I was swept near your shore, thinking it was
a place to land I put my feet in your thoughts
we laughed at the sunset as we drew smiley
face emojoes then the sunset on our moment.

The next few times I drifted close but winds of
change gently nudged me away. was our
moment in the sun slowly fading into memory?
then I stepped out cautiously and said these words.

"I think I like you more than just friend,

But I was not permitted again to land upon
her thoughts, not in that attention the way
I was before. what had changed why was it
that my sails now blew a different way.

"I like you, I think of you everyday,
"Your a close friend always on my mind,

Those few words "I like you, this is the
moment my sails deflated. This shore now
had reefs that friends now were kept from,
the heart loves but in many different ways.

I sail the friends zone, I'm still close to her.
Not the way I wanted, the sand never beneath
my feet. But we still laugh and we  still talk but
I'll never be in her heart, the one place I want to be.

We've all been there before
You find yourself cruising Down crushing ******* them road
Wanting to make that left into relationship city
You finally work up the nerve to tell them how you feel
It's not an easy feat because that requires a level of emotional detachment as well as nerves of iron infused steel

But as your spirits and heart jump into your throat
They hit you with that phrase that's more cracking to the heart than a certain "titanic" boat

"I'm not saying your not a good person, but I think we should just be friends"

Now, now there's a level of self doubt "Am i carrying myself wrong?" "Did they plan on doing this all along?" "Am i just a gateway to free food or free things?" "Is this the end of my hopes when it comes to dating?"

Now let me start this off by saying that you can date or not date whoever you want
But allow me to skewer the people that create the regular friend zone haunts.

Suspect 1. Is that ******* who has to have someone to date as well as someone to complain to
If you keep throwing water into the keel how do you expect to keep your relationship maintained?
If you have to complain to someone complain to your best friend
Not someone who wants to be in your significant other's stead


Suspect 2 is known by many names,
The player, the w-ore but all of them mean the same
This person is so insecure that they have to have attention on them all the time, maybe a bad upbringing is to blame.
But they keep giving others false hope, knowing full well their intentions
And this person can burn in hell or heck, or a super version of those places previously mentioned

Now both ladies and gents can play both of the two roles mentioned
So if you want to avoid drama among your circle, check those two who were mentioned

I thought
To step
Outside
Of my
Comfort zone
But I
tripped
And fell
To my knees
Then suddenly
I became
Scared to
Try it
Again

Just because I have more than some
and less than others
does not mean my happiness depends on them
My happiness is entirely my own
Mine to be responsible for
Mine to take care for
and mine to water so it can grow
My surroundings may affect it, but it is always me to decide
When will I water it? Is there even water here?
Does it need more sunlight to get strength?
Am I being cruel to my own needs?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
Do I sacrifice my happiness or do I sacrifice my comfort zone?
Watering it without making any decision
slowly killing myself because I might take it too lightly
The needs of stepping out of my circle of comfort
Stepping out to a life full of air to breathe and new fears to defeat
But yet here I sit in the dark, continue to water my needs
with water so brown it might only poison me
Knowing I could do better but not knowing how to proceed

It's been 1 year and 3 months since we've spoken,
Before it all came down,
And suddenly got broken,
You were my only good cup of tea,
I chose YOU over my late night movies,
I chose YOU over taking out my car in my hand practically the keys,
My only wish was to continue choosing YOU,
We talked for hours about the life to be,
Why didn't it occur to me,
That I just didn't want to break the friendship we built,
But you see,
It's that same reason why I lived with this anchor,
On constant "what ifs",
I wanted to ask if we could've been more,
My tongue wouldn't force out those words,
Not uttering a single thing,
I miss those nights,
But other times I regret it,
Imprinted with the memories that I truly miss,
Attached to you and your I'm so full of myself -but Im not attitude,
I miss the idea of you,
Like you said "there's only one of me"
I couldn't agree more, just if I got the chance to tell you id feel more free.

I wanted to be unique so bad
but I can't do that in this world full of uncertainty

All I could do is
adapt
adjust
and evolve

I must be the best mixture above the notch

The only place I can be myself is through that dark alleyway
that leads to the brightest place I've ever been into
and for the first time,
I'd want to be selfish and keep this place all to myself
and cherish it till I read it again from my shelf

Naw motha fkka I
Ain't hot ****
Ain't pompous
Knock nitty gritty
With ****** up kids
I got uh
E mergency
Kit put together
With pipe and tape
From the basement
You need gum
Paperclips
Got a leak
Motha fkkn leaking
Unstable, collect
N assemble new
You wit half ya
Bodyweight in staples
BMI justified
With baggage n
Fix its
It's only a problem
When ya round
Motha fkka I
Ain't hot ****
But I'm one
Of the most torn
Up turned up
******* in the pound
Bombastic sensations
Comin from all sides
A ******
No hater
Trouble you
Trouble me
What's it gonna be?
Depends on your visage
****, I could turn it off
N I do do on occasion
If ya kickin without
The free body vibes
I visit, permission
Can't be a thing
I do wut I want when
I do cause I trust me
You r basic n
Chastened n rope
N chains to the brain
Stuck on level
Seth ***** said
In time you lay stone
Work hurt sometimes
You must crumble
Breakin down
The mortar with
Nightshade in
Spray as pesticide
For the vines tangling
Strangling your
Home, it's unknown
If I gonna grow in
The right way but
I trust me so if
I'm so grown I outgrow
Then I gotta go
No hate

Floating thoughts, floating fears,
you avoid the pain and tears,
fuss and fight to be in light
one more you say, it says goodnight
desperate cries to stay ignite
can't face what lurks in darkness might
if not now, the pain last longer,
**this problem lies in eye's beholder