Yesterday.
This was me
With some caffeine
Addicted
Not good for my health
Worrying about my worries
Creating more worries and
My feelings
Spiralling outta control
Today
My head is going places; it is
Seeing things I shouldn't see
The wheels of time, spinning me around
Yet I'm not irrational
Far from it
Then why am I confused?
There's no better way to be
I look into your eyes
Great, and all I see is nothing
All the things I don't know
Like rest of mind and peace
These are the things I would love to have
Tomorrow.


#NowReadBackwards

lovelessnes leaves me shaking so hard
it cost alot to get me together again,
all the shallow feelings,
all the empty shadows,
i can see them all in your eyes.

the fear of loss,
the anxiety of the unknow,
the concern to be loved and respected,
the worry to keep your ego.

if you are paying attention you will notice,
all of them are fears, scars, bad things,
i can see them all in your eyes,
in the form you shake your hands,
in the way you speak to me.

oh...how much i would love to vanish your worries,
to see you grow and bloom,
to see you whole...

but you are not mine to interrupt the way you live,
you are not mine to repair,
you are part of this life,
and the part of life you let get in,

sorry i like to worry,
i like to worry about you,
about de future, about our future,
i just would like to know if there is something to save,
or if you would like to be saved.

I breathe it in from the end
Of this balloon that I'm holding
and blow it back in
I keep inhaling,
I'm finally doing it.
I'm getting out.
No more worries;
No more doubts
Because now my lungs are helium doused .

Tonight,
I want you
to hold me tight
until I forget
all the worries,
insecurities,
and fears
that I keep
inside my
heart
and mind.

I feel I'm getting sad again
I don't know how to scare it away
and I'm sick of it coming back

it's like a monster that hides it's way inside
and comes out when life becomes lonely and difficult
I had come so close to making it all the way back
and then I was hurt again by friends

so the sadness is returning
and my chest feels small and cold

but he makes me laugh
makes me giggle like a child
I just want to open up
but I am ugly and twisty on the inside
my ribs are made of barbed wire
and my heart has grown callouses

I look at my own body in the mirror
and what once was voluptuous again
has slowly become the skeleton I knew a year ago

I don't know what to do
I don't want to try to be happy
it's not so easy
I just want it to happen for me
please!!
just this once!
please!!

i've roamed too much, even for my nomadic mind
dropping off the brink of my thoughts
i plumment into the sea of angst
where i hadn't been bold enough to plunge through before
too late for nerve
mine have become disoriented to care now
dreading my fears is my lone rational state
i haven't a thought for anything but the ones racing through my skull
i grasp the illusive and grip the actual
the left and right sides of my brain wage warfare for control
every moment i'm fighting for harmony and in myself i find naught more then too many terrors and too many feelings
within a human who cannot convey either
so i don't
but let myself waste away
my body, like my mind, soon to know the destruction is a gift
given to many, but consumed by few
i'm caving inside out
my lungs breathe anxiety and my head thrives off concern
addicted to grief, i couldn't feel any for my own torturer self
rotting but still real
i do not fret for me

let me not forget my worries,
but let my worries forget me.

i.c.*d

I used to love the night
The silence it brought
Now that silence has been filled by my thoughts
Thoughts of happiness, thoughts of dread
So I can´t fade into dreams in my own bed

I used to love the night
The dark glimmering sky
Now I envy the people who it passes by
Resting their eyes in a peace so deep
If only my mind would allow me to sleep

I used to love the night
I would hold up dawn
Now I lay awake when the curtains are drawn
Trying to forget the worries that burdens the day
Trying to scare the monsters away

I used to love the night
The silence it brought
Now that silence has been filled by my thoughts
Every lost love, every hope, every mistake
I told the night all my secrets while I laid there awake