Just because I have more than some
and less than others
does not mean my happiness depends on them
My happiness is entirely my own
Mine to be responsible for
Mine to take care for
and mine to water so it can grow
My surroundings may affect it, but it is always me to decide
When will I water it? Is there even water here?
Does it need more sunlight to get strength?
Am I being cruel to my own needs?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
Do I sacrifice my happiness or do I sacrifice my comfort zone?
Watering it without making any decision
slowly killing myself because I might take it too lightly
The needs of stepping out of my circle of comfort
Stepping out to a life full of air to breathe and new fears to defeat
But yet here I sit in the dark, continue to water my needs
with water so brown it might only poison me
Knowing I could do better but not knowing how to proceed

It's been 1 year and 3 months since we've spoken,
Before it all came down,
And suddenly got broken,
You were my only good cup of tea,
I chose YOU over my late night movies,
I chose YOU over taking out my car in my hand practically the keys,
My only wish was to continue choosing YOU,
We talked for hours about the life to be,
Why didn't it occur to me,
That I just didn't want to break the friendship we built,
But you see,
It's that same reason why I lived with this anchor,
On constant "what ifs",
I wanted to ask if we could've been more,
My tongue wouldn't force out those words,
Not uttering a single thing,
I miss those nights,
But other times I regret it,
Imprinted with the memories that I truly miss,
Attached to you and your I'm so full of myself -but Im not attitude,
I miss the idea of you,
Like you said "there's only one of me"
I couldn't agree more, just if I got the chance to tell you id feel more free.

I wanted to be unique so bad
but I can't do that in this world full of uncertainty

All I could do is
adapt
adjust
and evolve

I must be the best mixture above the notch

The only place I can be myself is through that dark alleyway
that leads to the brightest place I've ever been into
and for the first time,
I'd want to be selfish and keep this place all to myself
and cherish it till I read it again from my shelf

Naw motha fkka I
Ain't hot ****
Ain't pompous
Knock nitty gritty
With ****** up kids
I got uh
E mergency
Kit put together
With pipe and tape
From the basement
You need gum
Paperclips
Got a leak
Motha fkkn leaking
Unstable, collect
N assemble new
You wit half ya
Bodyweight in staples
BMI justified
With baggage n
Fix its
It's only a problem
When ya round
Motha fkka I
Ain't hot ****
But I'm one
Of the most torn
Up turned up
******* in the pound
Bombastic sensations
Comin from all sides
A ******
No hater
Trouble you
Trouble me
What's it gonna be?
Depends on your visage
****, I could turn it off
N I do do on occasion
If ya kickin without
The free body vibes
I visit, permission
Can't be a thing
I do wut I want when
I do cause I trust me
You r basic n
Chastened n rope
N chains to the brain
Stuck on level
Seth ***** said
In time you lay stone
Work hurt sometimes
You must crumble
Breakin down
The mortar with
Nightshade in
Spray as pesticide
For the vines tangling
Strangling your
Home, it's unknown
If I gonna grow in
The right way but
I trust me so if
I'm so grown I outgrow
Then I gotta go
No hate

Floating thoughts, floating fears,
you avoid the pain and tears,
fuss and fight to be in light
one more you say, it says goodnight
desperate cries to stay ignite
can't face what lurks in darkness might
if not now, the pain last longer,
**this problem lies in eye's beholder

Let my thoughts flow onto this paper. The pen is my surgical knife, the ink is my blood. I put everything i have into every letter and word this is my true love.

These lines on this paper are my addiction i cant stop at just one. Every exclamation point is like an earthquake or someone screaming in your face!

Every question mark is like turning down a one way road and ending up in the wrong place. Some sentences are written in code. Just leave me with this pen and paper and let me get in my zone..

The friend zone is a painful place to stay
A place you will be trapped in for longer than a day
You will feel the hopelessness of being just a friend
The never ending feeling of having to pretend

You never know which day you'll finally be free
So I'll share a little secret between you and me
The friend zone is a jail cell, so stop wasting your time
It's almost like manslaughter, if wanting someone were a crime

You've got what it takes to finally leave
But you think they like you, is that what you believe?
The friend zone is higher than Mt.Everest and harder to climb
You're wasting so much effort, money and probably time

Turn your back on people who have so many to choose
Just take your pride and walk away, you've got nothing to lose
If they put you in the friend zone, it's almost never reversed
So don't be someone's second choice, if they are your first.

Thoughts and ideas begin to speed up
The to do list is processed as I mull over the day's events
You don't need to be high to be in a trance like this
Lost in the zone once again