the emptiness of her mind
of which she craved to find
left her absent for a day or two
hoping that she could reach you
you who would help her & save the day
you who were there that afternoon in may
in which you consumed her
leaving her to wonder
is love really a thing
or just a fling

If you were the only boy
that would ever love me again,
I'd be quite alright with that

We slipped into a fallout
Mind in a disarray
My fidelity not quite up to tee
Our words are transient, soon to expire
These actions seem too spontaneous much too eccentric for you or me
My apology seems imperial
Like the most important thing to come between us two
Soon our differences become elusive
And me hating you can't help but seem paradoxical

you loved transparently
but hurt so blatantly

I should've known
that when I fell in love in August
nothing good was to come.
August was never good to me
always left me uneasy
it brought cold nights & heavy sticky days
It was built from sad songs inspired by breaking summer romances

the humidity wore me down,
June brought you here & July prolonged your stay
now here we are at the tail end of it all,
the air is dense & my thoughts can't even circulate through it
days are masked by heavy gray clouds
I feel confined to my thoughts
confined to you
confined to face the fact that you'll be gone soon
I can feel the breeze moving in & I'm waiting for it to carry you away
things around here will change long before the leaves do

No one looks pretty on a big yellow bus
The cold whistles through the cracked windows
finding a way to intertwine itself in your hair,
your head hangs low
with your tired eyes barely open at all,
sitting empty and broken in the fake leather seat
It looks as if you've been alone forever

as the sky cradles stars and galaxies afar,
my mind shelters my thoughts
the deep spontaneous ones that seem to hold a world of wonder
& the short lived bursts of hope
those frequent scenarios with that cute boy in my geometry class
a playback of the moments i try to block out
my attempts at trying my wrap the whole meaning of my everyday tasks around my mind
when i try to mock the narrative that is in your head,
It is then that I remind myself
my thoughts are like a screenplay
skipping from scene to scene
character to character
part 1 to part to part 3 & 4 and so on
this cinema, one that i get in for free
holds more entertainment than any before

His bike was a twilight sky, his eyes were new leaves of spring as sunlight poured through
If it weren't for us the path would've been vacant
Hearty laughter & gentle giggles would be far from the sight
The sea foam tide's beauty would be left unappreciated
I would sit alone people watching, wondering who I identified as in this world as strangers strolled by
He would lay in bed as "12:51" by The Strokes blared aloud
But that's not how the cards played out

I pedaled just behind you as you screamed your favorite lyrics
Released unnecessary angst I suppose
Then our two bikes inhabited a pebble painted beach
We laid facing one another as summer's warm breeze kissed our faces
You'd express with such desire how you saw the world
how you saw the past
how you longed for your future to be
But all that mattered now were the two beach cruisers that somehow linked us together
You sat atop your blue mountain
I hugged my lilac meadow, with you in mind
This euphoria was only transient but felt imperial to me

In my heart
I truly thought these shadows would've faded
I thought they'd pass on by like a cold
slowly & with time to be its only cure

Now I realize
there is a thing called closure
which i should really get into the habit of
but that required making me face you again
& making me face you again made me forgive you
& making me forgive you made me forget of all faults
& making me forget of every fault of yours made me want you, again
& making me want you made you want me
& you wanting me made us officially a thing
though i loved the way i felt in your possession
snuggled close into your chest
I hated what you did to me
I hated what you said to me
I hated that it stopped, too

It gave me no reason to hate you
but more reason to adore you

Illuminating eyes,
Pulsing hearts

Rigid arms,
Skittish lips

10 fingers
in her hair

4 hands
that wander everywhere

A boy and girl
Who long for another

Lost and headstrong,
Full of anguish and mixed feelings

On top of the world,
Jollity in the air

1 brunette shy & misleading
1 blue eyed boy who's captivated by her

satin petals in his palm
lilac color in her hair

You sit and you wait
you anticipate
jittery and nervous, stomach tying in knots
the needle makes contact
and like a flood thoughts of regret come rushing in
"What have I gotten myself into?"
"What if I never get a job because of this?
"How much does tattoo removal cost?"
"Can I even afford it?"
"This hurts pretty badly, they should've numbed my skin.."
"What will my parent's think?"
"Would I get my money back if this big bearded guy messed up?"
"Is space really a concept I'll care about in 20 years?"
"What if I want to pursue hand modeling?"
and then it's all over
you look down at what has become a part of your physical being
Something that will last forever
Supplying you with a sense of permanence that your  best friend can't even offer,
Somehow you forget about the regret that just seemed to suffocate you
you feel changed as cheesy as it may be
you know that you made the right choice

