why can I not just be.
I love my friends. I love my mother. I love my sister. I love my brother.
How do I accept that they love me too?
I miss myself, so full of ambition.
So full of light.
My soft supple lips kiss you lightly inhaling your toxic love
I love you.
I hate you.
My new found friends surround me, support me.
I can't lose them.
I would be devastated.
My heart would shatter into a million pieces, I'd never be able to repair every vessel.
My mind would unravel, my soul would be trapped. And I'd run back to you wrapping myself in your venom blanket.
I'd kiss you.
My lungs would curse me
I'd kiss you
And My heart would bleed
I'd kiss you
And My body would tremble
I'd kiss you
Causing the threads holding me together to tear.
Kiss.
Kiss
Kiss
I love you
*But you taste like ******* ****.