Never in a million years would I have thought that I’d be without you.
Living without you.
Growing without you.
Being without you by my side for every step and every breath I take.
You were supposed to be my first EVERYTHING!
My first date.
My first teenage “love”.
My first kiss..
The first person I drove when I got my license.
You weren’t supposed to be the boy 500 miles away.
You were supposed to be the boy who looked out for me.
The one who held me tight as we danced the night away.
That talked me out of dating that stupid boy who only wanted one thing.
Then made sure that my heart never got broken and if it did you would take care of it.
That I didn’t cry on my Sweet 16 or the days leading up to it because of one stupid boy that I thought I loved.
You were supposed to be the one that I came to that summer night in tears.
You should have hugged me and told me I made the right choice and it would all be okay.
Instead I called you crying and you listened to me for half an hour as I tore your heart into pieces.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart those 8 months, trust me, it broke mine too.
Never would I have imagined in a million years that we would have fought so much and you would have been right in the end.
Never would I have imagined your first love not being me.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
You should have been here.
To see me run.
To see me swim.
To see my world come crashing down.
To see me almost quit and give it all up.
You should have been there to tell me I’d get back and it would be okay.
To tell me that the pain would go away and to chase my dreams.
It shouldn’t be this hard.
I should see you everyday.
I should not see you once every few years, if I’m lucky.
Never would I have imagined that cold November day in 5th grade would impact my life this much.
Never would I have imagined going through school alone without you by my side.
Never would I have imagined not knowing what your house looked like.
What your room looked like.
What your house smelled like.
Or if I were still taller than you.
The only first you may ever be is the boy who will tell me I’m beautiful and in return I will believe you.
But for now, you are my first true love as well as my first heartbreak.
the truth about friendship, love, and heartbreak and how they all interact with eachother. i miss you more and more as the minutes tick by. if you ever see this i want you to know that i will always love you..