I love the way she writes her sevens & the way she rolls her eyes at me
She writes all her letters in print except for 'l' and 'e' & her favorite color is lilac
She's insensitive & snappy yet she's sunshine still
I love *** like any man before me but that's not what I want her for
I want her laugh
I want her scowl when I tease her
I want her smile
I want all the times she pretends not to love me
I love how she humbles me, reminding me her options are still open
But I know she'd never leave me
I love to see her vulnerable
To see her unravel
To meet each layer of her that I never knew existed
Each more delicate than the one before
Each sending me into timeless state of Mindy
As sappy as it may be

The night you picked me up
I was high
but had never been so low.
surrounded by men leading lives with misguided purpose
my hair in a mess of a bun
smoke spiraling around me
you pushed open the door letting yellow light flood in
I looked up at you, you bit your bottom lip shaking your head at me
without being told I followed you through the doorway
if i hadn't known you better i would've thought you hated ****
but that wasn't you, we sat in the car as The Strokes blared aloud
you laughed at stupid things
I smiled at your ambiance
making note that you alone were a euphoria

You finally came
strange enough, you stayed
but it still wasn't right

When she became acquainted
with the words I spoke
She cried back to me
With absolute sincerity
I just want to be friends

She left in search of love
With a heavy heart & perspiring palms
Her knees bent wearily
Her mind flooded with him

She found him,
He loved her.

But the love she had found
Made her feel as if
She was stranded in a town of mayhem that she couldn't ignore

you fell for me because i reminded you of June
& you loved June
you loved the way the sun's rays shone down onto the earth everyday from 6 til 9
you loved the contrast between the bright blue sky and the green lively leaves that branched up high above us
you loved the smell of morning dew that flooded your nostrils as you tip toed out onto the dock every morning, and the scent of smoke that trailed away from the bonfire each night as you held me close by your side
so as summer went on you were stuck in a June state of mind and kept me around
but then came september & the leaves began to change just as your love for June began to fade
you decided that no longer did you want to suffocate in the hot and humid air
but you'd rather bundle up & battle the cold
you realized that instead of watching stars you'd prefer to drive aimlessly in your car
so as the seasons changed we bid our farewells
& you left me longing for June to come back around

my life was every shade of gray i could imagine
but then you came in like a newly found breeze
it felt like June
You were just like June
warm hearted
fun-loving
but when things took a turn you tore me down like a hurricane
and as the storms became more frequent
you left

Your tongue was sharp and never hesitant, you inflicted pain but more than anything I missed you. I missed you but I didn't know why, you were amongst the worst of them all and yet somehow every ounce of me yearned for you. The nape of my neck missed the way you’d cradle my head, my fingers missed the way you’d entangle yours in mine, my eyes missed sapphires staring back, I missed the rasp in your voice when you woke up in the morning the way everything sounded sweeter through the slight movements of your lips. Maybe deep down the smoke that filled the kitchen when you’d light up a cigarette offered feelings of comfort for me. Comfort in the fact that for the time being everything I was feeling was real you were there with me and the musk that filled the space between us proved it to be true.

I pinched myself to see if you were real
If for once things had played out right
Our eyes met almost magically, effortlessly

I hated to see such a wonderful day go
So I tried to hold on to every last bit
I took your hand & left
The moon was chasing me.

I bounded down the road
Through valleys of auburn
Over wonderous mountains
Through fog that made the road elusive
Till I was stuck by the sea
I stood in my tracks
With my hand intertwined with yours
The sun sunk into the horizon
The once blue sky became shades of orange pink & purple
Then the sun left no trace and the moon hung high
The Stars danced around against the black backdrop
My toes buried into the cool wet sand as the tide blew over my ankles
Your lips pressed against my forehead
The day was gone

"Do you ever think I'd really leave you?"
Your finger brushed the bridge of my nose
Your lips parted, meeting mine
It felt like a promise
And I was naive enough to rest assured

It ended with stares like daggers
Those which pierced his heart.
He bled red like the satin petals of his roses that struck me long before.
Our relationship was based off the prior melancholy states we were once in
at one point we fixed each other, until our jigsaw puzzle no longer fit
It was time to let go of what I thought was forever
I couldn't tell you what good I was doing in the moment
but I knew every ounce of my being begged for me to cut ties
from everything I'd ever known
I needed to pulverize my life straight to dust

if only you knew
the way i craved you
in the breaking of dawn
in all the minutes in a day
and in every second that you pass me by

there are 17 things that remind me of you
17 things that I hate to see
17 kisses that I'll never relive
but only one person that I still love
you clung to my mind
like the humid air against my skin

obsessed with the name
can't help but stress for the same

You cried to me
take me where the sea traces the sand
so I led you down the winding path
secluded, hypnotic, alluring
You closed your eyes
took a deep breath as if to physically take it all in
But you turned your back to the wonderland I cherished
This isn't what I seek you sighed in defeat

