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I don’t know what to tell you
My mind is spinning so fast
I pull at my hair to make it stop
But that no longer works
The pain isn’t enough anymore
Reluctantly I reach for my wrist
Digging my nails in
Hoping that the pain will be enough
The pleasure it brings me doesn’t help
As all of this occurs
You ask me what's wrong
Reaching out desperately to help me
But I coil back
Trying to reach another
Who no matter how mean is always there
To forbid what I’m too scared
To promise away
My grip changes to not leave marks
Now pinning my veins and bones together
Under a steel vice
Practice has made my hand
I want to talk to you
Tell you what is occurring
But my heart beats against my ribs
Like a caged rabbit
My veins push at the thin skin above them
Begging to be released from their prisons
I wish I could grant their wish...
princessninann Apr 2015
it's me.
the real me.
leaving without evidence.
leaving as if nothing happened.
It's me.
don't worry.
in a situation like this, I have to put on something useful.
to ease the pain.
to forget my mistakes.
wearing it again.
it feels nostalgic.
the mask.
very useful.
pretending.
show the fake until everything is normal again.
.
.
.
painful.
deep inside my heart is beating painfully.
i can't expect anything anyway.
It's not something I have to fight.
I'm just expecting....
expecting too much.
And it hurts. it hurts so much that I feel numb.
same pain for the last years - the pain of leaving.
no, maybe the pain of being unloved, insecure, ignored and.....
Maybe i love him so much that leaving is the hardest thing to do now.
If I will not do the right thing, I'll just feel this pain over and over again.
or let this mistake become right??

what to do? what to do?
Mary Christopher Jun 2014
What am I ever to do

When even my Plan B
Does not choose me?

Shall I be left alone
To face the world
One step ahead the rest?

Or shall I take a step back
And trail behind
Watching others’ happiness?

He, oh he
Was my Plan B,
But even he
Hurt me.

So what am I ever to do?
(I wish I could say this is new)
Me, I don’t have a clue…

m.c.c.
Mary Christopher Jun 2014
It's Friday the 13th
And I don't know what to do.

The only place I want to be
Is right there next to you.

m.c.c.
Sound Of Rain Apr 2014
..    
                    I                                Li
                 ke                                Li
                 ste                                ni
         ng   To                       Music
      In A Vo                  lume So Hi
    gh
That I                  Can't Hear  
     My Own                      Thoughts.
                              ­                              

Or so I think...
"I like listening to music in a volume so high that I can't hear my own thoughts. Or so I think."
.
My attempt at concrete poetry.

My thoughts scare me sometimes.

— The End —