Chocolate dreams
Never ending fantasies
I keep it going
So to not lose my sanity
I’m trapped in this box
That I’ve made to keep you away from me
How much longer
Before you give up on me
It’s the same story
Each and every year
And I wonder what’s wrong with me

I can’t contain myself
I can love you past the end of time
I’d make more dimensions
Just to prove my love
But it’s not enough
I know,
You want more
You’re no give and all the take
And if I do it
I know it’s a mistake
Self respect I cannot contain
The flowers bloom
At the expense of the rain
But it’s alright
I know,
That you’re worth it in the end
That’s why I’m happy when it rains

Another hour
Another day
Another year
What’s my delay?

I waste my youth
To my dismay
Searching for sunlight in the heavy rain

October 20, 2018


I've spent this year

Learning how to deal.

This isn't melodrama

Just the truth

Condensed into just a few words

To express a vastness

Guaranteed to fill a few pages.


Like all years, it's been bittersweet.

I've fallen down

Tripped up

Left a bruise

Quite a few times.

But, of course

You have to fall --

Maybe even bleed a little --

In order to teach yourself

The triumph

Of bringing yourself

Back to your feet.


I've stood in front of a lot of mirrors

Most of them metaphysical

Truly getting to know the girl

On the other side.

The more we talk

The more I like her.

She's a hot mess sometimes, sure

But she's kind of a cool person to have coffee with.

She doesn't look like she used to, not at all

Especially when she's obviously trying to do better.

She still chews her tongue a bit

When she admits that she's wrong

And she's so very shy

When I ask her what to do

And she responds:

"I don't know."

I should tell her that I love her

A lot more often this year.


I've found that the heart is a wonderfully strange instrument

And that the soul is not an *****

But is something very, very real.

I've found that the former

Is as good at persevering

As it is at making messes

And that the latter

Is something all-too-useful

In the modern world.


I've found that most friends are fairweather

And, often, so am I.

I still hold out hope

That, maybe one day

I'll discover loyalty

That can be truly permanent.


Lastly, I've found that poetry

Is a beautiful vessel

Worth so much more

Than worrying about boys

Through a series of rhymes.

It's quickfire, artful catharsis

Freeing a caged dove

With words that make me feel

As if I can make my writing soar.

It's filled to the brim with love

And laughter

And tears

And imagination

And anger

And fear

And reflection

Just like these passing years.


And with every one I finish

I long for many more.

The other day I looked at some photos,
Memories played before me as if they were live.
How funny the way time moves and the way life goes,
What feels like a day was really 365.

So much can change in a year.
What you want, who you love, what you fear,
365 days can either give or take away all you hold dear.

For me, a year has brought me plenty,
New hair, new friends, another year in my 20s.

But what a year hasn't changed,
Is the way that I feel.
Between you and I, no words have been exchanged,
A year has done nothing, no wounds have been able to heal.

Some nights I'll look again at those photos and still shed a tear.
In time things will get better, check back again this time next year.

i.

melted ice cream afternoons
bogged down

rising from asphalt
in magical mist
that transforms
the day into
a test of endurance

even dusk offers
no solace
in frozen watermelon bliss


ii.

smoke permeates fabric
hair and every surface
with peace and grit
wafting over
the crispy
edges of predawn

begging sleep
to the most stubborn
insomniac

rotisserie style dreams
till morning


iii.

there's less death today
waiting in line
in candy store nightmares
begging silence
from the jubilant

but the sky turned up
a dream state

in that beguiling beauty
is brilliance


iv.

in shadows
the earth falls silent

rustling through
tall tales
the moon births

images in hidden corners

evening strolls
turn adventures

and every day
burns quick
to be reborn slowly


v.

the weight of hell
in short tempered bites
**** will with a proficiency
unseen outside
a viper's silent hunt

ready for war
with fists losing
responsibility

breaking triple digit
pressure


vi.

Incessant banging through walls built faster than I am strong enough to demolish, cradling lace so it won't rip on my forked tongue. There is only so much care left to handle perception just trying to breathe through a smile.

Today has been hard;
There are bills to pay, and chores to do,
But I know when they're sorted through
I will still love you tomorrow.

This week has been difficult;
So much still remains undone,
And despite not having time for fun
I will still love you tomorrow.

The month has been taxing;
But there hasn't been a single day,
Where I haven't found the time to say
I will still love you tomorrow.

My life seems awful;
A constant, endless, pointless fight,
But one thing gets me through the night
*I will still love you tomorrow.

MGK Love Overdose 551am
Septa 4 2018
      MGK love overdose just one of the very fuxken many songs I am so deeply in love
      They got me all thinking , reminiscing all kinds of everything featuring you
       Swear **** should grow old but it don’t and as much as I’m told “gotta let him go “ it doesn’t seem like so
      See now, hear me out right now
      Been a whole year almost since I had to go and leave you , not wanting it despite the life I had going on
       Knew it would most likely be the last time I’d see your face
         Some days I think the memories start to fade ; sort of makes me insane
         I ain’t want it that way , wish the memories shared would forever stay in brain  
          But life ain’t a blunt to rolll like that
        You drove me insane , made me this way
You’re not at all to blame ;
In fact I praise your name and the gains that came from all types of pain you made me face
          Don’t mean this all as you made Cause I too chose to go along and keep it the same
Though I lost my sane , went partially insane and had to move states
             Love you anyways
            Nothing so the same ain’t planing on it to change , gotta keep going this way till next sun come up
              Pull a chair up , this just started
A year last now , just about can’t let you loose
Wish you were near or magically appear
A year that I haven’t argued
A year with no joking and insults
A year no long drives
A year of no laughter
A year no real feel
A year no busting missions and late night talks till dawn
No hikes up the hills to see the views and just chill
No sneaking around or tryna keep it down
A year of no stares , glares feeling of little no care
Those eyes have not met mine in a year
And I don’t *** to cope
The *** is almost a year since we last had a bit of a blast
Making it all last
Wish it could not be the past
Hoping it was all never my last
A year since I heard your voice
Heard stories of your children and family , the fun and dumb things that have gone on
The times we spent , see not all great not all hell
We never felt the same or maybe we are insane
And couldn’t every admit and only commit to games of playing no same
We had to lie our feel or share and deny
Either or
For whatever
Doesn’t matter cause those eyes
Those eyes met my soul
I recognized it all too well
Felt good to be home
And now it’s s year since I felt
Your souls isn’t matched with mine
Actually in a fight I feel
And if we shall make it
Overcome this year of not speaking
This year of our separation
Baby I promise things could get great
Promised I’ll do my best to make it back
For you with you or not
Doesn’t change s **** thing
Ima ride for you till I ain’t got none left to run on
I know it’s dumb
But your my flame
We aren’t meant to forever separate
We’ll reunite , maybe not today
Just some day
Okaye
Latez .