Show me the place where mountain tops reach the clouds
So I led you through the treacherous and gruelling terrain
You walked up to the edge and were mesmerized
Then you looked at me
You sighed yet again in defeat

My love I don't know what it is you long after
I've shown you the most glorious places I know

"But It's not what i must see
it's about what I must feel" you said to me

I didn't get it then
but now that you're gone
it all makes sense

my mind wandered far from where it should've been
health exam
diagram of the heart.
I hear the beating of my own heart
I feel it sulk down into my chest.

I look to my right and see a boy who sits with a look of arrogance on his face
the very boy I've silently loved for months now
I'm sure he knows, I'd be surprised if he didnt

ever since september I've been hot on his tail whenever I got the chance
pure desperation
He's your typical teenage heartbreaker
Varsity well, everything  since freshman year
his blue eyes painted a mystery begging to be solved
he has not a care in the world for anyone besides himself

so here i am bashing the boy I myself boost onto a pedestal
it seems so strange
strange that i'd be so compelled to practically worship the ground he walks on
Stranger, is how I'm able to write all of this with him a mere 24 inches away
he could glance to his left and read all of this crystal clear

It's funny how much I claim to hate him, all while being so attracted to him
I guess that's the difference between love and attraction
I love his physical being, even the idea of him
until it comes to who he his beneath his skin
Cocky. Self centered. Rude. Unaware of his surroundings. Impulsive.

being without you made every minute feel like 10
but being with you made time a nonexistent realm

Milky way, dip me in
Stars will lead me, Luna will take me
Asteroids & comets, help me wish
You, bring my head down back to Earth

You meant so much
had so much worth
but received so little

But he did nothing of notability
was a mere shadow of you
then won it all

And I swear I rooted for you
all the way through
I had no doubt you'd rise to the top
but when you didn't you let anger win you over
You pinned the blame on me
pierced my body with words like that of a dagger

I swear I love you
However I swear you're blind to it

open and close your eyes a million times
and I'll still be here
waiting for you

I was head over heals for you
hot
you were unsure of things
fluid
you'd make me mad and I'd strike the match
and while throwing your arms around in rage
gasoline would spill
the match would drop
dead

Your love was temperamental
Your kiss was transient

Everything she wore was yellow
but all she felt was gray
gray like the fog that hung over her head and consumed her
in her life it felt red
but in her mind it was a black disarray
black lines that constantly intersected and would never untangle
her head hung white
blank

I read a poem
it reminded me of you
You flooded my mind
my head's spinning now

tell me everything that should make me hate you and I promise my feelings won't change. I'm in love with you and I can assure you that will never change

I always craved you
the boy with dark eyes
the boy who towered over me
the boy who's chin rested atop my head
the boy who's finger always found their way to entangle mine
the boy I hadn't spoken to in a year
but when your name illuminated the screen of my phone
all the feelings of me longing for you
died out
you asked me to hang out and although a physical attraction was still there
I couldn't bring myself to warm up to again
For once your dark eyes didn't beg for me to say
I love you

they battled with fire no matter the destruction so they could feel the warmth once more

in the distance the sun hasn't set yet, and a pink haze still stains the sky
in the distance, far far away, maybe we are together once more

my life is filled with empty books
hundreds of pages blank
not one stained black
and I sit here for days
reading too far into things left unsaid

Our love was a beach in december
Gloriously bad timing
to such a beautiful thing
opportunity was endless until the end was near

You didn't have wings
but still you jumped with no fear
I watched you fall & I wished it were for me

I had already fallen for you
I was stuck in this vast pit of unrequited love with no sign of escape

last night, as I was drifting off to sleep
I saw your eyes, then your smile
and then your laugh echoed throughout my body
I loved it I love you
and i know I need to get over you
but I can't I just can't let you go

I wore your words
all over my body
day after day
they had become a part of me
they made me feel immortal

as she sipped for a breath more of air
she whispered a paradox of her dying wish
"take me where the vast sky kisses the deep ocean blue"

Call out to the sea,
come sleep with me

Shout to the stars,
won't you please dance with me

Whisper your name,
I just want to hear your voice once more

you make my heart beat the way i always hate