Roses are red,
I am queer,
525,600 is the amount,
Of minutes in a year.

You make me the best me, bring out my joy.
I don't need to try to impress you, I am who I should be.
Was that really the last time I would see you for a year?
****, well I guess I should have hugged you harder.
See you soon...
hopefully, nothing will change.

There is something wrong
about the place, I belong.
Ever since you came along
everything has changed
but has it really changed?
or have I just changed?

The friends with whom I ranged
through their thickets are estranged.
They are the same
but their masks seem to be coming off.
Was it all fake and just a part of a game?

Now I am afraid to relapse to when I was seventeen,
the time I had no ear to tell my thoughts to,
for they would leave, judge, not understand and rumor me away.

All alone and bottled up;
I had only a paper to listen to me.
My innocence and guilt is withering
no one's heart is there to grasp
no one's hand is there to to hold.
Many may offer, but it no longer seems real no more.
Trust has been dissolved by the words that held no meaning.

My emotions are no longer the same.
My love is no longer pure.
My attachments are no longer etched to hearts no more.

The year is coming to an end
and everyone is leaving,
Even the ones I thought would never leave.
Although, they are still there physically
none seem to be left in my heart anymore

You may have changed everything,
the way I see people closest to me
But if I held on to you,
and let go of everyone around me;
the day you leave,
will leave me with no one by my side.

So I'll let everyone stay physically,
even when they've deserted me in internally.
I am going to try grasp myself,
The ever-changing soul within me
For I myself should be enough to keep on going.

I learnt everything is temporary; moments, feelings and people. I learnt everything happens for a reason. I learnt there is power in my losses and power in my wins. I learnt how everything is in a pair of two, memories and lessons; love and pain. I learnt it’s about letting yourself feel the pain and to express it. It’s about finding the ones who are worth suffering for. I learnt the value of kindness, softness and vulnerability and how the world tries to **** you of it. This year was of hurting bad but, living good as well. It was another year of making friends out of strangers and strangers out of friends. This year taught me so much about caring and standing up for myself. About forgiving, healing and growing from it. So here’s to another year of focusing on warm energy and surrounding myself with people who compliment it. Here’s to the inhalation of the point I’ve reached and soaking in it’s happiness. Here’s to new opportunities, new experiences and a new year.

2017 -
The year that broke some more illusions
The year that invited some more people
But also drove away some people.

A year of juxtaposition and contradiction
A year of memories and lessons
like any other year; just different.

2018 -
The clock strikes 12 and you enter
as the person who changed over the 365 days
and embrace the ride of highs to memories
and lows to lessons in the coming 365 days.
But you know it is just a change in number
even though it feels like an end to something
heart breaking and soul shaking
and the beginning of something different and beautiful.

this year,
i’ve met too many people,
i’ve let go of a lot of these people,
i’ve lost a lot of respect for
so many more,
i’ve given up on others,
not just me, myself and I.